Storm, short poem |
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 May 13 2008, 07:53 PM
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#1
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 Senior Member  Group: Official Member Posts: 631 Joined: Feb 2008 Member No: 619,081  |
So I just sat down today and wrote this quick. Just kinda flowed. Let me know what you think I guess.
Rain falls and I hear the thunder Lightning strikes and it makes me wonder How long can this downpour last? Can we clear up the mess just as fast? Downpour on my heart, oh rain After this i wont be the same To see you, lightning strikes in my heart I see you and i know rain will start. Do you see the lightning strike? I hear the thunder, oh how they're alike They both begin when i see you And the rain on this pale face is nothing new. |
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May 13 2008, 09:44 PM
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#2
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 isketchaholic Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 2,977 Joined: Apr 2007 Member No: 516,154 |
ooh I liked that. The rhyme didn't seem forced; it really did flow very well.
only thing is that I don't really understand the last line 
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May 13 2008, 10:19 PM
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#3
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 DDR \\ I'm Dee :) Group: Mentor Posts: 8,662 Joined: Mar 2006 Member No: 384,020 |
I like it. Did you intentionally make the last words rhyme or did they just come out that way? The rest of the poem doesn't have much assonance, which is why I ask.
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May 14 2008, 05:52 PM
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#4
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 Tick tock, Bill Group: Administrator Posts: 8,764 Joined: Dec 2005 Member No: 333,948 |
Sad :[
I like that you stuck with weather elements and the way that you describe emotions using them (thunder, lightening, etc). |
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