Love., [poem] |
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 Oct 24 2004, 08:47 PM
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#1
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 hi, my name is brianna! =]  Group: Official Member Posts: 5,764 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,114  |
Why did our love have to be broken up?
You had given me your heart, As a token of our love But one day, You took it back, And broke it apart I treated you like a sack of gold, I treasured you with all that my heart could hold But all you returned to me with was pain, Nothing but pure pain to make me cry in vain When I stared into your baby blue eyes, I wanted to fly away from you, Get as far away as I possibly could, You were that person who hurt me, So deeply that the cut could never be healed You can never understand my love for you, You put that dirty sensation in my heart 'Cuz all you wanted was to tear us apart. Positive and negative feedback is greatly appreciated. 
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Oct 24 2004, 09:14 PM
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#2
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer* Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134 |
OMG !! i like this poem reminds me of my old love poems i use tooo write!! omg good job love it
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Oct 26 2004, 10:00 PM
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#3
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hi, my name is brianna! =] Group: Official Member Posts: 5,764 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,114 |
QUOTE(dispn0ygonekrazy @ Oct 24 2004, 6:14 PM) OMG !! i like this poem reminds me of my old love poems i use tooo write!! omg good job love it Thanks! 
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Oct 27 2004, 12:36 AM
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#4
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Eternal Syn Group: Member Posts: 398 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 24,000 |
QUOTE(sweetxsimplicity @ Oct 24 2004, 8:47 PM) I treated you like a sack of gold, I treasured you with all that my heart could hold That's my favorite line. Oh, how true it is for actual love. |
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Oct 27 2004, 01:15 PM
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#5
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SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
Hehe just like Mike said reminds me of my old poems. You should start writing more.
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Oct 28 2004, 07:50 AM
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#6
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 I can't believe its not "Ryan" Group: Member Posts: 1,981 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 21,368 |
Man most of my poems are like this....i need to post my hundreds of poems up
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Oct 28 2004, 03:28 PM
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#7
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 Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
It's a nice, simple poem.
One of those poems that make you go, 'Awww', I guess. Tad iffy about this line though... QUOTE But all you returned to me with was pain, Might be an overuse of the word 'pain' that makes the following rhyme awkward? Not sure though.
Nothing but pure pain to make me cry in vain |
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