createBlog Diary, version 4 Options

[*Azarel*]

Originally started by fathin_felix. Great idea.

Version2
Version3

Old one was 22 pages. Diary? Self-explanitory? I think so. Don't post in here solely to comment on someone else's day.. you can quote them, but don't make that your post.

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Dear createBlog Diary,
I suppose it's been a long while since I've really written anything. I still can't find the inspiration I once had. Just, sometimes, I miss writing. Makes me feel empty, yanno? Time to ramble on some more.

Last night, I felt utterly tired, for no reason. I mean, I'm on freaking spring break, I shouldn't feel tired of anything, really. But I realized I was. I was sitting here on the computer, with nothing to do, nobody to talk to, nothing to relate to. I hated that feeling of utter.. boredom. I still don't know why. I guess I still haven't grown out of the phase where I can't see past the monotony of life. It's almost over though, high school, I mean. More than halfway.

And I can't believe break is more than half over already too. It used to be that the days would drag by, but already, it's Thursday, and I have yet to accomplish anything. Party tomorrow night at Jenn's, and I kind of want to go. At the same time though, I don't. I guess I'm worn out at the moment.

There's nobody to call late at night anymore. People are in school, they have work, whatever. I don't like keeping people up if they have things to do the next day-- it makes me feel bad. And I've been waking up so late nowadays. It makes me feel like a lazy pig. I dunno. I suppose it's just me. Is all, for now. Until next time.
-Me.

[Rachel]

cB diary,

It has been a while since I have felt this good. It's been quite sometime since I have had this feeling, you know the one. Where even if everything seems to be falling apart, you are still completely happy as long as you talk to that certain special someone.

I like it, but at the same time I am scared. I am scared of being hurt, of falling too hard, of loving too much. I am scared of knowing that in another year, we are both going to college. Most likely in different states, a plane ride away. It sucks to realize that we are probably going to break up because long distance is hard to deal with, esp. in college. I just want this year to last forever, for us to be together and happy. I don't want to have to think about what you are going to be doing and how many girls you are fliting with. I just want to be with you. Plain and simple, with YOU.

[Ington]

Dear CB Diary.

Today Anna reached 3k posts. I am very happy for her.

People are starting to really suck here. I have no patience for them. I have lost my ability to lock my emotions up. So now, whenever someone says something stupid to me or complains, I just tell them why they deserve what happened. Incompetent fools.

[inthemudhole]

Literally, what the hell did I do wrong this time?..
Maybe it's just his computer again, but he won't even fucking talk to me. What the hell did I do wrong now? I barely said anything to him last night. I didn't ignore him, but I didn't say anything that could be taken the wrong way.

Fuck it.

Three days.
More shitty news though.
Paul was out last night. Not sure why.
They're also not playing as many songs.
My God....What the hell else can go wrong now?
I've been dying to see them for over FIVE FRICKING YEARS, and now I FINALLY can, and it's going to be shitty. I just know it. Either it's going to get cancelled, or they're only going to play for 20 minutes.
I'm not even grateful to see them at this point. I know it's not their fault. I know they love their fans, but all the same, I feel really let down.

Whatever.

I'll stop whining now.

To sum it up, this week has fucking sucked.

Excuse my language.

Shoot me in the head,

Brie

[to-devastate]

Dear cB diary,

I can't stand it anymore. I just can't. It's so freaking funny how he looks at her and when he looks at me, he doesn't take me serious. How he always seem to have her back on everything. While she has it all. And I have nothing. I seem so lonely with him. I just don't understand. I don't understand how we're not "supposedly" together. I mean. We have so many things in common. He's my perfect guy. I don't know why he doesn't see that. Just I don't know. I really would like him to know how much he's intentionally hurting me. And to see how it feels to be the last one standing.

Anywho. Today I got autograph books. I had about 22 or 23? people sign. Tomorrow I shall bring it back into school and have the rest sign.
And today, I was also informed that for graduation trip, we're going to the wax museum. I want to go to Six Flags like 74... but NO.. "it has to be educational". Screw the board of ed. They don't even know how much freaking work we do in school and we ask for.. just one day of fun.. but NOO. It's not freaking "educational". Last year, the grads got to go to Washington DC for overnight. Not fair. And it's not like the school is paying for our trip. Gosh. I was to smack them in the face.
Overall, today was a good day. I felt more connected with him but he just hurts me. Gah. I also got a 60 on spanish test. I hope mom doesn't yell at me too much.
- Me.

[wounded]

Dear CBD.

I swear, I'm f**king bipolar. I'm shit. I'm worthless. Yet, I'm worth all of her love. She loved me enough to give her life. Yesterday was two months on my suicide attempt, and I'm feeling horribly again. I don't want to end this life.

S. didn't pick up when I called her. That's bad, cos she would have talked sense into me. Now I'm here. I want to sever all ties with everyone. But I can't. And A. says it's bad that I want to do that. I think that K is pissed at me.

Fcuk, I don't deserve any ones love.

[Rachel]

Dear cB Diary,

If they don't announce the new staff memebers soon, I am going to shoot myself.

And I am pretty sure that if I don't get modded, I am going to leave. Not because of jealousy, but because I really need to focus on school/outside life. Obviously being modded would give me some actual purpose to coming on cB, other than being the sarcastic nazi grammar bitch that n00bs and stupid kids hate.

[yukichan]

dear cB diary...
kind of had a good day..
things were kind of awkward in BPA..couldnt help it..
I tried to talk to him...Kind of stuttered.. It was ok though..I was like: you look tired, and your eyes look red..And he was like: You look tired and your eyes look red..Lol..That was during science...hehe..
In math Pa** continued to scare me..lol...
In BPA Os*** talked to me..Kind of was embrassing..He was like what are you doing?And I was like working on the paper..and he was like oh...And then other ppl walk in so he doesnt say anything..strange....

Wow..It nice having a new createblog version..It was getting quite long..lol..

<3 Nancy..

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog diary,

Not even a day, and I'm writing in here already. Just need somewhere to let loose, and I suppose it's here. Honestly, it's nothing though-- I'm just lonely. Ten thirty-six at night, I should be on the phone or sleeping; instead, I'm sitting here, pouting. There's no one I'd rather be talking to right now. Last night, I called up Christina and Eve, and I simply don't feel like doing it again tonight.

Only two nights since I last talked to Justin, and I miss him already, so much. I love the sound of his voice. I love talking to him. I love everything about him. God, he's so perfect. Two weeks until he moves out--only a little more until he visits. I know he needs his sleep, I know he works and has school, I know he has a life outside of me, but.. I want to be a bigger part of it. I guess I'll have to wait--just a little longer.

我好想他。

And now I'm bitter. We were just talking about birthdays, to some degree. My parents didn't even remember mine. I thought I was okay with it. I mean, I really thought I was, but the more I think about it, the more I realize, it was my sweet sixteen that they forgot. They've thought that I've been sixteen for the past two years. Sure, I thought I had a wonderful day at school that day, people remembered, but it was Jennster mainly. That girl, I don't know what I'd do without her, but she has so many other people there for her too. I'm not one to go around like her, making friends everywhere. I've too much anger, too much hatred. It was all her though, the balloons, the starbucks, the recognition. Nobody else had any idea. Not even my very parents. It's sad, really. Sometimes all I want is to be remembered, maybe even appreciated. It's too much to ask for.

-Me.

p.s. I'm out of food in my room, and for some inexplicable reason, I'm starving not even three hours after I ate dinner. Sigh. Good night.

-- I really don't mean to complain. It just comes out that way whenever I write in here. :\

[Teesa]

Dear CB diary-
Today I found out that one of my friends, that I have no feelings for really, likes another girl. A lot. So why do I care so much still? Why am I feeling like my world is all messed up if I don't have feelings for him?? I cannot answer these questions. I am so sad. I hope no one bothers me today. I hate having to act fake, but I must because otherwise, people will ask questions and make me act more of a bitch. So on goes the fake smile and laugh.

[*jooleeah*]

Dear Createblog diary,
Today was a regular day. A lot of my fake smiles came out today.

Damn. I have no f**king life.

