Huge problem and I have no idea what to do.., Oi! Options

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Ok, This is what is going on.
My boyfriend gets off to 13 and 12 year olds. I mean this has been going on for a while. I started dating him when I was 14 and that is a close age to what I was right? But now we are growing up and he is 19 now.. I am now 17. This is a problem.
My 19 year old boyfriend thinks 12 and 13 year olds are attractive?
What would you people do. Would you dump him even though you have been dating for 2 years and 4 months. Or would you still go out with him and just keep an eye on him and keep thinking that he is thinking about 13 year olds when we are having sex.

gay

Help please thanks..

[MissHygienic]

How did you find this out? Does he explicitly tell you? You should talk to him about it. Two years and four months of being with him is a long time, and to tell you to dump him because of his fetishes is a bit nonsensical.

Discuss these concerns with him and see where it takes you. Don't stalk him, communication is ideal.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

How did you find this out? Does he explicitly tell you? You should talk to him about it. Two years and four months of being with him is a long time, and to tell you to dump him because of his fetishes is a bit nonsensical.

Discuss these concerns with him and see where it takes you. Don't stalk him, communication is ideal.

I'm not stupid. I did talk to him about it and I quess we will talk more when he comes over today. Um, I found porn of 12 and 13 year olds when cleaning his house and I really didn't think about it till last night. I'm not going to dump him for something like this. I mean I don't wanna say that it is small.. but it's not like he is f**king 13 year olds.. but it could turn into that. I am so stressed out and I have no idea what to do. He said he knows it's a problem. I quess that is a good thing.

[MissHygienic]

I'm not stupid. I did talk to him about it and I quess we will talk more when he comes over today. Um, I found porn of 12 and 13 year olds when cleaning his house and I really didn't think about it till last night. I'm not going to dump him for something like this. I mean I don't wanna say that it is small.. but it's not like he is f**king 13 year olds.. but it could turn into that. I am so stressed out and I have no idea what to do. He said he knows it's a problem. I quess that is a good thing.

Well, it's not like I could assume that you talked to him in your original post nor can I assume that you're not stupid. I'm sure this will always be a fetish for him, if not slightly, so I'd just accept it for what it is. I doubt he physically wants 13-year-olds, it's just a fantasy. Maybe.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Well, it's not like I could assume that you talked to him in your original post nor can I assume that you're not stupid. I'm sure this will always be a fetish for him, if not slightly, so I'd just accept it for what it is. I doubt he physically wants 13-year-olds, it's just a fantasy. Maybe.

Sorry for my rude post.. I am just a little irritated. Thank you for your help.

[Reidar]

Possession of child pornography is a crime. Turn him in, and then give him a long-winded eulogy about how sorry you are that it had to come to this. Then say, "Nah, just kidding" and slam the bars in his face.

[Smarmosaur]

I suggest therapy.
No, seriously. If he can admit he has this problem, therapy really will work...
This is gonna be mean, but...threaten to leave him. If he seems upset, help him. If he comes back with a snotty, stuck-up remark, walk away, contact a therapist. If he does nothing, hug him and just take him to therapy yourself. End of story.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Ok let me more discriptive.. The girls are not all the way un dressed so have cant go to jail. yes we need to get help

[Reidar]

Doesn't matter. If they're engaged in sexual acts, or are even just portrayed implicitly, that's child pornography.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Doesn't matter. If they're engaged in sexual acts, or are even just portrayed implicitly, that's child pornography.

It's just like little girls laying with tee shirts and underwhere on.

But thanks for clearing that up.

[misoshiru]

still child porn.
he either needs help now, or maybe a while later, months or years, it'll be jailtime for him.

[DoubleJ]

Agreed. I love how in your beginning post, you were in a way trying to put him down, but now when people are telling you what it is, you are defending it. My thing would be to definitely talk to him and he definitely needs to seek therapy. There may be something else lying beneath the surface. He might have been touched or molested as a child. Of course some people may think that I am od'ing, but I am definitely speaking from personal experience. Something just does not add up with the picture.

[Reidar]

You should be disgusted with him. Beyond it being illegal (there have been lots of instances of the law being wrong), it's morally reprehensible, victimizing girls whose minds aren't developed enough to grasp what their image is being used for.

