the story of my first love, ...why can't i get over him? Options

[*mishyerr*]

i guess i've been holding this in for too long. but i just want to restard in a new place where people dont know me. i just want to hear your advice off my side of the story.. i dont know if this is the right site to post this.. but i dont know anyone here. so if you want to read it and reply.. go ahead. =) *warning* its really long. lol

*please dont comment on my XANGA about this =) hehe
*and if you do know me.. lol. dont mention it to the guy


kay, well my name is michelle and i am gonna be in my HS freshman year.

i met him in my 7th grade year, on august 18, 2002. he was a totallly cutie-pie! i saw him while waiting outside for his ride, so i approached him, and asked to play with his cellphone. -.~ (btw his name is darren) he let me play a game on it. and than his ride got there. the next day, i saw him again, so i asked him if he was in 8th grade.. (he was way taller.. so i thought he'd be older) he said he was in 6th! i was like "did you fail?" and he flashed me his smile. at first.. that smile meant nothing. but than a friend told me that darren never smiles. that smile meant everything to me. it made me feel like i was special... gradually i started stalking him. >.< haha. well i found his screen name and talked to him online. i noticed that in person he was VERYYY shy. he barely talked and online he was the "perfect" guy. always said the right and funny and sweet things. which was weird. i guess i fell for his online personality... i devoted basically my life to him. i wrote poems to him and letters. i would cry myself to sleep at night cus he always gave me different signs. to add onto that, he was the hottest guy in his grade.. so i had a lot of girl haters who tried to make my life horrible (later on i became cool with all of them) i was so into him. i mean maybe at first it wasnt love. but i tried so hard. it was so hard for me.. because of all the obstacles. for valentine's day i gave him VERY SEXY FOR HIM cologne by victoria's secret. i wrote him a letter with it.. but i dont remember what it said. i also bought him a carnation. =) but than again.. like 30 other girls bought him one too. lol. i asked him like 2000000 times.. he always said "idno" but he told me liked me. but than a lot of other girls were like "no, he likes so and so!" so i was confused.. but finally one day he said yes.. on March 14, 2003. i was on clouds. but one night. my friend yelled at me and said he's a terrible boyfriend and i should know better and that he shouldve asked me out. so i told him that stuff.. and i said, "if you realy like me than it should be you asking me out." so that night on March 30, 2003 he asked me out. going out was.. a sad expierience. i got into cutting myself, depression, and rebellion against my parents. he wasnt there for me.. he didnt talk to me. but i remember once when i had stomach cramps.. he put his arms around me and walked me to class. (wow i sound like a dork, cus most boyfriends would treat his girl like that EVERYDAY) but it was special to me. i call it the "blue sweater day" he doesnt remember though. finally i got tired of him not talking to me, him not writing back notes to me, him not doing anything for me, and just ME doing stuff for him. i dumped him on Octber 25,2003. i regret it so much everyday now. but.. i guess it was what my mind told me to do. later on, i fell for my best friend joe. and we went out November 11, 2001. during that time, one of darren's and my friend (he helped hook darren and i up) talked to me about darren being confused on why i dumped him. so i wrote darren a letter explaining to him everything. i also gave him diary entries i wrote about him. he told me later that his confusion was cleared and he gave me a letter.. a sorry list.. i read it during lunch and i started crying. it was so sad and yet touching. it said he was sorry for so many things.. like things i did for him.. and just a lot of personal stuff. i realized at that time that i still had not gotten over him. so i dumped joe in January.. not wanting to have any strings attached to previous guys. i told darren the truth.. and i said i wouldnt date anyone until i get over him. lol. i thought i was when i went out with joe again on April 21, 2004. and we were doing great! (probaly cus school was over and i never saw darren in the summer).. well he happened to show up at my church camp.. and i had all these strong feelings all over again. and to add onto that i was on a spiritual high (im a christian.. a spiritual high is where you get all Godly and.... pious) so i was like, 'no boyfriends til u get closer to God' to myself. lol. so i dumped joe.. and got completely over him. and i met this other guy named tony. (wow i sound like such a whore..) and i am cURRENTLY going out wit him. i like tony a lot!! =) a lot a lot.. but its not going to last. he has gone out with.. 7 other girls.. and i dont think he wants to last anyways. but anyways. the feelings for darren feel like they're not even a feeling. its like they're an emotion. its so .. different from anything ive ever felt. if anybody knew me.. they would know that i never get jealous. but the only time i've ever gotten jealous is when another girl is with darren. idno.. what to do..

so someone.. please reply? i can explain more to you just AIM me or something if u have questions.. =) thanks

-mishy

[hybrid]

By saying you devoted your life to him, heh, I know how that feels.

[*mishyerr*]

oh..

hurts when they dont realize.
or when they do realize and act like they dont.
and they dont try at all back.

[conster]

aww... wait so do u still like darren? arent u with tony? what do u want us to tell u? lol

[babixlilac]

wow..maybe yoohs should try darren again..

[*mishyerr*]

aww... wait so do u still like darren? arent u with tony? what do u want us to tell u? lol

i dont know how i feel about darren.. his personality isnt that great. its just that i put so much of my heart and life into him. its really hard to get something so valuable back once you give it away... it feels like he took all my love. its so hard for me to really LOVE a guy, u know?

i like tony a lot!!! =) but darren is just something i think i have to get over. when im with tony.. it helps me get over darren bits by bits. but when i see darren.. it all comes back.

i dont know what i want u to tell me lol. just what u feel i guess?

i mean i know that i should just not see him anymore. but when i hear a sad love song.. i relate and i automatically think darren! its so hard. lol

wow..maybe yoohs should try darren again..

i cant. its too late... i guess cus i dumped him. and now a lot of my friends like him. i give them advice about what to do and stuff.. and so they all think im completely over him.. well my friend lily says its never too late. but it seems so.