[miss barnes]

Dear cb diary,

today was an ok day. so damn happy that its friday. this week took forever. i pray to God that the rest of the school year isnt like that. . anways, man i like him so much that i think i'm going to die. its so hard not to let him know that i wanna be his girl. why is he still with her? uhh! this is just not fair. i just want to find someone who..no...i want HIM..period. please God let me have him

-reekah

[to-devastate]

Dear cB diary,
Today was kinda cool. He hooked his arm around me. Hehe. But it was only because Jason kinda told him to. "I'll hug her if you hug her." kind of thing. I blushed. I replied "Don't ever do that" but obviously, I lied. I wanted him to do that again and again. Forever. :]
Anywho, I told his best friend that I liked him. And he kinda expected it. Whatever. I'm glad that my crush's best friend knows I like his best friend. hehe. And he told me who he liked. Very cool conversation. lol. And I watched Naruto up to ep. 11 ! Sasuke pwns man. Very cute. Tuesday is Carol's birthday. Can't wait.

[Nicolatofu]

Dear cB Diary,

If they don't announce the new staff memebers soon, I am going to shoot myself.

And I am pretty sure that if I don't get modded, I am going to leave. Not because of jealousy, but because I really need to focus on school/outside life. Obviously being modded would give me some actual purpose to coming on cB, other than being the sarcastic nazi grammar bitch that n00bs and stupid kids hate.

Aw, Rachel, who will correct all of the grammatically disturbed(?) kids here on cB?? Eh, you have a big chance in making it, so I don't see you leaving soon.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear cB Diary,

We just had a really big storm. Tornados surrounded us everywhere. Now the sun is out and it's beautiful. Although there's still little piles of hail everywhere. I really need this weekend after all of the chaos this week. No Thunder over Louisville this weekend. I'm really mad about that. Anyways, we can't get that neon. Who knows, we'll probably be without transportation for a while. And Josh's getting braces! haha. Just bored here tonight waiting to hear more news on the whole cB hiring event. Well, I guess my Friday night shows will leep me occupied for a while.

/\/1(0|_3

[inthemudhole]

Excuse the last entry...I was pretty....Angsty.

I'm okay now.
No school today.
Went to the optional band practice at school.
Woot for my automatic 'A.'

Joe's calling me tonight.

Driving up to Minneapolis/St. Paul tomorrow morning. Yeah, a day early for the concert. We're going to hang out, I guess.

Got the new Wednesday 13 CD....Finally.

I'm so cold.

I can't wait for him to call me...

Two days,

Brie

[lovescream]

Hey cB Diary,
finally, here in my new home. It's warm here. Warmer than NJ. So I guess that's a plus.. I must admit, I'm learning to like it here. i still miss all my wonderful friends, though. I went to the middle school today.. I saw this really hot guy workng at the desk. =) the teachers were nice. turns out, I was in the wrong school, though. So I had to go to another school.. which is rogich middle school. I searched students there on myspace.. nice. A lot of people. o.O
It turns out I need a shot for this state. It's required for Nevada. So I went.. ow.. My left arm was numb for a little while.
So back to my school, everyone was gone except for the teacher. I must admit, the middle school is bigger than GTMS in my old home. Still, I wanna go back. ]; So.. now I'm going to school Monday. Wooohoo. [/sarcasm]
I dont know what classes to sign up.
Band - I suck.
Guitar - No patience.
Web Design - YES!!!!!!! But dammit, it's for 7th & 8th grade only. Oh, well. The year's almost over. Thus, next year in 7th grade, I will join web design classes.<3 Oh, and I'm taking bowling. Bowling club in school. I wanted to go to debate, but they don't have debate club.

I'm going to maybe join explorations.. since it's for all grades and its the only thing I can choose for now.

Ah, wish me luck on Monday. I'll need it..

- Toby.

[wounded]

hey cBd,

I got made fun of today, again. Because I like Good Charlotte. Who gives a f**k what any one thinks about them? If I like their songs, because they speak to me, why should any one in my classes care?
Yeah, maybe I am a freak for liking them, but whatever. It's not my f**king fault that they know how to speak to kids. Little f**kers.

Maybe I can get tickets to the one RK, SP, GC shows in OH. I don't know yet. Please, Lord.

J

[xTINAA]

Dear CB diary-
Today I found out that one of my friends, that I have no feelings for really, likes another girl. A lot. So why do I care so much still? Why am I feeling like my world is all messed up if I don't have feelings for him?? I cannot answer these questions. I am so sad. I hope no one bothers me today. I hate having to act fake, but I must because otherwise, people will ask questions and make me act more of a bitch. So on goes the fake smile and laugh.

See, it's entries like these that make me angry. Why? Because I don't know who you're talking about and we're supposed to be best friends. Stupid school has made us distant! Haha. We must talk dear

Dear cB Diary,
So this past week really sucked. I mean honestly...it sucked. I missed a lot of school, got in trouble, calls from the dean, letters sent home, got in fights, just an overall LAME week. And the weekend isn't looking much brighter. Why? Because of all the homework and studying that needs to be done and because our beloved Pastor is leaving. I'm going to have a breakdown on Sunday. Leaving...how can he leave? I'm going to miss him so much. I need him. Yeah there's Evan but I want Tony to be there too. It's because of him that our church has been prosperous. Gah. Anyways, tonight was okay I guess. I don't know if I have good friends. I mean good to me, yes but good as in what they do is good. Because me, I'm a virgin to almost everything. I haven't drank, smoked, partied, had sex, nothing... And what do they do? Drink, smoke, and party. Have sex? Hahah no. And tonight they were talking about how they got high earlier and about going to a party and one of them I've known since middle school and it's just weird to see how people change. I don't really like change but I don't dislike it either. It's just....weird. Yeah...so I guess I have nothing to say. Oh yeah, life sucks right now. Kay that's all. G'bye.
-Me.

[inthemudhole]

Yes, I realize I just posted in here, but I'm gone until Monday night, so I figured it'd be fine...

The concert is TOMORROW.
TOMORROW!
All of this tedious waiting, and it's FINALLY here.
We're driving up Saturday morning. Ohh, man. This is going to rock ass.

Oh, and Joe called me today.
Yeah. It was absolutely wonderful.
I'm in love. I swear I am. I don't care if I'm "too young."
I really think I'm in love.
He has the sexiest voice in the entire world. I love his accent.
He's so polite too. :)
It was so cute when he was talking to his dog...He's so sweet to his dog.

I'm so giddy right now.
In fact, I think I'm too giddy for my own good.

Hell, last night I was crying and trying hard not to do anything foolishly close to suiciding.
And now...I'm just sitting here....Grinning and humming to myself. Daydreaming about Joe.
Joe. Joe. Joe.
He's the only thing on my mind anymore.
I'm glad everything's alright between us.
I'm not getting the weird vibe anymore....Thank God.
Everything's going great between us.

School's out May 26th.
Can't wait for that either.

See you fuckers on Monday night. \m/

ONE day,

Brie

[Juicy <3]

Dear CB,

I don't know how i'm supposed to feel about yesterday. Its was okay, we were all admitting our feelings and talking like mature people for once. It was awkward i must admit, but i got over it. ____ gave me a piggy-bank, it was so funny. He kept on spinning and then started to run real fast, I thought i'd fall flat on my face _____ and _____ were all talking about the difference between white girls vaginas and black girls vaginas, and I was just like "Uh?" and walked away...haha. Maybe I was a little offended I don't know Anyway, I think that _______ told ______ that I had feelings for him? or someone else, because when i walked up to them, she was like "and Tai too!!", stupid biatch. Why doesn't she ever use her head before she opens her mouth? Grrr. That's in the past anyway, so why am i dwelling on it? Oh well.
____ liked _____ I personally think that we all did at one time in our lives, I don't know why, he just had something that attracted me. I'm guessing it was his killer abs ______ was telling us all how she used to sing love songs about him. Haha, I was kinda laughing, but thought "wait, I used to do that too.." and stopped yeah, i know... I'm sad; what else is new? Hmm, i think that ______ still has feelings for _____; that's why she always acts like she hates him....Hmmm. Anywhoo, enough about yesterday, I'm about to go get my butt in the bath and get ready for shopping I pray that I can get my belly pierced today, without my father finding out

Tai <3

[yukichan]

dear cB diary..
I feel so hurt..The words get a life is echoing in my head..I never thought he would say that..I guess right now would be a good time to let go..I know that the more I hold on, the more im hurting myself..sigh..

argh..i have so much stuff to do..i need to find 4 more ppl for the seating arrangement..the dance is coming up..i want to ask **** out but i doubt i will..thinking about it, i probably will get rejected..he probably goes for pretty girls..sigh..

today was i guess a good day..
good night everyone..
-Nancy-

[wounded]

dear cBd,

The guy I like is an alcoholic. He's only 15. Damn this all. I asked if I could go out drinking with him - I'm the same age as he is! - and he said no. He didn't want me to do the same shit that he's done. That I'd be too far gone. Well, damn that.

