scared of commitment, is anyone else sacred of committing? Options

[gohomejes]

i think i'm relationship retarded. no really guys.

is anyone here scared of commitment? or relationships?

i think i sort of am. i have met this wonderful guy over a year ago. we were together for a year..we broke up about a month ago b/c i said i couldn't do it anymore. i really loved him..love him, still do..like i am honestly hurting right now. i have been but i have just filled up my days so i dont have time to think about it. he cares so much for me..he loves me so much.

gosh..there were days we'd talk like 16 hours at a time. but you know..i like..being free? like i enjoy just going and reading a book or watching tv by MYSELF. just having alone time..i enjoy being by myself. he got annoyed with that b/c lately we have both been busy..mainly me and i did those times when we "could have been together" i like just going out with friends and not telling him everything i'm done..i like going out with my family..etc. just not having to tell him everything i am doing..when i'm doing it..with who..him getting upset if i talk about some guy joking around with me.

if something is wrong i dont like to talk about it RIGHT AWAY i want to have some time to just THINK and let it sink in. that drove him up the wall b/c he rather me tell him right away.

i wish i could be in a relationship where i could still love them but then not have to tell them every single thing and spend every single moment of my free time with them. does that mean i dont love the person? i dont think it does. now it sounds like i only want a person around when they are convenient. not true. ANYDAY i rather listen to J tell me whats wrong them me talking. i just enjoy listening and helping rather then burdening others with my crap.

so am i afraid of commitment? relationships? i really dont know. can anyone..sort of relate here? at all? i feel so stupid ;/

[swe3ttemptasian]

I'm probably feeling the same as you are, upset that.. I'm not that far in my relationship w/ my bf.. but sometimes I just want to have fun.. and go out and not have to worry about doing something wrong, b/c I'm not single.

[dancingkait]

wow im the same way. i love having that freedom..but i see my friends and their boyfriends and i want that feeling of being loved like that. but i want to have that and the freedom to not tell them what i've done every second of my life.

[urbanychic]

it's definitly possible that you are afraid of commitment. it's a whole new world for you, despite if you were together for a few months or a few years. Just take your time ... think things out before rushing into anything new. Maybe talk to your guy about your insecurities and how maybe he can give you a couple days or hours during the week that is all to yourself. Where he doesn't call your during certain times unless you call him and you can do your own thing during those certain times as well as he. That way, you still feel that you are doing things on your own and he's not always being there behind your shoulders.

[murderwaltz]

im definantely scared of commitment. i love having that freedom too. i just dont have to worry about doing something wrong when im single. when im taken, it's a whole different story &; i have to limit everything. the fact of being with the same person everyday really throws me off too. i dont know what to do about that. i guess i have to look for a guy i really like and can enjoy being with everyday. mostly, my relationships dont last for more then two weeks. i wouldnt even call that a relationship.

[Chii]

i don't think you're scared of committment, you just don't want to completely open up to someone or have to explain your comings and goings, it's perfectly natural

it doesn't mean that you don't love him, you do, it's just that he doesn't need to know when you piss or eat and etc

people need their freedom, anyone would agree that it sucks to be with the same person everyday, no matter how much you love them and how much they mean to you...sometimes it just gets boring, other things out there are more exciting. you're experiencing new things now, you'll find out what you want in life sooner or later, maybe he isn't the one and he was just there to help you realize it

[BELLA_RAGAZZA]

i don't know if i would exactly considered myself 'scared of commitment'. i went out with guy about a year ago.. we went out for 2 months. i couldn't take it anymore because he would always call me or instant message me wondering what i'm doing.. or who am i hanging out with..all that stuff. i just got so sick of always having to answer to him because it seemed he knew everything i was doing.. when.. where.. so i broke up with him. he would always 'watch' me in school. it was really creepy. after we broke up i would hang out with guys & he would get so jealous.. ah, thank god he doesn't go to my school anymore.

i love having the freedom & not having to answer to anyone. you should really just talk to him & tell him how you feel.. hopefully he'll understand. tell him that you don't like being tied down.

[ilauqh]

I get what you mean exactly.. I don't think you should of broken up but I guess you had to. If you get back together, which would be wonderful you have to make sure he understands how you feel about wanting your own space & respect that. It makes sense of wanting it, you're not weird at all. Don't be scared of the commitment, if you are... wait a couple of months-years till you think you really are ready. You have time, don't worry.

[c0m3_what_may]

i'm scared of commitment too! it sux so i'm never going out again

[gohomejes]

Wow, i wasn't sure anyone would read all that ;x

I know i love doing things by myself but don't think that i hate being with him. i love every minute i spend with him. he makes me happy * infinity. you guys don't even understand. the things he says, makes me feel like i'm the most beautiful, specialist (yes i know its not a word) girl on this earth. but sometimes i just want to be by myself. like before him i never have opened up to anyone ever. so its just so different.

towards the end we were constantly arguing and it got to be so much. so i know that was a factor as well. he says i "threw him away" i really dont think i did that. i mean i still want to talk to him. i want to be his friend but he says he loves me too much and it hurts. he wants it all or nothing.

after we broke up..he's really good at masking his feelings. like you couldn't even tell he had ever liked me..let alone love. that hurts man.

but after reading your guys comments, i called him today. we had actually been talking but nothing like huge. just like "hey, hi how are you" type thing. and i really talked to him. the first hour was just nonsense bullshit. but then we really started talking. and i thought a little bit into it b/c it just seemed we were arguing and he was like "Jes we aren't arguing, we have both kept our composure, no one hung up on each other, no one is yelling, we're just saying how we perceived things. i know i can keep my composure, if you can too, we can do this" just things like that. ah, makes me happy. also things he said like "I never wanted it to end, and I still wish it hadn't ended...I tried to accept the fact that you don't want me but if you're going to call me I can't do that....do I wish you'd just say right now that you loved me and wanted things to go back the way they used to be...of course I do, I won't lie"

and i asked him why couldn't he just simply be friends & talk and he said something like

"because I have feelings for you. I want to be able to say I love you and you say the same thing back, when we both actually mean it...I want to be with you every day and so much more....I don't want to just be another friend...I don't feel that way about you, I can't lie about that...and I won't lie about this either, it would truly be a dagger in my heart if you ended up with another guy"

ah, yes. i'm one happy gal right now

and that was 7 hours ago. i was with him for a good 6 hours. it feels awesome

thank you girls on here VERY much b/c i dont think i would have talked to him if some of you hadn't said what you had. i appreciate it very much. <3

[wounded]

I'm commitment retarded. Seriously. I had some pretty major people in my life take my trust and rip it apart, and ever since then relationships suck for me.

[AznVi3tGrl]

i dunno i havn't had this problem well yea i had but i mean i got over it in less then i month i think but just do what ur heart wants