my 'friend' won't stop, talking about... |
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 May 1 2005, 10:24 PM
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#1
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 You can't keep running from what you're trying to find.  Group: Official Member Posts: 5,030 Joined: Oct 2004 Member No: 54,096  |
i'd be amazed if you read the whole thing
 my friend, (lets call him Chris), has been really mean lately. he's changed. and he never realizes when someone's having a bad day unless they're actually crying and blah... but that's not the point. my other friend, (lets call her Ally), is OBSESSED with him. friendship wise, like-like wise... and since Chris has changed, going through a break up and w.e. else in life, she has been trying to 'get him back' and she will NOT stop talking about him! Chris is the type of guy that you can get mad at easily because he doesnt change. like for example, he never realizes when someone's mad at him, because he's stuck in his own little world. and there are lots of things... and i've tried to make Ally realize that he will not change, not anytime soon and not because of her, or me, or anyone else. only because he wants to. but he doesnt. and she won't listen. she practically says 'losing him' would kill her. though she promises she isnt suicidal or anything. so Ally IMs me every single day (more then once... whenever i get on. i havent had the heart to block her till now) and talks about him RIGHT off the bat. i'm made it clear that it's really annoying. yet she still does it. i've tried to help her. i've let her make her own decisions. that she can try to change him, but i told her not to cry when/if he doesnt. (she cries over all these little things. she's a huge drama queen  ) she should be expecting him not to change, but she can still try and hope for the best. i've repeated that MANY times. and she will NOT stop! so i finally got really pissed and told her off... here's just some excerpts.QUOTE Ally: hey me: hey Ally: okie, can you please not talk to me about like uh all the crap that goes on bwetween u and [chris].. because like it or not hes my friend and i hate listening to people saying hes a FREAK or what not, esspecially that comment that bothered me.. me: ... me: he's ACTING like one me: and i'm trying to get it clear to you... but if you wont listen.... me: he's my friend too... at least i hope he still is me: but i'm just leaving him alone Ally: Yeah? Well Im sorrie im not one of those people that go around saying crap behind my friends backs.. i would never call someone a freak... i would never not trust him, or just leave him because hes going thru something.. he says hes trying to change.. i believe him.. just omg let him be... me: YOU let him be... me: seriously i wouldnt be talking about this if you dont bring it up every single time you talk to me Ally: yes lea it was me who started insulting him last time i talked to him me: i dont talk to him anymore me: but when i talk to you i'm trying to make you see both sides me: you think he's all innocent and everything me: well he's NOT Ally: i do not think that me: well you sure seem like you do me: you're all defending him even when he's been horrible to you and... QUOTE me: and how he has changed Ally: because I care about him, Im worried about him, and I dont want to lose him me: and if you do... me: move on... me: if you dont that's great me: but just dont... me: its his life me: he doesnt belong to you and he can be whoever he wants to be me: whether you choose to hang around him is up to you... Ally: I never said he did me: you really do act like it Ally signed off at 8:05:41 PM. so yes, we're mad at each other. but does SHE have the right to be? was i being unfair? because i have had MUCH experience with Chris (being mad at him... not changing, that type of thing) to know what i'm talking about, but she won't listen. she didnt listen to me about her jerk boyfriend either... but nooo. i couldnt really talk to her at school about it because i'd start shouting at her, and she'd start crying or w.e. and yea it'd get out of hand... i know you all would say to forget about her, but she's still my friend nonetheless. my main question is: how can i make it clear to her to stop trying to change him? |
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May 2 2005, 12:52 AM
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#2
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 Oh babyy. :d Group: Member Posts: 616 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 30,708 |
Well.. If she won't listen to you, then I don't think you can make it clear to her.