Why do I always choose the bad guys?

[EmmalieV]

Dear CB Diary ,

Guys suck , period. Why go through all the trouble of being in a relationship when you know its going to hurt you even more in the end.

Funny thing is , I dont give a fck. I Guess im used to break-ups. Ive had to many to not be used too it.

AND WTF stop driving me CRAZY! NO! we cannot get back together and NO! we will not talk about it.

You make me sick.

[weirdness]

dear cB diary;
thank god it's spring break
school is so damned boring. i hate it.
die die die
today i'm going to my friends house ^^ and we're going to watch yakitate japan!
i hate xanga. i quit.
no, maybe not quit
just no entries for the moment

sincerely me

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

i'm back again. as usual. the retreat was absolutely amazing...so much better than i thought. i had time to bond with people with such long talks that were just lovely. i opened up a bit more, but still not completely. the only bad part really, was on the way home on the bus...there was so much dust on that road with the bus in front of us and the windows were open so my throat began to close up and i couldn't breathe. i was so scared. scared the shit out of everyone else too, mind you it showed me that they did care. adrian came off the bus with me on to the other, emptier one. i was so grateful he was there, i don't know what i would have done otherwise. thank you so much. he took care of me so well. he looked so scared too.
but yeah i was on the phone later that night with mark...i swear to god, he doesn't seem to care anymore at all. i told him about my breathing incident and he was just like "oh really? okay." like what the hell!? everyone else freaked out, you'd think he'd be the one to freak out the most. then he's like "oh yeah i can't talk tonight, i have to go." and i replied in a rather mad tone of voice and usually if that happens, he'll recognize it and ask me about it. no, not this time. he just goes on saying i love you and goodbye. i swear, it sounds like he's saying it out of obligation. i don't know anymore....
my heart is being torn in two.

[jennyjenny]

Dear cB diary,
My vacation has been going good. No complaints. I'm kind've glad that you went to Florida. At first, I was thinking to myself "I have no one to talk to online every morning." But we wouldn't talk about anything meaningful. We would talk about the stupid things and talk about doing stuff, but never actually do it. I guess I actually did stuff and talked on the phone with Steph. Is she just a substitute? I don't know, maybe not. But I don't know, it feel as if I can actually talk to her while you are not really my friend but merely a girl that is just there to talk about their day with. We're not best friends, or at least you don't think so. We're going to slowly drift apart and one day we're never even going to talk to each other. Hell, we barely do now. At least this week, compared to the other weeks of vacation, I actually did something. I'm glad that I didn't sit home and mope while you were having fun. Sometimes, I really hope we will become friends and forget about what happened. And I hope you have some huge fight with her, because you know how much it bothers me that you are friends with her. I thought I was okay yesterday, but you signed on and I saw your profile and it was just </3. I was actually happy, and I saw your profile and it was like old times where I would wait for you, but you are never going to come back. I know that, but I can't do anything about it and I don't think I'm going to get over it. I know we're not friends, maybe that's why whenever I'm in your profile, it never says "bffl" at the end like you do to others. I'm hurt.

-jenny

[heyyfrankie]

Dear Createblog Diary,

wow. that is all i have to say after last night. there were at least 100 people here! there were people here that didn't even go to martin! and i also got drunk. DRUNK!!! i didn't think i was going to actually go that far but i just kept on drinking those margaritas. i had about 5 glasses of margarita mix. i just can't believe how much fun it was. whoever didn't come missed the party of the year! and guess what else happened, edwin got drunk, too! he was soooo funny. i know he was drunk because he smoked his first cigarette! let's just say, it was an interesting night!

--Frankie

[kyuubi319]

Dear cB Diary,
I've been surprisingly happy despite what's going on around me. I'm in danger of failing Social Studies and things of that sort, but hell, I'm pretty damn happy. I think about him a lot. I really like him. He's the greatest and just thinking about his dorky smile makes me giggle. A certain friend of mine is a total hypocrite and I hate it. Woodrow Wilson is surely filled with a lot of assholes. But whatever. I feel happy and that's all that matters. Of course, I wish he hadn't gone to SC. It's only been 2 days. I still have to wait another 3 days until I can see him. I actually want to go back to school. I miss him..
I went to Trenton this afternoon. it was actually quite depressing. Trenton isn't exactly a lovely place. It's actually pretty run down. It made me sad to think that people are forced to live there. I saw two homeless people on my way there and i felt utterly sympathetic.
It makes me mad that some people do things just to get sympathey. But what makes me more mad is when it works. Why is it that now, I'm suddenly a bad person? I am a good person. Sure, I have my flaws, but i try to be good. She's spreading the sickest lies about me and it's upsetting. My own friends are questioning me. It's really unfair. I hate it. She dislikes me for no reason. I can't help it that I fell for him. I can't help it that he likes me. It's not as if she's still infatuated with him. But then why does she spread rumors like this and make up lies about me? Why does my personal life even concern her? We aren't even friends anymore. I only wanted to know why she hated me so much and all of a sudden she can only answer this by bringing up my past relationships? I lost a friend because of her because she makes me out to be an apparent ho. It's so unfair. My own friends questioning me. It honestly makes me want to cry. I guess I just have to deal with it, though.
As long as I have him, I'll be okay, though. He's the bestestestestestest.

sincerely,

sandy-dandy

[*jooleeah*]

Dear createblog diary,
We're only a month away. One month.
I've hated this place ever since I came here. It's good to know that I just have to suffer one more month and then get out. I'll probably get all teary-eyed ( I know that's contradicting) just because of it. Tears of joy? I hope so. Andy's going to Northview/Chattahoochee. He's so lucky. I'll miss that kid.

That reminds me. Jenny's leaving too. I just got to know her, and now she's going to be gone. Okay, she's only leaving for China to study. But Evelyn said that if she likes it over there, she can stay for a year. A YEAR. That's way too long. And I know she'll love it there....there's too much bs happening to her over here. Meeehh.

I WANT SUMMER.

[*mzkandi*]

Dear CB,
Well my school semester is coming to a close. I have a extra credit paper to do tommorrow but it should be pretty easy because it pertains to science and i love science. i need to get brainstorming on a media project have to do for my southern woman class this upcoming week
Also, I have a new car, well not exactly new and its not exactly mine yet. I have a few things I have to do before it can be mine and I can hardly wait.

[Chii]

dear createBlog diary,

i'm not sure why i'm writing but i don't know...it's like i thought i hade life figured out, or at least had an outline but so many things freak me out...what if johnny's plan falls through...? i wouldn't mind working a 9-5 job, as long as it puts money in the bank and provides us with food and a place to stay...but johnny wouldn't want me to work...

i'm afraid of being pregnant...i might be but i'm not sure...the condom may have leaked...i did the math, if i really am, i'll give birth before my 18th birthday. we're supposed to get up and go when i'm 18 because by then he'll be 18 too. this will mess everything up, i pray to god i am not pregnant, i would never want to have a child out of wedlock...and have our future ripped away from us. lord knows i'd love to bear johnny's children but just not now...

i regret quitting piano so many years ago...i know you shouldn't regret whatever you did because that makes you who you are, but i don't think that applies here. in music class, i appreciate the piano more...i wish i still had one all for myself...the piano is such a beautiful instrument...

who am i anymore? i thought i was growing up but after all this, i'm back to who i was 7 years ago...a confused little girl...i hate how everything is so complicated

i love johnny, he's so sweet to me i love him so much. things in our relationship seem to be looking up, heh our 1 year anniversary is 100 days from now...and i'm freaking out...i don't know what to get him or what to wear. i've had a dress i planned to wear on our anniversary but i'm having second thoughts on it... i have an idea of what to give johnny but i don't know...blah why can't our anniversary be a month away, i work better under pressure when people aren't depending on me

ha, i thought of a new confession, i love that paris hilton song...i wish i could find a better version of it

back to tahoma i go...i try to evolve but i always return to my roots

much love,
M.L. x3

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

today was a good day, except for when i came home and the fact i'm losing my voice and we're leaving for whistler on thursday for a music festival and i'm singing in choir....bleh.
parents suck. i'll leave it at that for now.
and yeah. i miss him. weird. eh. nothing more i can do. i've finally admitted some shit to myself and in an indirect way to him too.
we'll see what happens.
life can be so great yet shitty all at once. its stupid.