[JlIaTMK]

love stories r confusing.... i duno what to say sory

[[i]LLMATiC]

first loves die hard.. maib theres sum unfinished things that need to b said

[*RiC3xBoy*]

man, i think i just finish my summer reading...anywho, i think u should really just sit down and talk with darren about ur feelings and see how he feels about it

[*mishyerr*]

sigh.
i try but he always ignores me.

[sweetbaby109]

um..not sure but it sounds like ur over Darren but u just dont wanna be over him cuz it was like ur first love......and um..dont do anything that you'll reget

[yeseulx3]

umm... i don't know what to say...

but this is what i would do...

i would go with ur current boyfriend, tony, and not see darren again.
hey, you said that it all ruins when you see DARREN, right?
so if you don't see darren, then you'll be fine.

-_- i think

[sunni_banana]

whoa confussing...but i think you should talk with darren for a while...face to face...you hafta clear everything up..not by letters this time - then you'll get closure..or you'll know that maybeb darren is worth a second shot

[sandra]

its probably really hard for u to get over darren but u have to try. focus on tony right now since u love him a lot.

[*mishyerr*]

okay ... i got over darren.. phew. finally. i realized cus i found out he hooked up with one of my friends. and truly i wasnt jealous.. i was happy for them. =)

but tony dumped me cus our relationship was going nowhere and he felt that we went out too early and didnt know each other too well.

but now i like tony a lot.
but its too late.
in the beginning of me and tony's relationship i knew it would end. but i didnt know i'd fall for him so much.

oh well.
ill try to move on like with darren.
haha.


hopeful thoughts: highschool is coming up. lotsa awesome guys.
but for now. im turned off by guys. all they do is hurt me.

the quickest way to end a relationship is to try to start one. that is soooo damn true.
they call it falling in love cus falling hurts.

[conster]

aww congrats!!! hehe dont worry once ur in hs u'll kick butt lol hs is different and more... journies?? lols have fun in hs and i hope u get over tony too

[R|_|f|_|5]

youv gone through alot! wow.

[strwbrryluv8]

wow... u went with 2 guys wen u still had "emotions" for him?

i really dont kno what to say..........

[*mishyerr*]

haha i sound like such a hopeless slut. >.<

sigh. i feel so alone at night...

[conster]

aww its okayy we're here for u

[sweetdreamsx3]

I don't know why you posted this four times....

[DrEaMgUy2K1]

man thats really long and uh...small font ish.....

[sunissed14127]

i dont know how i feel about darren.. his personality isnt that great. its just that i put so much of my heart and life into him. its really hard to get something so valuable back once you give it away... it feels like he took all my love. its so hard for me to really LOVE a guy, u know?

i like tony a lot!!! =) but darren is just something i think i have to get over. when im with tony.. it helps me get over darren bits by bits. but when i see darren.. it all comes back.

i dont know what i want u to tell me lol. just what u feel i guess?

i mean i know that i should just not see him anymore. but when i hear a sad love song.. i relate and i  automatically think darren! its so hard. lol



i cant. its too late... i guess cus i dumped him. and now a lot of my friends like him. i give them advice about what to do and stuff.. and so they all think im completely over him.. well my friend lily says its never too late. but it seems so.

ok hun....1st of all if its too late for darren then u need 2 give up & let go....i kno it will be hard but its something that u will have to do, because sonner or later it might mess up ur relationship with tony.2nd of all, if it hurts so much to see darren,try to avoid the places he likes to go. i hope i helped!





oh whoops....just read to the end of the thread....wel thats good that ur over darren

[XxBeExOHxX]

maybe u should type more briefly. u cant get over him cos ur WEAK, WEAK MINDED, U WEAKLING, pussy.

[justchillen]

i know how that feels.. your just attached bcos he's your first love..

[DrEaMgUy2K1]

im not gonna read cuz im tired haha.....but im guessing its because the person is YOUR FIRST !LOVE!

[MusicalAngel]

Because you're a Christian... i can tell you this. Lol. Your relationships should be "God-like"- i'm going to assume you know what i mean, but if you don't, IM me on AIM and i'll explain. But if your relationship with Darren wasn't God based... it wasn't right.

And i feel really bad for Joe... you dumped him TWICE!

[sunissed14127]

maybe u should type more briefly. u cant get over him cos ur WEAK, WEAK MINDED, U WEAKLING, *bleep*.

well that was very rude

[aznsorpor]

wow.. theres so manycomplications.. going out with different ppl doesnt make you a whore.. unless you purposely break up with a person for another guy and for the wrong reasons.. with darren.. there is always going to be a person that leaves a mark in your life but that person may not be the one that you are either meant to be wif or going to be wif.. as long as you remember him and the feelings and memories that you shared its all good.. try to get over him and dont be unfaithful to tony.. cuz it would be very unfair for him.. seeing an ex.. often does cause feelings to come back but that shouldnt cause you to break up with your current boyfriend just because you saw him again ... its ok.. and if he made you feel bad be4.. so you may want to think carefully be4 u want to keep thinking about him.. memories are good enuff...