Abusive Boyfriends Options

[iheartjohn]

Okay, I have this older boyfriend who's in the military (he's about 6'3, musuclar) and lately he's been getting really violent. He'll have these odd anger outbursts and recently, we got into a huge fight and he pushed me down a flight of stairs. I broke my arm.

He's had a past of violent behavior when he was 16 or 17 (he's in his early 20s now) and he's taking it out on me.

This is my longest relationship ever (about 3 years) and I think I love him. Atleast I thought I did. I really don't want to end it, but my parents are getting suspicious of my injuries. I managed to tell them that I tripped down the stairs in my highschool.

But when he punched me in my face, I had a bruise on my cheek, my parents didn't believe me when I insisted I got hit with a soccer ball during PE.

But he says he loves me and he gets so upset after all the fighting stops. I'm just really confused.

So what do I do? I really don't want to end it, but I feel that I have no choice...

[_sarcastic_]

i think you should end it, i mean you should before you get hurt any further :S

[miss_asian]

i think u should before u get beat up really badly 1 day...

[inthemudhole]

End it.
You broke your arm?
Wow.
It could get ugly if you don't end it quickly.

[angel-roh]

well if you dont want to get beaten by your boyfriend, you should stop dating him and find someone safer than getting beaten' by your boyfriend -_-;; or maybe he's up to something like he's really mad and stuff. maybe he does really love you a lot but theres something in his mind that he wants to stop everything. so you should talk to him about it. ask him what's wrong and also listen to every words what he saying so he wont think you're just not listening to him. guys dont like girls when they dont listen to them.. well yeah of course us, girls dont like when our boyfriends dont listen to what we say and stuff. so yeah have all your ears to him. good LUCK!

[bigpoppaproppy]

he's a piece of sh*t excuse for a human being and deserves to be arested for felony assault.

you should leave him, and shoulda filed police charges

hes a disgrace to his family name, you and the military

[*x____duckii*]

Talk to him. If he continues, end it (unless you wanna lose a leg.)

[pikimoo]

He's not like really crazy in love with you, is he? Because that often turns out bad with violence and breakups. Don't need him threatening your life to get back together with him or anything.

It's happened twice. Remember: three strikes, he's out. Throw his ass in jail if it continues.

Or fight back.

[Nicolatofu]

Maybe it was only a broken arm this time, but trust me it'll get worse. I lived in an abusive home for 10 years, and my mom's relationship started the same way, with smaller things like that. She was about 20 when she started dating him. Then he finally got put in jail, where he belongs. Don't let it go any farther.

[mouse_3k]

So what do I do? I really don't want to end it, but I feel that I have no choice...

u just answered ur own question buddy. get the hell outta that relationship, he is a fruitnugget and dont deserve you. run the jinx away from that devil

[aznhunnie6o1]

well.. this is a toughfy cause u think you love him..

but i think you should end it cause he mite rape you or something... or talk to him about it online so he cant physically hurt you...

well good luck with everything..

[yummy_delight]

you should definitely end it. i don't see why you didn't stop seeing him after the first incident. if a guy EVER hits you, he is not worth your time. even if he SAYS he's sorry or that he loves you, he WILL hit you again if you don't stop dating him. i know, it will be hard since you love him and everything. but if he REALLY loved you, he wouldn't have hit you more than once, if at all.

get out now.

[iheartjohn]

but i think you should end it cause he mite rape you or something

he already has....but he says its okay since i already did it voluntarily before...

[yummy_delight]

eleeza,Nov 29 2004, 8:35 PM] he already has....but he says its okay since i already did it voluntarily before...

HE said it was ok? it's not. sorry honey, but to me, he sounds like an arse hole.

[EyeOfTheTiger5]

Raped and beaten up, get out of there! If he has decent friends, tell them. Tell the police. Dump him.

