"You're a bad friend" Options

[SimplicityGirl]

It's me again, with another friend issue, with the same friend, L.

Both me and L are volunteers for this orientation program for incoming first year students at the university that we go to. As it turns out, there is a volunteer appreciation BBQ tomorrow--naturally both me and L were invited to go. L accepted the invitation, while I declined. He asked me today why I'm not going (he's been asking me to go for the past few days, I said no each time), and I told him because I didn't feel like going even though I don't have any major obligations tomorrow(...which is why I declined the invitation). He then told me that fine, he doesn't "feel like going" to this day trip that I planned that he's invited to. Then he said that I was being a bad friend because I used the excuse of "not feeling like going" to not accompanying a friend. But he never, in all those times he bugged me if I was going, mentioned that he wants me to go with him. Oh yes, he ended the convo with "I don't feel like talking to you bye", but msged half an hour later with the mockery of "so I guess you don't have anything to say for yourself? *clap* clap*...and msged me again saying how I don't care about him, but it's always about how I feel and stuff. I haven't replied him, and I don't think I will.

I don't know what to make of all this. Am I at fault? I don't see how though, if I am at fault--I've declined other friends' invitations with that, and vice versa. None of us got mad over that. He says I'm a close friend of his, but at the moment he's not--as my boyfriend pointed out "Good friends respect each others' wishes, and don't force them into doing stuff they don't want to". I know he's been having problems with his parents and grandma at home, but to me, I don't think that gives him a right to do what he did. It's totally different story if he had asked me to go with him, but he never did, so I don't know why he's 1) taking it so personally 2) personally attacking me 3) making a fuss over it. So what if I rather spend the day bumming around at home tomorrow? I don't see how that makes me a bad friend.

So what do you guys think? And before someone puts this out as a suggestion, no he does not like me beyond a friend.

Thanks.

[karmakiller]

I think that he probably told whomever is in charge of this event that he would go, because he thought you were going to be there. If you ask me, it's all a little childish. I think he is probably just bummed that you're not going to go. You are right, though, when you make the point that you shouldn't have to justify yourself to your friends. I think that you should let him know that had you known he was going to go that you would've gone, but that right now you just wanted a chance to have some downtime. If he doesn't understand, give him some time. He'll get over himself.

[brooklyneast05]

man this dude sounds like a little bitch. wtf kinda messages are those? he's is at fault.

[SimplicityGirl]

yeah...that's what I don't get. He doesn't need me to go, and it's not like he doesn't know other people who are also gonna be there. Like I said, If I HAD told I'd go with him, and then cancel on him saying that I don't feel like it, then yes, he would have the right to be mad. Hell, I'd be irked if a friend cancelled on me after she said she'd go w/ me ahead of time saying she doesn't feel like going. But its not like I did that.

Another friend talked to him about it and he said he's pissed cuz my reason for not going is cuz i don't FEEL like it. Emphasis on the word feel.

[towntown2]

L's just being stupid.
You're not a bad friend because you don't want to go to one school event.
Forget about it, he'll cool down and realize how stupid he was.

[LoveToMySilas]

If this is the same L who got offended when you said he was ugly. This guy is SERIOUSLY very immature and if its not...forget what I just said. It is definately not your fault. I mean, its just one event, there will be plenty of others. To really just prove him wrong. Save the chats on AIM that you guys have and then show him what he said whenever he thinks you don't "care" and pulls the whole "so you don't have anything to say". It always makes fools out of people.