Dear cB Diary,, Createblog Diary no. 10 Options

[HakunaMatata]

Dear cB Diary,

After watching Spider Man 3 last night, I feel better about my eye bags.

And I demand that I get at least two dollars back from my ticket after watching the hottest guy of the movie die. SRSLY.
Love,

Kayceeee

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

Well, I broke the news to J today. He said he wouldn't talk to me anymore if I became a Brooklynite, which doesn't make sense since he likes hanging out in Brooklyn. Anyway, I just hope I don't have to move there. I want to stay in Queensss. >_<

[Jinny]

Dear cBD,

AC is.. he's not interesting anymore? AH is SO ANNOYING and he seriously won't stop bothering me about what I'm thinking of, and I know he likes EK anyway. Like Jenn said.. he's just trying to make me like him even though he likes someone else. I hope they just like get out of my life or something because the "link" thing is not funny anymore and neither is AH's "what are you thinking of" thing. aghh

[iDecay]

Dear CBD,

One whole day. I'm so proud of myself.

[alysaphobia]

Dear CBD,

I love himmmm. Haha, our tear-streaked phone calls and hysterics seem so distant now - I mean, I know they happened, I remember them every day... but - I feel like I'm really moving on now. I am so thankful for him... and for second chances... because he truly completes me. He brightens up my day effortlessly. He's there for me through the bad, the worse, and the worst of times. I couldn't imagine living without him now.


- Alysa.

[minioligo]

dear cb diary
i'm feelin im' feelin i'm feelin a change
which meeeans....

sweet sweet summaaaaaaaaaaaa timeeeee

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I DO NOT LIKE AC.
DON'T. D O N O T.

[michellerrific]

Dear cB diary,

I declared today, 100% positive now, that there is not a single person I could trust. I guess I kind of told myself this awhile ago but now it seems for certain. I mean, I do trust a few people to some extent, but never to the fullest unless they truly earn my respect and keep it for good. All while I'm typing this, I have a certain person in mind. I don't like how we were very best friends, and now she hardly talks to me or bothers to walk with me after school. I despise "friends" that just neglect me after awhile. I guess I still like her, but I certainly do not trust her anymore, why should I trust them when they're neglecters/ditchers? A couple more people pop into my head, and I guess they're the ones I trust the most now. Or to the furthest extent.

Now that I am close to despising everyone for being horrible friends, and therefore having no trust, I feel pretty insecure. What if something ever happens, that I need to tell someone? Can I trust them? Apparently not.

m

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

I'm so, so irritated right now at stuff. Friend issues, work stuff, money (well that goes with work) and parents...but thats normal. That vacation was so needed but it unfortunately went by way too quickly.
I miss that freedom.

[Jinny]

Dear cBD,

I really hope she doesn't get pissed off tomorrow. It's not my fault. I hope she doesn't get hurt, because like 100 people are going to wear it. I really, REALLY hope that _______ DOESN'T brag about the whole party. I hope she doesn't say stuff about her dancing with ____ or her dancing a lot. I hope she doesn't talk about it at ALL (which is impossible). I hope she doesn't say anything about ______. I hope she just shuts up for once.

Wow, I hope for a lot of stuff

[alysaphobia]

Dear CBD,

This week has been crazy with the rest of my exam prep. and what not, but what can we say; it's JUNIOR YEAR. I cannot wait until sweet summerrr.

[iDecay]

Dear cB Diary,

I miss him. But not.. him. Another him. Hah, I just confused myself...

[Jinny]

Dear cBD,

THAT WAS SO EMBARRASSING. Why does she have to embarrass me like that? Now he's going to say something. I was dying to talk to him, and my chance was blown away, just like that. Great. He probably won't do that ever again

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

Things are going better these days. :)

[marzipan]

Dear CBD,

Things are better than I expected. Even though everything came towards me at once, I'm doing pretty well at getting over the initial shock of it. Thank goodness I have my head on straight now and that I don't have my head up in the clouds anymore.

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
i'm happy to say that i'm, well, HAPPY! lol. i'm very, very, very, happy. doesn't it make you happy that i'm happy? good. hehe. Thuan has been amazing to me and everything is just awesome. i feel great even though i know that my health sucks right now. hehe. he's everything to me and i would be shattered if it ever ended, but you know what? it won't. hehe. Mindy asked me today, "well, how do you know?" and i answered, "i just have this feeling. :)" lol. hehe. i do have a great feeling, and let me tell you something. it's a GREAT feeling. :] hehe. i've been slowly, but surely catching up with my school work because i feel better. and it's just great. the only thing now is this PERSON is still agrivating me, but it's okay! lol i guess they have a right to be right? lol. it's okay, but let me tell you something. i refuse to apoligize or anything like that because i have better things to do than to worry about something so small and petty. whatever. anyways. back to like the good stuff. i've been hanging out with Stephanie and Shelby a lot more than i used to. hehe weird right? lol. it's been fun though. lol my social life seems to have gone up a bit. i'm probably going to get a job at chik-fil-a. lol not the best job in the entire universe, but it's a job. i'm taking session b classes this summer and it's going to be fairly interesting. :] hehe. i'm excited about that too. i can't wait until this summer until i get to go to houston! hehe. i'm excited :] lol. i can't wait ! hehe and i'll be spending time with Thuan.. i'm so excited! i can't wait until this summer! lol. i really need to start working out at the gym, i'm gaining so much weight. i'm getting a bit too much healthy and i really don't like it. lol. oh well i'm still happy! haha. finals are coming up and i couldn't be any happier! only 8 more days of school! :] hehe. ahh well, i think that's just about it for now. lol. i love him so much

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

Updated my xanga for the first time since January the other night. Hah. What else...dance was interesting tonight to say the least. I really, REALLY hope the competitions go well. Hmm...what else. I can't wait until Whistler. That'll be soooo fun. And yeah...I don't know. I blabbed it all out on my xanga I guess. Today was fun. Went by too quickly again though. But my room's walls are all redone.

