Need to talk w/ BF about past, but need help! Options

[BohoPicnic]

Ok, lets start at the begining,

Last year I was very depressed (it was 8th grade), and I turned to the internet for comfort, and had a whole bunch of online friends from the same interactive site, etc. I had known these people [online] for about 2 years, and we got "close".

In the summer of '03 I had a crush on one of them, well call him "Eric". Eric lived in europe and is 4 years older than me. We were "best friends" online and being lonely, I got emotional atattched to him.

I had this weird dream where he dies, and woke up very upset and told him about it. I then told him my feelings for him. It was cool for a 12 year old me.

Anyway, skipping ahead, we went through some "hard times". Looking back its kinda of silly how dramatic everything but, we were "in love" and great fun online with many conversations over the coarse of a year. It wasnt real, and we both knew it sorta, but were both lonely etc.

My only two friends at school were very supportive of me and thought it was cool, but otherwise it was a secret.

In June 04 "Eric" and I "Broke up" even though we both agreed that we never were "bf/gf" or anything. I was very upset and cried for 2 weeks, when I met my now best friend Laura, and I became stronger and more social.

This year I am very happy, have a lot of friends, am popular - in the friends and nice person way, and everythings great. I had a REAL boyfriend "Isaac" from September - November 04 and he broke up with me, but I didnt care because it wasnt an ideal relationship.

I now have been going out with "Thomas" for 2 1/2 months, and at the begining I wanted to tell him about "Eric" to get it over with, but the chance never came up, and I am very embarrased about it.

I didnt think about "The Eric Problem" until two weeks ago when "Thomas" found a piece of paper containing my "Likes and Dislikes" in a magazine he borrowed from me. He asked me about "Thomas" and I told him a dumb lie that last year my female friend called her self "Eric", and he didnt buy it.

It was weird lying to him, I felt terrible, but I was REALLY scared that he would think I was weird or something.

I then started to think about how to water it down a little to save us both a little trouble like telling him that I felt bad lying to him and that "Eric" was just an online guy that I liked because I was lonely.. wont mention "Eric"s age or the "love" shit.

"Thomas" already knows that I was depressed and stuff last year.. but he doenst know about "Eric".

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut where emotionally I cant move foreword without telling him. We both really care about eachother, I'm his best friend, and we communicate great. Its the best thing thats happened to me this year.

So any advice about how I can get around to bringing it up, when, what I should tell him/ Not tell him. Im not to keen on telling him EVERYTHING, but just an outline w/o "love" would be ideal.

Im desperate. I hate lying, Im a very honest and loyal person.
Please help.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!
-Stuck in a Dodgy Rut

BTW: Im new here, I've been looking for an active forum like this - THANKS

[Chii]

just admit that you had an online relationship, you should never lie about your past with guys no matter what you've done. i mean, you wouldn't like him to lie to you about this kind of stuff would you? especially if it's so important you're freaking out...

you don't have to delve into it too much, but we all have dark pasts, if he acts like a little b*tch about it then forget him. this is how you were back then, if he doesn't respect it that he's a loser, if he can't accept you for all of you then he's not worth sh*t

[BohoPicnic]

Thats true I could be blunt..

lol

Thanks

Any more ideas people?

[angelrevelation]

what's so wrong with telling him about eric? i mean, it's in the past, right? as long as you stay loyal to your bf now, your relationship should be fine. i'm sure he has previous gf's before, so it shouldn't really be a problem

[aera]

im sure he wont be mad if you tell him about eric. he'll understand.

[_sarcastic_]

having an online relationship isn't all that bad, just tell him the truth. he should understand, besides he deserves to know

[Shattered_Hope]

Just tell him you have a confession to make. Then tell him everything and don't leave out anything. Explain. Tell him it's in the past...and that you're over it.

[cHuNsAbAbIe012]

u were wrong to lie about your past but honestly he doesnt need to know. if he asks then tell him but otherwise just dont say n e thing. n he was never ur bf n e way. eric i mean. it really shouldnt matter. but just tell him the truth next time he asks.

[LittleLulu]

u didn't do any thing wrong..an online relationship is nthn to be ashamed of..just tell him it'll be okay.

