Midwinter Lovers, Poem Options

[CrotchetTheLeper]

I submitted this to the writer's block contest. I don't write much poetry, but I saw the contest and suddenly became inspired, haha.

Tell me what you think...



Midwinter Lovers

The boughs above have hands to hold
Our path is worn, our feet grow cold

We're synchronized, our steps, our hearts
Forever youthful neath the stars

A friend or foe, I cannot say
The moon is bright, the branches sway

Unearthly lights, a distant glow
Illuminating fallen snow

A racing mind, a frigid touch
Our bodies shake, consumed by lust

Hearing words, so long unspoken
Pious whispers, mouth unopened

The bridges burn, above, below
An ember world, turns neath the snow

My lips, they part, words will not come
We stop, we stare, the cold has won

[Ekay]

For not writing too much you've done a pretty outstanding job.


"Hearing words, so long unspoken
Pious whispers, mouth unopened"

This line I don't really understand. Maybe explain? And the ending? Very nice and it fits very well into what you were writing. You should write more :D

[CrotchetTheLeper]

Well the poem is essentially about two lovers who are taking part in lustful acts, outside, in the dead of winter's cold - who haven't been together in quite some time. Unable to retreat anywhere warm - presumably because their love is secretive - they've resorted to the only setting available. However, the last lines:

"My lips, they part, words will not come"

Suggest a sense of desperate awkwardness. How do you tell your lover that:

"We stop, we stare, the cold has won"

Despite their efforts, they cannot bear the frigid cold any longer.
The dead of winter's cold has conquered their love - in a way the ending is a bit dark to me because it suggests that their love has failed the "test of the cold," symbolic for their lack of fortitude.

"Hearing words, so long unspoken
Pious whispers, mouth unopened"

These lines are about the things whispered between the two - both spoken, and unspoken (the things actually said, and the things that are suggested). "So long unspoken" suggests that the two have not been together in quite some time. "Pious whispers" suggests utter lustful devotion.

I actually changed the poem a bit since I posted it here. I might get around to updating it...

:D

[wintermelody]

here's a poem i wrote a while back...

Thump, Thump

The heart suffers silently in the dark
Thumping its damaged bruises endlessly
Fresh cuts lashed and not a single tear drops
How genuine yet empty these wounds are.

Emotions do not exist anymore
Instead hollow feelings are welcomed in
The heart merrily ushers these strangers
For they sit there and not cause chaos.

Its weaknesses exposed but yet alone
No one has come to comfort or to soothe
"Where is everyone," the heart asks sadly
'They never were here,' whispered the reply.

I weigh heavy with such sorrow, anguish
No clue comes to mind about this heart
How to heal it or if it can be healed
Is a solution possible at all?

[karmakiller]

^ You should really make your topic for your poems.

[CrotchetTheLeper]

I rearranged it and changed it a bit, and this is what I came up with (I like it better than the original). I'd like to know what you think. :)



The boughs above have hands to hold
Our path is worn, our feet grow cold

We're synchronized, our steps, our hearts
Forever youthful neath the stars

A friend or foe, I cannot say
The moon is bright, the branches sway

Unearthly lights, a distant glow
Illuminating fallen snow

A racing mind, a frigid touch
Our bodies shake, consumed by lust

Hearing words, so long unspoken
Pious whispers, mouth unopened

The bridges burn, above, below
An ember world, turns neath the snow

My lips, they part, words will not come
We stop, we stare, the cold has won

[Maccabee]

I entered the writers block competition but i didnt even look at my poem twice.
I just type it and hit add.

I sit here typing, wasting my life,
When I should be up, and ready to play,
I've made a change to the family name
The people can say whatever they feel
if I get a chance to speak ill say it, like its been said
by the great,
the influential, and all who are dead
there wisdom reminds us of the things that have passed
the words that they spoke slipped away so fast
try and carry on the legend, if you can try
But soon you'll find out, that your living a lie
dont change your life to look like, all the others
just make yourself better, and more like eachother
grow, and laugh, and learn everyday
and soon enough you'll see, your heading the right way.

You have to read it like a poem though.