[Jinny]

Dear cBD,

What is wrong with me? Why did I have to say that in front of him? Why can't I just keep my stupid mouth shut? Also.. my group is so ANNOYING except for _. She and I are the only ones that work. Everyone else starts talking sh!t about how they work (um, I'm sorry but that "joke" wasn't funny). __ just copies answers from us. And Austin.. Wtf? He told me I was PMS-ing? No, why the heck do you have to get in my business? You don't know that sh!t anyway. Why don't you do some fzking work? Stupid ASDKFJASDKLFJ. I HATE YOU AND YOU'RE ANNOYING AND STUPID AND IDIOTIC AND I HOPE YOU ACTUALLY WORK, BECAUSE THIS FZCKING PROJECT GRADE IS GOING ON MY ENGLISH GRADE, AND MY ENGLISH GRADE JUST WENT DOWN A MILE BECAUSE OF THAT TEST. IDIOT.

[deplorable]

dear cB diary
where
oh
where
has
my little
dog
gone
oh
where
oh
where
could she
be?

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
40 lbs in 4 weeks! here i go! lol :]

[alysaphobia]

Dear CBD,
I'm happy. Life is going pretty good, there's a big farewell party planned for T and I'm excited; I mean, not for her leaving, but for the end of the school year, and for the party, and for the end of exams.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

Life honestly is pretty good right now. I'm taking the initiative in getting to know people better both off- and online (hi, Alysa!). I'm rebonding with people I drifted from during the school year. The weather's great all the time and I haven't fought with Perry or Mom in a little while. It's just...nice.

[deplorable]

dear cB diary
thank god! tody is home.
damn it. why is my eye hurting again. i dont want radiation...
need to lose weight... firg ive been lazy. gotta work off those extra pound accumulated after surgery... argh. too lazy....

[smileeetina]

Dear cb,

Well its late, I can't sleep. My boyfriend is always trippin' cause I always sleep late and I go to school all tired. Well our relantionship right now is really good. I've started to notice him giving up alot things for me, I mean I don't tell him to do that, and I'd never ask him to change. But its crazy actually, he never did this for his previous girls. So, I feel kinda, YAY. Lol. School is a pain in the arse, like always. BUT its almost over, SUMMER VACATION!! YAY!! Nisit [ex-bestfriend] started to call me again. Its kinda awkward, but okay. I don't knoooww. I should sleep. Eh, niigghht.

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

What is up with me today? I've been soo easily irritated. I don't like it.

[deplorable]

dear cB,
argh. im so tired. thank god the report is done... now to work on the oral presentation

[flutterby88]

what a week! oh man it's been so fun. M is so great, i totally lucked out having her as my manager, and i can't believe she bought me that hot chocolate today:). the work is a little stressful but at that wage it's worth it, and i love working with my mom again, nice to see her everyday cuz i'm really not home that much. dance this week was just too good, such good workouts and the choreography was intense. competitions just weren't meant to be this year, but i'm looking forward to next year, T's putting me in all the advanced classes:). as long as they're later in the evening so i won't be too busy with school. it was so exciting getting the letter!! i can't believe we have to have a monologue prepared for the first day. i'm glad D's in it with me, i had so much fun with him tonight. I agreed with F that we have to hang out with him more often. i didn't think he'd actually buy me that drink! it was good, and it was so sweet when he cried, it was a really good play. G looked so much older, it was such a good show. choir last night was a blast, like being back in the good old days but with all these great guys. i really hope T gets back to me about watching D in gypsy, i miss him so much. i had another great night with F again. i feel so lucky to have him so close, he means so much to me. and finally i got to see M tonight, i can't wait to spend the day with him tomorrow. and M's gonna come over and teach me tap too! and i'll be able to take classes at harbour after all cuz my contract's only till July 6th:). summer's been so good to me so far and it's barely begun!

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

Bah...I need more discipline. And a better memory so I'll remember my damn shoes next time.
But anyways, I don't get it...she says be home by 10 so I can sleep. Then she goes to bed at 1am. Godammit. That is not fair whatsoever. I am so sick and tired of it.
I need to save/make more money so I can leave.