[shortiiex]

you really do have no choice.....but becareful when you end your realtionship...he might beat you up so bring backup people and also he seems like he will stalk you so be very carfeul...i'm sure he knows how to use a gun since he is on the miltary

[whywasisostupid]

break up with him now. and request for the mafia to watch ur back

[*jooleeah*]

holy crap....he's beaten you AND raped you? and you let him do that? i'd say end it. i know it's hard cause you love him and all...but really, think about it. would you want to live with an abusive boyfriend for the rest of your life? if you really don't want to end it, then talk to him about it. if he choses to ignore what you say and say " it's okay" then just dump him right there. if he really loved YOU then he wouldn't be doing these things. be careful and be safe x3 good luck! oh and btw, once you dump him...make sure you have people by your side protecting you =X cause he might hurt you there too, and that's definetely what you don't want.

[jecissa]

You have grown attached to him, and it is hard for you to tell yourself that you need to end things with him. I think that deep down you know what to do. You know what is best for you. Sure, he may act like he feels sorry after he hurts you... but he he obviously doesn't feel sorry enough to stop doing it. You can't expect it to just end one day, because odds are it won't. You deserve a guy who will respect you!!


I love you!

-Jessica

[Looow]

is this a joke? How can you take this? I know you love him & everything but is it worth it. End it before it gets worse

[LiLaZnGirL122]

uhh i noe u love him but break up with him hes not very nice and how is he going to treat u wen u guys get older and wen u take the hits?? call da police or somthing and or jus break up wit him or ask him Y!!! Y ARE U HITING ME??

[aznangel4eva]

it mite be possible that he loves you do, n' if he does you don't wanna lose him right? but, you should make him get help...n' if he doesn't...then he rilly doesn't deserve you...you deserve better

[kellyannie]

if he really loved you, he wouldn't abuse you.. or at least he would try to get some help

[bigpoppaproppy]

it mite be possible that he loves you do, n' if he does you don't wanna lose him right? but, you should make him get help...n' if he doesn't...then he rilly doesn't deserve you...you deserve better

you dont rape and beat someone you "love"

giving him the CHANCE to change is too much

hes an animal and needs jail time and to be DIShonorably discharged from military duty

[iheartjohn]

I'm still kind of confused. Every time he hits me, and I begin to cry, he puts his head in his hands and gets all depressed and sad. I don't know if it's an act or what??

[muffin dude 292]

Talk to him to see what is wrong. But if he does hit you or abuse you again end it....

[LiNHy POO]

get him some help! an anger management class is good. talk to him how you feel too. if he really does love you he would think of what he was doing... and thought of you first, but instead he took action before thinking. but hey, it might be better to leave him...

[ghjgfkgfk]

http://www.scarleteen.com/crisis/articles.html
(ooh, i'm advertising)
but really, i suggest you read some of the articles there. it's a great site.

[x Wolf Tearz x]

You sure this guy doesnt have any metal problems??? Not trying to be mean but my brother is bipolar and he beat his girlfriend ad possibley even raped her too...

Get outta the situation before he kills you! It may sound harsh but someone like that could do serious damage!!!

[*jooleeah*]

I'm still kind of confused. Every time he hits me, and I begin to cry, he puts his head in his hands and gets all depressed and sad. I don't know if it's an act or what??

Maybe he just can't control himself. maybe he has all this anger and he aciddently takes it out on you. and after he sees you crying, he realizes what he's doing and such. i still agree with what i said earlier. you need to talk to him. but make sure someone's next to you just incase he decides to absuse you again.

[*mSz_dOrk_anGeL*]

Leave him.
Now.
I've been there, done that.
If you don't leave now it WILL get worse.
I'm sorry to see it happen to someone else.
Good luck to you.

[imadorkabledxd]

you need to break it off with him now! if he loves you, he wouldn't hurt you like this, what if he ends up killing you? think about it. listen, there's other guys out there. you shouldn't be with him just b/c you've gone out with him for such a logn time. but seriously, END IT. and he needs help.

