Am I cheating? Options

[brestar]

My current boyfriend and I just moved in togehter about 3 months ago. We are living in a new area so we are both making new friends. I made a couple of friends at work, and I spend a lot of time at one of the girl's house. Now she is a little older than me, but she has a sister in law who is my age. Her sis in law hangs with a lot of guys, and there is a really handsome (slightly younger than me) guy who's "diggin' me." When I'm over at my friends house I'm always flirting with him, and when I'm at work I text him from her phone so my boyfriend doesn't find out. I'm not the type of chick to cheat, so am I headed down the wrong path?

[xDVSx]

hmmm... maybe in a way...
just don't get too into this guy
and don't get physical

[brestar]

hmmm... maybe in a way...
just don't get too into this guy
and don't get physical

Although it has been tempting, I haven't allowed myself to be physical in anyway. I really care about my boyfriend ... but it's hard not to enjoy the attention when I'm not getting it so much anymore at home. You know?

[MissFits]

If you can't tell your boyfriend and you have to ask if your are cheating, it's wrong. To me cheating is an emotional involvement with someone, whether or not you have sex is inconsequent.

You need to tell your boyfriend, or if it's easier just cut it off with your male caller. I'm just saying if your willing to do it now, would you be willing to do it in the future as well? Wouldn't you be heartbroken if you found out that your boyfriend had been doing this to you?

[brestar]

If you can't tell your boyfriend and you have to ask if your are cheating, it's wrong. To me cheating is an emotional involvement with someone, whether or not you have sex is inconsequent.

You need to tell your boyfriend, or if it's easier just cut it off with your male caller. I'm just saying if your willing to do it now, would you be willing to do it in the future as well? Wouldn't you be heartbroken if you found out that your boyfriend had been doing this to you?

Of course I would be hurt! It's already a fight to keep my boyfriend, with all the extra baggage he brung into our relationship. The thing is, my boyfriend talks to other females all the time even when he knows it bothers me. When it comes to me talking to other guys it's a BIG "no." He's a complete hypocrite.. and although I AM in the wrong, and what he's doing doesn't justify my actions... I'm enjoying the attention I've been getting. I know my limits, and when to cut this other guy off... unless it come to the point that my boyfriend and I aren't meant to be together. That's what I'm so torn about.

[MissFits]

It seems like your not happy.
I don't know you, or anything about your relationship. But, I do know that people that are happy in their relationships don't pay any mind to male callers.
If you are having such a hard time choosing you don't love your boyfriend. In my opinion, anyway.

[RyanWasHere]

Ever heard that one quote?

"Never leave the one you love for the one like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love."

Think about it.

About the whole not getting the same attention thing...do you show him the same attention you once did? I wouldn't think so if your mind tends to wander into thoughts about this other guy.

& yes, whether you want to believe it or not, you are cheating on him, if you don't have the heart to break it off, at least have the heart to make it obvious that your straying, I'm sure he'll catch on and break it off himself, I know I would.

[brestar]

It seems like your not happy.
I don't know you, or anything about your relationship. But, I do know that people that are happy in their relationships don't pay any mind to male callers.
If you are having such a hard time choosing you don't love your boyfriend. In my opinion, anyway.

I understand where you're coming from. I do love my boyfriend, but I'm not yet in love with him. I care about him, and I love for our relationship to work out but at the same time I feel like I can't be my WHOLE self around him. I'm sometimes walking on eggs shells to make sure and not say, or do the wrong thing just to avoid a petty argument. He doesn't trust me AT ALL, and the funny thing is ... up until this point he had no reason to be suspicious of ANYTHING I was doing. I've been completely faithful.

[brestar]

Ever heard that one quote?

"Never leave the one you love for the one like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love."

Think about it.

About the whole not getting the same attention thing...do you show him the same attention you once did? I wouldn't think so if your mind tends to wander into thoughts about this other guy.

& yes, whether you want to believe it or not, you are cheating on him, if you don't have the heart to break it off, at least have the heart to make it obvious that your straying, I'm sure he'll catch on and break it off himself, I know I would.

