DO you ever...?, Yeah, I'll leave you hanging Options

[arghrawr]

When you're talking with girlfriends about insecurities and whatnot, do you ever find yourself putting you down while trying to comfort them?
Once my friend was saying she wished she had long thin arms like me and I responded by saying, "I hate my arms. They're like sticks. You have muscles I'd kill for." I hate when I do that because I'm fine with (most) of my body and it always turns into this competition of putting yourself down.
Erm.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

[transcendentalis...]

i don't talk about my 'insecurities' like that?
do most girls?

i mean... what you can fix, you fix. what you can't, you accept and love.

[arghrawr]

I don't really know, but a lot of my friends do when they're feeling down.

[towntown2]

I'm not sure I understand what you mean.
But..
Whenever my friend puts herself down by naming off the body parts she hates or whatever, I always say: "Oh, stop it. You look fine and you know it."

[MrStrife]

Self-depreciating comfort?

[arghrawr]

Lol I suppose it's like that.
"Oh stop it. You look fine and you know it." never seems to work and I always end up putting myself down trying to get my friend's confidence back up.

[transcendentalis...]

i actually do have one friend who obsesses about herself being fat when she's really rather shrimpy.

it's just a call for attention and i guess my usual reply is "okay."
heh

[arghrawr]

LOL I dunno if I could do that though. They always sound so down and slightly pathetic. It's like virtual puppy dog eyes when we talk online.
HOW CAN YOU SAY NO TO THE VIRTUAL PUPPY DOG EYES?!?!

[dustbunny]

mmm i think i know what you're talking about. "YOU DONT HAVE THUNDER THIGHS! YOU'RE HEALTHY! LOOK AT MEEEEEE! I LOOK BULIMICC!"

[arghrawr]

LMFAO
Yeah, that's the kinda thing that goes down. >.<

[LadyXTor]

This sounds very Mean Girl-esque.

"My breath smells bad in the morning."

[Gigi]

You know, it's funny, but I never talk about insecurities with my friends. I don't know if it's because we don't have any insecurities (highly unlikely), or that we know each other well enough to be able to be comfortable about it.

Even when I do comfort someone about their insecurities, they're usually internal problems, nothing to do with appearance. I guess my friends just aren't that shallow.

[xchrystizzle]

when it's a call for attention, I usually just ignore them or say something like "oh puh-leeze, you know you're not ______." and sometimes I do put myself down...

[misoshiru]

my answer, "whatever. stop bitchin."

[EmoEyelinerx]

Me and my friends dont really talk about our insecurites that much but if someone said like "OMG LOOK AT MY THIGHS THEIR HUGE" im usually like yeah, ok. I mean, none of my friends are like fat or anything so im not going to go out of my way saying "OMG MY THIGHS ARE LIKE WHALE BLUBBER" or something like that to put myself down.

[xKatt]

i actually do have one friend who obsesses about herself being fat when she's really rather shrimpy.

it's just a call for attention and i guess my usual reply is "okay."
heh

That's how I reply as well. Or when people are like "I'm so ugly." I'll be like, "That sucks."

[1angel3]

Yeah I always point out one my body parts that isn't perfect to make them feel better but I'm content with my self but I want my friend to feel better about themself too.

[jesusisthebestth...]

i don't talk about my 'insecurities' like that?
do most girls?

i mean... what you can fix, you fix. what you can't, you accept and love.

awesome advice

[ashxx69xbaby]

i mean... what you can fix, you fix. what you can't, you accept and love.

my mom tells me that all the time. i do have insecurtities w/my boobs, weight and my booty. but ppl say that i look good the way i am. im not too skinny and im not overweight im just perfect they say. but i did have someone tell me oh ur fat. how mean can you be to someone whos not even fat??? my friends will point out that my butt sticks out more. idk its just something you learn to live with. cuz ive over came my imperfect body. somethings ur blessed w/n others ur not. u take what was handed to you.

