Createblog Diary, Version 11. Options

[stephinika]

Dear cB diary,

It's my birthday in a week. I'm so freaking excited. I really hope it turns out as I plan it to be...I'm just so damned paranoid not enough people will give me their money for the bus! Ack. I need a few more still but oh well. In the meantime, school is keeping me busy (yet here I am on cB venting) ... so many projects! Its crunch time and that's not cool. Seriously. I just want it all done, done, done and for my birthday and Christmas break to just get here already.

[flutterby88]

holy man, this semester is almost over. SO much stuff to do before then, but being this scared and stressed out is what i need i think. cuz holy mother of god i've never had such an emotional semester. SO much has frickin happened to me! i've changed so much. first there was D :( but he just got offered a job! starts monday. he was only out for three weeks, so proud of him, he'll be back on his feet. if only him and M could be happier, i feel so bad for them. but not my problem. and then of course the biggest break up of my life. which i know i'm making a huge mistake by still hanging out with him so much. he still loves me and now that i'm dating other people it'll be weird if he keeps kissing me and stuff. definitely have to act as friends now. but yeah! J! omg, i can't believe that happened. haven't been that giddy in a while. it was a fun date. but that still threw me off. guys will be guys:(. but he's in toronto now so i don't have to worry. and C! cuter every week, hopefully we'll hang out more next semester. and C, i CAN'T wait for our little date! that'll be one my mom will be more excited for than me! but i do hope things work out with your girlfriend, if not then it's not meant to be. glad we're still good friends though. D... it's a very close friendship isn't it? but it's just that. i know she said that but she doesn't really know... and M! OMG SHE'S YOUR f**kING FIANCEE! WAY TO LEAVE OUT THAT TINY LITTLE DETAIL!!! you NEVER ONCE corrected me, said she's just your girlfriend. you're f**king engaged! i can't believe you. i feel even worse for flirting back with you now all these months. i won't do this. talk to me when i'm not the one you turn to because your relationship is failing. i trusted you.
MEN! omg they're all the same. i'm afraid of my cell phone, every time it goes off it's someone else. i mean i'm FLATTERED and this is what i WANTED in breaking up with him, but you gotta be careful what you wish for. it's very fun at times but not when it gets this complicated. i have to be so careful. but luckily i can talk to her about it:). oh god this is such new territory for me. gotta be smart about this.

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I hate competing with her. I don't even want to! and just because she got _ instead of _, doesn't mean she deserves _. I shouldn't have even told her to sign up. Ohh and J is getting on my nerves Can't she get some of her own? All of them are from mine.. I regret telling her to join. Gah and now I have to do my STUUUUUPID bio project that's due on Wednesday. My story for the project sucks, I have to do the pathetic Venn Diagram, I still didn't do anything with the clay or the styrofoam or anything.

School =

and I wish _ came tomorrow.. I seriously.. need.. to buy.. the PLGC

[tokyo-rose]

Dear cB diary,

I'll be 17 in less than two months. Jeez.

I didn't tell T how I felt after all. She and I talked for a long time and caught up on basically everything, so the feeling just vanished. I'm glad for that. I didn't know how to bring it up anyway.

[livwho]

Dear cB diary,

I wish I could knock some sense into him, and make him understand that he's going about this the wrong way.

Also, I've missed Brendan. It's nice to have him back.

[angelrevelation]

Dear Cb Diary,

I didn't think that it had much power over me anymore. But out of the blue, when I haven't really thought of him in awhile, I dream of him. In extremely romantic, sappy detail. Does this mean I still... love him? That I still miss him?

They always say that dreams show your soul's deepest secrets or something. Maybe I've just pushed it back too far to see it or feel it anymore, except in my dreams.

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I can't believe my _ didn't come. Wtf? So it's going to come while I'm at school? Arghh.. I hate this.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear cB diary,

I was feeling pretty bad over the break, but I feel better now. I just had to change my attitude.

[MissFits]

Dear CB diary
I forgot how good really having friends felt.
When they called and asked us to hang out yesterday it made my night. And when we got there and they said we were their favorite people to see and everyday they hope we come over I felt an overwhelmed with a feeling I thought I'd never feel again. I always thought that after my high school friends started going our separate ways that would be it.

It seems like they aren't making new friends, but I wish dearly they would. We are all different people now and it feels so GREAT to hang out with people because you have shit in common with them, and they make you laugh. I am tired of hanging out with my high school friends because all we ever do is talk about high school. We can't hang out for 5 minutes without someone saying "you remember the basement...." or "you remember how close we used to be...".

[deplorable]

hey
frigado. i am screwed. have to finish that damn correspodence.
and man, i dont want to get radiation... too much stress. maybe ill cozy up by the fire with my drawing pad, and just laze.

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

Ahhh can't wait until tomorrow! adgjalsdgkj and I thought _ didn't like me.. turns out she did even though she doesn't show it I am going to SERIOUSLY learn the Tell Me or 한번더, ok? dance tonight (NLW!) I'm going to spend the night ZD/BW-ing.. and Tell Me

lalaaa can't wait for tomorrow!

