Jealousy, Boyfriend - best friend - they happen to be best friends Options

[azndreamer]

Hey guys,
I would really appreciate if someone could comment on just whether i am being irrational or even somewhat justified in feeling this way. And if anything, do you guys have any thoughts about what i should do about this?

So here's my situation:
I have a boyfriend who i like a lot. We started out as best friends and we were always closest to each other, more so than with anyone else here. We still are pretty close, but now he's closer to my best friend. I know this sounds like me, me, me, but i can't stop feeling like this. I don't have a problem with the two of them being friends or even close. It's just that i feel kinda like she is replacing me as his closest friend and i really valued that relationship with him. We used to be able to talk about literally anything. Now it seems like if something should happen he would go to her first, and that makes me feel really bad. I'm not jealous in the sense that he likes her or she likes him romantically, but more in the sense that they are becoming better friends than we ever were, and i'm kinda losing my boyfriend in the sense that we can talk about anything. I have told him and my best friend about this, and she understands what i'm feeling mostly, but they think that im worried about the two of them liking each other romantically. That's not really what i'm worried about. Do you guys have any ideas on how i should sort this out? Especially just with myself and in my own head. I'd rather not talk about this with them again. I just want to sort out my own thoughts about this so any feedback would be appreciated.

[queen]

i'm not a supporter of girl-boy "best friend" relationships who are not girlfriend-boyfriend because in all my experiences and friends' experiences, they always 'cause drama.

i believe your significant other should be your best "other-sex" friend. call me biased, but i do think their relationship, although totally platonic, is still taking away an important portion of your relationship with him.

so, yes, you have the right to be jealous, but don't let it get to you, and all should fall into place. just try to continue talking to him and as long as you and him have good communication, it'll be all right. afterall, he does have the right to talk to whoever he pleases. your job is to just make sure he doesn't stop talking to you.

[orgasm]

I'm semi-with somebody with a best friend who's female; she's made it pretty clear to me that she will always be the number one female in his life (and by "pretty clear" I mean that she's flat out told me). I really don't have a problem with that since she's an awesome person and we're pretty close. That, and I understand that they've got a history of four years or so. At times, I do get jealous about their relationship together and not because I think they'll get together romantically.

It's really something to just suck up and take. Nobody wants a girlfriend or a friend telling them to drop a friend. It sounds really bad, but if you want your relationship to keep going, just work harder on maintaining and building your relationships instead of trying to lessen theirs.

[MissHygienic]

I would hate them both. Really, because you're his girlfriend, he should be making time for you. Especially since he's taking time out of his day to tell the girl more than he tells you. . .this is wrong, to me? This would piss me off if my boyfriend did this.

[absinthe]

Yeah. That would piss me off pretty badly.

IMO, there are boundaries friends shouldn't cross, of either sex, when interacting with their friends' boyfriends and/or girlfriends. Sure, they can be friends and everything, but personally, I'd want to be my boyfriend's best friend.

If anything, I'd say your friend should know what boundaries not to cross even if you're just being anal about it. If it makes you feel bad, and you've told her that, she should (as your friend) take it down a notch till you feel more comfortable it.

I know that's an extremely possessive approach, but honestly, when they're your friend, and you're having an issue with it, and its in your control ... C'mon! Girlfriend > Girlfriend's best friend. Hands down.

[miyashu]

So as I was reading the first few replies, I thought "Damn, I must be the only one who would get angry if I was in this situation."

To me, it seems like your bf has grown more comfortable sharing things with your friend, and you seem like "second place" to her. This is wrong in my eyes. After all, your best friend isn't in your relationship.

It's okay if they're friendly with each other, but like agiri said, I feel like there's a certain boundary people need to respect when it comes to their friends' relationships.

You've probably heard this so many times before but it's important: communication is key. If you decide to confront your friend (or boyfriend) for a second time, be more specific with the problem because it sounds like they're still not getting it. You should also talk to your boyfriend about this; ask him if he has started to feel uncomfortable telling you certain things. Don't attack him with lots of questions or anything; but be direct.

[DoubleJ]

I have two points to make about this topic.

#1 You need to check your boyfriend asap, and tell him to stop the bullshit. You are the one who he is committed to, and with that being said, you are his number one priority.

#2 Let me just state for the record, that I do happen to have a female best friend, and she will always know the low down and the going ons in my life before my girl (when I get one) would. Why?! My female best friend is 33, so I know that I can confide in her in stuff, since she is more experienced than I am. I will never figure out, why girls are threatened by their spouses female friend, because WOMEN don't worry about that. I guess it comes with time and experience, but every person that I hang out with, doesn't have that problem.

Being a man, I know that we need that outside of the box perspective when it comes to certain things.

[S-Majere]

Owch, IMO - your boyfriend should be your best friend. You have every right to feel pissed off and you need to let your guy know that getting closer with one of your friends than he is with you is completely out of line.

[queen]

#2 Let me just state for the record, that I do happen to have a female best friend, and she will always know the low down and the going ons in my life before my girl (when I get one) would. Why?! My female best friend is 33, so I know that I can confide in her in stuff, since she is more experienced than I am. I will never figure out, why girls are threatened by their spouses female friend, because WOMEN don't worry about that. I guess it comes with time and experience, but every person that I hang out with, doesn't have that problem.

Being a man, I know that we need that outside of the box perspective when it comes to certain things.

maybe you'd be fine with your girlfriend or spouse sharing her most intimate thoughts with a male other than you, but i wouldn't be. i also believe it wouldn't be fair to the male best friend's spouse or girlfriend that he's willing to listen to the problems/affairs of another women aside from her. if it's just casual dating, it's all right, but if you're going to commit yourself to another human being, do it wholly.