untitled..., about a girl Options

[banthisaccountno...]

This person I know, who is a girl;
So beautiful, when we meet love unfurls.
She looks just like a work of art;
She's so sweet, always in my heart.
She looks just like an angel from Heaven;
Sweet like the Eucharist, holy unleaven.
This girl makes the world go around;
A girl so rare, nowhere else to be found.
When she talks she brings life to words;
Her voice so heavenly, singing like birds.
Like a little child, so innocent and pure;
If you ever feel sad, she is the cure.
She has a good heart and soul of gold;
She's the kind of girl you just want to hold.
This girl is so pretty and so very fine;
She makes you say, "I wish she was mine."


I'd like comments and constructive criticism..

[LadyXTor]

It was a cute poem, but you used a lot of simple word rhymes. I advise going to rhymezone.com. The rhythm goes off on some lines and some of the lines aren't deep enough...Cute poem though.=]

[IamRad]

its a really nice poem. good job =D

"I wish she was mine."
That could be a nice title =)

[*iNyCxShoRT*]

aww that's a really good poem, good for valentine's day<3

[..:loveee.NuTTii]

Aww-it's so cute.

This girl is so pretty and so very fine;

Aha-this line is so urban, but the rest of the poem is so lovey-dovey

[racoons > you]

its sweet... nice sentiment.... technically not brilliant... the rhyme pattern over simplifies the emotions in some areas.... try going for a less structured approach?

[*xcaitlinx*]

i liek your use of literary devices...it's a cute poem. wish someone wrote that to me