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
guess who's back?! lol. yeah it's been a long time since i've been here. a lot has happened. some good, and a lot bad, but you know everything happens for a reason, and i learn from my mistakes. lol. anyways...SATs are tomorrow morning and i can't sleep at all. i guess it's all good lol. ah well, i suppose i leave it at that...i should be around more often though [: tah.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear cB diary,

I can't wait for the 28th. I'm happy that it's already December!

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

omgomgomg I'm so happy GAHH they're so nice! I'm so glad they got it for me. And I'm so glad that _ suddenly decided to stop being a bitch to me. And that _ isn't copying me anymore. My life just got better

[Gryffindor-Girl]

Dear Cb Diary
I went to see Disney's Movie called Enchanted today and I LOVED IT and it was flippin freezing outside people who live in the south and California are very Lucky.

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I hope I can learn it soon I want to show _ & _ at recess. But why does _ _ have to be on freaking Monday Why couldn't they choose it on like, Thursday? That would make my life so much easier..

[deplorable]

dear cb diary,
well. i ate too much again today.
stress level is really taking its toll.

i think ill take a jog around the block... clear my mind a bit.

[livwho]

Dear cB diary,
He's dissapointed me again.
How. Shameful.

[shiftieeyedpnoi]

I need to get the hell out of here. xD I'm not going to last long if this keeps on going.

[stephinika]

Dear cb diary,

Why do I feel like this right now? I honestly just don't understand.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear cB diary,

Patience is a virtue. Must remember that. It's not THAT long till the 26th...

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I should stop waiting for "it". Not that I'm going to even get tickets for the small thing anyway. It'll just make my trip there even worse Geez.. I dream too much..

Do I like A?!

[flutterby88]

MEN!! they're all the same. the creepy ones with the penises on their foreheads can go f**k themselves. but i guess the cute and honest ones can stick around:). I can't believe him, that came out of f**king no where. i'm just gonna become a fat nun, that's all. but not if it means that C will like me:). whatever, what happens, happens. VIP!!! omg i'm even more f**king excited!!! what luck! and i'm so happy for him, his first real relationship. i'm sure everyone will be accepting, and if not then they can go f**k themselves too. got my outfit!!! omg it's gonne be HOT!! i never dress like that:). and for once my butt will get more attention than my boobs! it'll be a nice change. and hopefully P is actually coming!! that'd be so fun, i'll dance with her lots:). and I'll stick with L lots too, we'll beat off all the creepers. M will if I don't anyway:P. i'm glad we're doing so good. omg it's gonna be such a good night!! but seriously... men... they think they're so smooth. every single one of them has told me i'm beautiful and that they love my eyes. the same line every freaking time. you're not special, you don't impress me, so leave me alone. although J calling me adorable was very much appreciated, i know he's not interested in that way. i love friends! i love school! i love work! i love dance! i love singing and playing the piano! life is good:). i guess creepers are a small price to pay. too hot for my own good:P. K, now i know what it was like for you in high school!

[tokyo-rose]

Dear cB diary,

Three weeks!

Found out something unexpected today, haha.

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

Ahhhh 9 days until she can come again! I can't wait! :]

But seriously, _______ makes it so obvious I'm so happy though, that when I told him to repeat after me (831) he did! Ahhh.. Even though he didn't mean it haha Orchestra is freaking a n n o y i n g and I really don't want to go right now. But *sigh* I have to because the director is going to bitch at me if I don't.. Fantaisie is so annoying aldksjgalsdkf. Argh.

[stephinika]

Dear cB diary,

First good day in awhile. So much fun. Shopping, and catching up with her was fun, and I'm so glad she agrees, haha. That was awesome. But yeah, bought lots of great stuff and then I was able to go to a dance class for the first time in months and it felt sooo good. I missed it so damn much.

[redpeony]

My bf truly makes me so happy. It has been 2 years and 3 months and the passion and butterflies are still growing. I cannot imagine life without him. And that scares me because we are still so young.

[Flaunted]

Dear CbD.
I am screwed for tomorrow (today) because I am on facebook looking at the bumper sticker application instead of finishing 6.5 more paragraphs for my last paper and my cover letter that is due in about 9 hours. I also have my last psych exam tomorrow that I don't know anything about! Exciting yes?

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

Is she serious? HAHAHA. She thinks that we'll believe that she didn't like anyone for 6 six years? That's probably the worst lie I've ever heard of yet. I think that ____ is kind of.. starting to ______. I think I am, too! I shouldn't be, all I needed him was for.. to make T ______. I sound like a bitch now

[deplorable]

dear cb diary,

i cant wait to see the looks on their faces when they get their letters from santa. i have a lot of work a head of me... 39 responses.... ho ho ho :)

i dont even give a flick about correspondence anymore. doomed to fail.

