Recent Breakup, Just some advice please! Options

[ichidou]

Well, I recently broke up with my boyfriend, like three days ago. He was my first serious bf, and I've been really sad, even though I was the one who told him it was over. I don't know if its okay if I do that or not, consitering I dumped him. But I had very good reason, so don't flame me. Please tell me if its okay if I'm sad or not!

[*CEP*]

Ofcourse it's okay to feel sad after a relationship!
...even if you were the one that ended it.
I guess you just need to TRY and divert all your thoughts from the breakup you know? Hang out with your friends a lot. It helps.

- Chinkieeyedpnoi

[*krnxswat*]

Aw, it's okay to be sad! I can relate to your situation. Anyways, it's times like these where we learn our mistakes and grow stronger mentally and emotionally. Feel better!

[Just_Dream]

Aww It's okay =) I mean, you should/must have a good reason. You must still be clinging to a part of him. Maybe he did something bad and that's why you don't want to be with him anymore. But deep down, you might have not wanted to break up, but you had to. Whatever it might be, old feelings always linger. Like I always say... "It's harder to forget than to remember..."

Since it was a serious relationship, no wonder you'd feel sad. I woudl too

[*lookitskim*]

Girl, I feel YOU! I recently broke up with my bf of 3 yrs last friday. It's ok to be sad... I'm feelin sad too. He probably did something that hurted u alot... that's y u did what u did. What i do is... go out with friends or just find something to do to keep u occupied. If your just goin to sit at home and mope around it's not goin to make you feel any better... to tell u the truth it's just goin to make u feel even worse. Go out and make NEW FRiends... I'm pretty sure there's alot of HOT guys in Createblog hehehe...

"If someone you love hurts you cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it"

[Dr3aMeR]

good for you

[ichidou]

Thanks you guys! ^^ I did have a good reason, and thatks for the support. You rock!
~Gill

[Just_Dream]

Just remember that froma ny bad experience, you'll learn from it ^_^

[xjjajeengx]

^^ its okay to dump him. as long as you have a reason... and not an excuse, a strong REASON. as long as you KNOW that you were suppose to dump him, its all good. dont hang over him too much just cause you dumped him, cause it'll only make you regret.

[princess_tracy]

of course its okay *hugs*!

[corinn]

it's ok! if he did somethinq that was bad and even if he didn't it would still be ok.as for the sadness it will qo away with time :]

[NvieDi3ai3yGrL]

Well, I recently broke up with my boyfriend, like three days ago. He was my first serious bf, and I've been really sad, even though I was the one who told him it was over. I don't know if its okay if I do that or not, consitering I dumped him. But I had very good reason, so don't flame me. Please tell me if its okay if I'm sad or not!

it's perfectly 0kay f0r y0u t0 be upset ab0ut this .. i understand where y0u are c0ming fr0m .. if y0u had legitimate reas0n f0r having t0 dump him then y0u did what y0u had t0 d0 .. stay str0ng .. if y0u guys were really meant t0 be maybe y0ur paths will cr0ss again .. but until then stay str0ng and keep d0ing y0u ..

[froggie_van]

Of course it's okay for you to feel sadness! He was your first serious bf. However, just because you are sad over ya's break-up, that doesn't mean that you should take him back. I'm sure you broke up with him for good reasons. But if you are still hurting, just remember... "time heal all wounds and you will come out a stronger and wiser person!" Take it from a person that have been through a lot of heartache!

[6oyllej]

its definetely okay to feel sad or any emotion you feel. you feel what you feel and i dont know. after my breakup, i felt guilty for being sad and guilty for feeling angry and i dont know. if its one thing ive learned, its that one should never feel guilty for his or her feelings and that youve got a right to feel whatever it is you feel because you feel that way for a reason : ) and even if there is no reason to what you feel, you've got that right

feel better!