[yukichan]

dear cB diary..
had a bad day..kind of had moments when i wanted to kill myself..
tomorrow is the beach clean up..hurray!lol..
i cant believe **** admitted liking me..i never knew he liked me..i was so shocked..lol..
i dont c anything good about me..i look ugly and all..i wonder what it is that others c in me...
thats it..
good night everyone!
)(nancy)(

[*jooleeah*]

Dear createblog diary,
I wish I were older. I hate the people that are my age. I don't fit with them.

[*mzkandi*]

Dear createblog diary,
I wish I were older. I hate the people that are my age. I don't fit with them.

I know the feeling, I felt that way sometimes when i was younger.

Dear CB,

Man I cant wait til have my car. 7 days...the countdown begins until I am driving again.
In other news, I really am going to be seriously thinking about moving off campus next year, its just too expensive and actually less expensive (by almost 200 bucks) to stay off campus. Meh...staying on campus is convientent though. I just wake up and walk to class, so I dont know..

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

here i am yet again. still confused as ever...i keep on thinking its resolved but then it just gets all...confusing again. something tells me this is going to go on for awhile...sigh.
there's nothing much more i can really do, since things are still all so uncertain. i have certain feelings/hunches about things, but one can't be really sure unless one asks and one like myself is much too frightened to do so.
on the other hand, i'm leaving for whistler on thursday for this music festival thing and my voice is seriously gone...i can't talk. well i can but i sound ridiculous...i know for sure i can't sing. i tried...its not happening. looks like i'm gonna be lip-synching with everyone unless i'm miraculously better soon.
this is ridiculous.
i miss him.
and you know whats sad?
i'm not sure who that's directed to anymore.

[ichiban]

dear cb diary,

on friday there was this motivational speaker dude that came to our school. it was kind of a really cool assembly. the guy, scott greenberg or whatever, was a cancer surviver. he said all this stuff about deciding how to handle your problems. are you gonna sit there and be affected by it, or do something about it? it was really sad when scott said that since he was a jew, people would make fun of him all the time when he was little. HEY JEW BOY! and then he told us that his grandmother's parents were taken by the nazis one day, and she never saw them again. and one month later, they came for her. really, really sad. this scott guy has really gone through too much in his life, it's unbelievable. it didn't motivate me at all though, because most things he said were pretty obvious. but yeah.

lol, i want to like someone. honestly, i do. yeah i know, youll feel free and whatnot without a guy, but it's so boring without one i can't believe josh likes me though. it's realy .. wrong. and kind of sick. i don't wanna be shallow or anything, but yeah.

[xTINAA]

Dear cB Diary,
Again the past few days made me acknowledge change. I'm really not liking it right now. I don't want things to change. Yeah, I want to grow up therefore change but the more and more I think about it, I don't want to. I want things to stay the same. Why can't they stay the same? Why do people have to leave? Why do people have to change?... I don't even know why I'm asking why. I know why things have to change. I know why people have to change. I know this. But I don't want it to happen. I want to write more but I won't. Bye.
-Me.

[sharerol]

Dear cB diary,

I f**king hate Sundays. Just because they're Sundays. Nothing bad really happened today. The party yesterday was fun. Sin City was okay. I took some pictures today. Now I am bored. I don't wanna go back to school. =(((((((

--Cheryl

[lovescream]

Dear cB diary,

I f**king hate Sundays.  Just because they're Sundays.  Nothing bad really happened today.  The party yesterday was fun.  Sin City was okay.  I took some pictures today.  Now I am bored.  I don't wanna go back to school.  =(((((((

--Cheryl

Sin City?


Dear cb Diary,
damn. It's a sunday. Tomorrow will be living hell. First day of school. Man, I really dont want to go. My arm's still sore from the shot. I really dont wanna go!

-Toby.

[sharerol]

Sin City?
Dear cb Diary,
damn. It's a sunday. Tomorrow will be living hell. First day of school. Man, I really dont want to go. My arm's still sore from the shot. I really dont wanna go!

-Toby.

Yes. Sin City, the movie.
Hope you have fun at school, by the way.

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

i am in here way too often but i can't help it...i keep on thinking of things to say that i don't wanna say on my own xanga so yeah...i come here instead.
i just realized how oddly grateful i am for that incident on the bus ride home on friday...on the way home from the retreat i had that problem when i couldn't breathe...yeah it scared the shit out of me, but apparently it scared the shit out of a couple others, which in an odd way showed me how much they really cared...then he got to take care of me. he was the first to stand up and help me off the bus to get some fresh air. he held my hand and held me close and whispered that things would be alright. he helped me on to the other bus and kept a tight hold of me to make sure i'm okay. he let me sleep on his shoulder. he helped me carry my stuff afterwards and everything too once we arrived back at school. finally when i had to leave for home, he hugged me close and kissed me on the top of my head.
i've never felt so safe and loved.

[Chii]

dear createBlog diary,

wow, i might as well kill some time here...i'm so nervous about this mod stuff...i'm afraid that only the popular people will be chosen...heh no one has rooted for me, that comes as a small surprise...but then again not really that small

i wish that this girl will just open up her eyes...the one is right in front of her face but she doesn't want to see it. i've been through things like that with my boyfriend before we were going out, i didn't relaly notice unti like a month or two that johnny is the one for me... i just wish she would see him the way she's supposed to, such a sweet girl should have a sweet man to tend to her

hehe, it's like a dream of mine has finally come true, i get to lounge around and watch movies with my boyfriend all day at his place the first time i ever did that with anyone was on my birthday a few months ago, it was so great, we had an indoor picnic, just the two of us he remembered that i wanted to go on a picnic, but central park had all that stupid, nasty orange sh*t all over the place...it was supposed to be "art" ...i call it a huge waste of f*cking money, f*cking governor/mayor/whoever spending millions on a tourist trap rather than our schools

i really hope i'm not pregnant...i think my breasts may have become bigger, that made me so happy but then it hit me...it's a sign of pregnancy...maybe i'm just paranoid...i really hope i am paranoid. i'm supposed to be getting my period really soon...i hope i'm not pregnant...

geez, everytime i write in here the entry is so long...aiy. i wish there were more hours in a day...i never have time to myself anymore...i haven't cleaned my room in weeks, maybe a month...nor have i organized my jewelry like i vowed to...i have my earrings and necklaces everywhere...i am such a mess now

oh well...god i'm sweating more than i usually do because i'm so nervous about this createBlog moderator thing...i don't know why but i want the job so bad...

much love,
M.L. x3

[yukichan]

dear cB diary..
today was a ok day..much better than yesterday..
went to the beach clean up..it was ok...
still feel alone and isolated..everything i do isnt good enough for my parents..i cant do anything right...my mom kind of isnt that harsh but dad is really bad..he says i dont do anything..hes always criticizing me..gosh..
sigh..6 more weeks untill middle school is over...i dont know wheter to be happy about it or sad..im so confused...
sigh..
thats it for today..
...Nancy...

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog Diary,

This school day has been much too long. I hate this routine. I hate school. I don't know how, but it seems that I've just sort of drifted through today. I don't remember much, just that I want to be at home, or even better, with Justin. I can't stop thinking about him. Really though, I can't. When I'm talking to people, I have to try to not bring him up because I'm probably so obnoxious about it. But I can't help it. He's so perfect. So perfect, it's almost unbelievable. I love that boy much. :D

-Me.

[Rachel]

dear createBlog diary,
i really hope i'm not pregnant...i think my breasts may have become bigger, that made me so happy but then it hit me...it's a sign of pregnancy...maybe i'm just paranoid...i really hope i am paranoid.  i'm supposed to be getting my period really soon...i hope i'm not pregnant...
M.L. x3

Why don't you get a pregnancy test?

Anyways, Dear cB Diary
I finally quit The Willows! YAY <3. I will miss a lot of people who work there tho; Jay, Diogo, Regan, Kelley, Christie...

I miss Tom. I wish he wasn't grounded. He makes me a better person, he is the sweet to my mean. I wish we were older and that we could get married. I just feel like he completes me. Meh, I guess thats what young love is.