[flutterby88]

i'm so freaking tired!!! but tomorrow it'll be one step closer to holiday:). i just gotta get through tonight and tomorrow's presentation, i should be ready enough. hopefully :S. but what a crazy day! i had no idea that's what they had been filming at school, and then i bump into him downtown! funny how in real life they're just regular people. he's about as tall as he looks too, camera doesn't really trick us there. but anyway, that was cool. piano was fun, got my shirt! it's comfy:). and that was a fun little get-together. i like hanging out with the older ensembles. :( if only i had time to be in the mainstage, it'd be SUCH AN AMAZING experience. but i can't give up dance just yet, i'm getting so good! next year i'll be in productions again.

[iDecay]

: How could I think that I'm strong enough? This f**king sucks.

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

IT'S SO FREAKING COLD! and mom's not letting me go to Starbucks/DD with Karolyn or Nicole or anyone else.. It's so dark outside, too.. I want to light my fireplace but I can't.. and why did Delalla have to retire! Even though she was really hard, she actually KNEW English.. unlike Mrs. Starer who's the worst freaking sub in the world.. Mrs. Starer just freaking reads straight from the book and doesn't know how to teach. She's so annoying and she can't debate. She doesn't let the other "side" of the issue talk. She just makes them shut up. She's f**king annoying and pisses me off. I'm so impatient with her. She's freaking immature and makes those stupid sound effects when we read (?!). She talks toooo much and explains everything too much. and ever since she head about Delalla's retirement, she thinks she's the permanent teacher now, even though they still have to find one. Um, she's not.. now she acts like she f**king owns the f**king classroom when SHE DOESN'T. She's not our permanent sub, so she should stop acting like one. She makes up her own freaking rules and is just so stupid..

and I'm so pissed that V copied me A G A I N. I seriously can't take this anymore. Karolyn should stop telling her that stuff God! She doesn't even know them. And she probably adds every single f**king thing that we tell her about just to increase the count. Bitch

[deplorable]

hey. its me.

i think the old toes are stuck to the floorboards. so cold.
i hope tomorrow goes as planned and i can get some of the work done.

and sunday, well... that should be amazing <3

my throat is itchy.

[angelrevelation]

Dear Cb Diary,

A might be mad at me There's no reason for her to be. I only ASKED if I could show her picture. She said no, so I didn't. I didn't even pretend like I was going to... And I haven't talked to her or done anything else to possibly make her mad! How flippy is she?

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
i'm so happy it's finally getting colder here! it's been so effing hot! lol. grr can't stand hot weather. i mean i like it, but you know what i mean. lol. i can't wait until winter break! <3 i wish to see Thuan so badly. i miss him super much ! i hope he's doing okay over there. i know he's been really upset lately, but there's nothing i can do really. i just hope he'll be okay until winter break. hopefully i'll be able to visit him. if i don't i'm going to effing cry. ]: anyways, i'm thinking about quitting Hollister. it's like way too much stress, but it's not even worth it. the hours are crap and the pay is crap. so yeah. i suppose i can hold it out until Christmas though...i think. i hope so because i really can't stand it anymore. i'll just stick with Far East. atleast she doesn't jip me too much with my hours. lol. anyways. i have ACTs tomorrow morning. i should really get to sleep, but you know me...haha. i shouldn't stay up any longer though. i'm going to be tired. so i guess this is my good night [:

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

UGHH my weekend's already over. I'll probably wake up at 9 or 10 tomorrow, take a shower, get ready, go to flute, come back, eat lunch, go on the computer for a little while, go to church EARLY tomorrow (!!??!!) for confession, do mass, do Sunday school (FREAKKK ugh) and come back at 7, eat dinner, and try to do all my homework assignments until 12. and I have f**kING morning service on Monday. This shit sucks!

My life.. is too predictable. Not fun

[flutterby88]

holy shit. what a day, and what a night to top it off. i'm EXHAUSTED. but omg, i can't even find the words to re-live it all. very good up until that point. poor baby. but she's so brave, i know she'll get through this. and if anything it brought us all even closer together:). i love them so so so so so much. i don't want to trade any moment i spend with them. the entire day was just... *sigh* perfect. it's the reason i'm in theatre.

[flutterby88]

I'M SO f**kING EXCITED I'M SO f**kING EXCITED I'M SO f**kING EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to go study now:P

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I'm freaking tired as hell. My head f**king hurts and I had to wake up early today/wake up early tomorrow, and I have so many freaking essays and homework assignments.

I think I'm going to faint

[stephinika]

Dear cB diary,

I have no motivation to study for my finals whatsoever. Its gross. I really need to but I just can't right now.

I need them to be over nowwww.

[Gryffindor-Girl]

Dear Cb Diary

today I so aced a test in drama class yay!

[livwho]

Dear cB Diary,

Thank you.

[iDecay]

Dear cBD,

I hate this. I might as well have my heart ripped out now.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear cB diary,

Unbelievable.

[iDecay]

Dear cBD,

Things just never go my way, huh?

