Why didn't he make a move? Options

[TearsOfAPhoenix]

Ok so I've beening playing back the course of events for a two weeks now and I still can't figure out why he didn't make a move. This guy and I had dated previously twice before and my parent's strict nature always ended up tearing us apart.

We were out with a couple of friends (one of the few times I was let out of the house) after a fight with my mom who had bascially kicked me out of the house. So, we were leaving the restaurant and he asked me where I wanted to go and I told him anywhere but home. We ended up driving to his house where we sat outside his house and talked for like two hours.

My friend called telling me that my dad was wondering why I wasn't home yet, so I called my dad and told him I was on my way home, but the fight with my mom then replayed in my head and this huge sense of not being welcome in my house hit me. I ended up spending the night at his house. We talked in his bed for a couple more hours. He never made a move. I thought I had put myself out there. Obviously, I still very much have feelings for him.

Since then he's bought me a Christmas gift, we've gone out to a basketball game together, and we talk every day at school where he walks me to class.

I need to know if I should let go. We slept in the same bed and he didn't do anything. Why?

[MissHygienic]

Oh. My. God. I asked myself these same questions before I started dating my boyfriend. Because I don't know you or him or the situation at-whole, I'll speak from my personal experience. With me, I offered my bed to my not-at-the-time boyfriend and in turn, he said, "I can sleep on the floor." WHAT THE HELL.

Men are airheads, and sometimes they come up with these ridiculous assumptions and other things that make them shy away from making a move. Perhaps he thought that you only wanted to stay in his bed because your parents were angry at you, and that you didn't actually have "feelings" for him. He's probably just shy or confused, even if you think you've put yourself out there.

Don't let it go if you like him.

[TearsOfAPhoenix]

Well I mean he's not the shy type at all. I discussed this with a mutual friend and he was equally surprised. We've dated twice before and he knows that I'm not the shy type so I don't know... Its just irritating.

[MissHygienic]

Hmm, yeah, you're in an interesting situation. He's probably coming up with reasons or excuses to not go any further, I guess? Because you've already dated twice, perhaps he's thinking a third time might be a bad idea? Although, I am pretty certain that if he didn't have similar feelings, he wouldn't spend that much time with you.

[TearsOfAPhoenix]

I guess that's true. The past two times we've dated has always ended because of my parents not letting me go out or see him outside of school and that has always frustrated him, which I guess I should take as a sign that maybe he never cared for me that much. If he did he'd hold out through all of that, well at least that's what people tell me, but that's a lot to ask of someone.

People tell me that I'm too good for him and that he's just a stupid jock, but there's something about him that just keeps me hooked and him not doing anything that night just makes me wonder if he doesn't find me a attractive anymore or if he's really a gentleman. If its the latter it just hooks me even more.

[Castaway]

ask him if he likes you.
here's an idea.. maybe he didn't want to start making out on the bed because it would go somewhere and he isn't ready for that yet, or he respects you and doesn't want to do it so soon.

ya idk, you should try talking to him.

[tokyo-rose]

He probably doesn't want to date you a third time right away. Also, if it weren't for the fact that he's your ex, I'd say that he's got a lot of respect for you. And if you wanted to, you could have made the first move. You don't have to wait for the guy to start things all the time.

[queen]

maybe he didn't want to take advantage of you while you were at your most vulnerable.

[TearsOfAPhoenix]

Well I thought I flirted quite a bit and I didn't exactly want to make a move and get shot down. You could argue it would be the same with him, but the thing is that both our "mutual agreements" to break up have been upon his initative, so I really don't want to put myself out there when I don't know what he's feeling. I never saw myself being a girl who looks to get back together with a guy for the third time, but I just can't let go because I don't believe its ever been anything I've done, but my parents.

[ReggieM]

beacauseee maybe you had a zit on your face..

[NoSex]

Surprise him. Make the move - maybe he's tired of feeling like the captain of that sunken ship, bring it to the surface yourself. Show him you have initiative and that you're ready to be an equal partner in a romantic relationship. Seriously, it would him impress him. Kiss him and tell him you want him and that you've always wanted him. Seriously.

[TearsOfAPhoenix]

I should just push him against a wall and kiss him shouldn't I? I really would, but I don't want to jeapordize the friendship we've formed since our break-up and create weirdness. You know?

For Christmas I got him a new video game and I wrote him a card thanking him for being there for me during the problems with my family and for always cheering me up. Last night he came and dropped my gift, which turned out to be a bracelet and his attempt at a card (he has horrible spelling). He wrote, "It's been so much fun with you the past year. I knew I had a great person in my life with David (his best friend), but now I know I have two. I will always be there for you for whatever you need. I'm sorry its been a rough year for you and your family and I hope I did all I could to make it easier for you. You know I have all the love in the world for you. So I hope we can have an even better year in 2008. Me and you= happiness. Love ya, signed his name."