[Jinny]

Dear cBD,

I hate my life right now

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

I'm going to be modded on my favorite animanga forum! I'm still so happy I was accepted. Now I can clean up the spam started by the newbies there. o-o`

Reminds me, I need to go there and save Changmin. xD

[voguelove]

dear cb-
im so scared. today, i shoplifted for the first time since i was 4. and..i got caught. i felt so high and happy that i had to go back into macys for the second time and take something else. tahts when i got caught. i was questioned for a little bit more than an hour, and i just couldnt do anything. i kept saying, "it isnt me, it isnt me," or, "this is my first time." and they didnt believe me. it figures, they probably deal with shoplifters every 2 hours. and now, i have to go to court and get my punishment. one of my best friends is now..an ex friend. her parents wont let me talk to her or see her..or do anything. well, i guess its understandable. and she wrote me this horrible note on myspace:
I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN I CAN'T BELEIVE YOU WOULD LIE TO ME AND STEAL THAT STUFF MY PARENTS SAID I COULDN'T HANG OUT WITH YOU ANYMORE AND EVEN IF I WAS ALOUD TO I WOULDN'T! SO DON'T CALL ME, SEND A MESSAGE ON MYSPACE OR EVEN SAY HI TO ME WHEN I WALK PAST YOUR HOUSE BECAUSE I NEVER WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!

~evan~

it just upsets me so much. how can i get pounded on so hard for doing something once. how can she say that she hates me? we've been friends for 7 years..and this is now the end?
i dont know what to do with my life. i'd cry, but my head already hurts from it. it upsets me so much that everyone is getting away with it..and here comes me, the girl who doesnt shoplift at all and gets caught on the first actual try.

i havent told my dad either. hes coming home in 30 minutes and i dont know what to say to him. how am i suppose to tell him that we need to go to court? that his 17 year old daughter did something like this? he's not going to forgive me this time, and i know i may sound selfish..but this is my last "free" summer before i'm done with high school. but, hopefully..when he finds out that i told him, and not a court hearing letter..he'll let me make my decisions. of course, ill punish myself. and i wont take it easy either. im going to tell him that ill go to work with him on weekends when school starts back up again and work for him. and everyday in the summer, too. well, after i take my sat. he's just..going to be so disappointed in me. and i cant cry this time. i need to just tough it out until im done with my court punishments. i know im rambling, and i know i probably shouldnt post this on the internet..but i need to. people just need to forgive me. and i need to forget.

[alysaphobia]

Dear cB Diary,

I'm so mentally exhausted. Just 1 1/2 more weeks to go until exams and school are over!... I'll be fine for everything except for pre-calc. F***. I hate that class!

And then summer. It'll be an amazing summer getting to be with J, then going back to the U.S, but still. I've got an ache in me that knows it's going to be a long, painful summer without A. His grandma's house is about as technologically advanced as the freaking cavemen. Or even worse, maybe. We'll be lucky to get a single email between each other every three weeks, when he does convince the prehistoric woman to let him travel to an internet cafe. Grrrrr. Long distance does not work for me.

I feel kind of selfish trying to alter his summer plans spending time with his beloved grandma in my mind, especially since she's a widow now, but really. I'm going to sink into a long phase of listening to those depressing Death Cab for Cutie songs without him for the entire 2 months. Okay, now I feel horrible complaining. I get to see him so much more than her. FKldfdsFKDFka;oI'm going to miss him so much....

- Alysa
P.S: Congrats on the anime forum, Cristy!

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

It's days like these that make me wanna stay there. But then something tells me my shift on Wednesday will tell me I wanna quit. Bah. Stupid managers. Hopefully after doing Shawn's work I'll have some good money and then I can find a new job. Well, maybe...
And I hope tomorrow works out. Sigh. Parents are irritating. I hope they aren't too bad this summer and that they lighten up towards my birthday...'cause by then, I refuse to be held back like this.

//edit.

Urgh. Just randomly checked the Harbour dance website...apparently there's an audition for Carnival in August again...I want to go so badly...but my mom would never let me put off school, and it's late in August so school would've been dealt with and everything...but we'll see...I don't know... it's something I want to do so much...but could I actually drop everything and leave? I don't know...if it were a shorter contract like 4 or 5 months yeah...but I doubt that it would work out like that...sigh.
If only I hadn't seen it, but I would've eventually. Ugh. I really, really wish I could and that it would all work out how I'd like...

//edit.
I feel so f**king trapped in my house. I hate this.

This post has been edited by stephinika: May 21 2007, 03:32 AM

[*StanleyThePanda*]

Dear cB diary,
This is my 10,000th post.

So much drama going on, I hate it. It doesn't concern me, yet people suck me into it anyways.
People are so frustrating, and irritating. I can't stand it...
I really wish I could just get away.

[flutterby88]

what a weekend! omg i'm so TIRED. i just wanna read harry potter all day and sleep. i think that's just what i'll do too. so friday i went straight from work to family friend's house for dinner. F and D picked me up there and we went to see G's play, where i got drunk at intermission:P. the whole car ride home F sang and oh man i melted, i miss hearing his voice. we dropped D off before stopping by the party which wasn't that fun and i had to be home anyways. stupid drunk P yelling shit all the time. but i stayed up so late that night talking to S on msn. omg i love that boy! he says the cutest things that make me melt, he's so carefree like me. hope i see him soon. majorly slept in saturday till daddy took me to M's house so we could tap (i had the right shoe and she had the left:P). it was so fun!! but it'll be hard to catch up, wish i'd started sooner. then we had a fun girly afternoon talking and reading cosmo. i feel bad about P though, he's not interested:(. poor girl. then had a yummy dinner with daddy, and my love came over for a movie and for quite the funny incident that A found amusing too. stayed up late on msn again and slept in SO majorly yesterday. C's birthday dinner was SO fun though. wore my pretty shirt and had 3 drinks so when F phoned i was already tanked, but i made good company for A though. it was really fun having her over, we had a good talk. then we saw the movie which was alright. R worried me so much though, he was so drunk. the night at G's was SO fun. i had four more drinks and two of them i chugged:P. N was on the couch keeping me warm cuz i kept shivering. F was so sweet all night so i kissed him on the cheek goodnight:). me and M had a fun time till he felt sick, but then i slept over at his house so it all worked out. staying home today though cuz i always feel guilty lying to my parents cuz they've give me so much freedom lately. wow this is a frickin long post. but it was such a good weekend i had to. dunno what i'd do without friends:)

