the end., poem for english. Options

[teeners4]

ya its for english thats due tomorrow i wrote it over spring break when i got mad at a friend and started wondering. but now we're GREAT xP haha yea so can you give me advice and stuff? im not the biggest fan of poetry, and i wrote this out in a splurge cause i was so damn angry! and its a blank/free verse poem.
thx!

The End

We started out not the best,
You and I we got along,
just fine.

a year passed and we stayed,
acquaintances.
i dont know what happened, but it became stronger,
we started to get along,
Finishing each other's sentences,
knewing it would last.

We planned our grad,
university,
our first dorm room,
our first apartment.

we were branded as close as close can be,
like peanut butter and jam,
sure we had our ups and downs,
but what friendship doesn't?

For 2 years we led this,
nothing could tore us apart,
then suddenly, I don't even know,
what happened.

Thing began to change,
we acted like it was okay,
but we know it isn't,
maybe you still act,
i know you fake through life,
just a bit.
i do too.

maybe you're just trying to keep your cool,
trying to find comfort in another.
avoiding me,
maybe you care about what others think,
don't want to them to think you're a loser,

you don't want to lose your status,
i understand.
maybe it was only meant to last for 2 years,
all i know is that,
we were friends,
the best of the best,
for 2 years,
the end.

by tina hu.

[yellowgurl]

heyyy.. since you help me with my weird onomatopoeia i shall reply to yours tee hee. okay.. i think your poem is great =D i dont no what advice i can give about it.... i think i like the ending the most it was dramatic?

[alsex]

im not an english major and i know you said it was free verse, but shouldn't the tenses make sense? like instead of could tore it should be could tear? and i can't tell who your audience is... are you tellin a story to everyone are you talking to your friend... i like it because you built up or developed the situation well... i dont like it because it doesnt seem organized unless you were feeling very confused at the time you wrote it and want me to feel your confusion?

[teeners4]

haha dont worry i edit it today right before class and i got some other people to edit it xP yea i have the worst grammer

[alsex]

so what does the new version look like?

[innovation]

it seems a little too straight-forward.. there aren't many literacy devices, not enough emotion.

[racoons > you]

i agree...

its essentially just a sentence.

its good, its just not poetry