[mirage]

this relationship is not worth it... read this book: dreamland by: sarah dessen.

[lyin_in_wait]

what will happen if he gets really angry and....well....(i dont wanna freak you out or anythingy but...) kills you, i mean if he can hit you now and you go back maybe he would try more and more stuff just cuz he can get away with it, but i dunno just be careful and dont be alone with him (easier said than done but still) just try

[bigpoppaproppy]

Maybe he just can't control himself. maybe he has all this anger and he aciddently takes it out on you. and after he sees you crying, he realizes what he's doing and such. i still agree with what i said earlier. you need to talk to him. but make sure someone's next to you just incase he decides to absuse you again.

thats horrible advice

we just had this in lecture yesterday in my Soc 350: Soc of marraige and family class

ABUSE DOES NOT STOP! it is chronic, not a 1 time thing

he WONT change, he WILL still get mad and abuse you

he NEED help and JAIL TIME


I have been a firefighter and EMT for starting my 5th year now, and every abuse case I see I see again...it is NOT a 1 time thing

[KingdomHeartsFan]

I would end it. Your friends and ur parents don't want 2 c u beaten up lyke taht. health comes before luv. I don't think he'll change. people's personalitiy are very hard 2 change. Trust me on this one.

[laur3nw]

I seriously think you should end it even though he says sorry and everything....do you really want to continue to get hurt all the time? I'm sure you can do better than that. =/

[teeners4]

end it now.

doenst matter if he regrets it after or cries about it and begs for his forgiveness.

he still did it.

[feejayjay]

I think you need to get out of there, girlfriend. And fast! Your parents are already worried about your injuries, how do you think they will feel when he, God forbid, knocks you into a coma, or kills you? Tell your parents about it, tell someone you trust, call 911, do something! Just because he regrets his actions doesn't make it ok.

[alone in the wor...]

ew ... wth is wrong with him. report him if i ever met him i would take a bat & beat him down .. then kick him in the balls and skip away. no offense if you love him and all, but he deserves it there are other fish in the sea. leave him asap. no one wants to learn that you were seriously injured

[HelloSunshine]

hm...talk to him about it first...but if he does it one more time after you talk to him..end it I'd end it right now..but..since you "love" him...talk to him......for your own good good luck

[eli5e]

beat the shit out of himm ...wat the f.cuk u doing just taking all this!?? o_O

[MrElsewhere]

END IT...NOW

he might get all depressed and what not AFTER he hits you, but that doesnt take away a broken arm and a bruised cheek. he is messed up. get him counseling. he was probably abused as a child or something, and now he's taking it out on you. get away from him. and tell him to get some help. but mainly get away from him

[angelrevelation]

wow... you really shouldn't take that from him. i dont see how he could to that to you if he loves you... maybe it's cuz from being in the army's affected him? either talk with him about it, go to counceling (kind of drastic but still) or just let him go... you could get even more hurt

[xheartbreaker]

Doesn't he have enough violence in his life already from the damn military?
But anyways.. end it ASAP. If he really wants to be with you, then he wouldn't hit you and he wouldn't rape you. You need to call the police and get his ass in jail.. and if/when you break up with him, have someone with you in case he gets violent and tries to hurt you. I'd also suggest getting a restraining order against him. Good luck

[iheartjohn]

beat the shit out of himm ...wat the f.cuk u doing just taking all this!?? o_O

He's a really big muscular guy...He could kill me if he wanted to...

[BEBEx_iNFAM0USS]

i think he loves you, seriously, like loves you deep down inside. but he really needs help. if you love him and are willing to stand by him, then maybe you should help him.. like counseling or something..

btw, no one should be abusive towards you. take action now, cuz it mite get worse.

[BEBEx_iNFAM0USS]

o yea, and i think you should tell your parents. SOMEONE needs to know.

[inlonelinessidie]

1. He might be bipolar.
2. I know you love him but get out.
3. He will never change. As much as he says he will HE WON'T.
4. Leave him for the sake of your daughter. It's the best for her.