[arghrawr]

You know, it's funny, but I never talk about insecurities with my friends. I don't know if it's because we don't have any insecurities (highly unlikely), or that we know each other well enough to be able to be comfortable about it.

Even when I do comfort someone about their insecurities, they're usually internal problems, nothing to do with appearance. I guess my friends just aren't that shallow.

It's not really in that mean girl shallow way. It's just that this friend is built differently than all of her other friends (myself included) and I suppose it's hard to ignore.

[adolelolz]

Haha, I do the opposite.
If my friends ever say, "Ugh, I'm so fat," I usually respond with "I'm not."

There's a self-esteem booster if I've ever seen one.

[*Insurmountable*]

Yea, after the few minutes or comforting and then downing my own body doesn't work I say screw it and tell them to suck it up because if their going to complain about something like that then they can get off their lazy ass and do something about it >_>

Eh, I'm really blunt to my friends and they just suck it up usually because they see that I'm right o_O -shrug- but i know exactly what you mean :]

[miiszxclassiic]

hmmm I never talk about my insecurities to my friends, but when they talk to me about theirs I always try to say something positive to make them feel better.... because things could always be worst

[transcendentalis...]

This sounds very Mean Girl-esque.

"My breath smells bad in the morning."

aww, so does mine!
hahaha, mean girls... sigh.

to you girls who don't join the self-deprecating contests.
for the girls that do, doesn't it ever get repetitive?

[vietbabiiix3]

LOLs. My friends are mad conceited, so these things don't happen.

[xSybarite]

I personally think it's really pathetic when people say that stuff about themselves. My friends acknowledge their insecurities but they know that it's not that bad and we come up with plans to improve them.

[arghrawr]

LOL I admire you guys.
My problem is I dunno when to stop. But I couldn't imagine being so harsh to one of my friends when they're so vurnerable like that.
And hell yeah, Mean Girls HA. I love that movie. "Four for Glen Coco. You go Glen Coco. One for Cady Harrington. Annnd none for Gretchen Weiners!"

One thing I'm getting tired of though, is the implication that my friends are pathetic or shallow. It's okay to say I'm handling this problem all wrong, but my friends are neither pathetic or shallow. If being able to come to me with their problems is pathetic, so be it. If being a normal teenager who can sometimes be a bit unreasonably overaware of her flaws is shallow, then thanks, but I don't really need that kind of input. I just wanted advice on how to handle the situation because I know I'm handling it wrong and I was wondering if anybody else does so.

[Gigi]

^ Sorry about that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not calling your friends shallow, I'm taking all of these examples people have given to weigh my opinions with. Lack of a better word, I think. What I was trying to say is that my friends and I don't talk to each other about that kind of stuff. I'm not saying that we're better than you or your friends, in fact, I think it's a bit unhealthy to keep it bottled up like we do. =\

Anyway, instead of putting yourself down to make your friend feel better about yourself, try to enhance her own features. More positive reinforcement will help her, I think. Although I'm sure someone has already brought that up before...

[datass]

I try to tell them I'm fat too but it makes them feel even worse.

[*Michelle*]

Yes, those little white lies we tell >_>

Oh well. It's not terrible to put yourself down if you really don't feel that way, and it's for the benefit of someone else ^_^"

[*Moderator*]

I just tell them the straight truth. "You look fine and you know it." Its not putting myself down and its giving them a confidence boost.

[Smarmosaur]

my friends are usually the ones talking about their insecurities. i never get into it, unless they say they're fat or something because they're all wayyy skinnier than me.
also, it's easy to tell if somebody is doing it for attention or if they just need to vent...usually the attention whores keep at it 24/7.
:]

[smylies]

i actually do have one friend who obsesses about herself being fat when she's really rather shrimpy.

i have a friend like that, but shes not really attention seeking. she actually does have insecurities. i dont really put myself down because im bigger than her and im telling the truth. ive learned to love how i look like.