almost 9 months, should I put out? Options

[fugu]

I would be lying if I didn't say I want to go for 3rd base or for a home run but I was planning to try and restrain myself from a home run until college. The person I'm with brings stuff like foreplay and sex up a lot and I've gotten used to it as just talk and treat it that way. They tell me "8 months in, relationships that lasted this long have done more things then we have". There's some tension in the air and because I didn't give in and said yes when now they're seriously talking about doing stuff together. I'm now a repressed robot causing the person I'm with to be sexually frustrated I guess.


My question to CB is,
Do you think being sexually active is necessary? Do you think it helps a relationship stronger? My mind's a mess I don't know whether saying yes and doing stuff would just be giving in and being in the norm or if I'm really repressed and I should just jump in. 411==> I'm a incoming senior. Thanks to any replies.

[popoberry]

well it doesn`t necessarily help all relationships . so yeah .

[*Elba*]

Yeah put out. And if you get pregnant, just have an abortion.

[*Moderator*]

It doesn't necessarily strengthen the relationship. If you don't feel comfortable doing it and you're not ready to, don't force yourself to do it. I always believe that if you really do care for someone, you'll restrain from doing anything until you guys are both ready.

[*shotgunFUNERAL*]

i like how everything around here is based on time.

"i've been with my boyfriend for 5 minutes, should i give him a hand job?"

if it's the right time for you, do it. basing something merely on how long you've been together is stupid.

[popoberry]

ahahha ^

[redpeony]

Just keep this in mind: once you give it away you can't get it back. Ever.

But don't let strangers influence your final choice. And it will not necessarily strengthen your relationship. It might, but it can also go the other way. So decide how you will feel in the event that you have sex and your relationship crumbles. If you feel like you would feel cheated and used, then don't.

[illriginal]

When it happens it happens =\

It'll flow nicely... don't rush shit. You don't even have to use words to ask for it. Let your bodies make the connection... You'll know when you're ready :P

[xburnoutx00]

.....
Why are you asking if you should have sex with your boyfriend on an internet forum?

Why don't you have sex when your ready?

[*Sandraaa*]

To me, being sexually active is very necessary. I express my true feelings then, plus if he sucks in bed you get to dump him for a good reason.

[courtn3y]

^ Haha, true and if he can't dance then he isn't good in bed either. But from personal experience that isn't true haha...-ahem-

Let it happen when your ready.

[NatiMarie]

If they really care for you, they'll be willing to wait. It doesn't really strengthen a relationship. You shouldn't do anything if you're not ready to.

Think about it some more.

[loveneko]

It doesn't make it stronger
You (the sexee), will feel a lot more attached to him, and if he (the sexer)leaves you, you will hurt and feel used
Only have sex if youre sure you want to have sex
And make sure you guys can talk to each other about the nasty gritty disgusting things like your period and using the bathroom and stuff like that.
Oh yeah, do it when youre ready, I mean mentally.
Don't listen to your body, no matter how much of a virgin you are your body is a total horndog if you tap into the right part of the brain
Make sure you're consciously ready and not just consciously horny.
Make sure you would be able to stop yourself,
and make sure you're not battling with yourself in you head on whether or not you should do it.
If you're asking if you should do it, then more than likely, you probably aren't ready for sex.
So keep you legs tight, and your feet on the ground.

[loveneko]

i like how everything around here is based on time.

"i've been with my boyfriend for 5 minutes, should i give him a hand job?"

LMAO LOL LOLOLOLOL
I love this comment!!!!!!!!

[Beunique]

um if ur not ready and ur asking urself the question.. then dont do it..

[EmoEyelinerx]

It doesn't necessarily strengthen the relationship. If you don't feel comfortable doing it and you're not ready to, don't force yourself to do it. I always believe that if you really do care for someone, you'll restrain from doing anything until you guys are both ready.

I agree completly.

[*Mercy*]

I dont know what makes people think that having sex is gonna make people come closer to you...

Time is nothing.What matters the most is how strog your relationship is as it is....

[Joss-eh-lime]

if you feel pressured, its not the right time, or the right guy.

i say nope! being sexually active is NOT the most important part of a relationship.

[me1issaaaa]

If you have to ask, then no.

[*steve330*]

Don't let time be a factor of when you have or don't have sex. Do it when you feel the time is right, and don't do it just to hold onto your boyfriend or to keep him from bitching and moaning. Make sure you want to as well.

[*karmakiller*]

If you're questioning whether or not you should do it, then don't do it. If you were comfortable enough and ready for it, then you probably wouldn't be on a forum asking if you should do it or not. If it happens, it happens; if it doesn't, it doesn't. I don't think that it strengthens a relationship (if it did, friends with benefits wouldn't exsist.)

Just wait until you're ready and if the person you're with feels the need to pressue you they don't deserve you and you don't deserve that crap.

[animalinside]

if you dont do it soon, he will threaten to break up with you until you do....

just kidding, you'll know when the time is right, and if you force it, it wont be special.

[falsetigerlimbs]

Well I don't necessarily think the answer to this question is what you should base your decision on.

Sex is obviously not necessary, nor does it always strengthen a relationship. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it if you want to.

It sounds to me like you want to go further with him, but you're just trying to hold out. You've been with this guy for nine months, so you two obviously have a good relationship. Would you regret it if you did this with him? I doubt you would, even if you broke up with him later on.