Contraty to belief I do show my boyfriend the same amount of attention, if not more than when we first started out. Flirting with this other guy doesn't take anything away from the feelings that I'll always have for my boyfriend. There is just a lack of attention from my man which I'm seeking. I'm not planning on leaving my boyfriend for another guy. Even if things with my boyfriend and I did dissolve I wouldn't be in any rush to get someone. I really haven't imagined myself with anyone else.

[*jeanna*]

if you have to question your actions, something is up

[brestar]

if you have to question your actions, something is up

I suppose so. So basically what everone is say is I should feel horrible, cut the other guy off completely, continue to be faithful to my boyfriend and hope that he decides to come around?

[MissFits]

I understand where you're coming from. I do love my boyfriend, but I'm not yet in love with him. I care about him, and I love for our relationship to work out but at the same time I feel like I can't be my WHOLE self around him. I'm sometimes walking on eggs shells to make sure and not say, or do the wrong thing just to avoid a petty argument. He doesn't trust me AT ALL, and the funny thing is ... up until this point he had no reason to be suspicious of ANYTHING I was doing. I've been completely faithful.

That's not a healthy relationship, do you want to live like that for the rest of your life? What if you have kids, do you want them to feel the way you do? Like they have to walk on eggshells to avoid getting yelled at?

[brestar]

That's not a healthy relationship, do you want to live like that for the rest of your life? What if you have kids, do you want them to feel the way you do? Like they have to walk on eggshells to avoid getting yelled at?

Lol, oh gosh. I don't want you to think it's an abusive relationship or anything. I just hate arguing with him because he is so stubborn. It isn't healthy, but what do you suggest I should do?

[MissFits]

If you can't be your whole self around him, then he doesn't really care about YOU he cares about who you are around HIM.

I'd say, really try to be yourself. If he can't handle it then you two shouldn't be together.

[Uronacid]

Alright,

It's one thing to "talk" to another guy, but you're obviously leading on this guy you're flirting with. I personally don't care if Holly talks to, texts, is with other guys. I care when she's flirting or questioning our relationship because of some other guy.

Look, it's not fair that your boyfriend gets upset when he sees you talk to other guys; however, based upon your actions, he may just have reasons he can't explain. It's not hard to tell when you're girlfriend is treating a guy she knows as something more than a friend. Maybe he receives that vibe when you're talking to guys, a flirtatious vibe.

I have a few questions for you. Do you have male role model (an older brother or father)? Women who don't grow up with a male role model often have a difficult time interacting with men on a level that is strictly friendship. Having a brother or close father figure allows you to develop that ability. My sisters, for example, can be-friend just about any guy and stay friends with them. I have played a major role in all of their lives. In return, having three sisters has given me the ability to interact when women in a way that is strictly friendship. We all have practice being friends with each other. If you didn't have a male figure in your life, it's possible that you may have a difficult time being strictly friends with another guy.

I'm just throwing somethign out there.

To answer your question: Yes, I think you're cheating (not physically though). I think you should stop leading that other guy on. You're being more of a jerk by talking to him than you are by not talking to him (if you know what I mean). Also, start working on the problems you have with your current boyfriend.

[LoveToMySilas]

Everyone has a little flirt in them, but its to an extent. I agree with what Josh said, you shouldn't lead the other guy on and in the process hurt your boyfriend. Is it because you're unhappy with your boyfriend? or you don't have as much fun? Communication is key. Your boyfriend can't read your mind, you guys should have a talk if somethings bother you.

[Smarmosaur]

yeah, just stop it right now. if you need that attention, talk to your boyfriend. explain to him that you need a little attention every now and then. JUST BE SURE TO WORD IT RIGHT so he doesn't think you're threatening to break up with him or anything.

[michelina0kudelk...]

In my opinion, if you are trying to hide something from him, you are cheating, if you didn't think you were doing anything wrong, why would you hide what you're doing from him? You wouldn't...

[StandardEdition]

If you feel guilty, can't tell your bf, sneaking around on the phone with him, I'd say you are starting a road to cheating. It's not cheating yet, you probably shouldn't let this go too far cause cheating situations never rly end well.

[Insurmountable]

Just keep in mind, lust promises what it can't deliver.

Don't get stuck in to something you can't get out of later, its not worth it to jeopardize your relationship your in now to mess around or just flirt with some other guy.