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I am SO FREAKING UNBELIEVABLY TIRED. I'm sick of everything: GS, orchestra, the other orchestra, the JCC orchestra, the school orchestra, band, flute, FC, the JCC a. flute ensemble, what the FREAK? I seriously can't handle this.. fatigue anymore. I sleep way too late from procrastinating and my iPod doesn't freaking work and my phone is f**ked up and I have to do so many other things but I don't have the time. My stupid reading thing is due in January but I haven't even started it. My freaking stupid ass teacher/sub is NOT funny and is a stupid wannabe who's annoying and pisses everyone off. and I hate going to 8 different flute-related things. It's annoying and T I R I N G

I need some sleep.

[Smarmosaur]

Dear Santa Clause my fluffy little pink CB Diary,
Why am I constantly this bitchy and annoying? I /know/ I am, and I /know/ the majority of people think I am, so why can't I stop? I try so hard...I want my old me back. Even just a little bit of my old me would make me happy. Ok, atleast for a while. Screw this, can I just have my friends in a red toy bag for christmas?!

[MissFits]

Dear CB diary,
I feel so HAPPY. It's like my whole life is looking up, it wasn't bad before, but my new friends keep reminding me how AMAZING life is.
It's like being 15 all over again, except less drama and more common sense. I never knew what I was missing in life and it turned out to be real friendships with someone other than John. I can talk to these people for hours and get their opinions and hear their stories, but with my old friends if I tried to express something they just nodded or looked at me like I was dumb. Someone got pretty mad at me Saturday for not inviting her to a party, but she doesn't even know my friends and it wasn't my party. I really think I am just trying to cut ties with her, even though I feel really bad for it. She isn't good for me.
John and I got a puppy . We are practicing family life and so far it's working pretty well. Henry is WONDERFUL. He loves his mommy.
I am REALLY excited to see NOFX even though it's 3 months away I feel like it's tomorrow.

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

Yaay half day today Omg I think AC saw me with my phone and now he knows.. I'm so happy, I didn't want to seem desperate and I don't to tell him.. All I have to do now is show it to him indirectly

History is hell.

[iDecay]

Dear Createblog Diary,

I don't know why I'm so afraid to tell him that I have feelings for him.. We're comfortable around each other and there's never a dull moment. Maybe I'm just afraid of rejection since there are so many girls going for him. I like to think that I'm the only girl who does know who he really is, making me have a better reason to want him. There's more to him than just a cute, sweet, caring guy. But then maybe I wonder if there are other girls that know this and that maybe this makes them attracted to him more. Maybe I'm just extremely paranoid and think of too much maybes. I don't know what to do. I can't ever find a good time to say anything. I feel so confused.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear cB diary,

I don't want to be sick anymore. I'm tired of bad, unpredictable weather.

I wish Jolie's mom were more understanding.

[flutterby88]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and there's so much snow!!!!
IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIIIIIIIIME OF THE YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[flashdancex]

Dear cB Diary,
Things are finally hitting their peak. I'm still unsure if what I'm feeling for him is mutual, or if there really is anything there at all. I'd be surprised if he even gave me the time of day.

I'm sick of the whole 'guys' thing. Entering into being a teenager was hard enough this year without the added pressure of guys and friends just acting like bitches.

Yet why do I feel so alive? I wake up every morning and am reminded of how much better everyone else is than me. It doesn't seem to bother me anymore.

[AngelinaTaylor]

Dear cB diary:

You know the saying "no pain no gain"? It's complete bullshit. When it comes to love anyway. How the hell can you gain anything if you're in agony? It only harms you. The pain is so great, I can feel it in my fingertips. It hurts to even think about all the other possibilities. I could've been happy. Things could've been different - a lot different actually. And every time I see a couple, my heart breaks a little. Because nobody's EVER called me a girlfriend. Never. Ever. Even though I've been with a number of guys (5?6? I lost count), and one "relationship" lasted for more than a year (well - this one's been more than a year too). I've been "this girl I'm casually seeing", "a girl I met", "my friend", "this girl", but I was never a girlfriend.. and I don't quite understand why. Like in this case. Why? Maybe I'm too young (after all, 9 years IS a difference)? Maybe because I'm white? Pursuing a dead-end career, and therefore not good enough? Or I'm not as smart as any of his friends? I mean come on. Who am I? A student, and for my part time job, a waitress. Not a very ideal girlfriend. Maybe I'm not fun.. maybe I don't have a great sense of humour.. maybe I'm ugly or fat.. maybe I'm actually a terrible musician and he doesn't want to be associated with me? I have no freakin' clue.

One thing I've learned is that you should never, eeever make someone a priority. An absolute priority, that is. Because with time, things will change and you will remain only an option for them, if not something less. And that's not something enjoyable. I hate the fact that I always expect each relationship to be something different, but it all ends up being the same, and you wish you never met that person. Why can't I accept the fact that maybe I'm just not one of these lucky people and move on, without having expectations? Anniversaries, acknowledgements, birthdays, being cared for/loved and all that fancy stuff is obviously not something for me. Why do I keep wasting my time with people who frankly don't really give a shit? I try and try to make myself apathetic and distant and cold but it never works.

