The Aftermath of Friends With Benefits Options

[MrStrife]

Yeah after replying to a topic similar yet different to my situation, I can't stop thinking about it and need to get it off my chest. No, honest, I'm not trying to steal anyone's thunder but I'm just suffering under the rain. I met a chick not too long ago and we agreed to the play the game, no strings attached. It was pretty good while it lasted and damnit, I still want some. But it ended sooner than I wanted because I sort of got attached and was thinking about being serious but it just led to fighting and her crying.

Now she has a new bf and I'm just supposed to be happy with that? Like after everything we been through, I'm just pushed to the side? Don't get me wrong, she is a good friend and I don't think I'm being one, but it's just getting harder and harder to be her friend. I get mad when I hear her doing things with him that I never did and when she chooses him over me. I don't think I'm jealous because of the fact that I didn't think a serious relationship between us would've ever worked out. I slept with another girl while I was sleeping with her and we didn't care. We argue a lot because I feel like giving up on our friendship because the situation just doesn't look like it's going to change.

I want her to be happy, but I'm apparently selfish I guess. What do you think is the best thing for me to do?

[illriginal]

No STDs or pregnancies involved? Dammit!!

[imperfectionistx]

Now she has a new bf and I'm just supposed to be happy with that?

I want her to be happy, but I'm apparently selfish I guess. What do you think is the best thing for me to do?

You said you want her to be happy. So... yes.

Like after everything we been through, I'm just pushed to the side? Don't get me wrong, she is a good friend and I don't think I'm being one, but it's just getting harder and harder to be her friend.

I'd say just let it go. FWB (usually) never works out if you want it to be more, even more so now that she has moved on. If the friendship doesn't work, then again, just move on.

I get mad when I hear her doing things with him that I never did and when she chooses him over me. I don't think I'm jealous because of the fact that I didn't think a serious relationship between us would've ever worked out. I slept with another girl while I was sleeping with her and we didn't care. We argue a lot because I feel like giving up on our friendship because the situation just doesn't look like it's going to change.

It sounds like you're the one with the jealousy problem here. It's even worse if you were fighting with her w/o even being together. I think you need to remind yourself what FWB is all about.

So basically, if you want her to be happy, then you should move on too. If she's happy where she's at, then you shouldn't mess with her relationship just because you want the chance with her that you already had.

[iDecay]

Mmmm, I believe you really are jealous of the whole situation. Before you even get into an FWB situation, you have to think about things like what if you fall for the person or how it will affect your relationship with them afterward. Too late for that, now. Heh. You just need to distance yourself from her for a while until you get things situated. Move on, find someone else. Don't get into another FWB relationship if you know it's not going to work out well.

Common sense?

[MrStrife]

Thanks for the advice. I'm slowly but surely getting over her. Thing is though.. I'm still waiting for that other girl I slept with. When I think about the two, I'd rather be in a relationship with the second girl. Thing is last time I hanged out with her was Halloween and the next time will be summertime. Don't ask why please. We keep in touch but it's always once in a blue moon. What do you guys think?

[iDecay]

Waiting is a very painful thing to do. Since you guys don't talk so much, you never know if she's changed or if she still likes you. You can put hope that you'll get with the second girl, but don't dwell on it. If things don't go your way, it's just going to make you feel worse.

[imperfectionistx]

I think you should just go out there into the world and find an entirely new girl lol. How old are you anyway?

Also, the longer you wait for someone without contact with them, the more chances they're gonna be moving on without you anyway.

[MrStrife]

I should huh? lolz I'm ol' nuff to learn from my mistakes. Sadly I'm suffering from Peter Pan syndrome.

But what else can I do? I no longer care if it breaks me. I see it as my last chance to see where it goes. And this time, I'm not giving up. Plus, I miss her. *shrugs*

[Deospeon]

Want her to be happy?
Let her be, don't waste your time on her.

[lidoxtitty]

you gotta let go foo.

[gojira]

click to enlarge

[pinayprincess]

i was totally in your position & i have to admit, i was so jealous... but it came to mind that if he really loved me/liked me that much to have to make me go through that and then have a girlfriend and then still try to talk to me, he will break it off with the girl and know that i AM the one.... i waited for so long [meanwhile i had bfs too] but in the end, it wasnt worht waiting for... i eventually found boys who were better than him.... you just have to let go and meet new people.

[Tsukuyomi-No-Mok...]

dammmmn the FWB thing really isn't the way to go cause someone usually gets attached and that's very likley to happen once sex gets involved and once tht happens soo does the pain and crying and everything cause when one gets attached and the other moves on the other gets jealous and then things don't end well.

[LittleMissSunshi...]

^agreeed. new rule of relationships: DON'T DO FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS (IT NEVER WORKS)

[maliciousmagg0t]

well i've been FWB with a couple people. now benefits in my situation do not mean sex. it was a while back and i still believe in only having sex with people you love (although after 3 1/2 years im starting to lose grip on that moral) well i was dating this girl for a while, we really liked eachother but i was an ass at that time, it was when i was in like 11th grade i think and i was still immature and hooking up with alot of girls and not wanting to be with just one so i ended things with her, then she hated me for a while, she started talking to me again finally and she was dating a guy she wasnt in love with so her and i started hooking up a lot and it got to the point where she said she could see her self dating me because i wasnt just after sex with her, we would do a lot of things but when we werent fooling around i was being affectionate and doing nice things for her to make her feel better, massages, random cuddly things, i love cuddling so it was fine by me. i thought we were goin to get back together again and i was happy because this was after a previous relationship that changed me for the better, i was no longer a selfish ***hole who was really stubborn. so all the things she hated about me before were gone. well we didnt get back together, we remained great friends but she recently got married to a guy i dont think she should have gotten married to because all she does is compare him to me and talks about how much better i am so im like WTF?! and not only that but she's going to move to arizona with him because he is in the army (we live in FL btw) and she's not the gold digger type, i dont think she's settling with him because he's got a steady paycheck. she's never been that way in all the years i've known her.

its cool that you got to be FWB with someone and it sucks that you got attached. i guess you can learn from your mistakes (as you said you could) and find out if your able to do that again with anyone else. i mean if you just meet someone, get laid and then she doesnt call you again or you guys really dont hang out much then atleast u got a a lay. if it was meant to be then it'll work out for you but if its not suppose to happen then there is someone else out there and you will be looking back and these 2 women that your thinkin about now and saying to yourself "im so much happier with this one right here then i ever would have been with them" so just keep it positive and keep looking on the bright side.

[Tsukuyomi-No-Mok...]

FWB don't always means sex is involved though. people still get hurt

[MrStrife]

For sure. My FWB thing/fling was just full of talking, comforting, and sex. A lot, lolz. But now, it's like I'm not even trying to even think of it. I was very confident though.