[xSqueekyMexicanx]

you should end it and tell the police cuz i think the can go to jail 4 that ..... good luck!

[lilJdawg]

i think you should end it. later on, you will get hurt really bad.

[cmgchica717]

no man should ever ever lay his hands on you. Leave and get out of this while you can. That whole act he puts on after he does hit you is just that...an act. He starts to cry himself and says baby I didnt mean to do that Im sorry that will not happen again, i know...my dad use to do the same thing to my mom. Love should not have to hurt and this is obviously not love. Do yourself this one favor and leave him. Its going to take alot of courage to leave but you look like a tough woman. Take your daughter and get out of this relationship, you should not be his doormat dear.

Good luck to you, keep your chin up

[lulu424]

u suck

[xtransatlanticis...]

didn't you ever have those sessions in middle school where the guidance counselor came to everyone's fifth period class and talked to you about this? dump him. this could end up with you dying.

[abcdefg123]

you should seriously end it. forget about him. if he really loved you he wouldnt hurt you like this and he wouldnt rape you. i saw on tv once, there was this lady, her husband almost killed her. he was all nice when she married him but he became violent. he raped her and really abused her. and left her for dead, after he set her on fire. if you dont end it, that may happen and i'm sure you dont wanna go through that, so close to death.

[JustAnotherTeena...]

END IT

[tchotchke]

... this was a while ago. Are you still with him?

[angelshortipnai]

gah, i REALLY think u should end it..i mean, it CAN get WORSE....he can actually get arrested for that u know?

[xoxvietbabyy]

I think you should end it, but who knows what he'll do if you do end it?

[yukichan]

this topic was started a while ago..hu brought this back up?
anyways what happened?

[x0xpaulax0x]

about every persons reply sucked!!
not to scare u or anything but i don't really think there is much that u can really do cus if u send him 2 jail that will make him even more mad and if he gets parole (sp..?) he might come after u again and (not to freak u out or anything) kill you. If u got counsaling or even therapy u dont know if that will help. I think you should really talk to him about this because if he continues to do this he might not think you care that hes abusing you and he'll continue to do that.


luv ya,
Paula & Tatiana

[literemix24]

I think that you guys should talk this over, if this doesn't stop, i think the best thing to do is to..end it.

[nothingless]

you have a baby. you don't want someone like him in your babies life. you can much better than a scumb bag like him. if my boyfriend even laid a finger on me, i would punch him in the face. no joke. i've done it to other guys who get in my face, but luckily i found a guy who is sensitive around me. cries alot.. not a P**sy.. but still.. :)

[iiloveyou637]

iii suggest you end it because he hurts you even more like getting a knife and cutting your head off or something. and guys aren't supposed to hit girls!!!!

[Fallen Fairy]

no you shouldn't take that from him or from anybody
leave before its too late

u suck

wtf?

fallen fairy

[pixamelon]

..

[sheepy]

well.. it doesnt matter if you love him, becus if he hurts you then he really is not worth it.

[enyceXaddiction]

doesnt this belong in the relationship section?

[beambitious]

run away and take ur daughter go distant and then call him and try to talk to him and see what happens....i dunno u could try that

[WickedDreamer]

A bruise can be covered with foundation and a broken arm will heal. But, what happens when it's your life he takes?

[CloudNine]

Okay. First off I've been in a similar situation and my closest friend is in one now.

The most dangerous part of a abusive relationship is when you leave. He thinks that if he can't have you then nobody will. You need to get your stuff and leave when he's not there- go to a friend's or family member's house or go to a shelter for abused women.

Every abusive relationship is a vicious cycle- you get into a fight and are hurt, he apologizes and tells you how sorry he is, he kisses up to you, tension once again builds, it keeps building, until another fight happens. This cycle gets worse and worse.

