Cycle, Uhm... no proper discription available.. |
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 Mar 4 2005, 12:38 AM
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#1
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 Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 109 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 91,204  |
Cycle
It is these thoughts of death That burrow themselves in the deepest part of my head And join to the person I have become Slowly they start to grow As time passes even slower And as these aspirations delve into the world This world in which I deem my own So called the mind So called the center of our intellect I look into this sky of velvet black Which each section comprises of its own collection of bright lights That pierces this sky of night Then into my eyes And as I look above I can’t help but think That this night sky I look upon And these stars shining down on me Is the same night sky you look upon And the same stars you lay your wishes on Knowing this I think more yet Of you that is so close to me, yet even farther away And of you who is so far from me, and yet so close For I know As it has been preached to me Engrained into my head and every thought That in this world There is nothing known as perfection Yet in my mind, I have figured I know the two closest things to that Through the course of time, which is perfect That when perfection ends Perfection begins And when perfection lives Perfection dies |
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| *stephinika* |
Mar 4 2005, 12:59 AM
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#2
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i really, really, really like this one....so meaningful...and the vocabulary you use is great. i have no favourite part...i love it all. seriously. well done as usual.
 
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Mar 6 2005, 05:03 AM
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#3
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 109 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 91,204 |
THX STEPH!!!
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Mar 6 2005, 08:06 PM
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#4
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
Wow, I really like this. You manipulated words in such a way that it flows perfectly and it's just a really peaceful thing to read! But when I'm reading it I can't help but think, "What is he trying to say!?" First it's:
QUOTE It is these thoughts of death And then you're saying: QUOTE And of you who is so far from me, and yet so close And ending in: QUOTE Perfection dies It's a cycle? There are too many elements and messages you're trying to convey, it's confusing me. Well, probably because I'm just stupid  , but still.
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Mar 6 2005, 09:38 PM
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#5
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 109 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 91,204 |
No you're absolutely right, this was written a looonngggg time ago, before I ever thought of trying to seperate my work into verses. Perhaps that would solve the problem that you're looking at. But yes it is a bit choppy I must admit. Thanks for the critique
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