I want it to be summer soo bad. I really want to go back to Arizona and see all my friends. I have been missing them like crazy. I feel like I have lost touch with a lot of them. I am suprised with some that I have talked to recently.

I realize how much I have changed in just 6 months. I have done a lot of things I didn't think I would. And I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad one.

[inthemudhole]

Hi.
Nothing can f*cking touch me.
I'm so happy.
Last night f*cking owned.

Oh, and it's official.

I have a boyfriend.
What a lovely guy he is....He called me (literally) the second I got home.
<3333333

What a f*cking awesome weekend.

Complete review on Xanga.

[LadyXTor]

Dear Cb Diary,
Ello diary...today was scary. :) Some freaky short kid is stalking me and cussing me off! OH THE JOY!

Let's see, I fell on my face, OH THE JOY! Okay, today was half fun I'VE GOTTA ADMIT!

My friends crying over the same guy AGAIN! They have issues but don't work it out...bleh...teenage freakin drama.

[Chii]

Why don't you get a pregnancy test?

if i had the 10 bucks to spare i would...


dear createBlog diary,

i don't know where my life has gone...it's like all of a sudden i just realized that the only person i really talk to is my boyfriend, my best friend barely gives half a sh*t about what i have to say. i hate the world today...i don't know who i am anymore...i used to be that sweet, shy innocent girl. now i'm just a b*tch... everything seems to annoy me, it's like my life has derailed except for a few train cars that are still intact.

i used to be such a good girl, i used to care about school. i've already read about things about life in the real world and it has opened my eyes but for some reason it isn't hitting me. i know that when we turn 18 our money plan will probably fall through. plus minimum wage will not cut it with the skyrocking price of rent and food when we're 18. but i don't know why i just don't care... i wish i didn't change and realize what a hole i'm in, and didn't realize what really happened between me and ________ when i was a litle girl that messed me up for life...

i hate feeling sorry for myself, there are other people in the world that i know have it a lot harder than i do...my life cannot even compare to how hard it is in thrid world african countires...getting raped everyday, prostituting for cab fare fpr a trip to college, getting mutilated, god...the world is such a sh*tty place...

i know i can do something about it but i just don't, that's the cause i want to stand up for, those people who don't deserve a sh*t life, they didn't make any mistakes, they don't deserve to live in fear everyday...maybe that will drive me to try to do better in life...they can't climb out of their holes but i can...

i've wanted to grow up so bad when i was little, but now it's just like a curse, like when snow white ate that beautiful, shiny apple the witch gave her...after you take a bite out of it, you realize it was nothing you thought it was...

i love spending time with johnny, he seems to be the only one who can truly make me happy again whenever i'm bogged down in so much sh*t...i can never thank god enough for bringing johnny to me.

much love,
M.L. x3

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

today has been a happy, happy day. i like this feeling. i missed it quite a bit.
school was bareable, mostly. the math test was surprisingly easy, so i think i did really well. got home late due to a long choir/choreography practice, and i came onto cb as soon as i got to the computer...i was rather pleasantly surprised to see i'd been made a part of people staff. it was kinda weird how happy it made me...i was literally jumping up and down for awhile. it was nice/amusing all at once.
then tonight at dance, i found out our results for our competitions that were on thursday. my tap got 1st place, and then my hiphop did too, but that also got the 2nd highest overall in our section and we received a trophy and some money too. yay! our hard work actually paid off a bit.
my voice is coming back...i can pretty much talk and kinda sing, so i think i'll be okay in time for whistler...but aw, i have to leave cb so soon after getting my new position. ah well. it'll be a fun trip, but i'll miss some people...

[silver-rain]

if i had the 10 bucks to spare i would...

Planned Parenthood gives free pregnancy testing...

Dear cb diary,
Today I felt more productive that I ever was. Woke up early, ran a bridle and did some sprints. But during that run, I felt really sick and bleh. And then I came home, saw the aftereffects of a car crash, and studied for my AP Spanish test.

But I didn't get to talk to Stephen that much today... Eh, he said he would call, but eh. I'm really afraid that I am caring way too much than he is, and that if I showed the same amount of care that he shows me, our relationship is going to get worse. I love him a lot, but sometimes I'm not sure how he feels about me. Sure, he says that he loves me, but where's the proof? He doesn't call or leave messages anymore, he doesn't write poems for me, draw me pictures, etc. He doesn't even make suggestions as to what to do. It's always me. And, it's not like he listens to me either. That day it was really nice and sunny? All we did was go to his place and I sat idly by as he tended to his fish. Then I had to go home... I had suggested going to the park, being more productive but no. He cared about his fish. Before he went away, he told me that he wanted to make sure that his fish were properly taken care of... I truly hope he doesn't put those fish above me.

We barely talk now too. On the phone, there's all those awkward silences. With those one word responses. I can tell that he was just waiting to stop talking to me. I guess this week away from me will be good for him. I hope that when he comes back, he'll appreciate everything I do for him, because sometimes I don't get that feeling. I know that I really do love him, I just want a sign from him that he feels the same way, or our relationship is going nowhere.

[*jooleeah*]

Dear createblog diary,
Lately, I've been thinking about all the crap that's happened in my life. It's effected me in so many ways....I've changed into a completely different person. Honestly, I don't know how I would turn out if that shit didn't happen.

Meh, right now I don't feel like elaborating. Maybe later?

julia

[xTINAA]

Dear cB Diary,
Everything is overwhelming me. I'm about to explode. No lie. Explode and die. I'm losing my sanity. I'm so angry, bitter, cynical, etc right now. Actually I have been for a while but now it's getting worse. Everyone is seriously pissing me off. Everyone. Parents, siblings, church people, friends, strangers, teachers, everyone. I can't handle anything. Why am I like this? I don't want to be like this. I want to change. God damnit. I don't want to be like this. Anyways, I think I need a break from cB. Or at least to stop coming as much. It's definetely not as enjoyable and I really have no reason to.
-Me.

[sharerol]

Dear cB Diary,

The first half of today wasn't too horrible. After noon, however, everyone just started pissing me off. Ugh...I didn't know what to do. i felt really bad. I guess it's gotten better now, but mehhh. I don't really feel like posting much.

--Cheryl

[Teesa]

Dear Cb diary,
I almost had a nervous breakdown tonight. I cannot believe that tests start in less than 6 days. And teachers pile on even more homework I cannot believe it. I am so close to quitting. I cannot handle this anymore. I just need to pass three of the five a.p. and I'm free, but even that seems impossible now.

-teesa

[nhj_2006]

dear cb diary

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh school is stressin me out like a mother father!!!
so many test everyday, state test, county test, class test, anyway
woke up at 5 to study. must be outta myyyy mind. its 730 now and im very sleeeeeepy. still bout 8 more hrs till i get home and get to sleep. i really hope i do good on today's test. anyway, sunday night was awessssommme =]

stressed out me

[to-devastate]

Dear cB Diary,
Is it my fcuking fault that I feel so insecure around them. Like I can't trust them; although they are among the people I love? I don't understand. Tell me again why they just choose to make me feel this bad. I feel so lonely right now. Maybe I shouldn't do this at all. Maybe I shouldn't. You don't want to be with me, fine with me. I'm having doubts. Many doubts about our friendship. Tell me why the fcuk they act like that towards me. Is it because I'm blind? Becuase they know that I'm not fcuking good enough? I don't know. Just not anymore. I try so hard. Just so hard to keep up with them. That pratically, I'm losing them. I'm far behind. I really felt like I was like them. Guess I was wrong. Guess I was so fcuking wrong.
-Insecurity.

[Azn_Angelx]

Dear cB Diary,
Is it my fcuking fault that I feel so insecure around them. Like I can't trust them; although they are among the people I love? I don't understand. Tell me again why they just choose to make me feel this bad. I feel so lonely right now. Maybe I shouldn't do this at all. Maybe I shouldn't. You don't want to be with me, fine with me. I'm having doubts. Many doubts about our friendship. Tell me why the fcuk they act like that towards me. Is it because I'm blind? Becuase they know that I'm not fcuking good enough? I don't know. Just not anymore. I try so hard. Just so hard to keep up with them. That pratically, I'm losing them. I'm far behind. I really felt like I was like them. Guess I was wrong. Guess I was so fcuking wrong.
-Insecurity.

awwwwws eileen.. its just the way they are. i dont think they want to hurt you. is it that you feel like they're hurt you? dont worry at least there's ONE person out there that loves you oh so dearly. =]

Dear cB dairy,

everytime i smile the next second that smile turns into tears. why do i think everyone ignores me? wat did i do? its like being a loner. but im not... i have friends. hehe.....its funny that friends arent always there. its not that i hate them. i love them oh so dearly. but just sometimes ..... at home. i am expected to do wat i meant to do. get good grades and be responsible. yeah that sure is right. but sometimes i dont feel like doin those things. sometimes i dont even know wats wrong with me! its just arghs! ><" its very hard. sometimes i dont know half the stuff i do.

[*jooleeah*]

Dear createblog diary,
I'm a bit annoyed. Why must people act like idiots just to impress others? Being a fool brings nothing but hatred to you.

Anyway, today sucked. A lot. I don't feel like saying anything to anyone right now, so maybe I'll write in here later.

-julia

[*tweeak*]

dear cb diary,

fuccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk im going to faillllllllllllllll chemistry

[Looow]

Dear Createblog Diary,

Okay so my sister moved out of the house a week ago. I know, it's normal that siblings move out (she's 19) but it still doesn't stop me from being hurt. Me and her were so darn close. We've always been so close and I'm afraid that now that she left and has a boyfriend, she'll forget about me. Because really, she's working all day and when she isn't working she is either sleeping or hanging out with her boyfriend/friends. So how do I know she'll have time for me? This is the third time she moves out and the last two didn't work. The first time she was 15 and the second time she was 17 or 18 now she's 19. Rawr. She still has the chance to come back and I hope she wants to. However, even if she wanted to she's far too stubborn to come back to our home.

There is only one month of school left. YESSS!! I am so glad. I've never hated school so much. I don't know why I ahte it so much. I've change so much..I used to love school. I used to tell my parents to never make me miss school for ANYTHiNG but now I only wished I could miss school. I used to be a straight A student but now I'm not. I'm not getting F's or anything like that but I know I could do much better. Ughh and High School..I really don't want to go. I'm way to used to middle school and stuff and going to a HUGE new school with hundreds of people you don't even know is goign to be hard. My friend says its going to be easy for me beacsue I make friends really easily but I'm not sure that nessesarily true. I mean, this year I drifted away from sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many people. Is that my fault? I used to be way more confident about meeting new people and socializing and getting to know people. But now, I feel like I can't. I just can't. I wonder what next year is going to be like. I know def. harder. But ahh...Gosh now that i think of it, I am losing touch with otns of people. How sad.

<333 Lorena

[silver-rain]

Dear CB Diary,

Ughhh, I'm feeling so helpless right now. I'm trying to figure out how to work this thing for my health project, but it's impossible. And my health group is depending on me... and I can't eat anymore, it's making me sick. Ughhh this sucks. I wish my boyfriend was here so I can talk to him and he can comfort me.... Annnd, APs are in a week...

[yukichan]

dear cB diary..
im shocked..**** admitted liking me a little..i like him but im not exactly sure if i really do so i never told him..i dont want to hurt him...

omg..there is so much stuff to do..i think ill go home early tomorrow..i need to catch up on social studies..

today was a good day i guess..
...Nancy...

[dreamerOi]

dear createB diary,

he makes me happy. and im doing much better in school. grades are practically all A's now. only 1 B. im glad.. im actually getting along with my mom lately. which is good too. and now when i set goals i actually achieve it. i think ive gotten taller and lost a little weight. interesting.. anywho. justins getting better. strange how love works. i didnt know id fall in love with andrew. at first i didnt even like him. but he somehow just grew on me. i still feel bad about justin though. though hes getting better.. i miss the days. andrew and i its funny how were always talking about the future even though we dont really like to. but then we do.

Linda.

[..:loveee.NuTTii]

Dear cB,
Jebus-I hope I'm allowed to post here. I've just discovered the writing forum and it is awesome. Yes, cB will be my life for the next couple days. Vacation you know. I still have to do my English homework. A poem on the end of WWII. Ugh-so much research. Also, on the 4th I have a report of info due on guanacos I thought they were llama's-that's why I chose them. Lol. Well Sat/Sun I'm suppose to go to the movies w/ Remya, Jen, and Kajal but Kajal's parent's are quite strict. And....ya well it's this whole big thing about where I live and where they live and stuff. Well, look at that, I guess cB won't be my life.
Alana

[yukichan]

dear cB diary..
things have got a little better..
sigh..today was a stressful day..i never did daybook yet..i dont feel motivated right now..
hmm..well thats it i guess..
well ya..
...Nancy...

[Looow]

Dear Createblog Diary,
Okay so I think I'm feeling better now. Actually I'm pretty happy except that they distroyed our lockers! Ughhhh they stole my books!

[*jooleeah*]

Dear Createblog Diary,
I can't believe this thing is still at page two.
Anyway, I can't wait for the summer. We only have 19 days, excluding weekends. You have no idea how happy that makes me.

WOOHOO. I need to lose weight

[Chii]

dear createBlog diary,

thank the lord i'm not pregnant ...be careful what you wish for the cramps were worse than ever...and when it rains it poors...johnny and i were watching a dvd in him computer, then he got up to get me something and he was taking a pretty long time so i got up...then i felt it run down my leg... it stained my pants! good thing johnny and i are close, it didn't really bother him.

when i cleaned up the mess i put the used toilet paper in a plastic bag...i accidentally left it on the subway before i disposed it... johnny was like "what about this" and i told him to just leave it because it was trash...i didn't think. oh shit with all that "if you see something say something" and whatnot about unattended bags. what if i get in trouble? what if there's some police investigation about it? after all...it is blood stuff in a bag... but it wasn't a lot of blood, but it was a lot of toilet paper. maybe they won't think too much of it...after all it's kind of obvious it's a period...i hope they let it go and it's not all over the news

ugh, it was so embarassing walking around outside with that stain on my pants, i tried to cover my ass with my bag of dvds. johnny told me it wasn't a big deal but he doesn't think any stain is a big deal after we went our separate ways, i went into a dollar store to dawdle because i didn't want to be home so early...i looked in a mirror and hey, it wasn't that bad you really couldn't see it and those pants make my ass look so nice

wow, what a pointless long ass entry...i overuse "ass" but anyway thank goodness i'm not pregnant


i'd like to thank xxcrazyjewxx and linke3 for trying to help, i'm truly grateful that they actually read part of my pregnancy scare and replied, thank you rachel and linda


much love,
M.L. x3

[xenosaga]

Dear CB Diary,

ugh, SAT10 is next week, and its going to be annoying, i might miss out on my practice SAT for an appointment. my week went by so lame. gosh nothing to do. well i'm glad im almost out for summer! finally! i will be staying up so late and ill be proud of it..teehee..

much luv,
Donna

[inthemudhole]

Hi.

I'm scaring myself.
Everything was going wonderfully, but something just hit me earlier tonight.
I'm going back to the way I was about a month and a half ago... The overly depressed stage of my life. The half-way suicidal stage in my life.

I don't have ANYONE to talk with... There's only one person, but he's gone right now... On a trip... He calls me, but I can't do this over the phone.
I just don't have anywhere or anyone to turn to.
He is the only one that knows my deepest, darkest secret. He is the only one that understands that secret of mine. He is the only one in my life that can relate to me in that sense... But he's gone until Monday. I can't wait that long. I've literally snapped.

I had stopped...Fine, I'll say it. I had stopped cutting for a few weeks, but I couldn't take it anymore. I did it last night... A lot.

Ugh, I just don't know what to do.

I'm a weak and selfish person.
I hate everything about myself.
I can't please myself or anyone else around me.
I'm losing friends.
I'm a horrible girlfriend.

I don't feel anything right now.
I'm just numb.
Nothing can touch me anymore.

I just don't know where to turn.
I don't want professional help or counseling, although that might help... I haven't tried that in a few years.
If my parents catch me doing anything, I'm sure they'd send me somewhere to get professional help.
I just want someone to talk to right now.
I miss him.
He's only been gone a few days, and he did call me earlier tonight, but I miss him.. It's easier to type this stuff to him rather than speak it to him. I can never manage to say things right.

Whatever.
I want to end it, yet I don't.

I just don't know who to turn to anymore..