[*jimmyjackiechan*]

Of course YOU SHOULD feel sad. But don't worry. hear, let me look up in my interpersonal COmmunication class and tell u the stages u are gonna go through. (No one told me about this shiz until I just recently learned it)

This is Chapter 11 (de-escalating Relationships)

1st stage: Traumatic Event: Basically, the actual break-up, infidelity, ect

2nd stage: outcry: Person experience several emotions-Panic, despair, hopelessness, and exhaustion. This stage deals largely with the release of emotional tensions that inevitably follow traumatic experience.

3rd STage: Denial: The word does not really mean that, but the book explains it as, individual cuts off from others to be alone. Staying at home, avoiding people at church, school, work, so on. at this stage, the individual begins to think about the many reasons why the loving relationship soured. The interruption of daily routines facilitates thinking about why the relationship failed. Also, the depression the individual experiences at this stage facilitates a drive to come to closure, or coplete an explanation, so that the individual can close the door on the past and move on to new experiences and relationships. Maintinining avoidance and escapism, WITHOUT expressing grief openly or talking with others (friends) of why events happen can lead to a number of psychological problems.

4th stage: intrusion: IN the middle stages, individual experience INTRUSION, which is flooded states in which he or she cannot think about anything but the relational disangagement. For example: Although back at work/school, u resume ur daily normal life, but one might wake up in the middle of the night trying to reconcile the breakup with the wonderful romantic vacation the couple took months before the break-up OR an old song or movie is unexpectedly overwhelming and the person has to reconcile certain feelings. (basically, reoccuring thoughts go through ur mind all the time)

5th stage: Wokring-through stage The person provides explanations that complete the storied for various aspects on the relationship - the good & positive aspects, what went wrong, when things went wrong, denails and accepttances for blame and responsibility. Telling stories to others and getting feedback from them provides a reality check on the account process. Slef-esteem is bolstered and tension is released as one communicates and gets beyond bewildering thoughts * doubts. ( u basically say to ur self, it's ok now, and I know exactly what went wrong)

6th Stage: Completion & Identy Change:

Now u have developed coping skills and perhaps altered ur appearance. U might have changed personal habits, routines, and skills. An individual would try to portray a more positive image of self. trying to come out "as the better person"
Also, Goals might have changed from experience. Example: The last relationship ended because of a move and long distance relationship occured and things didnt work out, so in the future, u adapt and change and might consider going slower and to avoid long distant relationships.


What happens if you don't go through these stages or talk it out with people:

1. Persistence of negative emotions. (flodded states of guilt, depression, insomnia, hypertension)
2. Prolonged grief & anxiety and failure to learn * adapt to more realistic stanadrads or relational life. (intrusion stage would persist)
3. Last consquence. If individual place all the blame on the relational partner, fail to proceed though account-phase, and quickly return to dating, there is a GOOD CHANCE that they have not learned anything about themselves and dating. Such individuals will tend to date people who are quite similar to the partners thet just left and may end up in the same type of relationship from which they just ended.

Hope this helped and u read MOST of it.
The content i got his from is:

interpersonal Communication (third edition)
Authors: Daniel J. Canary and others~

[tiffsezgrr]

aw its okae

[aj637]

its okae to be sad and i'm sorry to hear about your and your boyfriend. wish you the best =)

[blah3868]

itz iigh muh bf dumped me yesterday fo no reason

[Madelein]

it's ok to be sad.....

probably it's the feeling of betrayal or disappointment cuz u thought he wouldn't let you down like that..... i mean, since u broke up with him, he must've done something or must've not done something.

probably also cuz he didnt go after you or begged to stay or found a way to work it out.

and probably your sad cuz u're begining to miss or remember the good times...

i totally understand why your sad...........

it's so sad.........!!! =(

i feel your pain...

let it all out! don't keep it inside!! it'll get worse if u keep it to yourself....

go out with your friends and talk talk talk.......

:( i'm sorry for what happened.

[xquizit]

of course its ok to be sad... but u gotta cheer up! go out and have a girls night out with your buds.

[hispanichica]

its okay to feel sad dont let it get u down too much. enjoy being single for awhile. and live life, go hang out w/ friends, see a movie, do something to get your mind off of him

Good Luck