This is by far the one that's hurt most. It somehow beats the relationships with cheating, abuse and more cheating. I don't know why. But hopefully I can just move on with my life and never fall in love again.

[hopelovebaby]

Dear cB Diary,
I think I've figured out who ME is. And from now on, I'm just going to be ME. If you want to know me, then do so. If not, if you can't accept who I am, then screw off. So who is that? Me. I love to laugh. I love to have fun. I hate being serious, but if you ever need somebody to talk to about the more severe things in life, I'll listen to every word with my whole heart. I goof off way too much. Being silly and immature is one of the ways I feel free, but I have my mature moments too, I promise. God's girl forever. I love being outdoors and just walking around. I love making the stupidest things fun. I make stupid jokes. I go unbelievably ditzy at times, but I'm not really that stupid. My mind just blanks out sometimes. I love happiness. I can never be sad for long periods of time. I love kid shows. I love being a kid, period. I want to change the world one day. Deep down, under all this crap, I'm so caring and loving you won't even believe it. No one's completely seen that side yet. So keep looking for it and you won't be let down.
That's who I am. Me.
xoxo

[flutterby88]

BEST f**kING BIRTHDAY EVER!!!! i danced my heart out and there was not a care in the world.
a few things worth mentioning: i'm sick of dealing with them, i give up, i'm done trying to force a friendship; what a SWEETHEART, came all that way just to wish me a happy birthday, he's a keeper; you guys SPOIL me, but i enjoy it i won't lie:); i love you guys, you know who you are; and last thing, i need to learn to say no, maybe then i won't be so afraid of dating again.
but again, best birthday ever. dancing is what i'm meant to do, especially with certain friends. and i felt amazing, no less than i ever should:)

[deplorable]

dear cB diary,

today was borrrrring. oh well. tomorrow ill livin' it up!

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

Gah he asked! I'm so happy. And I thought all along, he never noticed but he did! And GG is so f**king lucky.. she got it since she was born Why couldn't I? UGH. Life would've been so much easier if I was born with it AND d-ing.

I'm so f**king unlucky. f**king damnit!

[flutterby88]

i love those girls! i've never had a dance class wish me a merry christmas and a happy birthday like that before! it seems like every year the people i meet become more and more amazing.
but then again, i also meet some people i wish i could forget. that hurt, does he really mean that? it'd just be my luck, all the guys after me are either major creepers or just want to get in my pants, but the guys I'M actually interested in are taken or not interested. of course there are some wonderful exceptions so i can't complain at all. what i'm really trying to say is that i like him. i like him so much and i don't want to be disappointed. and i need HIM to give me a little space. it's so bad, how much i use him cuz he spoils me too:P. oh dear, it's never simple. whenever i get what i want, i feel guilty to the point where i pretend not to enjoy it just so i can complain. i've never gotten so much attention in my life, i love it:D. but i can't have it all. i gotta take the creepers with the good. and... i really hope he doesn't disappoint me. please.

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I can't wait until winter break tomorrow. I seriously need to catch up on everything and sleep. I really want to go to the city during break! And I don't want to sing during the STUPID party The whole freaking project is useless. I f**kING HATE HISTORY. Aii..

[flutterby88]

I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM!!! :) :):) :) :) :) OMG he's so cute, so so so so amazing. tralalalala i can't wait until i see him next. what would be a good excuse to see him over the holiday?????? GAH HE'S SO PERFECT!!!!!

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

My birthday's coming up soon!
I'm finally going to turn 16 on New Years yayayayay

[tokyo-rose]

Dear cB diary,

I'm praying so hard for Grandpa to be okay. I don't understand why this had to happen so close to Christmastime. I hope he gets a donor match soon for his liver transplant... God, let it be okay. We need him.

[redpeony]

Dear cB Diary,

I love him. I love the way he wraps both of his arms around me when we are sitting on the couch. I love how he kisses my forehead. I love how he 'boops' my nose. I love how he 'plays piano on my face'. I love how he kisses me nonstop on my face when I am mad. I love how he always grabs my hand first. I love how he places his hand on the small of my back. I love how when he is driving sometimes I see him looking at me and smiling. I love how he plays with my hair while driving. I love how he sings to me. He is wonderful and patient and kind and understanding and funny and smart.

I didn't expect this when I met him. One random day 2 summers ago... this cute boy that seemed 'responsible' but for the first few months was a complete jerk. I stuck around because I was so smitten and so lucky for me... it transformed into something f**king beautiful.

I'm scared. The longer we date the more scared I am... because I am so freaking attached and we are still so young.

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

Why am I so selfish? Why am I so jealous? Why am I so complicated? What is wrong with me these days? I seriously need to rant my anger out on something.. here it goes?

