Friends with Benefits Options

[loveneko]

A friend of mine and I are friends with non-sexual benefits.
We've been together on and off for 2 years and a lot of change. I got with him freshman year of high school 2005, left him and started dating my ex Dec 2006, he and I were still friends with benefits until Jan 2007 then I cut him off completely and broke his and his family's heart. I broke up with my boyfriend in Oct 2008 and started talking to my friend with benefits that same month. (He was afterall my friend)

My friend with benefits and I went back to our old ways in November 2008, and we've been like that ever since.
We want to take our relationship to the next level because the fact that I wasn't his girlfriend is one of the reasons I started dating my ex-bf in the first place.

However, we don't want to go out with each other, because he's weird and stupid. He becomes unfaithful when he's in a relationship (I dont know why, he's just so silly) and I dont like to share my boyfriends with anyone (which he does to me, but it's a problem when I do it to him).

I really want us to start dating, and he always complains about me keeping him in the friend zone, but I'm not, he just can't control himself and I dont want to get hurt.
We practically are going out, he calls me everynight, we hold hands in the streets, we show PDA (public displays of affection) he tells me where he goes when he goes and who he talks to if its not me, but I don't. He gets jealous, but he always says, "its none of his business" blah blah blah. Whatever.

Should I just tell him to shut up and go out with me already?

[Tsukuyomi-No-Mok...]

Damn if he's gonna be like that then i think you should jus leave him alone then cause if he's down to be playin these kinda games the he isn't worth the time.
the same thing i tell my sister never let man run ur life or play games with you cause if he's doin that it's not worth it also cause from what you say here it doesn't seem like he really wants you to be with you seems more like he wants to know that ur there so if things don't work out with one girl he's got you as a back up

it's jus like what this kid did to my friend jen he kept her around and played to her emotions so that they were friends with benefits and he's still screw around with other girls but then beg her to forgive him.
eventually she jus left him alone and moved on cause she said he needed to grow up and when he knew what he wanted to let her know but she moved on cause we told her it wasn't worth it to stay there and wait for someone who is gonna play games with your head nah mean
but that's jus my opinion on the whole thing

[loveneko]

it's jus like what this kid did to my friend jen he kept her around and played to her emotions so that they were friends with benefits and he's still screw around with other girls but then beg her to forgive him.
eventually she jus left him alone and moved on cause she said he needed to grow up and when he knew what he wanted to let her know but she moved on cause we told her it wasn't worth it to stay there and wait for someone who is gonna play games with your head nah mean
but that's jus my opinion on the whole thing

That's how I feel, I always say "I'm good enough to play pretend girlfriend, but not good enough to be the real thing" and he always says that it's that he sees me as "wifey" not as a girlfriend.
So while I don't have to vie for his affection and I don't have to compete with other girls, the fact that they're there annoys me but he tells me when he's with a girl. From the way it seems, he isn't with one now. IDK.

[LittleMissSunshi...]

yeah i agree, he's not ready to commit. i think you find yourself a better man :]. he may seem like a dedicated man without the title "official" you know? hmm, does he flirt with other girls or anything?

[loveneko]

yeah i agree, he's not ready to commit. i think you find yourself a better man :]. he may seem like a dedicated man without the title "official" you know? hmm, does he flirt with other girls or anything?

As much as the next guy does, but I flirt with girls myself, so it doesn't bother me. The only time flirting bothers me is when the girl actually pushes to try to speak to him, like if she knowingly ignores my presence.

[LittleMissSunshi...]

but i'm asking if he flirts with other girls besides you. because if he does, then i'm not sure he's ready to commit.

[imperfectionistx]

This guy sounds like a douchebag, no offense.

He may be a good friend, but he'll just be a good friend until he gets with you. Then once he gets with you, he'll treat you like crap, especially if he's already doing things you don't like but not allowing you to do things he doesn't like. You even stated that yourself:

He becomes unfaithful when he's in a relationship (I dont know why, he's just so silly) and I dont like to share my boyfriends with anyone (which he does to me, but it's a problem when I do it to him).

That's a BIG red flag right there.

I know it's just my opinion, but I know the type and I've been through these kinds of scenarios. Don't waste your time with guys like that; they're still little boys and not ready to commit for shit.

[fameONE]

Friends with benefits has worked out for me in the past, but there have also been times when it turned into a shit-storm of emotions. Very messy.

If both parties are mature enough to handle it; it works out beautifully.

[illriginal]

Friends with benefits for the fail. But you'll need to be taught a lesson to understand it.

[Maccabee]

Sounds like this one thing guys do.
They want what they cant have.
Im guilty of doing this. If im not dating this person I want to and act like that, but if i am i get bored and want out. Then I want her back.
I know im a jerk.
But ive learned from my mistakes. Maybe he's like that so he's just being smart and not dating you.
Well that doesnt help. So pretty much i have nothing to say...that can help.

[Melie]

Friends with benefits has worked out for me in the past, but there have also been times when it turned into a shit-storm of emotions. Very messy.

If both parties are mature enough to handle it; it works out beautifully.

^ i agree...but if you feel this guy isn't the one you want to have a relationship with and he wants one, then it's time to end the "benefits". it seems as though you've allowed it to cross that line of "benefits" anyway by allowing him to feel like he's getting one step closer into having a possible relationship. you should have established boundaries so that this wouldn't have happened. if he's having a hard time understanding that this isn't a relationship but just "benefits" then it's time to end it.

[MrStrife]

I just got out of a fwb relationship. Apparently I'm not mature enough to handle it and actually became attached. Now she has a new bf and it pisses me off that I don't get no more bootay from her. No really though, the point of that relationship was to play the game and have someone there without the strings attached. It's such a big jump from fooling around to becoming serious and to be honest, the faster you guys go, the harder you guys burn. I'm still constantly fighting with her because we don't know what we want with each other after it's been all said and done. If he wanted to be with you, he would've already made the move, I think. Whatever you do, just take the time to talk things out so you know where both of you stand.

[creole]

My friends with benefits are non-sexually related. I only need them for pencils, paper, erasers, carrying my books, tying my shoes, etc.

[shoryuken]

My friends with benefits are non-sexually related. I only need them for FOOD..

fix 4 ya..

LMAO..

[sixfive]

fix 4 ya..

LMAO..

qft

[KilluhErick]

friends with benifits hmm.... yeah not the best thing someone shall do
its stupid