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 Jan 11 2005, 07:59 PM
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#1
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 Want fries with that?  Group: Member Posts: 692 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 50,652  |
The rain poured endlessly upon the icy concrete as I stared through the window, ocassionally wiping the window with my sleeve. Thunder clapped as the rain started to pound harder against my window, making me wish I wasn't home alone. Paranoia started to kick in as I felt a strange urge to lock all the doors. I turned my head towards the door but didn't feel the courage to walk that far in the dark so turned back towards the window. A shadowy face looked back at me through the window, it's eyes burning a hole through my skull. A sudden wind filled me, a feeling of constricted lungs made me unable to breathe...even scream. I raced toward my bedroom door and quickly locked it behind me. A heavy breathing echoed in the room. Thunder roared as a sudden thought came to me. What if the door I used to keep it out...kept it inside with me instead?
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Jan 11 2005, 08:01 PM
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#2
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Brie Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 10,172 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 20,548 |
Ooh. That's good.
I got a good image in my head from that. Nice job. =] |
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Jan 11 2005, 08:07 PM
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#3
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 yeah. i'm kevin. Group: Member Posts: 1,399 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 38,782 |
nice.. as in english we call it "show not tell" with details.
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Jan 11 2005, 08:10 PM
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#4
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 The Bone Collector Group: Member Posts: 2,860 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 44,162 |
Haha! I agree with the show not tell thing! Good job Torie! I love your deep details!
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Jan 11 2005, 08:12 PM
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#5
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Want fries with that? Group: Member Posts: 692 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 50,652 |
Thanks all! ^^
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