[KissMe2408]

mhmm....It sounds like you got really close to this guy eric. You guys were really emotionally attached, i can understand you crying for 2 weeks after the breakup. I think to be fair to thomas, you do need to atleast tell him about eric. Tell him how you guys met, how long your relationship lasted with eric, and how close you guys were. you don't have to use the word love, but just help him understand the connection you guys had. ok, but even tho you and eric weren't "bf and gf" you guys still had a relationship. and it's a relationship you probably are going to remember forever. But don't be emberrassed about it, nothing to be emberrassed about. But yes tell Thomas about Eric. And if you don't have any feelings torwards Eric then tell Thomas that you don't. Oh, and please when you talk to Thomas about it him, talk to him in person and in private. Good Luck :)

[BohoPicnic]

Thanks so much for your advice guys

[EmmalieV]

I agree , I would even be embaressed to tell him I had an online relationship. Theres really no point in telling him , would it change the relationship if you didnt?.

[Kounouri]

I was in much of the same situation. When I was younger, about 12 just like you (this would be about 2 years ago) I was also quite depressed and relied on an internet friend for support. At first, we "dated" but we soon found out each other's ages (he's a whole seven years older than me) and reduced it to good friendship. Over the next year, we formed a relationship that I can't really explain. We called ourselves brother and sister, but its different. We love each other on a level that no one else really seems to understand .. we're best friends but soulmates at the same time. However, we've come to an understanding that we're not in a sexual or flirtatious relationship, and that it's friendship. I've had boyfriends since then, and him and I have had fights. But we've been there for each other, and he is still a part of my life. Every summer or christmas vacation, we talk about meeting each other (he lives in Maryland, I'm in Canada), but we always end up saying we'll wait until I'm 18. When I was in Elementary school, most of my friends knew who he was and how big a part of my life he is/was. When I switched to High School, he became more of a secretive part of me. My closest friends know about him, but only one or two people know the whole story. He is still really special to me. I believe if we'd meet, the relationship would change drastically .. when I am talking to him it feels like i should be there with him, hugging him and cuddling, but somehow it's not romantic. I think this is something you might understand, although many people I know do not.

My most recent boyfriend, "Nick", and I were really close. We talked on the phone for an hour at least each night, and I thought I could trust him. I later found out he is very naive and not all he's cracked up to be, and we broke up. But that's besides the point. In a few emails to him I let things through about how much this online person meant to me, and he didn't take it all that well. He was afraid I was in love with this guy, and what could I do? When people ask me if I love this online person, I say yes, but it's not in the way they think. I love him with all my heart, as more than a friend but not as a boyfriend, and "Nick" didn't understand. I tried to explain it to him and I don't think he understood, but he didn't say anything more about it, and things went back to normal. He tried to accept the fact that it was a part of my life, of my past, that he would never understand.

We later broke up for other reasons, and I don't think my online friend had anything to do with it. Since then I've gone through more boy dramas and my 'brother' has helped me with them, aswell. I've learned not to speak of him very much except to my best friend and my old elementary buddies, but somehow, here I am liking someone else, and I feel like they should know. I don't think it would hurt the relationship, because it didn't with Nick. People's pasts may not be something we talk about regularily, but it's something that, if asked, should be honestly answered.

Try explaining to Thomas that Eric is or was a big part of your life for the sole fact that you loved him as a best friend, and that he helped you become who you are. You can go more into detail if you want, but answer any questions Thomas has honestly. Not many people have online relationships quite like you and I have; Thomas might be reluctant to understand. Be patient with him, if he seems bothered at all by it, reassure him that the romance is a part of the past and it could never amount to anything. Thomas is a real in person part of your life, and you've got to let him know that Eric is no threat to him from Europe. Take it slow and remember that its a difficult concept to explain and understand.

[BohoPicnic]

Wow thats creepy how many things we have in common!

But cool!

Thanks

Talk to you later,

Bri

[bravodancer04]

what's so wrong with telling him about eric?  i mean, it's in the past, right?  as long as you stay loyal to your bf now, your relationship should be fine.  i'm sure he has previous gf's before, so it shouldn't really be a problem 

Exactly..so don`t be afraid

[c4rL4]

wellz... if u do trust him n stuff... and soo called "best friends" .. you gotta try to trust him more.. and be honest wid him...

honesty and trusting is good in that kind of relationship.. =D


-c4rL4

[kryzcoak47luv666]

You should totally be able to tell him, you should have not lied in the first place but hey he should understand you were scared, if your man really understands you, he can accept the fact you were in an online relatinship, he might be hurt that you lied to him, but he should be able to understand, you wouldn't want him to lie, so try not to hide yourself from him anymore, if you do tell him, he might lie to you thinking since she lied to me I can lie too, you have to have honesty and trust to make a relationship work. I don't mean to scare you with the lieing part, but it happens in a lot of relationships.