His mom, hates me. what do i do? Options

[katebaybayy]

So my bf lives with his mom during the summer since college is out. She constantly calls him when hes with me and when he tells her where he is when she calls, she has a smart comment like 'youre over there too much give it a rest' or 'still', etc. So one day she calls and in the background I said 'omg does she have anything better to do than call you!?' i know it wasnt the nicest thing I could have done but i was so tired of being interrupted by someone who didnt like me and who doesnt want me to be with her son.

So my bf went home that night and she said 'shes no good for you you need to find someone better' just bc of what i said when she was on the phone. Then she threatened to come to my house and cuss me out (totally immature) and after that, i didnt say a word to her and i havent seen her in a long time.

His mom went out of town for a few days and my bf stayed there by himself. I guess she got paranoid that I was over there "doing stuff" with him, which I wasnt and when she came back she found a shirt on her couch that she thought was mine, which again, it wasnt. So she calls him up (while hes with me, go figure) and starts yelling at him saying how I owe her money for thinking her house is a hotel and my bf just says 'ok bye' and hangs up.

Then he made plans with me one day but decided to leave early from my house to spend time with his mom but the next day when he came back over, she got mad that he doesnt do anything around the house and told him he could only stay for an hour. (hes 19 btw) so i got mad and told him it wasnt fair bc he left me early to spend time with her and i didnt do anything to her and she wouldnt let him spend time with me the next day.

One day I called him up when he was with his mom and she said 'doesnt she have any other friends? she needs to leave you alone'

i didnt do anything to her but say that one comment about her calling so much. shes crazy!

Confusing, i know.. sorry!


I constantly tell him to tell her to leave me alone but he never does. Ive had to put up with this for almost 2 years. He acts scared of her or something and tells me its disrespectful for him to tell her to stop. As i told him it was disrespectful to me to let her say stuff.. So when she says something, he just blows it off.

Does he not care about my feelings or am i just overreacting? What do I do? I want my (maybe) future mother-in-law to like me, not hate me!
Thanks

[Eww]

Super soak that hoe.

[katebaybayy]

Super soak that hoe.

haha!

[DaniiVICIOUS]

ahaha she sounds like a MONSTER IN LAW :p ahah.
You just have to be firm that you're good enough for her son, and don't back down. She'll respect you for that. Don't be immature in any way. Act the bigger person and she'll start to see how irresponsible she's being.
Ok?

And don't worry. It's her son you're in the relationshop with, not her ;)
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www.myspace.com/kill_the_scenekid
www.bebo.com/Iheartbulletsx

[katebaybayy]

ahaha she sounds like a MONSTER IN LAW :p ahah.
You just have to be firm that you're good enough for her son, and don't back down. She'll respect you for that. Don't be immature in any way. Act the bigger person and she'll start to see how irresponsible she's being.
Ok?

And don't worry. It's her son you're in the relationshop with, not her ;)
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http://i28.tinypic.com/alnnf4.jpg
http://i28.tinypic.com/30adqjc.jpg
www.myspace.com/kill_the_scenekid
www.bebo.com/Iheartbulletsx

yeah thats what i told my bf. that i was dating him, not her so she needed to leave me alone. lol
i cant tell her anything, im not welcome in her house anymore bc of "my shirt" i left. lol

Reason for edit: Don't quote images, please. - Cristy

[dustbunny]

the easiest way to deal with this is not by turning your boyfriend into an uncomfortable mediator/middleman/messenger but by sitting down with the momster at starbucks and talking. one on one, (with some of her favorite coffee and cake, this is where your boyfriend's personal knowledge comes into handy) you tell her your side, your issue, etc. handle it maturely, keep the profanity to a minimum if you REALLY can't control yourself, and be sure to dress up for the occasion without looking like you're trying too hard. the key is to impress her and just show her that you really really really care about her son. apologize for your "silly" comments and tell her that you just have trouble "sharing" her son. other than that...I suppose just listen to what she has to say, respond calmly, and establish the fact that you are infatuated with her son. yup. yeah and your boyfriend should NOT be at this meeting, and you should schedule this with the mother, not THROUGH the boyfriend.

goodluck



/edit

don't tell her to leave you guys alone (those words) say things like "we need some personal space" and also, she is his mother and she does have a right to be concerned and genuinely distraught over her son's meanderings. respect the mother, respect that she is just doing her job as a mother, and you'll receive respect, well it will come in time. it's tough being a daughter in law (potential) so just understand that a mother wants what's best for her son and so she can be difficult to deal with.

