i need opinions, on something i wrote |
  |
 Mar 24 2005, 04:10 AM
Post
#1
|
|
 rockstar  Group: Member Posts: 54 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 34,140  |
i wrote this, just now, kind of an explosions of feelings, let me know what you think
eating away from the inside my walls are being torn down a renivation of the soul painful scars revealed the front i put up daily now becoming transparent exposing the battle of who i should be who i professe to be what i want to be and who i am all in a condradiction to eachother a different story for each day a quick fix here and there a life fully of temporary happy soon overshadowed by lifes daily downfalls a fall of hope a fall of faith for i know where to grasp hold to save myself and soul but i dont hold on i let my self go falling into what appears to be another life how i act depending on the time or situation living to please, forgetting to please myself pulled from reality into what i would like to call my fantasy by the consequences are real and there is far worse to come unless i turn around which as easy as it seems come at a price far too high for me to bear so i stay stay in what some call hell, some call home facing each day a personal trial a lock on my emotional being my soul struggles to breath the fresh air of a free life of one i can shrug the shackles of the world ive created to which it can easily grasp but i wont let it so all thsi saying ive given birth to my destiny but the truth calls clearly the last question left upond my weary mind a far from my dieing inspiration do i answer it? |
|
|
|
| *lolita kitty* |
Mar 24 2005, 04:37 AM
Post
#2
|
|
Guest |
hm, this should be moved to writing ^.^
can't read now, sowwie 
|
|
|
|
|
Mar 24 2005, 04:40 AM
Post
#3
|
|
 say maydayism. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 7,447 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 26,344 |
The 2nd last line... you spelled dying wrong.
This poem(?) is quite negative, but it seems good enough for a song. P.S. this should be in writing I think |
|
|
|
|
Mar 24 2005, 08:24 AM
Post
#4
|
|
 Another ditch in the road... you keep moving Group: Member Posts: 6,281 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,152 |
^^
this needs to be moved to writing, folks there wil lgive it a mor thorough critique |
|
|
|
|
Mar 24 2005, 11:18 AM
Post
#5
|
|
 ...and this is me.. Group: Member Posts: 3,518 Joined: Oct 2004 Member No: 57,899 |
you need to fix a few of your typos..but other than that, I think it's nice.
 this should be moved to writing though... 
|
|
|
|
|
Mar 24 2005, 11:58 AM
Post
#6
|
|
 i just want BANG BANG BANG Group: Member Posts: 252 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 113,855 |
yea you should move this to writing. i dont really have time to read it all
|
|
|
|
|
Mar 24 2005, 12:05 PM
Post
#7
|
|
|
Another ditch in the road... you keep moving Group: Member Posts: 6,281 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,152 |
This has been reposted in 'writing'
please post there 
|
|
|
|
|
Mar 25 2005, 03:17 PM
Post
#8
|
|
 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 499 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 109,961 |
falling into what appears to be another life
how i act depending on the time or situation living to please, forgetting to please myself pulled from reality into what i would like to call my fantasy by the consequences are real I love this part cuz sometimes I try soO hard to please that I can't please myself...and I do wish sometimes I could live in a fantasy instead of this place in which we call reality... 
|
|
|
|
|
Mar 25 2005, 04:45 PM
Post
#9
|
|
 fell in love with a boy Group: Member Posts: 523 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,965 |
I like the way you wrote this...
The message is one I've made in some of my writing too I can connect, I understood. Job well done! |
|
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members: