the asian approach Options

[innovation]

please do not bash me for being stereotypical; i'm only basing this description on the heavy impression that i have received.

the first-generation of asian kids has it tough. their parents (although very dedicated toward their children's futures) have taken an "asian approach" to education includes rote memorization, pure academic drive, and comparing one's child to other asian children. asian parents have taught their children that competition is everything, which leads these young students to push and stress about academics. they have been taught to be the best of the best: grades, tests, competitions. they are the proud receivers of valedictorian titles, national mathematics awards, piano trophies, and 1600's. they are driven toward success at the world's top universities, aspiring to pursue a profitable, respectable, and educated careers in law, medicine, business, and engineering.

but is this approach to academics truly beneficial?

is this generation of asians so driven toward winning and fulfilling their parents expectations that they are blinded of their own passions and interests? does this blind competition prevent them from becoming creative thinkers in the future? will they ever get a chance to develop their own unique personalities and learn for themselves? sure, the method might result in financial success, but will it really lead their children to happiness? or will their children regret not being able to explore intellectually on their own? in ten years, we'll have so many doctors, lawyers, businesspeople, and engineers, but how many will actually be passionate and satisfied with their careers? will they ever feel true accomplishment, not for their parents, reputation, or society's expectations but for themselves?

what do you think about this general "asian approach" and its effect on students' mental, psychological, social, emotional, and intellectual development, as well as their happiness in the future?

[avalon*]

sometimes this does happen: for example the parents say they want their kids to be doctors, or lawyers, and so the kids study hard to achieve that goal. i used to see more of that when i was in freshman or sophomore year, but now that i'm a senior and it's time to go to college, a lot more people are choosing what they want to major in. i don't know, just something i've noticed. this is a really good point though =] mindy always makes me think =]]

[innovation]

^ you're from maryland? D.C. suburbs, perhaps?
yay for our way-too-generous snow days.

[Azn Kid from NY]

yeah i agree that first generation immigrants got it the worst....and my family went through some really tough times wen we came here....

and my older brother, he fits that description completely.....he's like the smartest in our school, and he's applying to harvard and yale and all those good colleges....but he's a little nerdy

.....but me...somehow i became a bum....i mean, i dont get bad grades, but, their not that good either....i'll probably go to NYU at best....

[Mistrunner]

Purely from a humane point of veiw, I think they should be given the choice to choose their own interests... not just school. Like in Dead Poets Society, direct-set goals with little to no flexibility can restrain indiviual talent and flair.

DC metro here. SNOW DAY!

[avalon*]

^ you're from maryland? D.C. suburbs, perhaps?
yay for our way-too-generous snow days.

hahah exactly. right now it's just sleet and wet snow..although we're only allowed 4 snow days, but for seniors it doesn't matter wahahaha. =P

[rememberme]

lol

[Spirited Away]

lol

Do not spam.


It depends on the child and how he/she copes with such relationships. Sometimes parents are too eager to grasp all the possibilities and opportunies that this country offers their children and stray away the supporting and ecouraging aspect of helping their kids to be successful.

There are kids who work with their parents and are happy with pleasing their parents while staying on the path that will allow them financial stability. There are kids who feel forced and pressured under such attention. Then there are those who will refuse to acknowledge the importance of education just to spite their parents.

It will be beneficial to those who can cope or adapt, in my opinion, so long as parents do not stray too far.

[*stephinika*]

^^
yeah it all depends on the kids...mine aren't so so bad, but i know some friends with horrible parents...and it drives them crazy. some don't really care anymore. it all depends i guess.

[shortiiex]

my parents wants me to become those doctors, lawyers, etc....but i can't do it, i am allowed to chose w/e i want to be

[pAtRiCk_sTar]

I think that when any parent pushes a kid, has high expectations for them and always expects them to be the best, won't have much of a chance of becoming what they want to be. Sure, the parents only want the best for their children, but often they're always forgetting to let the child think for him/herself.

[aznbabiicutie]

sighs. thats what i'm thinking. and even though i try explaining it to my mother. she never listens. like one of my cousin says, asian people don't really think out of the box because they don't really play sports which lots of other races do. i know our parents want the best for us so that we can earn lots of money and be rich and buy anything we want instead of some of the asian immigrants [i cant spell] that come to america to give us a better chance, but us, children also want to be happy.

i think i dont make sense.

[innovation]

this is interesting; i might write an article about this for the next school newspaper, by the way.. but don't let that change your answers. ><

[redderstarr]

i hate it. it puts too much pressure on me. i'm only 13 and theyve been stressing college already. i've gone to summer school since i was in 3rd grade and i've gone to school on saturdays as well for the past few years. it is NOT fun. nor is it helping me at all. in fact, it makes my grades go lower. i've already learned the things i learn currently in school, and it makes it boring for me. then i lose all interest in that subject and slack off. it sucks.
but i guess a little bit of pushing isn't bad for you.

--edit

i just saw the last part of your post.

i think it's too much pressure for some kids. and it hurts their self esteem/confidence when they get compared to another kid thats "smarter" than them

[sandy_lumpy_shor...]

my parent are soo much liek taht, they always say i'm white washed

[zbrittanyz]

I'm glad I have parents that support me no matter what I do. That's what makes me want to do something productive with my life.

[llpurpleskyll]

thats interesting because our school just had a meeting with all the asian girls because over two months so many asian girls have been turning "suicidal"

i am a pretty dominant person so i dont like having expectations put on me. They just simply dont work on me. When i was in taiwan, my parents were always busy so i was independent and no one really tell me to do anything differently. After i moved here and started to live with my aunt, my life changed. she is the typical asian mom because she wants me to be a doctor and all she ever talks about is about my education never cares about my social life or anything like that. Things like that really stressed me out and i felt trapped. i was living for HER. the psychologist in my school one day called me to her office because she noticed i was extremely depressed and needed help. She realized that one of the reasons is just asian culture and the way asian kids are brought up. She called my aunt and told her that she needs to give me more free time and its not all about studying.

There is never "i love you" or simply a hug coming from my parents or my aunt...but that goes for all my asian friends' parents. Theres always this distance and i am never connected to my parents or my aunt.

[xj_liana_tx]

that's exactly how my parents are...
well... i don't think i really have a choice for my own future, it's basically either a doctor, a business person, or a lawyer... even though they seem like they want me to choose what is best for me, i chose several possible occupations and my parents told me that the occupation is a disgrace and that they nurtured me all these years for nothing. and 1600's is their goal for me, well, actually above 1500's, and my dad keeps on yelling at me and gets me to memorize vocabs and everything about the sats, even when i feel overly stressed and i feel like i want to die. He always beats me to tears about it, and i've really been working at my fullest ability by joining all these clubs, all these competitions, and working hard to get 4.0's (in our school A- are 3.7), i often stay after school for extra 2 and half hours to get everything done, and then saturdays i go to debate tournaments and i have cheerleading. I push MYSELF and I TRY to do the SAT works but, sometimes i just feel so pressured and i am always close to tears because of it, while my parents tells me that i still don't work hard enough and that i am behind and i need to work more. When i think about my own future, i do ask myself what exactly i want to be, i thought being a teacher would be really good since i love kids and i like to teach, but then i think about everything my parents says about the pay and about the respect you get from people. Don't get me wrong, we know that teachers are very venerable people, but what they meant by venerable are the people like doctors, who earns a lot money and because they are the elites from the Ivy League. So then i don't want to be a teacher because of my parents influence on me, and well yes, i do agree with what they are saying, so what i am basically saying is that, parents actually fill our minds with their opinions and make them ours. and i know how a lot of people think it's just unethical, and i know that i am becoming one of the robots, but i just can't break free because i've adopted their minds.
Ok, enough ranting.

[*jooleeah*]

What everyone said in this thread is basically true. Asian parents do push their children to the best of their ability. But i guess, it's just too much sometimes. Sometimes i go thinking....what they're doing is the best for me. It's good that they're pushing me to do the best I can. That way I can have a sucessful future, you know? But sometimes it's like.....why do they push me so much? Sometimes they push...and push...till you can't take it anymore. I guess it makes some people very emotional and almost depressed. Sometimes Asian parents want you to do so much...to the point where it's almost impossible. Or maybe they just want their kids to achieve what they didn't and can't achieve anymore. Eh, I don't know. It's just both ways....it's a bad and a good thing. =/

[aznxdreamer]

booo to asian parents!!

[angel-roh]

Hm, I'm glad that my parents doesn't pressure me on stuff that I wouldn't want to do. If I find my own interest, my parents will just agree it along. Like, I want to be a web-designer. My parents gets proud because what I choose is something that the other people would love. So I guess that's why my parents always agrees on the stuff that I want to be for my future career.

I feel bad for the Korean students from Korea because their parents are pressuring on stuff that they don't want to do. They can't even work after school. All they have to do is study and make themselves the best out of everyone. If you heard of the word 'hakwon'. Lots of Koreans hates that and also wants to skip it. But when they skip it, their parents get mad because it gives them embarrassment to other parents.

