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 May 2 2005, 03:21 PM
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#1
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 reluctantly gazing  Group: Member Posts: 472 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 120,555  |
She shivers.
A tear rolls down her cheek. She yells. Her voice is lost in the darkness. She gives up. Her dignity is lost forever. She's tired. This will be her last waking moment... |
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May 2 2005, 07:20 PM
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#2
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
It's short and has a good flow and I like the way it's structured. I like these lines:
'She yells. Her voice is lost in the darkness.' The only thing I'd fix is the last line, kind of unoriginal.. |
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