my boyfriend issues., yes, i know you're all tired of hearing it but im so confused Options

[katelynlingenfel...]

So.. recently his friends have all turned on me and they make fun of me and stuff and he doesnt really stick up for me just kinda sighs and tells them to stop because he knows i expect him to. I mean.. he should right?

Also he also gets really mad at me and yells at me and calls me stupid, hopeless, blind, retarded and sometimes other things its just horrible. Then he tells me I dont treat him good enough just because I hang out with guys [most my friends are guys and they always have been]. He tells me I'm not being the best to him and that seriously hurts me.

He also thinks he's not doing anything wrong.. like at all.. like yelling at me and making me cry every day is healthy or something.

I talked to my mom about it and she told me that mental abuse is just as bad as physical but I dont see it as mental abuse.. he's good, sweet, caring, loving, kind, cuddly, and like a boyfriend most the time.. just not when he's around the friends that hate me/make fun of me. We've been together over half a year and all this stuff just started happening because his friends hate me now.

[Comptine]

Dump his ass.

If he can't manage to be a decent human being, nevertheless a good boyfriend, just because of his friends, then he isn't worth your time.

You, yourself, comprehend that your relationship isn't healthy. He doesn't treat you with respect and he's being mentally abusive you.

You think that you can stay with him because he's a good boyfriend except when he's with friends. But then, sooner or later, his friends opinions will influence even when he's not with them.

Break up before it gets worse and find someone who can treat you respectfully no matter who he's around.

[katelynlingenfel...]

but i love him.. i really cant dump him.. every ounce of me loves him.. like.. really really loves him :/

[Comptine]

I know that. Obviously, if you didn't you wouldn't be conflicted and compelled to stay.

But be honest with yourself, is the way he treating you right? Does him making you cry everyday seem like something a boyfriend should do?

Often times, mental abuse leads to physical abuse. The abuser degrades and lowers the other's self esteem until they have complete control over them. I'm not saying your boyfriend will definitely get physical but his behavior isn't healthy nor is it right and it's very troubling.

Your boyfriend isn't your boyfriend when he's around his friends. That means, he cares more about what his friends think than about you.

It will hurt and you'll miss him. But, in the end, you're saving yourself from a lot of pain that he'll purposefully inflict on you.

[katelynlingenfel...]

I know but I spent so long TRYING to be with him and i've been with him for over half a year and its so great when its friends aren't around. It's only three of his friends that are assholes but when he's around anyone else but THOSE THREE he's perfect and so amazing.

I CAN'T break up with him.. I just.. i really cant. I dont know what to do though.. I dont know what to say to him to get him to understand what i mean.. i sent him a long message today and i made him cry because he thought i was going to break up with him. he's a real sweetheart he just has some sour edges and i know he can get better i just dont know how to explain to him how i feel without making it osund horrible

[jue]

Seems like he cares more for his friends if he can't treat you the way he should whether it be around friends or not. I agree with Resplendence [sorry I don't know your name ] and everything she's saying. Just tell him exactly what you're telling us. It's better he knows how you feel.

[minioligo]

Next time he treats you like shit in front of his friends, tell him right then and there. I don't think you'll ever be able to explain it to him without making it sound terrible...because it IS terrible, you know? I know you don't want to hurt him, but you've got to get the message across. You've got to make him realize that what he's [not] saying and what his friends are saying is hurting you.

[lilsnoopy]

Its obvious he cares more about his friends than you
Or trying to act all tough and not a pussy

Yet you have to realize that there is something wrong about the fact that someone who supppsivly "loves" you is unable to even stand up for you
Especially when he makes you cry and calls you names

You have to wonder
do you love yourself or your bf more?

If you cant even make yourslef happy, you shouldnt be in a relationship
especially when you cant defend yourself against mental abuse

[faydedprimadonna]

trust me... dump him before it's too late... my s.o. basically treats me the same way, but opposite... his friends love me and he only degrades me when they're not around... i spent 3 years trying to keep my relationship with my s.o. and when i realized it's not worth it, it was too late cuz now we have a baby... i'm 22 years old and i've seen alot dealing with abuse and such, mental and emotioanl absuse is just as bad if not worse... and will generally eventually lead into physical abuse... bruises will heal, but a broken soul may not... it sounds super dramatic, but once you start believing him, you've already lost... you deserve a guy that treats you like a queen when his friends are around or not...

[Call911Quick]

I think...

his friends just have a wrong impression of you. If I see a girl with a nose ring, or a tounge ring, heavy mascara, I'd have some pretty negative first impressions of her too.

They just need to get to know you.

You AREN'T a drug/alcohol addict, gang member or anything, rite? If not, then just let then know ur actually real nice. (you ARE nice right?)

If ur bf's friends accept you then your bf SHOULD stop mistreatin you.




For example, at school there are these two girls I know (i'm a junior). One has a bellybutton ring, and maybe 4 piercings on each ear. She is one of the nicest people I know. She treats all the new kids real nice, and respects people with disability, or other "problems" . However, if you see her with her midriff and belly button ring, your first impression would be a shallow/preppy b*tch.

This other girl, has a tounge ring. Biggest b*tch I know. First impressions were the RIGHT impressions.

[*Uronacid*]

Ok, I'm going to actually give you real advice. Now... I don't usually give people serious advice. So, you'd better fucking listen to me, because I don't want to waste my time with someone who's not even going to read my fucking post. There is nothing that pisses me off more than wasted time.

Ask anyone on this forum that knows me. I'm extremely intelligent when in comes to relationships. I will give you good advice, but relationships are complicated and therefore my replies will also be complicated. I put time and effort into my serious replies, and I don't want to waste my time with someone who won't listen. This is partly why I bash so many people on this site. It's far easier and more fun than actually thinking about how to solve their problems.

So, before I post my sincere, and long ass answer... You have to respond to this post. Saying that you want my answer, and that you will read it.

[RAWRstephishere]

Just dump him.

Youll get over it.

Its cause you too much trouble.