The Lonely Girl, The eerie night so full of despair... |
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 Apr 6 2005, 06:19 PM
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#1
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you!  Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674  |
The eerie night so full of despair,
The night breeze blowing through her hair, The creaky swings are where she's found, The soft crying; the only sound, The park is empty, no one in sight, The lanterns shine dimly a light, The girl, her feet drag on the dirt, The eyes, they show of pain and hurt, The dress she wears is old and torn, The poor girl, she looks so forlorn, The girl, she sighs, so full of fears The girl, she turns and disappears. Critique appreciated. I usually don't make rhyming poems, so I may not be that good. |
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Apr 7 2005, 03:24 AM
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#2
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 Yawn Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,530 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,772 |
Wow...i dunno why more people didn't respond to this poem. I think you did a great job by the way..Simple yet full of such emotion. I really liked this part:
"The creaky swings are where she's found, The soft crying; the only sound," Nice :) I could of related to this whole poem in the past |
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Apr 7 2005, 06:42 AM
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#3
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 Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 4,882 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,064 |
Wow, I love that this one rhymes. Very well done on your wording. I like how it ends with "The girl, she turns and disappears". Very nice.
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Apr 7 2005, 03:52 PM
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#4
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My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
Thanks. I'm glad I got positive feedback and thanks for not just posting "Good job." or something like that. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it and took the time to post something. ^^;
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| *stephinika* |
Apr 8 2005, 11:46 AM
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#5
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nice wording i agree, very nice imagery too. it just paints the image in one's mind.
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| *islandgirl4eva* |
Apr 8 2005, 12:03 PM
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#6
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You did really well on this poem. The rhyming scheme is the same one that i usually use. The picture you painted with this is so vivid and detailed, I can see everything you describe. It's beautiful.
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Apr 10 2005, 05:17 PM
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#7
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 ticktock. Group: Member Posts: 1,138 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 118,235 |
Nicely descriptive. Has an eerie touch to it. The repitition you used in the beginning of each line is a really nice touch.
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