Oh, and if it isn't actually porn, since you seem to be defending it with each post, then that was the wrong term to use.

But you know my motto: shoot first, and ask questions later, minus the "ask questions later" part.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Sorry if I am defending it with everypost I just want to make it clear what it really is. You also must understand that you are not in my spot right now so I pretty much will do anything to make it less effencive then it really is. I know it is effencive don't get me wrong.. I am not blind. I do love him and I will seek help for him. I would like to say thank you for everyones posts I do think it helped. I just don't understand what is wrong. I was putting him down in my first post I do agree. I must say that I was mad and angry with him at the time. I still kinda am. Is it so bad to defend the person I love? I would do the same for my brother.

[misoshiru]

...



if i had a brother, and if he were into child porn, i'd send him to therapy too.

[Mikael]

My unsympathetic advice: he drops the nasty act or bust. When other people find out, and they find out you knew, you will be considered an accomplice.

[ArtofBreaking]

Sorry if I am defending it with everypost I just want to make it clear what it really is. You also must understand that you are not in my spot right now so I pretty much will do anything to make it less effencive then it really is. I know it is effencive don't get me wrong.. I am not blind. I do love him and I will seek help for him. I would like to say thank you for everyones posts I do think it helped. I just don't understand what is wrong. I was putting him down in my first post I do agree. I must say that I was mad and angry with him at the time. I still kinda am. Is it so bad to defend the person I love? I would do the same for my brother.

It's not a bad thing to defend the person you love, you are right there. However what he is doing / interested in is f**king sick, and you as a human-being should be utterly disgusted. I understand you love him, but if it were me, I'd say drop it or i'm dropping you. I'd do the same for any of my family members as well, no matter how much I love them.

[Reidar]

Is it so bad to defend the person I love? I would do the same for my brother.

Yes.

You sound like a nice person, but there comes a time when being nice and being right are two different things.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

How would I say this to him thinking that I don't love him. I know I could just say.. Hey.. what your doing is sick and discusting and your acting like a freak because you are attracted to young children and you should be a shamed even though you cant help it.. but since you are a pig I am going to dump you if you dont stop? no.. there has to be a better way. PLEASE Share your ideas

[ArtofBreaking]

"Even though I can't help it" is the poorest excuse i've ever heard. There is always a way to help whatever the problem is, always a solution. And what you should do is just lay down the law, and if you 2 love eachother blahblah he should understand.

[fameONE]

How would I say this to him thinking that I don't love him. I know I could just say.. Hey.. what your doing is sick and discusting and your acting like a freak because you are attracted to young children and you should be a shamed even though you cant help it.. but since you are a pig I am going to dump you if you dont stop? no.. there has to be a better way. PLEASE Share your ideas

Toughen the hell up and approach this like a level-headed individual. Common sense prevails. If he can't give up getting off to the younglings, then you need to give him up.

Do you know what they do to sexual predators in prison? Karma's a bitch. Sooner or later, someone that obsessed with kiddies is going to want to act out on it. If that happens, its on you as well.

[Insurmountable]

You need to tell him that he needs to get help, eventually it could turn into a really big problem and I'm sure you don't want to get stuck in the middle of that.

So if hes so turned on by these little kids, then does that mean your physical relationship is lacking o_O, when I first read your post I was originally going to say turn him on in some other way then what your doing, but after I read your other posts I leave with, helping him find professional help about these things.

[S-Majere]

That is pretty worrying. Regardless of how well you think you know someone, they can always suprise (and disgust) you. You do need to have a very serious talk with him about this fixation - perhaps he does not realise the seriousness of what that kind of material can imply about a person.

[jaeman]

I agree with many of the replies already made on this thread. This is a situation to worry about because there might be a few parts of his mind which may be troubled. And his status as an adult makes his fetish even more worrying because it's illegal. He should get into some seminars or something to change his mindset on said topic.

[Melie]

i really agree with everyone's suggestions and advice. i understand that you love this man but if he loved you like he says, then he wouldn't need pics of younger little girls and what's worse: in their underwear!!!

there is a fine line right here of a future pedophile and therapy is the only option for him unless he wants to go to jail. unfortunately he stopped loving you when he started looking at little girls' pic. he may have love for you, but may not still be in love. if you were 13 right now and a 19 year old was so interested in you that he wanted pics of you in your underwear, then you would probably worry and tell your parents. i may not be an expert but i really think that this is something very serious that it needs to be solved immediately.

