Only In America Options

[cocoalightning27]

Found this on my friends xanga...hope this hasn't been posted before

Only in America...



1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.



2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.



3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.



4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.



5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.



6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.



7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.



8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.



9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well

'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.



10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

[Nicolatofu]

haha how ironic! I actually don't think i've heard this before. Only in america.. dang sometimes we don't think with our heads X]
It happens to all of us..

[FoOd]

Ha ha, thats funny.

[EXPLO5ION]

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well

'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Haha. I like that one, but it is so true.

[hiromi]

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Man, now that's hilarious! XD
God bless our strange strange america!

[clarissa]

haha, funny. i also heard about one how only in america can a black man born into poverty can turn into a rich white man (michael jackson).. i think i saw that on vh1 or something.

[iliang86]

when i first saw this i thought it was the picture of the 'only in america' with an escalator going up to the front entrance of a 24hr fitness location

[gladz612]

hahahahhahaha this is funny.. but i've got one that's similar but from Australia..

you know you're from Australia when:

Your next door neighbours can be from Tunisia, Israel, Indonesia, Japan, Zimbabwe, Iraq, Brazil, Spain, Malaysia...

The community is so concerned over the fact that muslim women can't use public swimming pools because there are men present that they have female-only periods.

The Greeks and Mexicans next door ask you over to have a barbeque.

You don't actually use the words 'sheila' or 'shrimp'.

You sleep with Aeroguard on.

You're wearing a cap emblazoned with 'Get A Dog Up Ya.'

You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread and actually grow to like it.

You actively dislike Americans, but watch their TV, eat their food and worship their idols.

You think Tall Poppy Syndrome is a national condition.

Democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of John Howard.

Your idea of a lethal weapon is a slug gun.

The closest you ever got to going overseas was your packet of 5 Days In Rio grundies.

A posh meal = an all-you-can-eat buffet.

The term "musical instrument" also extends to wobbly bits of ply-wood, hand saws, gum leafs and combs.

Your most offensive curse also doubles as an exclamation of awe or amazement, like, "fark orf!"

All of your internationally famous people don't live here.

You think footballers dressing up in drag on TV is funny (but your son being gay isn't).

You relish test cricket - the longest, slowest game in sport (and that's not even counting the replays). After all, what else gives you an excuse to sit on your arse for five days, watch TV and sink piss with your mates?

You don't drink Fosters, but you let the world think you do.

The only thing better than beating the Pohms at ANY sport is giving them shit for it.

You love, adore and admire a particular team/sportstar/actor on a winning streak - until they lose. Then they're just crap and 'past it.'

You can compress several words into one - ie 'g'day', 'd'reckn?' This allows for more space for profanities.

You favour either Holden or Ford - or a souped-up WRX with new kit and a bootful of subwoofer.

Driving down the main street/beach road playing bad techno is your idea of a perfect Saturday night / Sunday arvo.

You make kooky films, sometimes about wayward road trips (across the outback preferably). Quite a few are crap.

You know all the words to Khe Sahn but not the national anthem.

Your nickname ends in 'a' or 'o'.

You have a customised stubby holder.

Your soap stars become pop singers and move to the UK.

You've ever used the words - grouse, tops, ripper, choice, sick, rad, exo, ace, wicked, ballistic - to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you really mean it.

Your cooking apron has plastic breasts on it.

The "Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi oi oi!" chant has been a religious experience in the past.

The blokes at the local gym think your weight training is an opportunity to ask you out on a date.

The big national sporting events are men-only.

Your politicians believe than sticking the prefix 'un' in front of your nationality is an effective way of making you sit down and shut up.

Our mantras are 'fair go for all', 'mateship' and 'little Aussie battler' - but we still publicly condemn those with different viewpoints to us.

The barbeque is a male-dominated arena. And the women do the salads.

'Fair go for all' excludes indigenous people.

An eight-hour trip to go camping for the weekend isn't out of the question or excessive.

You take pride in living in a tolerant multicultural society but firmly believe that all Poms and Kiwis are fair game.

You insist on asking every celebrity who steps of an aircraft what they think of Australia. If the response is not overwhelmingly positive, they should be subjected to immediate public ridicule.

The private lives of footy and cricket players become more important than local and national news stories.

Slick pick-up lines like 'Wanna shag?' and 'Carn, show us yer tits' can constitute male-to-female conversation.

You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.

You realise you have no Bill of Rights.

The first thing guaranteed to get eaten at parties is fairy bread.

So that's the special ingredients that make up an Aussie - whatever your taste.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Austrailia.

[..:loveee.NuTTii]

^I guess I'm not Australian.

[toodlepops.]

Hah, funniiieeeeee
I'm not American, though

[vampireduster]

haha that is true though

[loljuliana]

hahaha, i read this awhile ago =) still funny though[COLOR=green]

[*iNyCxShoRT*]

ahaha wow i never knew that:
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
lols ahaa that one made me smile

[jue]

i like the one where only in america; hot dog buns come in packages of 8 and th hot dogs come in packages of 10; LOLS

[bunny--bunny]

Lol! That's funny. I needed to laugh, thanks.

[pingpang_0811]

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
lols ahaa that one made me smile

it's quite true, haha

[angelrevelation]

lolz thats soooo true! i also like the one that's like

In America, people have big cars and small houses. In Europe, they have small cars and big houses. something like that

[saysaydaplay]

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

haha