I post here with a new story every week, but I need your feedback... Options

[xburnoutx00]

this is kind of a long story, and I don't want to waste too much time by explaining it - so I'll try my best to do it as quick as I can.

in 2004, I dated a guy and he kind of treated me crappy but we still dated on and off for about a year. Towards the end of our relationship he cheated on me and of course, I was too young & stupid to break up with him and forget him. We tried to work things out to the point that - it just wouldn't work anymore. He started dating the other girl and in a sense I was okay with it because he was happy, but I still wanted to be with him. I tried for about 4 months to get back together with him and eventually I just started dating someone else. I am completely over him now. but, when he found out that I was dating a new guy - I offered to be friends and he said no and walked away. That was the last time I ever saw him. [ he dropped out of school ].

Anyway - fast forward to this past weekend. I found his girlfriend on myspace. [they're still together]. We started talking and she gave me her side of the story from almost two years ago, and I gave her mine. Things got worked out and in a way, I felt some sort of closure. Her and I are slowly becoming friends. She's the sweetest girl and I'm really happy for the both of them. Unfortunately, this morning I got a message from her myspace [from my ex] saying that he didn't feel comfortable with her and I talking and he'd really appreciate it if I just got on with my life. I talked to her and she doesn't mind being friends but she wants to "take it slow". After almost a year and a half, I finally feel closure on my relationship with him and I am so releived, but I want to be friends with her.

So my question is - should I respect his wishes and leave her alone? or would it still be okay to talk to her. She says that I'm a nice girl and she does want to still talk to me.

I am just so confused. O_O

[pinayprincess]

well.. it would be nice to respect his wishes, but you're your own person, you can do as YOU chose, and she can do what she chooses.. i mean it doesnt hurt to talk -- he obviously doesnt want you to talk for the fact that 'ur in his life' again.. but not necessarily ...

[xSybarite]

I think it's ok to talk to her as long as you guys aren't talking about your ex. He is worried that you might talk crap about him or tell his current gf something confidential. It might be a little awkward but I think you have every right to be friends with her.

[Comptine]

To be honest, screw his wishes. He cheated on you and then, when you made efforts to work things out as friends, he declind.

Now, you and his gf are getting along pretty well and not really forcing things. You have no ill intentions.

You should message him and tell him you have moved on with your life which is why you can be so comfortable with his girl.

[KayleighKins]

Hah! He's not your keeper. You can be-friend anyone you want, and your life HAS moved on.

Sounds like he's overpowering AND insecure.

[RAWRstephishere]

If shes youre friend [or becoming your friend] I dont think he should affect if you talk to her or not.

[blacknailpolish]

I pretty much agree with everyone here. You shouldn't care what he thinks anymore, and just let him know that you want to be friends with his girlfriend because shes a really nice girl and it has nothing to do with him or your past or any of that. Hopefully he'll lighteni up, but if he doesn't, screw him.

[xburnoutx00]

I've decided to just leave them be. This is the letter I wrote them :

Katie&John,
I know that I've already said that I still wanted to be friends and keep in touch but tonight I've spent a long time trying to figure out what I wanted to say and how to say it. After a few games of solitaire [ha] I think I've finally come up with a solution. I'll just write whatever comes to my mind, which is probably what I should've done from the beginning. This past weekend came as a big suprise for me. I didn't wake up and decide I'd find you on myspace, [like I said before] Angie had added me and from there I found yours. Which - kind of made it seem like it was time to talk about things and work things out. A lot of things had gone through my mind the past year and a half. Mike and I spent countless hours talking about why I was so upset and scared to start a new relationship. Of course, I do love Mike and I no longer have feelings for John, I always felt like something was wrong. For a while I told myself that if I ever saw John again, I probably would puke or something - I was honestly scared of him. I went to the mall sometimes - but I was scared I'd see him there and I think if I did, I would've turned and walked the other way. Just so he didn't see me. In a way though - I knew that at one point, I'd have to confront him and tell him the things I've been hiding for so long. John wants me to get on with my life, and I want to get on with my life as well. Just as the letter you had written me offered some sort of closure for John and yourself - I feel as though this letter to the both of you will get so much off my chest and I can have my share of 'closure'. Like I had said in the other letter, I think the hardest part of my whole relationship / friendship with John was when it actually ended. When he turned down my offer to be friends and walked away. I didn't think it would end that way, since John was always telling me [in those last couple weeks] that he wanted to be friends with me no matter what. Seeing him walk away hurt so bad and I never told anyone. Though he no longer had feelings for me and I no longer had feelings for him, I knew deep down he was a good person and he'd always be there to listen. I feel kind of silly now because I didn't want to let any of this go. I let on for a year and a half that I hated John for the way he treated me while we were together, and I am pretty sure I did at one point. I actually didn't even talk to Mike about the things I went through with him until two months ago when he went into rehab. I honestly don't think John knows how I felt because - I was never open - but I'll spare you the details as I'm sure you aren't interested. My intentions this weekend when I added you were actually not to talk about this stuff - just to keep in touch in hopes you and him were even slightly interested in my life. However, I would hate to intrude and cause conflict between you two once again, so I've decided to respect John's wishes and move on with my life. I'm happy for the both of you and I wish you the best of luck.

Incase you're wondering [this last part is for John] I've completely changed in the last year. I no longer have the communication problems I did when we stopped talking. I have become more religious and outgoing. My grades in school are much better & I am looking at colleges. I'm actually "engaged" to Mike. It's moreso of a pre-engagement though. I'm still too young for that kind of commitment. Him and I are extremely happy and I can tell him anything. I still haven't had a job, but I'm working on it - oh, I got my license and I haven't wrecked the car yet [ go me ! ] - and I am finally getting ready to start my senior year of high school [wow I am so young] ... I just told you all of that incase you were interested on what's been going on with my life.

Anyway, Katie - you're a really sweet girl and I'm glad that we did get the chance to talk about things. You're more then welcome to respond, but I'm not really expecting anything back.
- :] Christiana

I got a reply from her. Well, kind of. She just said he'd reply later tonight.

[EmoEyelinerx]

Thats a really cute letter/email you sent.

I think that its your choice if you want to talk to her or not. He isnt the boss of you.