[miyashu]

Toughen the hell up and approach this like a level-headed individual. Common sense prevails. If he can't give up getting off to the younglings, then you need to give him up.

Do you know what they do to sexual predators in prison? Karma's a bitch. Sooner or later, someone that obsessed with kiddies is going to want to act out on it. If that happens, its on you as well.

Agreeing with Brandon on this issue.

Don't beat around the bush and don't feel ashamed to approach your boyfriend about it. Take control of this situation and be direct with your feelings. Sometimes, there just isn't a 'better' way to say things.

Best of luck.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

i really agree with everyone's suggestions and advice. i understand that you love this man but if he loved you like he says, then he wouldn't need pics of younger little girls and what's worse: in their underwear!!!

there is a fine line right here of a future pedophile and therapy is the only option for him unless he wants to go to jail. unfortunately he stopped loving you when he started looking at little girls' pic. he may have love for you, but may not still be in love. if you were 13 right now and a 19 year old was so interested in you that he wanted pics of you in your underwear, then you would probably worry and tell your parents. i may not be an expert but i really think that this is something very serious that it needs to be solved immediately.

I know but just because he looks at little girls does not mean that he dosent love me. I know many other men that look at porn maybe not little kid porn and still love their other half. It's just a male thing. Things don't change just because he looks at little girls insted of 50 year olds.. He is a really trobled person I am not going to say that he is not. He has depression problems.. he is bipolor.. he has mood swings rapidly.. He even said once that he tryed to kill him self once in middle school but he said that he will never do it again... he is very hard to get along with sometimes and he hates to go out and do things. He hates my friends and seems never happy with anything. He also says shit that pisses me off and really hurt. Don't get me wrong. He makes me happy when he is happy. I really don't know what I would do with out his sorry ass. He is amazing when he is in a good mood. He has pills for his depression which helps. I mean I don't always get calls of him crying on the phone. That happend once. It was bad plus I was drunk. It just didn't work. I know I am saying alot of really bad things right now but I am telling you who he is. He is a big part of my life. Maybe I should go on break. Think about things. Would that help?

editing//

To leave on a good note last Thursday I got my wisdom teeth out and I have been really sick. He stayed over and took care of me for a few days. Even when I puking so its not like he does not love me. Tomorrow is our annaverery. 2 years and 4 months

[Melie]

well congrats on your anniversary! i hope that your bf is seeing a therapist. meds work great but you need the therapy with it or else it's just there to calm you down. i know, i take meds too. but what i'm still concerned with is how you're not at all phased by the fact that he still looks at little kids in their underwear?

[malimars]

Yuck thats disgusting!! Its guys like that , that make this world sick!! sorry but its true & some guy in my town who was a bus driver just got caught with pics just like that on his computer & yet he was a bus driver for little kids!! you being his girlfriend of 2 years should help him in some way... right now its just a fetish and he likes pictures but wait until he wants to act on these things with little girls!! I wouldnt stay with that no matter how long I was with him especially something that serious!! but heyy its your choice just voicing my Opinion!!

[JokeInsideJoke]

how did you feel about him before you knew about this?

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

how did you feel about him before you knew about this?

What a random question. I felt like I knew him. It seems like I don't. I felt happy and joyful that I was his and he was mine. I felt a sence of pride in him because he is amazing even though he has problems. I felt safe and sacure. I still feel all these things and they will never change. No matter what fedishes he has for other things. Even if he liked to rape dogs in the ass. I would still feel this way. I love him and I probley always will. I am proud to say it.

I finaly talked to him and told him how I felt the hole sha-deal.I told him that I was really irritated with the fact that he thought little girls are attractive. He says that it is a problem and he said its not like he is going out looking for little girls to rape.. he said it was sick. I agreed. He said we will work with this problem together and we will deal with it in our own way. Even if that means going to a shrink. We love eachother and it is ok to get annoyed with the people that you love. It cant be all happy joy joy all the time we would go insane. I do also think that I will take pictures of myself and get rid of the other porn. That's a start right?