Just let her find out herself and when she does, don't rub it in her face. Just be there for her if she breaks down and stuff. |
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May 2 2005, 01:21 AM
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#3
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AsianUniQ Group: Member Posts: 77 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 50,713 |
........I think your mind is being programmed.. I mean all the emotions its a learned thought. So I guess you watch a lot of movies huh? good guess....well guess this:
You must be going through a stage. Your freind, however, is acting perfectly normal. Her life, her living, even her emotions. SHe has a lot of hope. If she believe in something(like changing him) then she would most likely succeed in doing so. I did not say that she WILL change him, I'm saying no matter how hard you try to tell/explain to her, she won't listen. She will keep believing. So why don't you just let her believe what she believe, do what she wants to do.......get it over with and end up realizing....hmm.....I shoulda listend to my friend after all. She seem to talk to you alot seeing from the conversation. So she really relied on you for that matter. And you should be a freind til the end. Might I say, you are doing great by the way, but don't loose your friend. She really needs you. Reason I started off saying that you might be programmed, or goign through a stage is that......your freind didnt know that you have some kind of grudge yourself. But I believe that you are going thru a stage yourself that it would aggravates you to help this freind of yours.......I can tell you've been through a lot yourself.....but perhaps?......Jealousy might put you on the spot somehow??? Only time will tell........ IM me if you got questions : i3abyBoiRomeo |
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May 2 2005, 02:50 PM
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#4
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 Hah! Its funny cause its true... Group: Member Posts: 640 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 89,954 |
She's just denying it. If she starts to talk to you about him just say "i don't care" if she keeps talking about him BLOCK HER! If this was a movie, she would be the character I want to kill. If she starts crying when you yell at her just keep yelling! If she can't get it through her thick head what a jerk he is she should be helped at all!!
SEND HER A FREAKING VIRUS!! |
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May 2 2005, 04:04 PM
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#5
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 ...and this is me.. Group: Member Posts: 3,518 Joined: Oct 2004 Member No: 57,899 |
Tell her off.....or just stop talking to her....ignore her...avoid her, do whatever. Tell her that the world does not revolve around her, you have other problems and you just don't care about what she has to say.
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May 2 2005, 04:36 PM
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#6
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 Grrrrrrr Group: Member Posts: 801 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 123,696 |
QUOTE(aznhunnie6o1 @ May 1 2005, 11:52 PM) Well.. If she won't listen to you, then I don't think you can make it clear to her. Just let her find out herself and when she does, don't rub it in her face. Just be there for her if she breaks down and stuff.  i agreeee |
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May 2 2005, 06:31 PM
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#7
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I am Sandy. Hear me roar. Group: Member Posts: 1,152 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 15,896 |
QUOTE(aznhunnie6o1 @ May 2 2005, 12:52 AM) Well.. If she won't listen to you, then I don't think you can make it clear to her. Just let her find out herself and when she does, don't rub it in her face. Just be there for her if she breaks down and stuff. exactly. Just be there for her when she does find out, until then, leave it be. |
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May 2 2005, 06:57 PM
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#8
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You can't keep running from what you're trying to find. Group: Official Member Posts: 5,030 Joined: Oct 2004 Member No: 54,096 |
QUOTE(WrathOfOnigo @ May 2 2005, 11:50 AM) She's just denying it. If she starts to talk to you about him just say "i don't care" if she keeps talking about him BLOCK HER! If this was a movie, she would be the character I want to kill. If she starts crying when you yell at her just keep yelling! If she can't get it through her thick head what a jerk he is she should be helped at all!! SEND HER A FREAKING VIRUS!! haha nice... well i guess those ^ things would work. thanks |
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May 2 2005, 07:10 PM
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#9
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 *scribble scribble* Group: Member Posts: 1,314 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 119,610 |
let her believe what she wants to believe. you cant change what she wants to believe. if she IMs you about him, say that you dont want to talk about him. and when she finds out about chris, then comfort her.
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May 3 2005, 05:28 PM
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#10
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 ticktock. Group: Member Posts: 1,138 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 118,235 |
dont try. let her learn from her own mistakes.
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May 3 2005, 05:32 PM
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#11
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 Call me Lauren d=] Group: Member Posts: 278 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 113,118 |
Some people are just too damn stubborn to change..And you're friends with her AND Chris so you should just tell her to stop talking about him.. Because you're his friend too. And if she doesn't stop.. And gets mad at you for telling her to stop. Then is this friendship really worth it anymore?
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May 8 2005, 07:57 PM
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#12
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 2,881 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 132,134 |
i`ve just read something thats ALOT longer; so that was like nothing to me.
anyways; dont bother with her. She`ll see herself. |
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| *iNyCxShoRT* |
May 8 2005, 08:03 PM
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#13
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Guest |
I think you should go like this during the conversation
"Look I'm only gonna say this once, i've told you once and i'm gonna tell you again. YEAH OKAY? I KNOW YOU CARE FOR HIM AND ALL THAT. But please just listen to your friend on this. He won't change, not for you and not for me NOT FOR ANYONE. Stop trying to rule his life because this isn't like on tv okay? This is reality. Stop being so stubborn cause im sick and tired of you always not getting the point and talking about him 24/7. Just realize that it's him that will change by himself, you can't expect him to change just for you!" And then block her for a while or sign off. |
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