I'm so stressed because of the sh!tload of homework we get everyday. I need to start sleeping earlier because I'm obviously not getting enough sleep. I keep losing weight when I should really be GAINING weight, otherwise ____ is going to call me anorexic which I'M FREAKING NOT. I'm really confused about who I like at the moment. I don't know who to trust these days. I have to start thinking more about who are my true friends and who aren't. So many people want to create drama everyday for no f**king reason. I'm sick of it! I still have to get Christmas gifts for my parents and there's no time to go shopping for one. I'm seriously BROKE at the moment and there's no way of getting any money. My brother borrowed freaking $50 from me and never paid me back. I waste my life reading ff and I should really stop. I need to catch up (SERIOUSLY) on my reading log because I'm not even close to being finished. My book review is due and I didn't even start my retarded classic book. I'm getting so many bad grades these days. I have to f**king do my math check and I'm scared of asking J for notes because she's already pissed with giving K her notes. I can't ask E because.. I don't think she'd want to give them to me. I have to get ready for regionals and my gay C-chromatic scale isn't working out. My scales are messy as hell. I have to update that notebook and I don't even know where to start. I have to update Only for the Prize and it seriously sucks like shit right now. I totally gave up on C and I didn't even START TN. I can't believe this. I keep rushing myself. I'm going beyond my standards. I want to go to the SJ or TQ concert when I go to Korea next year, but that's .0000001% I'll go. On top of that, I want to meet either backstage but that's like, literally, .0000000000000000000000000000000000000001% chance. Why? It's just.. seriously impossible? and I don't even know if I'm going to their freaking concert. I keep thinking about it and if I don't get it, i KNOW i'm going to be disappointed. I should forget it.. and it's my last visit to Korea (yeah, first visit in 7 years and last visit until I get out of college) and I seriously want to make it important.

What the hell.

Ah, that felt good ^

[MrStrife]

Dear cB diary,

It's been a while but here goes. Last night was pretty fun even though everybody else didn't enjoy the club as I did so much. I have no idea why exactly but I needed that stress breaker even though I danced like a maniac. Jeez, I need to get the radio because it was so awkward on the drive home. I felt so bad for mentioning my birthday to everyone because C's birthday party was a flop and she spent so much money on the place and everything. It was a disaster like mine last year and I think she cried. I have no idea what's the deal with P. It's weird even though I know we're not the best of friends but it's like he secret dislikes me for some reason. We are very different people though.

Yeah well, I really wanted to get today off my chest. Woke up early to get to work and yeah it sucked as usual. For some reason, my bitchy boss tried to be all friendly with me even though a couple days she yelled at me in front of everyone. I remember that shit because I didn't do anything wrong and now she wants to be good with me. Whatever, I think it's just the season. For some reason, I just felt so down at the end of work and I didn't want to talk to anyone.

Then all of a sudden I heard on the radio, "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie. It just reminded me of Wendy. You see my name is Peter and the first movie I ever remembered first watching is Peter Pan. I even think my mom named me after him because my whole real name sounds similar. Well yeah, there's this girl who works at the orthodontist office I go to for my braces and she usually takes care of me. She is so undeniably beautiful and from the getgo she looks so accomplished with her life at the time. One day I was feeling down like usual and it showed. Well the Fergie song was on the radio over there too and she started singing it and for some reason I just felt like she was singing it to me even though I tried convincing myself it was just my imagination. Well later, I missed a few appointments and she must've gotten the impression I'm irresponsible by that time. One day I went to the office to pay off part of my bill and I couldn't help but overhear that the same girl's name was Wendy. I was just shocked and stunned because suddenly in the air, was our names being called, Peter and Wendy. Then I had a rush and my first ever fairy tale came flashing before my eyes and I realized that it had no happy ending. Peter Pan was the boy that never wanted to grow up, but then I just realized that if only he did, he could've fallen in love with Wendy. Wendy can't wait for Peter and would eventually grow up while Peter would still refuse to. I realized that I was living out my favorite fairy tale and today with that song playing in the background, I saw my life in this Neverland with my friends the Lost Boys. Maybe I'm just being overdramatic over this ironic realization, but I can't help but feel that I have/want/need to say, "I'm sorry Wendy."

[tokyo-rose]

Dear cB diary,

It's almost beyond me, but not quite, how a mother can be so mean to her child and say such horrible things about her own family member. But I know that she says things she doesn't mean when she's angry. I feel better about it after getting a good night's sleep, but it doesn't change the fact that she was just cruel.

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I seriously feel like shit right now. I want to sleep and get some rest but I can't. I have to do freaking altar service for two hours (Christmas Eve mass..) tonight. I have to hold the freaking candle? And I'm so dizzy and cold and sick right now.

ASDKFJASDLGKJSDLFKJ

[happydimples]

Dear cB diary,

I wish things were the way they used to be.