[katebaybayy]

the easiest way to deal with this is not by turning your boyfriend into an uncomfortable mediator/middleman/messenger but by sitting down with the momster at starbucks and talking. one on one, (with some of her favorite coffee and cake, this is where your boyfriend's personal knowledge comes into handy) you tell her your side, your issue, etc. handle it maturely, keep the profanity to a minimum if you REALLY can't control yourself, and be sure to dress up for the occasion without looking like you're trying too hard. the key is to impress her and just show her that you really really really care about her son. apologize for your "silly" comments and tell her that you just have trouble "sharing" her son. other than that...I suppose just listen to what she has to say, respond calmly, and establish the fact that you are infatuated with her son. yup. yeah and your boyfriend should NOT be at this meeting, and you should schedule this with the mother, not THROUGH the boyfriend.

goodluck

that sounds like a good idea. i think id be too nervous to go in front of her. she has a tendancy for hitting ppl he dates

[DaniiVICIOUS]

that sounds like a good idea. i think id be too nervous to go in front of her. she has a tendancy for hitting ppl he dates

ughhhhh :|:|
Well if she hits you I'd just tell her to calm down and calmly tell her that violence isn't going to make you leave her son and it will take a lot more than that. make her see that there's nothing she can do
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www.myspace.com/kill_the_scenekid
www.bebo.com/Iheartbulletsx

[dustbunny]

dang, well then i guess a public area would be a REALLY good idea. it'd take some audacity to hit an innocent looking girl after a seemingly calm talk in front of the WHOLE store.

[katebaybayy]

dang, well then i guess a public area would be a REALLY good idea. it'd take some audacity to hit an innocent looking girl after a seemingly calm talk in front of the WHOLE store.

well ill try. but how do i get her there? she hates me i dont think shed even want to take time out of her day to talk to me.

[dustbunny]

ughhhhh :|:|
Well if she hits you I'd just tell her to calm down and calmly tell her that violence isn't going to make you leave her son and it will take a lot more than that. make her see that there's nothing she can do
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mm I don't think you should consider this as some sort of "war" with the mother. By saying that you're never going to leave her son (in the context that it'll take more than her and her violence) you're only going to set off a mother alarm of overprotection and anger. and it's not about what she can or cannot do, it's more about her method of handling the situation. what you need her to know is that she is approaching this situation incorrectly; if she has issues or if you have issues, the two of you talk it out. what problem does she have with you, what problems do you have with her? etc. you don't want to make it seem like you have her son in the palm of your hand and he's all yours, that's not what she wants to hear.

[KryMeARiver]

hide a sausage in your pants leg.

works every time.

[katebaybayy]

Lol yeah thats true.
im just not sure what to say. the only problem with i have of her is being immature and disrespectful and im not sure i could put that nicely to her.
and im scared (since shes crazy) that shell take something the wrong way and go psycho

sausage? then shell think her sons a freak and be even more overprotective. lol. shes a church freak and i told my bf ( as a joke ) that she was going to go to hell haha (not sure if thats funny to you)

[dustbunny]

well ill try. but how do i get her there? she hates me i dont think shed even want to take time out of her day to talk to me.

you'll most likely need to call her, and you'll most likely need to tell your boyfriend. telling your boyfriend is another tricky part but if he's not a complete idiot then he should understand why you're doing all of this. acquire the phone number for the mother, call her up, and tell her that you know there are issues between the two of you and that you'd like to meet with her in person to talk them out and resolve them if possible. she'll probably say something blahblahblah and then just say that you want to do this because you really like her son and you respect her and would like her approval, etc. if she starts being irrational and starts screaming about how you two don't need to sit down and talk or something, say that you and her son may really have a future together and she also needs to respect her son's choices and decisions.

[katebaybayy]

haha i like the 'something blahblahblh' nice touch lol.
oh, and did i mention she found a condom in the laundry room a couple weeks ago?
she didnt know we were 'sexually active' until now.

[katebaybayy]

should i be mad at him though for acting like he doesnt care that she treats me bad?
he tells me hell tell her to stop but he never does.
i feel like he thinks maybe i deserve it or something

[only-tuesdays]

Firstly, I think you should talk to your boyfriend about this. Have a sit down discussion and explain why it gets to you. He should at least understand. He may or may not say anything to his Mom. There are some people who have been raised to respect their parents, regardless of if they're being stupid.

As for the Mother. I say ignore it. Yes she is the mother, and it can make it more than a little difficult to have a relationship. But I've been the person with the insane mother before. Not to the point of physical violence, but pretty much everything else. It isn't easy living with her. I promise he hears it when you're not around too. So just don't worry about it. Either she likes you or she doesn't.

[dustbunny]

Lol yeah thats true.
im just not sure what to say. the only problem with i have of her is being immature and disrespectful and im not sure i could put that nicely to her.
and im scared (since shes crazy) that shell take something the wrong way and go psycho

sausage? then shell think her sons a freak and be even more overprotective. lol. shes a church freak and i told my bf ( as a joke ) that she was going to go to hell haha (not sure if thats funny to you)

well instead of saying "you're immature" just use the "we need some personal space sometimes BUT I UNDERSTAND that you have a close relationship with your son" yup.