I'm in college, and I'm still a virgin, because I was trying to hold out too. I could have had sex with one of my past boyfriends, but I didn't...and to be honest, I now kind of regret it, because I really liked one boyfriend in particular and I wish I could have lost it to him (he actually moved away; we didn't break up).

But what if you break up with your boyfriend before college, or something else happens to break you apart? Would you regret not doing it with one of your first "true loves"? You don't know when you'll next find a guy like him. If you haven't lost your virginity already, you might end up losing it later on to someone you don't love as much as your current boyfriend.

All of that said though, if you REALLY don't feel comfortable, or if he's pressuring you too much, don't do it. But don't forget that your feelings of being uncomfortable could also just be nerves. I don't get the impression that he is being super pushy about it, but all guys are going to bring it up at some point.

Ok I'm going to shut up now. I just wanted to give you a different perspective.

[jeSs1cA]

i say.. whenever it happens, it happens.

[AngelinaTaylor]

It's totally up to you. Nobody's going to come after you with a gun and be like, "8 MONTHS AND NO SEX?!" or something. Sex doesn't define a relationship. And if one person isn't ready, it's going to wreck what you have so far, so don't jump into something you're not ready for. I mean, you're asking complete strangers whether you should have sex or not, and I think that's a sign for not being ready.

[*Michelle*]

It's your decision. We can't tell you what's right or wrong. If you feel that you're not ready to go into the next level of sexual activity, then you're not. Simple as that. And there's nothing wrong with knowing your limits and your comfort zone.

[shiftieeyedpnoi]

Butt doesn't count.

- CEP

[tooeffingcrazy]

Just have sex. You're going to be a slut anyways.

[HakunaMatata]

^Wow, that was entirely unnecessary.

[tooeffingcrazy]

^Wow, that was entirely unnecessary.

Sorry, but it was entirely necessary. Look at her post. It just screams the word. Why not just have sex?

Truth hurts. Deal with it.

[fugu]

Gahaha thanks for the responses. It's great seeing different perspectives and such. When I brought up the topic the subject was still new so what I truely wanted still warped by the conversation and I just wanted not to deal with it and make my own decision. Yeah, I guess if I'm resorting to asking CB for their opinions and I'm unable to make up my own decisions then it's obvious I'm not ready just yet for anything and looking for what's in the norm doesn't really change that.

[Castaway]

no. i don't care so much about that so if it happens then it happens. but i don't look for that in a relationship. it could happen though and i wouldn't mind if i love the person.

[steezahh]

Just do it when you feel ready. If someone seem's to pressure you for it, then obviously they don't care about your feelings. Do protect yourself.

[Becks539]

I see it like this...
If a guy keeps bringing it up and you finally do give in and you keep doing stuff that you're unsure about but do it to please him, he's going to stop loving you, and start loving what you do for him. It sounds like he just wants sex out of your relationship. Like a previous poster said, once you do it, there's no going back so you have to make sure you're ready. Good luck.

[lomanasq]

Conent Removed.

[xFaith]

Strenghten is not the right word.
Complicate is. It complicates your relationship. This doenst have to be bad though.
If you dont want it just dont do it. You will regret it. But also, dont think about it that much. It'll happen eventually. If its with that guy, thats your choice. If you think you'll stay way longer with him you can seriously think about it. But if you dont think so, dont do it.

[treschicgeek]

Honestly, I'd wait. If you think "we should have sex when we reach the 10 month mark", then, in a way it wouldn't mean much. Don't just do it to "do it".

I've been with my boyfriend for around 2 years now, and I haven't "put out" yet. The way I see it, I'm just a kid (I'm 16 and he's 17), a little too "immature" for that stuff yet, and just...can't see myself having sex. Don't get me wrong, I love him, trust him, am content him, and all that stuff. We have chemistry like whoa too. But... yeah. Like I said despite all that, 2 years later and I'm just not ready for that yet.

Luckily he understands and isn't pressuring me.

If half the thoughts going through your mind when you think of your relationship with him is "should I have sex with him now?", then I think that you should wait. Let it come naturally. You'll know when you're ready. Most likely when you are you just won't have to think about it too much.

[jilianceleste]

I don't think being sexually active is imperative to a good relationship. But I have seen the effects of people who have sex for their first time.


My best friend and his girlfriend apparently had sex with each other and it was the first time for both. And even tho they broke up soon after, there was always this interesting tie between the two, that seemed more important than their single relationship.

As for pregnancy, it's best to avoid it unless it is truly what you want. And if you don't want to think about how it will affect you. Think about the baby;; is it better to continue and let it live? Could you manage it and give off a happy life for it? Or would it be cruel to make it go through a life without the comforts we all wish to give?

It's a rather important subject, I suppose. It all relies on how you and your love care about each other.

[emazing]

People get caught up.

[SSJ Kenshin]

"Whatever happens, happens I guess."

Truer words will never be spoken.

[xSybarite]

.....
Why are you asking if you should have sex with your boyfriend on an internet forum?

Why don't you have sex when your ready?

If you have to ask us, then you're obviously not ready. Why don't you talk about it with him and only do it when/if you feel ready.

[x_curse_of_the_c...]

don't have sex until your ready period. it doesn't matter if you have been going out for 7 years or more the answer is always do what you feel comfortable doing.