[flutterby88]

a white christmas!!!! i honestly can't remember the last time i woke up to snow on this day. it's so beautiful out:). scary to drive in though, but i kept control of my car:). what a great night. wonderful presents and dancing and laughs. it's so beautiful outside, so so beautiful. i just want to walk around in it and be a kid again. that's the only thing missing this christmas, the magic of being a kid again. but i got the people i love by my side:). ok naptime, work is determined to kill me:P

[flutterby88]

i don't know how i'm still alive. 10 and a half hours on boxing day. i almost died, but at the same time, i've never had so much fun at work. we all survived:) and i've never laughed so hard with them. i love them, i want to take them home:). and the customers today were wonderful, at least the ones i had. and $160! i won't complain:). i love those girls, more than they know. we must hang out outside of sterling. oh and the food today! that sure kept me going:). and the girls, did i mention i love them:)?

[IVIike]

Dear cB Diary,
I'm really getting sick of my girlfriend Hannah being a total bitch all the time. We break up at least once every two weeks and I dk what to do with her.

[deplorable]

dear cb,

i swear to god, if it snows again tomorrow ill kill an innocent twig. if this storm prevents me from seeing my boyfriend, ill be flippin mad.

[stephinika]

Dear cB diary,

Y'know, even with all that...today turned out fine. I've missed dance so much...

[flutterby88]

uh-oh, i have a crush *blushy face*. the more we get to know each other... i hope i'm not being too obvious. and i hope i'm not reading him wrong. we get along so well, is he just a nice guy? i need a sign. or should i just go for it? not yet, still got some figuring out to do. i have wandering eyes after all. but right now, he's all i can think about. that whole day was out of a movie. oh dear, i hope i don't end up falling too hard.

[S-Majere]

Dear Diary,

Another new year. I can still remember celebrating 2000 - so much so that these others seem mere dreams.

So, I'm 20 this year - 21 next year. That's damn scary. I kid you not, I feel like a 12 year old caught with her hand in the cookie jar most of the time.

It's Ian and myself's second year together this year. I cannot remember a time when I have felt happier or more certain about such a wonderful future.

Sitting here now, 1:05am January 1st 2008 with a pint of Carlsberg Export and a shitload of sweets. Can't wait for this year to show me what it's got.

[Crash2]

Dear cB Diary,

I can't believe it's already 2008. I didn't think this year would come so fast. It should be fun though. Lots of changes are going to go on this year, so all I can do is hope for the best.

Here's to the new year. Ready or not, here it comes (or is.)

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I really hope we can start all over again.. since it's a new year and everything?

[MrStrife]

Dear cB diary,

I had the best new year's eve ever. First time I had a countdown with my friends and I couldn't ask for more. I mean yeah it got shitty when I had to babysit grown ass people because they wanted to keep a girl around from being guilty, but whatever. Shit tell you the truth, even though them fools wanted to make me feel guilty, I didn't at all. She offered for the gas, movies, and food. Yeah it was a lot but I didn't ask and didn't force her to do anything unlike them. I had fun and wasn't stressing like them bitches. Only thing I did feel guilty was leaving my other friends to babysit them. It was f**ked up because I didn't get as drunk as everyone else and I was hanging out with them and they felt as though I ditched them. I think I made it up to them tonight though. I got madd drunk off drinking games and damn they got me with the doodles. I think they even drew on my ass too. The bastards! Gotta love 'em. But getting them sooner than they think.

[stephinika]

Dear cB diary,

So new years actually turned out to be pretty damn good, which I'm happy about. Yeah, there were a few hitches during the day, but overall it was so much fun and I got to spend so much time with him. I can't believe its been so long already. Wow. But yeah...2008 is here. So many things I want to accomplish this year, so hopefully all goes well.

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I think we're growing more and more apart everyday.. I wish that didn't happen It's all _____'s fault. If she never came in the picture, it wouldn't be like this! I think we're really not anything anymore.. gaah. It was going on perfectly until she decided to ruin my life..

[flutterby88]

i love being 19 and having a car:D. that's all i have to say.

[MrStrife]

Dear cB diary,

I'm just going to stop feeling sorry for myself. It's a new year and a chance to fix my relationships.

[iDecay]

Dear cB Diary,

I have a feeling this year is going to be much much much better than last year. I'm excited! Everything's great, finally.

[markmejia]

Dear cB Diary,

I hope one of your pages rips.

Mark

[Crash2]

Dear cB Diary,

I hope I wake up early tomorrow. I've been waking up so late lately... It's a bad way to start the new year! So yeah, I need to get back to waking up early since school starts back up next Wednesday. :-/

Justin

[deplorable]

dear diary.

i want to kill her. ive already planned where to hide the body.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear cB diary,

I've only been back in school for two days and I'm already so tired.

[flutterby88]

i need to stuff my face with chocolate NOW

[flutterby88]

wow... i've never felt like a bigger idiot. why do i have to go and take that the wrong way and then open my fat mouth... oh god i hope everything goes ok from here. i'm such an idiot. i give up. i hate men

[MrStrife]

Dear cB diary,

WTHECK MAN?!?! Why out of all days to break out, it had to be this weekend? I know there's a big surprise when homie made sure I was going to be there and he was going to take me out. For a fact whatever party it is, I'm going to get down but my bad skin condition is only going to make me more self-conscious. GRRR. Whatever. Guess I'm pretty upset because of the fact that I thought I'd be over this issue when I got older. I got no one to impress anyways.