[AimeeLynn]

Dear Cb,
Dang this kid is so confusing. He tells me to meet up with him this morning. Normally I'm late all the time and so I was like ok. Then early and he just doesn't come to me. What he does is talk to his friends. =/ I don't understand him sometimes then at lunch he just kinda brushed me off but last period he came to me locker just to say hey. That made my day. Then he told me that I looked pretty today.<3 He is so different online but in school it's different. You know? Hm... I wonder if he is serious that he wants to be with me.

[freeflow]

Dear cB Diary,
I wish things would go right for a change.

[alysaphobia]

Dear cB Diary,

I. AM. STRESSED.
And I hate how I procrastinate so much on cB. My baaad.

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
i did something really bad, but everything's okay now i think. hopefully! :) hehe. umm well as you know yesterday was Thuan and I's five month anny. hehe <3 and we're still counting! *high five! lol. but yeah tomorrow is the last day of school. just one more final to go! and a few make up tests i still have to go through >< lol. HAPPY SUMMER! that's all i really feel like saying. :)

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

Things haven't been too great this week. Sunday was good but after that everything slid. I don't know why. I'm making them the only people I'm really happy around, which isn't good. I need to cut back.

[Rachel]

cB diary,
For once things seem to be going well. I don't know how it happened, but I feel in love again. I was so scared that Tom had scarred me for life, but now I feel like that I can be happy again. Nick is completely amazing and I can't wait another 17 days until I go see him for TWO WHOLE WEEKS! I've missed him so much more than I thought I would and I can't be happier with him, at least not until I go out there. I love calling him boyfriend

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
today was a bad bad day. i hated it. it was the last day of school. yes. joy. however, son is being a jackdonkey. thuan is ignoring me. people are annoying me. i feel like crap. i feel left out of everything. i'm just being emo. grr pants me. :\ oh well. on a happier note. 2000th post? haha. i guess that was just a coicidence...seriously. i'm going to cs all night! :)

[redpeony]

Dear cB diary,

I am so in love with my boyfriend. :) Can't help giggling and gushing over it. He is amazing and so good to me. He agreed to come to my yoga class with me this morning, then he drove me to school and it made him half an hour late for work but he was still completely calm and didn't get mad or impatient towards me. We bought Cobs and made soup for our lunch. =p I love doing little things like that with him: sharing a meal, running errands together, even spending time with his family. It's been almost 2 years, and we've had insane struggles and have both made some huge mistakes, but our relationship has only grown. When I look at him I still find myself breaking out into a smile and thinking about how wonderful he is. I can't see myself with anyone else.

On another note. I need to stop shopping! Work is so boring but getting paid $15/hr rocks.

[alysaphobia]

Dear Createblog Diary,

I've fallen back into a phase of obsessively listening to The Beatles again. Man they're good! Oh, and A took me out to dinner tonight- t'was awesome. A good soda and Italian food was seriously needed here... all this exam pressure is killing me!

As of now I should be prepping for more exams, but I'm musing over song lyrics and Grey's Anatomy. This has been a terribly long week- I can't wait until the graduation ceremony. It'll be an emotional affair.

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
things are going a lot better than they were! hehe. that's good right? mmmm probably later tonight...PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR! :) hehe yayer! :]

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I need to stop procrastinating. I hate my life right now. Days seem to go by too fast. I should finish my project.. I'm not even half finished. This sucks. My life sucks. There's the parade in two days. I want to watch the pirates of the carribean. I need to take a shower. It's late. Nobody's picking up. My cell's dead. My ipod has no batteries. My internet is so slow.

[deplorable]

dear cB diary,
had an okay day... and a yummy supper :D yay scors!

[SarahxJoy]

Dear cB Diary,
We finally got a call from John today! He is doing well in basic training. He's bald, haha. I really miss my kuya. I'm just happy he's doing okay. He says he's passing all of his training and the heat isn't as bad as he thought it would be, that in fact, it's hotter here in Vegas than it is over there. So I guess that's good, he can handle it. My mom was the only one who wasn't able to talk to him, because she's at work. I know he really wanted to talk to her though. He started tearing up towards the end of his phonecall. I'll be looking forward to his next one. We all will.
As for David and I. This has been a really rough patch for us. But things are looking up. Which is good, because our one year anniversary is coming up. This tuesday, in fact! Awesome.

Today has just been a good day, compared to the others I've been having recently. I can say I'm happy.