My best friend was sent to the hospital last year when her abusive boyfriend Jared punched her in the face, leaving a scar above right eye where his ring had hit her. He has punched her, kicked her, and thrown her down. My other friend and I have tried to protect her as much as possible, I've even yelled at Jared (I'm not afraid of any man lol.) He is a complete control freak to the point where it's okay for him to hang out with his friends but it's not okay for her to spend the night at a friend's house. He reads any of her letters, questions her, etc. This is a abusive boyfriend.

Abuse comes in two forms- physically and mentally. Both are never the fault of the woman being abused. It's very difficult to leave because you truly do feel you love him but let me say this- No man should ever make you cry, hurt you, and abuse who you are. Most girls in a abusive relationships have low self esteem so they feel they need to be with that person but trust me when I say it'll only get worse.

My sister was abused and he would rip the phone cords out of the wall so she couldn't call for police, he would beat her in front of their child, etc. And another thing, if he abuses you over stupid things, can you imagine what he would do to your kid when he/she keeps nagging or bugging him? Abuse is almost always learned through your parents- the boys take after their father. It's a horrible cycle.

Just get away from him, no matter what your brain keeps telling you. If it was real love, then you wouldn't question it.

[CloudNine]

...have you watched "No one would tell" ...?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117191/

watched that in class. seems like your kind of situtation; but I find you naive and full of idiocy if you're still with him.  watch that movie. just not with him.

It's called fear, not idiocy or being naive honey. It's definately not uncommon for abusive men to stalk the women even after the woman has gotten out of the relationship. They will threaten family and friends and they will do whatever it takes to get that woman back. My sister's two friends were killed when they were in high school. The girl had broken up with the abusive boyfriend, he went to her house and shot her. Her sister tried to help however he shot her and then he shot himself. This happened in the San Fernando Valley if your interested in looking it up. Haven't you ever watched the movie, "Enough"? It's very similar to how an abusive relationship is.

[*anubis*]

once or twice is forgivable--but multiple times--you can't tolerate it much longer.

you have to end it.

[iheartjohn]

Who brought this topic back?


Well, most of you know that I am already engaged to another man. And the guy that this topic is about has a restraining order against me and Geena.


Thanks for your supportive comments, most of you. Any mod feel free to close.

[rx_azngirl]

End it fast! And give him some help.

[Mizz Rizza]

i dont get why you still love him
he abuses you
and thats no way for him to treat you
like that
so i say end it
before it gets worse
and you deserve better
and you know it

[FailedSense]

hmm.

I have anger problems, myself.

I have never hit anyone I love.

If I were you, I would leave him. Tell him to get psychiatric help. Do something. Don't just continue to take it.

[x0hAyLiE0x]

hun u shoudnt be in a relationship like dat...he got probs and u dont have to deal wit them so just let him go

[technicolour]

I really dont think that's HEALTHY for you either. I would run. Run the hell away.

[PinkTrash]

maybe his problem doesnt have to do with the relationship.. but something else? i suggest he gets help if its really serious and he doesnt know what hes doing..

[megan_x3]

I think you should don't go with him. If you are going to get abuse by him, even though you think your in love with him, for your own sakes, don't be with him. Maybe in the future he will change more into a unabusive person. Think about it, stay with him.. more bruieses and injuries. Break up with him, you will not have injuries anymore !! ^.^

[3ssx]

end it. dont risk your safety. one day something really bad could happen.

[xaznxehgix]

you should definately end it. You can't stay in on the hopes of him getting better. Also.....if he's had a violent behavior in the past and it's getting worse...the situation will most likely get worse progressively.

[Smilessss]

i think yoo should end it like wat otha says...dis guy is not da type yoo want...since hes abusive and stuff....

[LeAnBaK]

I think that even though u say u love him and u prolly do that u should get away from him..if hes hittin u like that now jus think about if u got married..he will think he owns u and hit u more...
...jus ma thoughts about it...my old bf was like that too until i kicked his ass...