So I guess that's why Korean parents are forcing their own child to do something that they don't want to do. Of course they have to go to school, but stuff like learning instruments. Well students who gets pressured by their parents might get something at least. Something good. And some won't regret it, they'll probably be thankful from their parents.

Also like Claudia said, about 'suicidal'. That is so true. I know few of the Korean people are doing suicidal because some thinks their parents are pressuring them too much and they don't even really are about their own children. They only care about moneys and intelligence. I don't know, sometimes I think like parents wants them to be the best because in the future, they can get a nice job and be rich.

Also so they can steal their children's money in the future. I don't know I think those stuff these days, yeah right after watching this one short Korean drama. It was about this one parents wanted their children to be the best out of everyone and be very smart because their life is poor, they don't get what they want and they can't even travel around the world.

So by doing something tricky like making their children to do all of these that the parents doesn't even know how to do. If that children doesn't know how to do it, the parents force them to learn it while the parents just have the fun and watching them do the hard works. I thought that was harsh while watching that drama. It gived me the horrible look. I know that, that my dad is like that too. But I'm glad that I don't live with him.

Also it leads to gangsters. These days teenagers in Korea are becoming gangsters like they don't care if they are bad. They want to piss their parents these days. That's all I want to say. Oh yeah I also want to say that there should be a counselor so they can talk to the parents. And ask them questions asking them how are you handling your own kids, do you know what you're really doing. Do you think it can give them happiness? I wish there was a counselor for that. I mean these days teenagers are leading themself in a wrong direction like drugs, gangsters, suicidal. Well half of them.

[tofuburger]

i have friends with parents like that...they're all like omg...you know what happened if i don't come in tomorrow...and they're always stressing out about grades and such...it's really a lot of pressure on the kids...but i guess it's not really their fault that they want their kids to be successful in life...but they don't really take any excuses either..so blah...just glad my mom's not like that...ever since my dad died, everything in my house has just loosened up..i think my mom learned to live life up a little more...and she's always wanted me to do whatever i wanted to do..like she saw i wanted to be an interior designer, and she told me to go for it...but my dad always wanted me to be a lawyer...but...only for the money, i'm guessing...parents had it rough moving to america too...and maybe that's why they want us to have some big important job that will land us some big bucks.

[gigiopolis]

My mom very much had the Asian approach with my brother, who went to school in Hong Kong in his early years of education. She beat him, pushed him, yelled at him, but he still didn't do any better.

Years later, we moved to Canada where we were exposed to a new approach, and I don't want to put a name on it, but I suppose it'll be the North American approach. I'm sure you guys know what it is; parents encourage their children to do "their best", and try harder "next time". The fuel to drive their children is not punishment or pain, but awards and recognition.

Which one is best? Somewhere along the middle. Because the Asian approach pressures children, and the North American approach may make them lazy, one in between will be fine. That is how my mom teaches us now, when we moved to Canada. My brother, after years of being a lazy slack-off and brain-dead idiot, has miraculously been accepted to university and hasn't been kicked out yet. As for myself, my mother has never particularly pushed me, and I'm doing fine, better than a lot of students.

[xsweetxcandyx]

I kindda agree, but most are very creative.

[ItzOnlySydney]

i was way too lazy to read that. but im shure itz good.

[yukichan]

[font=arial][size=2]please do not bash me for being stereotypical; i'm only basing this description on the heavy impression that i have received.

the first-generation of asian kids has it tough. their parents (although very dedicated toward their children's futures) have taken an "asian approach" to education includes rote memorization, pure academic drive, and comparing one's child to other asian children. asian parents have taught their children that competition is everything, which leads these young students to push and stress about academics. they have been taught to be the best of the best: grades, tests, competitions. they are the proud receivers of valedictorian titles, national mathematics awards, piano trophies, and 1600's. they are driven toward success at the world's top universities, aspiring to pursue a profitable, respectable, and educated careers in law, medicine, business, and engineering.

i agree..its hard for the first generation..like im a first generation and my parents dont really understand the kind of stuff we do at school..but about the competition part to other asian child it doesnt really happen..and for me my parents arent forcing me to become something thats a respectful career..well maybe b/c i want to be something respectful..lol..well i think this kinda applies to almost any family that came from another country to america...

[smilz2dasun]

i definitely agree. that's exactly how it is for me. i wasn't really aware before that it was more of an asian parents thing because i dont really live in a place with a lot of asians (arizona).

anyways, my parents always make me feel like i don't do good enough. like for example, right i'm ranked 5th in my class... out of 650 something.. and they're like "oh. great. but why arent you first." it feels like my best isn't good enough for them and it's a little depressing.

when i go to college and start my career, i won't even be doing something i enjoy; i'll be doing something where i'll be making good money. i understand where my parents come from when they say i need make a lot of money to support myself and my future family but they're definition of success is based on money, not on reaching goals and dreams. i would like to be a magazine editor when i'm older but i'm going to be pursuing a career in phramacy instead. won't that be fun?