[DoubleJ]

So my bf lives with his mom during the summer since college is out. She constantly calls him when hes with me and when he tells her where he is when she calls, she has a smart comment like 'youre over there too much give it a rest' or 'still', etc. So one day she calls and in the background I said 'omg does she have anything better to do than call you!?' i know it wasnt the nicest thing I could have done but i was so tired of being interrupted by someone who didnt like me and who doesnt want me to be with her son.

So my bf went home that night and she said 'shes no good for you you need to find someone better' just bc of what i said when she was on the phone. Then she threatened to come to my house and cuss me out (totally immature) and after that, i didnt say a word to her and i havent seen her in a long time.

His mom went out of town for a few days and my bf stayed there by himself. I guess she got paranoid that I was over there "doing stuff" with him, which I wasnt and when she came back she found a shirt on her couch that she thought was mine, which again, it wasnt. So she calls him up (while hes with me, go figure) and starts yelling at him saying how I owe her money for thinking her house is a hotel and my bf just says 'ok bye' and hangs up.

Then he made plans with me one day but decided to leave early from my house to spend time with his mom but the next day when he came back over, she got mad that he doesnt do anything around the house and told him he could only stay for an hour. (hes 19 btw) so i got mad and told him it wasnt fair bc he left me early to spend time with her and i didnt do anything to her and she wouldnt let him spend time with me the next day.

One day I called him up when he was with his mom and she said 'doesnt she have any other friends? she needs to leave you alone'

i didnt do anything to her but say that one comment about her calling so much. shes crazy!

Confusing, i know.. sorry!
I constantly tell him to tell her to leave me alone but he never does. Ive had to put up with this for almost 2 years. He acts scared of her or something and tells me its disrespectful for him to tell her to stop. As i told him it was disrespectful to me to let her say stuff.. So when she says something, he just blows it off.

Does he not care about my feelings or am i just overreacting? What do I do? I want my (maybe) future mother-in-law to like me, not hate me!
Thanks

Ok seriously, you're only 19...back off of the marriage talk for a minute. Secondly, he lives under her roof, therefore, he has to respect what she says no matter what. Are you going to take him in and support him if he tells her off on your behalf? This situation is all too common, and instead of just continuing to ignore her, you opened your mouth and said something, albeit it small, but it gave her more ammunition. You are reading way too much into the situation. Just enjoy the summer, f**k, lounge around, do whatever and don't be bothered by that hoe.

[Joanne]

[katebaybayy]

jexGQM0VRQI

haha. ill have to try that one! thanks

Reason for edit: YouTube tags removed. - Cristy

[DoubleJ]

Is it just him and his mom or is the dad there too?

[katebaybayy]

Is it just him and his mom or is the dad there too?

no he doesnt have a dad

[ReggieM]

so basically its him and a girl he met a couple years ago. its like picking a side and he doesnt know which side to pick. His mom is prolly defensive being a single mother, and no matter who hes with shes going to be that way. Theres really nothing u can do except suck up to her haha. or have a one on one talk eeek.

[Joss-eh-lime]

this mom wants her sons attention, she doesnt want you to have it.


you just need to be super polite and ignore her juvenile remarks.

[libertie]

I have literally been in this exact situation before and I can honestly say that I felt totally helpless. I'm afraid I can't offer any advice, because ultimately we broke up because he was 21 and constantly blamed me for his mother not liking me. I couldn't handle it anymore and basically broke it off telling him that I needed someone more grown up. He was upset and tried to get me to change my mind, but at that point I was so fed up with the situation that I couldn't even consider having a relationship with him anymore.

All I can say is if you really want things to work out with him, don't let it get to that point. Be able to calmly tell him how hard you're trying and how it makes you feel that you don't seem to be getting anywhere, but don't come off like you're ranting. If you have to, explain to him that you're trying to be as rational as possible and that you don't mean any disrespect with anything you say.

[Kay-]

You and her should just talk it out and apologize to each other.
My boyfriends mom hates me too haha, this one time i went over to his house and she started screaming and swearing for me to get out of her house..

[heyo-captain-jac...]

Shes a bitch. Theres nothing you can really do about it.

[imnoxonesmemory]

friggin hate moms like that.
and he's 19?
sounds like your boyfriend and his mum need to grow up ( no offence)
if you've put up with it for 2 years congrats.
i think your BF cares, he just doesnt want to make his mum annoyed or feel like he's disrespecting her.. have you tried seriously talking to him about it? as for the mum.. forget her. like everyone else said, you're not in a relationship with her :)