[shortiiex]

DD,
i feel like i'm becoming so emo ever since the ending of spring break. it's because i don't like my life right now..and i can't wait till i get older and have a fresh start. i miss them so much...which is sad since i knew them for a couple of days, which shows the hatred i have here. i have been so frusttrated with a lot things lately, i just want to get out of this city and go back to paradise. i feel like that i will turn my close ones to enemies if they keep acting the way they are. Life isn't as simple as it use to be. i was sooo depressed...it was a feeling i never had...it was like being in love and getting it broken...i just wish that i could relive THAT moment, where it all started...and done things differently. i feel like everyone is so juvenile for me now, i can't handle being the person they all turn to...and i can't turn to anyone but myself...that's why they don't know my trueself. i am just so fed up about life, so just can't wait till i go to college and go far away...

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

Too much work to do that I haven't started yet. I really don't want to ruin things academically. Friends-wise things are pretty cool. I absolutely love FBC. The people there are really nice and I have things in common with quite a few of them. It's nice to have more friends outside of school who I can actually see often.
Now this other thing, I can't do anything about otherwise I'll regret it...unless they do want to do something about it too. We'll see.

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

Today wasn't bad. Working with my assistant manager was okay and I got to do cash all day so that was nice. Then Larry came by, we went for sushi then hung out at his place for a lil' bit which was nice. It sucked though cause were just laying in bed and almost falling asleep...then I realized it was probably time to go and so I had to leave. It always goes by so fast.
On the other hand, movie last night was fun. I'm still amazed I convinced my mom to let me out. Thank god. It was cool seeing them again.
Anyways, I'm pumped for summer to really start. I must hit the beach soon or I'm gonna go nuts.

[iDecay]

Dear cB Diary,

I really f**ked up this time, didn't I? Wow, awesome.

[flutterby88]

another fun weekend! i gotta start with friday: work was SOOOOOOOO much fun. lunch at boston pizza was delicious, gossip was hilarious (i'm so lucky i work with all girls!), and i got to listen to my MP3 all day! i caught myself singing along at times but stopped cuz i must've looked funny singing at a computer. so that was good times. went straight to carney to change into my black dress where i hugged lots of old fiddler pals:). then we practiced some and then went to the gym for rockstars4life to start. it was so fun, Ms T. finally met M, and everyone loved the high note i hit. P sounded AMAZING, been so long since i heard him sing, actually melted. all the bands made me dance in my seat, T did a hilarious job as emcee, F sounded awesome, and all the speeches were great. MR.D's actually made me cry, just one tear though! F still made fun of me. it was such a good time, i was so happy to be a part of it. afterwards said a few more hellos... Ms. R was there! i hadn't seen her since terra! then M bought me some timmy ho's, then him and F came over to watch some Dave Chapelle till we were ready to fall asleep. Saturday woke up to C calling me and M to come jewellery shopping with her which was a lot of fun cuz one of her students makes her own jewellery, she's very talented. Yummy treats and fun weddings stories too. then picked up M and went to K's for dinner which was SO fun, hadn't seen that family in a while. M played with the boys all afternoon so she told me to marry him:P, lol well i intend to one day hopefully. then F came over for some scrabble and some more Dave Chappelle before heading over to see Pirates 3!!!!!!!!!! it was SO good, and O was SO hot. certain parts of the night irritated me but s'all good. sunday i had to get up early for mass and then i came home and SLEPT. work today was good, so much to do though. A's home!!!! he just phoned me:D, i hope he can come over tonight. gotta really work on booking those road lessons so people don't have to drive here all the time. If only i could afford that honda, that would be sweet

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
sometimes i wonder about my life. like, am i really going to go through what i say i'm going to do? am i really going to spend 6+ years of my life in college just to impress my parents? even when i do do that will they accept me? will they love me any more than they do now? will i make them proud? sometimes life just seems so...not worth it. you know? why should i try so hard? sometimes i feel like everything can just crash down on me in an instant and i don't even know why. i feel like he's being dishonest with me. he has my heart and i feel like he can crush it at any time he wishes. he's the only one that can crush my heart in an instant. >< i don't know how life's going to turn out, but for now i'll never lose hope. "...you have everything i need if i just believe."

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I was doing fine in math AND english until that math test (I'm gonna get a 64) and my english test (76). I'm screwed. DAMMITTTT

[iGio]

Dear cb,

Im growing more violent,more angry,more sad,and more confused.School has a big stress over me.Im sick of the little haters making rumors about me.Im sick of them looking at me trying to define me as if they really can.Just sunday i was so happy because i thought we were in june and everyone told me we were still in may.That cracked me so bad.I was actually looking foward to finals and to saying good bye to lehman hs for ever.Im still procrastinating too much and my diet plan seems to be failing.I mean im doing my part,but my mom isnt.She sucked what i was hiding from her out of me.I told her that i didnt want meat,no fatening food.Just fruit and salad every day.But did it occur to her that It's something i need now and not then?Nope.She says she will get me this and that and how hard she is struggling with the money.I dont honestly care,and yes im that much of a spoiled little b-tch.I would love to get a job but everyone says teens are too young to work.And like i havent even d one my 45 su's or 100 jj's.And i need to do them,i already did my brisk walking.