[jayybee]

dear CB diary,


im really excited that i get to start 2008 fresh. i mean i get to reinvent myself into someone that everybody is going to go head over heals for. no, im not doing it for any boy or anyhting, i'm doing it for me. i noticed that i can be real loud, outspoken, && rude to people, & thats not cool. i want to be known as the quiet, sometimes gets involved, great to be around chick that everyone will gravitate to. it's important for me. i'm getting a new hair color tomorrow && i got a new beau to show it off too. well, he's not officially mine yet, but in due time. & i'm just glad i got to go shopping again because that helped me realize what & who i wanted to be in 2008. my clothes define me. im gonna focus more on myy cooking & school work now that i got accepted to the California Culianary Academy in San Francisco!xD!!suppppperrrrr excited about starting in the fall. i'm about to graduate which is a big step for me because i'm going to be on my own for the first time in 17 years. [thats how long i been living.] its great that i get to go off && do my thing as a soon-to-be chef =D. it's my passion & i want to take it for the long run. im dancing more. which is something i've been doing since i could walk. it helps me express me. i don't know. i just feel like it's a new start, & i'm ready to take it by the horns & run with it.


well until next time..

jayybee signing out.

[DarkInsanityxx]

Dear cB Diary,
Wow i forgot how good it felt to write well lately its all been ok from the incident that happened during summer. My boyfriend and I will make 6 months this month, wow i never thought that we would last trust me i didn't think we would. It's been a long scary road for me and him most people were against and all New years was the day he met my family well the rest of it like my uncle, aunt, cousins ect. it was awesome. But lately thats not the thing that bothering me there is a lot of things on my mind that i don't know how to express myself i mean it was cool at the beginning but i guess now it's getting serious so yeah i mean it should be cool to be in a serious relationship but i'm sort of scared because of the many times that people have hurt me i don't want to feel that pain anymore. I was Philophobic and the boyfriend i'm with is the only one to get me out my phobia but still as hard as he tired it's easy to end it all as well. I highly doubt he will but yeah we have our up's and downs as a usual couple, i'm just letting time do what it does best let's see where it leads me.

Now, school talk ugh!!! dude regents are coming up do you think i'm really? HELL NO! but i will try my best this whole week i mean i past my freshman regents but that was nothing dude i guess i'll try what i can do is just give it my "best" xD but it's cool. School is getting funner hanging out with my friends they are fu*king hilarious i love them. They have a band to its awesome they played at our school Christmas show back in december. They kick ass. they are the reason why i love FLC, they were the ones who brought me to my first concert xD

[tokyo-rose]

Dera cB diary,

My 17th birthday is coming up, but I want to stay 16. Hm.

[iDecay]

Dear cB Diary,

I'm just.. so confused right now. I don't know what to think. My head is driving me crazy.

[Crash2]

Dear cB Diary,

School starts up again tomorrow... WHY?!

Justin

[luku]

Dear cb Diary

If someone had told me how it really felt to grow up, I would have found a way to stay a kid forever. I'm like completely broke from paying my bills, and school is going to start soon...arg. Being an adult sucks !

[ChangeofHeart]

Dear Cb diarry,

Today there was a drug bust a school, coolest shit ever. They put cops by the school exits so no one could leave. I was eating lunch when it happend and saw them arrest a guy, they didnt tackle him or nothing. They just grabed him, frisked him, found nice little baggies on him. They read him his rights and cuffed him and took him away. Pretty cool to watch but I feel bad for him cause now he is focked.

[lisaaaaaaa]

Dear cB diary,

every day i have this constant fear that i'm going to fail in life. my grades are almost all b's, and it's shameful. since my brother was a slacker in school and went to a community college, there's this huge pressure for me to do well and go to a good college. i constantly compare myself to others, even my boyfriend, mister straight a's-class president-principal of cello of his orchestra. i hate being jealous of him all the time. and i hate feeling jealous towards everyone who gets a's. on top of all of that, i don't even think i DESERVE an a. in the beginning of the year, i slacked off so much in school. with cheer, school, and trying to be involved in everything caused me to have no energy whatsoever to do any schoolwork. i forgot to write down homework so i didn't do it, bsed my essay, and slept in class. and now, i've been working my ass off just to try to raise my grades up to an a. and all my b's are all 88's, 89's. i feel like i'm not smart at all. it takes me so long to get things, and i never know what to do. and with all these flaws, how is any college ever going to accept me? it feels like everyone knows what to do and i'm the oddball out. i feel like this is also caused by my self-esteem. maybe if i believed in myself, i wouldn't be doing this horrible. but for the past 6 years, i've NEVER been okay with myself. i always pick out my flaws and taunt myself.
this sucks. i hate school. and i think i'm beginning to hate myself.