Is that just friendly or does our relationship still have romantic potential?

[tokyo-rose]

The last sentences of his card border on romantic implications. But did he flirt back with you on that night at his house? If he didn't, then he could just mean that he loves you a whole lot as a friend.

If it's possible, maybe you can wait until you move out so that your parents can't control who you're with and where you go and then be with him.

[TearsOfAPhoenix]

Ohhh I forgot to add that he asked me what ring size I wore and pulled off a ring from his pinkie and acted like ohh I don't know how that got there but try it on. Now I didn't jump to conclusions. I don't think he's going to propose. Hahaha. We're merely seniors in high school and our dating total amounts to 3 months although we've been talking since April.

And I do think he flirted. We've always flirted, but he's a very flirty person. If that makes any sense.

[Joss-eh-lime]

you're talking about sex right?

he might be scared that you aren't ready for "the move" yet.
or he might think it'll will be awkward after.

[NoSex]

I should just push him against a wall and kiss him shouldn't I? I really would, but I don't want to jeapordize the friendship we've formed since our break-up and create weirdness. You know?

No. I don't know. Get rough, seriously.

[jayybee]

Ok so I've beening playing back the course of events for a two weeks now and I still can't figure out why he didn't make a move. This guy and I had dated previously twice before and my parent's strict nature always ended up tearing us apart.

We were out with a couple of friends (one of the few times I was let out of the house) after a fight with my mom who had bascially kicked me out of the house. So, we were leaving the restaurant and he asked me where I wanted to go and I told him anywhere but home. We ended up driving to his house where we sat outside his house and talked for like two hours.

My friend called telling me that my dad was wondering why I wasn't home yet, so I called my dad and told him I was on my way home, but the fight with my mom then replayed in my head and this huge sense of not being welcome in my house hit me. I ended up spending the night at his house. We talked in his bed for a couple more hours. He never made a move. I thought I had put myself out there. Obviously, I still very much have feelings for him.

Since then he's bought me a Christmas gift, we've gone out to a basketball game together, and we talk every day at school where he walks me to class.

I need to know if I should let go. We slept in the same bed and he didn't do anything. Why?

awwwww.
sweetheart dont even trip.
he was either nervous about it.
or just didnt want to make a move in fear of being rejected.
at least you know he cares.
he let you stay the night & is
still showing you he likes you.
it'll happen when it happens.
that was justa sign telling you
it wasn't the right time.
you guys'll be fine.=)

[jayybee]

I should just push him against a wall and kiss him shouldn't I? I really would, but I don't want to jeapordize the friendship we've formed since our break-up and create weirdness. You know?

For Christmas I got him a new video game and I wrote him a card thanking him for being there for me during the problems with my family and for always cheering me up. Last night he came and dropped my gift, which turned out to be a bracelet and his attempt at a card (he has horrible spelling). He wrote, "It's been so much fun with you the past year. I knew I had a great person in my life with David (his best friend), but now I know I have two. I will always be there for you for whatever you need. I'm sorry its been a rough year for you and your family and I hope I did all I could to make it easier for you. You know I have all the love in the world for you. So I hope we can have an even better year in 2008. Me and you= happiness. Love ya, signed his name."

Is that just friendly or does our relationship still have romantic potential?

&& girl!
he totally likes you

come on!!!!

"Me and you= happiness"

he wants you baddd!!!
hahaha.=)

[TearsOfAPhoenix]

Apparently he asked his best friend if he should ask me to be his girlfriend again and he of course said yes because me and his best friend are really cool, so I'm extremely happy. Thanks for all the input! And I'm not going to wait for him. Next time I see him I'm making the move. :]

[sadolakced acid]

maybe he's gay.

i mean, that comment about david...

anyways, it's not a good thing he lumped you in with someone else.

[sadolakced acid]

maybe he's gay.

i mean, that comment about david...

anyways, it's not a good thing he lumped you in with someone else.

[transcendentalis...]

"Me and you= happiness"

he wants you baddd!!!
hahaha.=)

if he wanted her baddd!!! it would've been more like
Me and you = madcrazywildpigsex

[TearsOfAPhoenix]

Hahaha. Well I asked him to be my boyfriend yesterday, so we're back together. Lol. And like a lot of you said he said that he didn't feel it was an appropriate time for him to come on to me. He knew that a lot was going on at home and he wanted to be there for me as a friend because that's what he felt I needed at that time more than anything. :]

[ReggieM]

hes waiting for marriage.

[transcendentalis...]

^good answer.
i'm not dating until i'm married :) jk that doesn't make a lot of sense?

nvm, i misread the topic. guys are not horny 24/7. usually it's not hard to convince them, but... sometimes they're just not - and you probably shouldn't do anything about it.

and sorry if you're not talking about sex, because the whole "in his bed" thing implies it

aand if that's how you put yourself out there (SEXUALLY), you fail, in the kindest way possible. not that i try to sexually put myself out there..