And i cant hold it in no more.Im obessed with my monkey,its that idolization phase.And im sick and tired of hiding who i call my monkey.Joe jonas.I.D.G.A.F what anyone thinks about me or me being obessed with him.I see nothing wrong,well not yet.But being obessed has help me be motivated to do things.And like i told bff,im doing what im doing for me.To smile for me.Im sick of the bottle thats so tight inside.Im sick of all the sides of me always fighting to gain control.I can be dark or deceveing,believing and taken advantage of,nice and sweet,shy and quiet,mysterious and crazy.Theres alot to me.And everytime people just try to break me to see who i am,what i am really about.-sigh-And getting on about school.Im sick of it.I told my mom i needed a new copy of romeo and juliet because i lost mine.She totally forgot to go get me one all because she was out at her friends.So if she isnt going to care about it,why should i?I try,and i've proven im a college prep/honor worth student.But i let my self fall on purpose.No one seems to care.My friends all wanna know deeply whats bugging me but when i begin to tell them,they dont wanna hear it.They wanna all walk away and want me to help them.I dont mind but you know,im sick of holding my life in i wanna have a free heart.And my obession with me monkey is only getting worse.The last dream i had of him was a blow your mind away.Totally unrealistic in every way.

What to do?I always complain,sure.I can't help it,its me.I have no one to go to and im not gonna go to my mom.Thats like a big no and therapy?Im only a teen and people from school already have reccommended me to become one.I wonder why i cant take my own advice.Its hard for me.No one knows how hard it is to live my life.The things that happened to me,the things i've felt,the time i cried my eyes out and could not help but to sleep in my moms room for the last few weeks of summer because of how scared and torn i was.And latly,the only thing keeping me calm and saine is my monkey.It's become my everything.Why do i call him it?I feel weird to call him My everything?Should i?I dont know where to turn.I've always been stuck in life and i really believe more each day that the only reason i was born was to help my friends.Even my fortune cookie said it.I cant see my self being happy with anyone or being happy by my self.I cant see it at all.But the question is,why am i so afraid to show me?Why cant i just tell anyone?why why why.Why me.I laugh alot and smile but behind the rose is nothing but grief and pain.I dont know who the hell i love,what i love,who i am loved by.

I feel so lost,why couldnt i have been born normal?I cant sleep,i cant eat and everyone is thinking im starving my self.I cant help it if i dont feel like eating.I want to cry but i cant.I want to be happy but i cant.I cant be sad because thats not me.I dont even know why i feel the way i do.Then when i speak to my ex who is also my best friend.things also come back.Im a big whore.I like this that and that.I cant stop and im not horny either.But i cant help but to have taste.I cant help but to have feelings,i mean im not a robot so why am i making a big fuss.I feel retarted.If only i were born the other way of life,maybe i would have it easier.much easier...And im starving but i cant eat.No salad in the house so,yeah.Another night without eating.Im not looking for someone to pity me,but someone to be good to me?Is that so wrong,i just wish i could have a clone of my monkey to cry and lean on because i cant even do it to my friends.Isnt that sad,when they are here and he isnt.And phoebe like i feel like robert and david.The two biggest horny stalkers i know.I cant move on but when i dont see her it feels like i have but when i see her things rush back.Im so silly.I think i need a permanent break.

-Leon

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

Not much of a reply, but that was expected.

Anyways, tomorrow should be fun I hope. Thank goodness the sun is here finally.

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

Today was okay, I guess. Just that he's being really rude and seriously can't get over it. Why does he have to make a stupid big deal out of everything? He did that to me a lot of times before, and he only said that he was joking. It ended there. But when we do it, he gets mad? Excuse me, I DID apologize, and you DID hear it. You even turned your head just to hear that. But later on, you tell everyone that you never heard it? Wtf? I hate you. You're a stupid idiot that deserves that shit that your dad gave you. You're rude and annoying. You even yell at your dad and you called your grandmother a dumbshit bitch. Wth? No wonder why "she" left you. Jeez.

[synthase]

Dear cB diary,
Why is jealousy such a mean monster? I can't help but feel green these days

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

Today was just.. okay. He kept on bringing the problem back for some reason.. And today I finally got to sit with B! <3 yaaayyy.

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
today was terrible. i didn't study for my SATs as much as i said i would because well, i didn't want to. :) and i just found out today that my CS account has been stolen. isn't that just gayed? yes. but good thing Ray is getting me a new one for my birthday! hehe yay! i love my friends. :) <3

[BrokenDream]

Dear CBD,
I'm back!... well, on createblog and stuff. Took a reallyyyy long break. I really don't know why. But yeah, I am back. ^^; So different now. Well anyway, I had a pretty good day so far. I need to seriously get some friends over and like have a party or something. So incredibly bored.
Love, Mel.

[Jinny]

Dear cBD,

I wish I lived 'there'. OMG THEN I COULD SEE HIM EVERDAY!

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
i freaking hate the SATs and all the other standardized tests out there! i think they're just stupid. :\ i probably scored so low on this one. ughs. oh well, i guess i can do better next time right? lol. i hate being so freaking not small. lol. this diet just sucks. there are so many good foods around. i can't help but eat them? lol. dang it. :( haha. oh well! i guess i have to do what i have to do? ehh that's just life. lol.

[BrokenDream]

Dear CBD,
This girl is really starting to piss me off .
I'm frustrated. And I shouldn't be. It's summer, and I should be happy and careless. Oh well. I guess it'll get better soon? -shrug- Well, it's pretty late. It's 4AM. I can't wait to wake up tomorrow just to talk to people I care about. Things like that make my mornings great. I think I'm off to bed now.. like I should've been like hours ago. Heh.
-Mel

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

What is wrong with her? Why is she so fast? How?