[Spirited Away]

i was way too lazy to read that. but im shure itz good. 

What's good exactly?

[Just_Dream]

Am I wrong to partially agree with all that you've said? I do agree that parents tend to compare their children with other asian children as well as pure academic drive, but at the same time, I guess because my family environment is different, I'm not pushed to excel too much. My parents know that I cannot be perfect, so they won't beat me or ground me or anything if I got a B in a class. Although, a B+ is the lowest I could ever have I do admit that I want to make my parents (well actually, just my mother) happy, knowing that she raised a good daughter. But at the same time, I push myself to work hard because I know that in the future I will lead my own life and I personally I guess I want to be financially stable and I truly CAN see myself working happily in in my goal career.

It's tough enough that my half-sister was salutorian back when she was in high school... I compare myself to her.. sometimes my mother does, but not so much about grades as my work ethic.

The "asian approach" can affect their social, academic, mental, and happiness in the future in many ways. History tends to repeat itself, thus the future generations will probably experience the asian approach, despite their parents' childhood. Not to mention that happiness might not be acheived. MIGHT. But sometimes, the parent(s) is just trying to help the child have a better future. I know that my mother wants the best for me.. Although I do believe that every parent is in one way or another at one point selfish, a great many parents have good intentions. I guess that's what makes me think that the asian approach isn't all that bad.

My boyfriend's brother was also salutorian at his high school, but his parents are more strict on him about grades. I guess it really depends on the parents themselves, and whether or not they're willing to reform and not have so many high expectations.

I hope what I said made some sense...

[WhiteLotus*]

It depends on the child on their approah to certain things. Many of my Asian friends are EXACTLY like that, yet they still have fun with themselves.

I personally like the Asian approach. I, myself, being Caucasian, wish that I was brought up like that. I'd have a better appreciation for knowledge and the world around me.
But I try to follow the approach.

[demolished]

please do not bash me for being stereotypical; i'm only basing this description on the heavy impression that i have received.

the first-generation of asian kids has it tough. their parents (although very dedicated toward their children's futures) have taken an "asian approach" to education includes rote memorization, pure academic drive, and comparing one's child to other asian children. asian parents have taught their children that competition is everything, which leads these young students to push and stress about academics. they have been taught to be the best of the best: grades, tests, competitions. they are the proud receivers of valedictorian titles, national mathematics awards, piano trophies, and 1600's. they are driven toward success at the world's top universities, aspiring to pursue a profitable, respectable, and educated careers in law, medicine, business, and engineering.

but is this approach to academics truly beneficial?

is this generation of asians so driven toward winning and fulfilling their parents expectations that they are blinded of their own passions and interests? does this blind competition prevent them from becoming creative thinkers in the future? will they ever get a chance to develop their own unique personalities and learn for themselves? sure, the method might result in financial success, but will it really lead their children to happiness? or will their children regret not being able to explore intellectually on their own? in ten years, we'll have so many doctors, lawyers, businesspeople, and engineers, but how many will actually be passionate and satisfied with their careers? will they ever feel true accomplishment, not for their parents, reputation, or society's expectations but for themselves?

what do you think about this general "asian approach" and its effect on students' mental, psychological, social, emotional, and intellectual development, as well as their happiness in the future?

that's is so true, my parents are almost like that but it's alrite. i'm trying my best at school. If i do something bad, my whole family would talk crap behind my back that i dont study and learn anything. Actually, i do study and i always try my best. They always think they are so " right " but they arent. They act like they knoe " everything " about me but they dont even know much about me. They dont notice what i'm going through at school becuase my family does not solve problems or help each out. You can said my family is kind of " mess up " . The point is that " the whole family " judges me and my knowledge.

Yes, " asian approach " does effect on student's mental, psychological, social, emotion, and intellectual development.

[gelionie]

I have to agree.

Well fortunately my parents aren't like that.

It sucks if everyone ends up crowding in certain careers.

[mzawesome]

thats my life... hard but i can see why they do it because they want the best for you and dont want you to end up like them working hours hours for average pay, when you could get an education, and do something worth something. BUt its also like living the life they never got too. yeah it is stressfull, but even with that hanging over my head i dont do so good in schoo....