What to do now...,

Brie

[soulless727]

Dear cB Diary:

I'm feeling really bad about marisa....my mom was bugging me a lot back when all of us started doing stuff every friday about it I liked Annie and shes saying that I was leading her on...something I've never thought about....and I really didn't think about it with Marisa either....I don't want to hurt their feelings or anything....but I finally realized that this is only a temporary solution and that they will be hurt even more later on when they find out the truth...If only their was an easy way to let someone down...I wish I could just have someone tell her a whole bunch of stuff but that would be unfair to them...I just wish I didn't think about these things so much so I wouldn't feel so guilty. I need to get this fixed though...I feel really bad about it and it's going to be hard but I have to do it...

That was the easy part to write about...

Last night I watched the notebook with lindsay and her. I cried....It was really awkward watching it with the person that you like...I remember the first part I cried at...They were fighting and she was going to leave him and he asked her what it was she wanted...I asked myself that question and looked to my left...I wanted it so bad...But I knew I wouldn't be able to get it. I cried from that point on with my silent tears. It was like I didn't even watch the movie after that point...I just asked myself the questions they asked each other...Where did she see herself in 30 years...I asked myself that.....I didn't know....but I did know where I would want to be...Once again I looked to my left with her face shoved into the blankets from crying. After the movie she wanted to tell me and the other person something but she couldn't...not while I was there...So we just hung out for a while...she really wouldn't say it there with me...So I just said I had to go home before my parents come home and find me not home when I was supposed to be home a hour and a half ago...She left soon afterwords and then got online when she got home...She told me what she had to say...she couldn't tell it to me in person...I'm glad she didn't I wouldve cried again...I'm starting to cry right now...but she says shes unworthy of my love...I feel the exact opposite...I feel almost ashamed of how I feel. She took out the ice cream...her way to think...she was crying...I was crying...I don't see why we can't be more than friends...

[Rachel]

dear createBlog diary,
wow, what a pointless long ass entry...i overuse "ass" but anyway thank goodness i'm not pregnant
i'd like to thank xxcrazyjewxx and linke3 for trying to help, i'm truly grateful that they actually read part of my pregnancy scare and replied, thank you rachel and linda
much love,
M.L. x3

Ohh yay! I was worried for you! <3 Thank goodness

Anyways, Dear cB diary,

Rawr, Tom is gone until tonight or something, IDK. I miss him already, which is sad because I saw him yesterday after school. We can't talk on the phone because he went like camping or something and didn't take his phone =(. I hung out with his friends last night, well I guess they are my friends too...Anyways I watched them play poker, I was the only girl. T'was entertaining. I think I could have played better than Adam. Haha. Anyways, his friends like me. Matt made me smile

"You know what I HATE about you Rachel?! That you are nice to everyone, you don't hate anyone and you are soo sweet!"

God, I love that kid.

[wounded]

Yes, I know that I tend to say how much I hate being adopted and stuff, but it's a blessing that no one can ever imagine. I wouldn't be eating ho-ho's and drinking root beer had I not been adopted.

But, would me not have being adopted made me happier? Is it possible to know something like that? Would I be happy or depressed if I was living with Sharon? I wish that I knew the answer to that.

She's too pretty to really be related to me. Seriously. I don't understand where I got my looks. Compared to her, I'm ugly. I'm sick. I'm a fat idiot. She's like a goddess to me. But, maybe that's just because I haven't ever seen a photograph of her until April 10th, 2005. My birthday. My 15th birthday. I don't think that's right. Making some kid wait 15 years to know their birth-mother's handwriting - her looks, her thoughts, her everything.

Maybe that's just me.

[sharerol]

Dear cB diary,

My head hurts right now. I'm going out to eat lunch soon. Hopefully, it'll be gone by then. Oohhhhh, I am getting an urge to go shopping! That is pretty rare for me. =]

Well, yesterday I started working on a Keira layout with that one Keira blend. Gosh, I am really rusty. It looks pretty crappy to me; it's not turning out the way I hoped it would turn out.

Okay, I am also planning to submit a layout to cB once all the skin traffic stops. Okay yeah, that's it.

--Cheryl

[silver-rain]

dear createBlog diary,
wow, what a pointless long ass entry...i overuse "ass" but anyway thank goodness i'm not pregnant
i'd like to thank xxcrazyjewxx and linke3 for trying to help, i'm truly grateful that they actually read part of my pregnancy scare and replied, thank you rachel and linda
much love,
M.L. x3

Haha, no problem. And, don't worry about the subway's, "if you see something, say something" policy, some people probably wouldn't report it or anything.

Dear cb diary,
Argg, I'm stressing out so much. My mom is pissing me off. And the APs are in 4 days! 4 days! I know nothing! And SAT IIs in a week! Ahhh! Health project due Monday! Maybe I'm worrying and stressing out too much, since it probably wouldn't matter that much anyways but still ahhh. I just can't wait till this is all over, and I really hope my mom will let me go to Senior Prom with him. Maybe I'll just tell her it's junior prom heh. But I still need a dress! And what to do over hte summer! Ahhh! Stress again... Thinking about all this stuff makes me feel like I'm going to explode soon...

[PinkTrash]

dear cb diary;

ahaha <3 girl's day out today, {kyle can be called a chick.} oh it was funn; then we went to brittanys house. i loved it, well mostly because i was trying not to think about him but when least suspectedd; he called me cellphone at the movies =/ it was wierd. then he kept calling and calling, and calling. great to happen; when im trying to get over him =//

rofl; but the whole day was just halarious, joking with becky. and awww :)) brittany and kyle are goingg out. ;D im so happy for every one else's couplings but i just hope i stayy single. for a long time. :)

[sharerol]

Dear cB Diary,

I finished the layout! Woot!! Finally. Okay, my dad is giving me a camera, hopefully before my birthday, which is June 10, because I need it for a school project. =] I am pretty happy right now.

Yay for being happy. I'm going shopping with some buddies tomorrow. Uhh...yeah. I have nothing else to say.

--Cheryl

[to-devastate]

Dear cB Diary,
i'm over him !!!! I'm so happy. Hehe. And yeah. Earlier today, I felt really insecure and I thought that my new crush didn't really like me. So then I got really pissed. And yeahh. But after dinner; Jonathan asked him what he thought of me. And he's like: "Well she definetly has a chance than the other girls on my list." and haaha. I'm starting to love him now. Mann. But yeah. My other close friend likes him too... but she doesn't know. And yeah. That's what sucks. But I guess I'll deal with it when he asks me out? Haha I hope that's soon; "I go for girls I know well"- so hopefully I'll get to know him more. Haha. Toodles!
-Eileeeeen. Happily.

[*jooleeah*]

Dear createblog diary,
Only a month left. One month.

Summer is like heaven to me right now. I'm so sick of this bullshit that school is giving me. I hate how everything I do right now is going to affect my future. It's annoying, and I swear I'm going to go insane.

-julia

[yukichan]

dear cB diary...
Havent been here for a while..
I'm kind of stressed out right now..I have a huge science test tomorrow, 2 big social studies projects that r due this week..ahh..
ahhh..i dont like **** i think..i mean i like him as a friend but nothing more..ahh...so confused..
hmm..i was reading a couple of sad stories this morning (at one in the morning!)it made me appreciate what i have..
sigh..i have school tomorrow...poo..lol..
ok well thats it for today..
<3 Nancy

[whywasisostupid]

dear createblog diary,

I saw him today once again. Everyday. <3
i just been thinking of him.

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

well i'm back. haha talk about cb withdrawals... anyways... it was a fun weekend. lots of hot guys up there...lol! it was fun though. so much drama shit though, holy man. so many people got in shit for different things, it was kind of ridiculous actually. our school is retarded. it was so awesome hanging out with chris today though...he is so cool. i'm glad we actually did get to chill. he's so nice too...paid for lunch. i missed some people though...fcuk. i have homework.
bleh.

[yukichan]

dear cB diary..
i think ***tino is mad at me..sigh..i manage to screw things up when they are getting better..
i should go..i need to wake up early and do math hw..
ok well good night everyone..
...Nancy...

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

i can't stop thinking about yesterday. seriously. its been on my mind for the last however many hours since it all happened...it was just so...exciting. oddly. it shouldn't have though...i just got such a rush with the sense of mutual attraction. yes i'm being vague for a reason, though i doubt people actually read these. anyways, i honestly can't get it off my mind...to be completely honest: it was such a turn on, honest to god... and it felt so good yet i felt soo guilt-ridden. it wasn't all that much, but it was certainly a new point reached. like when in the portable and he just...ugh.
i have to stop thinking.
anyways, school sucks...we're in the computer lab right now and i'm so bored.
but yeah, i thought a weekend away would fix things...apparently not.