[AimeeLynn]

Dear cB,

Ugh. Finals are tomorrow and I'm stressed out and depressed. I really want to get over him but I can't. Plus I have finals which I don't know anything whats on it. So I'm basically screwed.

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I wish I didn't have to compete with her anymore. This is annoying. I have to constantly catch up/get higher than her. I wish she was slow or it just got.. ruined? I don't know. I hope I don't have to share my stupid myth project tomorrow. Mrs. ******** is stupidddddd

[BrokenDream]

Dear CBD,

My back hurts to the extreme. For like two days straight now. I need the pain to stop now. I hope my bf sees my message. And I hope he doesn't over react. I hope for the best . Well. There's nothing to do.

*Sigh* I wish I had some of my old friends back.
One of my best friends has officially pissed me off. I wish she'd turn back to her normal self. And I miss one of my old friends as well. I didn't do anything wrong, she did. :/ I just wish everything was back to normal. I really hope next year would be a better year when it comes to less drama, but I doubt it since it's freshmen year.
-Mel

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

Wow, it's just.. perfect. It seems like God decided to make the whole thing perfect. He's amazing. I just wished he lived here...

[BrokenDream]

Dear CBD,

I want him back in my city again ...

[iGio]

Dear cb,

Im sick of being forced to eat,everyone is making me eat when they know im on a diet.They think im starving my self,im just not eating because i dont feel like i can eat.Everything im doing is for ___ and myself.I prayed in the shower today for help,while the water was smacking my hair and down to my ears.I went down to 173 fast but guess what,from being forced to eat I freaking went back to where i effin started.But i'll go back down.I just need to keep working hard like i have always been.But the thing is,now i get full real fast.My aunt and my moms friends complimented me on how i looked yesturday in my new outfit.They all said i look real nice and that im losing weight.I appreciate it all,dont get me wrong,its just i really wanna go back to being how i was when i was little.So skinny and stuff and free.Im so self consiounce and it gets worse every day that i go to school.I feel like all eyes are strictly staring at me in disgust when most arent and most are.

Music has helped.Everyone has showed if they cared or not.Everyone is worried.Everyone askes me if i ate yet each and every day.No one begins to think im enjoying not eating.I dont wanna be one of those anorexic people because its not an addiction.I love food so why would i start a bs like that?I just dont feel like eating.Come on now,i got full off like 5 small grapes.Im really trying.This weekend was fun except today.I went shopping from 11 and got home at 3.Bought alot of nice shirts,2 pairs of jean shorts,and checkered shorts to go perfectly with one of the shirts i bought which i wore yesturday when i took a shower and to the movies.And i bought white reeboks.I saw this really nice whie adidas the super star ones but they DIDNT HAVE ANY IN STOCK.Like wtf,footlocker barely had anything.And mistersports i hate the people who work there.They talk shit about your feet and about how you dress.Ughy.

This is my last week of school,finals.Then monday i got the second part of math and web final.Which sucks because i wasnt planning on going monday or tuesday since they were the real last two days of the week after.By the end of summer tho i will be skinny like i wanna be.I brushed my hair down flat so in the morning i could spike it up nicely.Aghh i hate school i dont wanna go back! not ever.I really want to lose this weight already too.Starving . . funny.

-Leon

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
here we go again! lol. well today has been pretty much horrible. i really miss him and i want to see him and be with him. gosh. 10 days is like forever away. lol. oh well. it's okay ! i can do it ! lol. i can not wait until i get to see him! hehe i plan on cooking something for him too. hehe i'm excited about that. :D i feel pretty bad though. i should be doing all the assignments and stuff. i guess i'll do it tomorrow lol. ALL of it ! :D oh by the way, i have a new husband. Jung Yun Ho. haha he is the sex. :) but i love Thuan more though. teehee. that is all. :)

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

Work was actually pretty good today. I think I'll wait awhile before finding a new job, 'cause its not so bad. Hours are picking up which is quite nice...and one of the girls I didn't like left, baha. So yeah. That made me happy. But anyways...had lots of serious talks with him lately which is good...I don't mind talking them out, its just they always come up on the phone when I'd rather talk about it in person but oh well...

I hate living a) at home with my parents and b) so damn far away from everything.

[flutterby88]