[f4113n]

yeah it isnt fair, azn parents push their kids so hard just so that their kids can acheive their (the parents) dreams. it SUX being a 1st generation azn kid....

then again i guess u cant blame them. my parents r from china, and in china cuz theres waaay 2 many ppl, and very few colleges (for the number of ppl that apply) ya hafta b reele good in academics 2 get in. so i guess it all stems from the evil of overpopulation. does this remind ne1 else of brave new world revisited?

[picaso_smile]

A parent's job is to teach and guide their child, not decide their life. I think that kind ofparenting can be harmful to children. Think of how terrible they feel when they don't succeed. Nobody can be perfect all the time.

[snak3y3z1001]

Heh. My parents are like that. When i was younger they said being a doctor is a great job. So I decided to pursue that career. Always competed against friends to see who got the highest grades. Gave up all that back in sophmore year in HS. Rite now im a senior. Decided to join the US Navy. I want to see what the world has to offer. Dont want to work until im 65 to retire or whatever the age is.

[sheepy]

actually yeah that does fit people's description. but my parents are totally into it. i mean they make me go for the competition but like..they let me chose what i want out of my life.

[dani41790]

i dont really like the asian approach. it just stresses so many kids out and gives them barely enough time to have fun. but most that i know who are affected by the asian approach have very creative minds so it doesnt really affect their creativeness. i do think that some whose parents take the asian approach sometimes have psychological problems because of stress and working so much

[dani41790]

sorry for the double post. got a computer glitch

[*salcha*]

i agree, when i was smaller..my mom tried using the asian reproach on me, thinking that everything i do is suppose to be above average.
but i guess when i told her that choosing my own opinions and the way i study would probably result in a better result. i can balance my own studying and socializing time.

[visualfusion]

I've fallen to the asian approach, and because of how materialistic I am, I like it and I'm going to stick to it.

[jjc66]

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[xMiZziexKiMx]

my parents make me do everything they want and i cant really do anything that i want like going out and having bfs but well i do it anywways...... they jsut never found out about it.... but anyways they want me to grow up and be a pharmacist or w/e b/c i hav a bright future and blah unlike them..... and yah dee yah dee yah.... whenever i get a B they like yell at me like everyday til i brings it up to an A..... i mean they dont rly know what classes i'm taking..... i hav gfted and s' other kids that they know hav cp but they think its the same.... they expect me to hav straight Az all the time..... blah..... and my mom always yells at me and stuff.... she used to hit me a lot when i was small too...

[cazilika]

oh yeah, i'm in that exact predicament. though i'm not as driven to get good grades. just good enough or else my parents will start yelling the sh*t outta me and my mom'll start slapping me. i hate it d*mnitt. i've almost gone totally suicidal once, and all of you out there who haven't experienced this since when you were 3 have no idea what it's like. I will never treat my own children the way my parents treat me.

about my future, money, life?? I wouldn't give a d*mn if i was dirt poor. as long as i'm happy, and enjoy my life, which right now I don't. Sometimes I just think that they're doing this because when I get a job and make a lot of money, I'll buy a ton of stuff to them and be tahnkful and everything, which I will sya right now I won't. If they think that verbally and physically abusing me is gonna make me appreciate them, they're f*ckin outta their minds. And guess what?? I'm 12 and I'm thinking of killing myself already. That's how much pressure and everything we are forced through.

[innovation]

wow, this topic is back.
that was back when i typed in arial.

[The-Mach-Hare]

i guess if driving them to do good works, then so be it.

theres nothing we can do about it and we needed smarter people (especially for presidents)

[enyceXaddiction]

asian parents suck. my parents are like bugging me about which college im wanting to go when i didnt even chose my highschool yet!!!

[clarissa]

My parents are like that and I hate it. To encourage me, they bring me down and somehow it works -- it makes me want to try harder just to prove them wrong. So, yes, it has had an effect on my emotional and psychological development and I've just recently learned this. They've had failures with my elder sisters, yet they still haven't learned from their mistakes. One of my sisters ended up being a high school drop out yet now, she makes more money than my parents. She realized this "asian approach" right before she dropped out and I learned from that.

I've learned to become more independent.

[littleswallow]

hmm... I can actually relate to this... not much but I can relate. I'm Asian, born and raised in the Philippines... and yeah, most of us are quite pressured. I'm 16, high school senior and going to take up engineering in college. Engineering runs in the family (I do have a cousin who's taking up medicine, though)... so I'm really scared if I don't pass the entrance exams... please pray for me!

but the good thing about this approach is that you strive for the best... one of the bad things? You're almost, always compared... which really gets very annoying. I also have this experience wherein I finished my grade early (we're self-paced, non-graded), and mama told me "why only now? you could've finished it earlier!"... and yeah... of course, I didn't talk back, that's like a sin to us....