[xTINAA]

Dear cB Diary,
I'm back for a little while. I'm not really liking cB all that much so I probably won't participate on the forums as much. Anyways, school is really lame. Extremely stressful and tiring. Oh well. So...I think I like him. Man...why do I always do this? Go for the guys I can never have? I guess I should have said liked him again. Yeah...I'm stupid enough to fall twice. The first time it was really short...I guess I kind of convinced myself that I didn't...but like now I do. It's so lame. Ugh. Okay well I'm going to go take a practice AP test now (woo..)
-Me.

[Looow]

Dear gkjfhdkthgoren,

I think I'm going to go crazy. I spent the whole day in her class. She is the biggest BLAH. Aghhh she's way too strict. FIVE HOURS in her class. Good lord, save me. Tomorrow I have to too. I hate district testing.

[yukichan]

dear cB diary...
sigh..today was ok..the banquet is next week thursday...i am so not excited..all im going to do, is stand around and do nothing..ya...
omg..im so tired..i had to stay up till 12 to finish my journal and i had to wake up at 4 to do math hw..sheesh..so much..
**** is a nice person..hes so sweet..lol..he tries so hard to understand me..and somehow he knew i was sad..and he actually asked me if i was ok..no one does that these days..i was so suprised..i think im falling for him..ya...
ok well thats it..
...Nancy...

[sharerol]

Dear cB Diary,

Today sucked really bad. Sometimes I feel that I just can't understand anyone there. So yes, today was a bad day, but I don't really care to discuss.

I LOVELOVELOVE my digital camera. However, I've wasted 6 batteries in less than even 24 hours. :( Maybe I love it too much. I still didn't upload any pictures onto my computer yet because quite frankly, I don't know how. Haha....but my uncle said he'd help me with it this weekend. I don't wanna read the instructions. I hate reading instructions. I practically read the whole manual for my camera, though, only to learn how to use it. So um, yeah...

--Cheryl

[*CrackedRearView*]

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I wonder why I still go on.

[Looow]

Dear Createblog Diary,
The dance is tomorrow. There's going to be a jump house. Yes, I am so immature I know but hey I'm only 14. Yes. Okay I'm going to go because I need to go sell tickets for the dance =]
BYEEE

[Juicy <3]

Dear CB,

I got my belly pierced & lied about my age. It hurt for a second, but it was okay. I guess i'm happy with the results, but my dad doesn't know... yet. It's sore and scabbing >_> It should heal properly in 2 months or so, I can't wait for the summer to show it off.
Well, my assumptions were right as usual. *sighs* ______a and ____s are finally going out, even though i don't really understand what he sees in her. Psh, whatever. I'm sad because everyone has someone special in their life, and i have nobody. It stinks. S___ has P___ even though she says she can't go out with him because of her mother and she doesn't wanna have a reputation, T__ has anyone she wants, D___ has L___ as always *rolls eyes* Now it's just me and K___ waiting. Ugh, i hate waiting too.

Tai <3

[someflipguy]

Dear CB Diary,

Rain sucks.

[to-devastate]

Dear cB diary,
I feel like i can't talk to him around her anymore. I think she's getting pretty suspicious of me and him. Today, we went outside to see him. Hahaa. He's so cute . Anywho, we didn't really talk.. nor make eye contact. This sucks. How can I get closer to him without really talking with him? I don't know. I wrote this loong 2 page note on my feelings. I showed Carol. hehe. Woww. In english, she said some things about him and how she "loved" him. I felt really stupid and jealous. Gah. I'm happy for her.. but still jealous. Gah. And also when i said that "I can love him too"... she kind of got quiet. So i dunno. I don't awnt to tell her that I like him too yet. Just not yet. I want to make my move on him.. soon. Before time runss out. Hopefully. Tomorrow, I'm going to Bay T with Carol, Jonathan, and Amy. Bet it's fun :]
-Eileen

[whywasisostupid]

dear createblog diary,
i seem to have gotten my buddy upset today :[

[PinkTrash]

dearr the diary;

track and field practice'' the first one today. im nervous, not only because this year everyone is so well trained and good.. but because hes there. uneassy-ness.. cant wait till mustafa joins us on tuesday (: whipeeee.

[yukichan]

dear cB diary..
omg..theres a person hu idk hu is leaving me weird comments...i feel so guilty for asking **** if that was him...sigh...today really wasnt a good day..got yelled from parents..they make up all this sh*t and say thats what im thinking..when im not..that really pissed me off..today was boys day so i was nice to *ant***lol..im just writing it like that so just incase someone from school sees this, they wont know what i mean..omg..the banquet is next week..hmm..i wonder what others will think if i walk in with my long pants that i usually wear..lol...o ya i never got into summer school..o well..ill be a junior leader again...ok well thats it..
-Nancy-

[Looow]

Dear Createblog Diary,
Hmm what to say, what to say..? Ugh I'm so not juiced about the dance. Only about going in the jumper but..blah fdkgjhdfgkhfurjkd. Miranda's coming over and I'm exited. We haven't spend time together in such a long time and it's nice catching up..

Anyways, my got off the phone with my aunt (dad's side) and yeah they were talking about my quincianera . Yeah my aunt (dad's side) is going to buy the church (not the actual church but the one hour ceremony thing) & buy my dress in Mexico..so that means she's taking me! (summer or so) Holyyy shit. I'm mostly just exited about going to Mexico than actually getting the dress and stuff. This is just too cool =]

I'm so damn juiced about it. Only like 10 months or so. =] Maybe 9. Lorena doesn't feel like counting. Yeah but the probelm is like the "chambelanes" I need to choose four guys but yeah, who is really doing to do it. Yeah I was thinking .. booty, besttest buddy dude, hubert, and yeah i'm stuck on that. maybe bage guy but I'm not sure. Yeah blah dfgfdhykg jdshgkher I still need gosfathers. Planning is so much stress ..maybe I shouldn't have it at all. too much $$ and to much work. but then again, i'm nto going to get another chance to do this. you only turn 15 ONCE. yes. kjfgljgjkfdlh lorena needs to think.

[Teesa]

Dear Createblog Diary-->


I have completed 4 A.P. tests! Only one more A.P. and one I.B. to go!! I want to throw a party =)

-teesa

[nhj_2006]

dear cb diary.

*AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH* i am uber stressed out and i have sooo much to write bout. tonight has been weird. i been talkin to tammy for a bit now and suddenly i feel dizzy and just felt like throwing up. goodness, that scared the heck outta me.

my closest friend, bro, got dumped by his 15 year old gurl. shes some innocent gurl, she says she doesnt kno what love is, well to me she seem too innocent to have a relationship with someone like him. hes a swt guy, takin relationship too seriously. bad bad bad. high school relationships always doesnt last long. thats my lesson. well, i havent really exprience a breakup before so i can hardly cheer bro up. anyway that reminds me, tomorrow, is an important. 2 years ago. he asked me out. wowie, time travels.

school is stressin me out like a mother father. family too. for the first time. <3 slept over saturday, parents found out, they didnt say aynthing. i think mom is tryin to say somethin, but she can't or shes just waitin for me to say something. what is there for me to say? we're not doin anything bad. i think the diet plan is stressin me out, no energy or some shiz, can't figure it out. dad was mad last night cuz it was 10 and boo was usin my comp and i was sleepin. he thinks that if im sleepin then piggie should go home. he was just usin my comp. dad says that hes all worried about me and shiz. if piggie wasnt here, he wouldnt have said anything. bs. if he was really worried bout me, then he would kno whats GOING on in my life. today hes just totally ignorin me. can't believe my parents and i are havin a barrier right now. it is so weird.

mom just got home and i just can't stand it anymore. im bout to @#$@# anytime. i have sooo much to do this weekend. its crazzzay. 3 essays, spanish vocab to memorize, math test, physics notes, and us his project. AHHHHHH. i so can't wait till this semester is over. i wonder how would i pass this summer. last summer, i fell in love. this summer, hes goin back to vietnam. not too long i heard. anyway im going to OC for a week. okay i think im takin up too much cb room. whoopsie. i love CB!!!

- slakjdas me. take care everybody