feels so much like summer! friday night i had the best family dinner with M, C, C, and parents. we talked for hours at east side mario's and we laughed so hard at old stories and jokes, i even cried. C was working! so got to talk to her most briefly. then M came over for a fun evening. Saturday went to the beach!!! WOOOOOOO. L, A, A,and A (lol) all came. we had some fun strawberry times and L took some sweet pics. oh man i laughed so hard with those two boys. But i felt so helpless with A, i mean there wasn't much i could do to comfort her. i hope she'll get through this. water was nice and cool and my skin finally felt the sun again, been a while. then Starbucks! i have a new love of it cuz 1)L works there and 2)they invented a frap of one of my favourite flavours in the world... "a Latin American flavour!" oh L:). went home nice and sleepy then M came over all sore and icky-feeling from work, so i made him pizza and kissed him better, he felt so pampered:). today i had fun at breakfast and eating fruit/having drinks with my family. read harry potter all day. talking to C right now, i'm so proud of her! wish i could be there to hear the speech. i can't believe they're graduating, i still feel like we're seniors over them:P. on another note i was sad K couldn't come to the beach yesterday, heard her voice for the first time in a while and i realized how much i'd missed her. cried a little last night before M came over cuz i was looking for my old speech when i thought of C, and i found all the notes Ms. P made us write to each other at the end of C.E. 12. things have changed so much, we were like sisters. I miss K, i wanna forget every bad thing i told her, i was so harsh. and i wanna see S cuz i was so judgemental the last time i saw her. i don't want the trio back, because time's simply moved on from that, but i don't want it to become normal for me to see them once a month or two. i kept looking for reasons to be mad but i stopped finding any. i hope i see them soon. one more thing before a last thought: i hope B doesn't give up hope, I think there's something there with M that she's too scared to see, it's obvious how much he cares about her.
finally, tomorrow is 1+5!!! i love him so much, words can't even describe. i hope he likes his birthday surprise, sometimes i feel i don't give him as much as i should, so i hope he likes it. i'll get the tickets tonight.
before i go, i just gotta say again how happy i am the sun's here, i had missed florida. i feel beautiful and more grown up, i know i can make my summer goals happen.

[alysaphobia]

Dear cB Diary,

I hate being sick, but I guess it saves me from those long summer runs everybody gets peer pressured into doing to prep for x country season. Ahh... free from soreness, for once!!
Today I rented out a few movies with my brothers... fun fun. Oh, and we made a whoppingly tall Jenga tower. Of course, Andrew smashed it. Nice one, bro...

Alysa

[concreteangel]

Dear CB diary:

I'm praying that I can get through these next two weeks and get a great externship site and get hired on. I really need a great job.

[panther]

WOW life is going so fast, graduating already tommorow comes another banquet and breakfast
3 parties this weeekend and i've whored myself this week too
man this is amazing everything is going by so quick
and i'm going to terat myself wow

[iGio]

Dear cb,

Agh stuck in school.Today was soooo boring but everyone is complimenting me on my shirt.Just wait till tomorrow .I have my ipod blasted on these ugly headphones of my brothers,thanks to stephanie my other ones that evelyn gave me that go like real high in volume,broke.Ughy.Then this kid on the other side of the computer is pissing me off.He keeps moving his legs up and down like his whole lower body like hes effin humping the table.It's so distracting and I really wanna scream stop.It's urking my nerves.I wanna go home and eat corn chips.I dont wanna sit in math class for 45 minutes.Im so pissed off because in art that stupid b-tch shanique put her umbrella tip which was dirty on my new WHITE rebooks.She got something on it too and i told my mom i shouldnt have worn them today.Everytime i have a new pair of sneakers people wanna eff them up as if they pay for my sh-t.And the worse part they are already creased.UGH.I wish school was over jesus.And WENDY omfg how she said i look like matt?EW no he has nappy hair,let alone its black and red and ugly.My hair is dirty blonde,and im light and hes dark.And then she said he wants me.Thats disgusting like omg and then he plays around too much.Like flirty play.I dont role that way,i would only for my monkey and thats all.But other than that my heart is stolen and never came back :D so he cant have me.And hes older ew.

Bleh now i want some dippin dots x___x save me.
-Leon

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
i'm pretty happy at the moment. lol anh thien and anh son are actually talking to me like i'm their little sister again. it makes me happy. haha :) and anh quy actually talked to me as well? hehe. that was pretty cool. i'm starting to feel a lot better actually. hehe. i'm happy to know that they put things behind them and are considering me as their little sister again. that would probably be the main reason why i've been so unhappy. lol. that and i don't get to see thuan. :[ it makes me so sad. lol. but i'm due to see him in 8 days !! wee! i'm excited ! alright. well, i have work to do at 9 AM tomorrow morning! sooo good night. maybe. :)

[angelrevelation]

Dear Cb Diary,

Seniors graduated today...

One of the weirdest things I'm scared about graduating in two years is that, what if no one cheers for me? Did I go to school with all these people for three+ years and not have an impact on them at all? Would I really be that unmemorable...?

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

God, I feel so tired for no reason at all...I blame it on the crappy weather that has come back. Ah well.
It was nice of him to come over today for awhile...I love just being with him, whether we're being silly, serious, naughty, bahaha...tomorrow's dinner should be fun but I am soo excited for Thursday, and especially Whistler...23 days! I can't wait.

[iGio]

Dear cb,

I just got back from being outside all day with kristina.Haha the little fat f-ck on the bike wanted to fight me because he was going to fast and almost hit me but swirved and made a stupid noise to me and then i said i hope you fall so he came back around and asked his mommma if he should say something to me.So i kept walking because i couldnt hit him and if i would of OOOH MAN god bless that child.Then he followed me and kristina but crossed the street and rode his bike and said something to me and i told him if he got something to say,say it to my face.He stood across the street like a morena whos always talking crap.

Then i walked kristina home and bam david and dominic showed up.Dominic is one of my best guy friends dont me wrong but me and him have had our arguements but david is like a life time of hate.So he pulled kristina like dragging her and she was like stop,and it was in front of my aunt,my mom and their friends.They all think that is my girl friend too.I mean david is really disrespectful he said hi to me and asked how i was doing then turned around and told me that he didnt like me and if i knew.And kristina told him not to say hi to me and i was like w/e because i had my little sister and im not about to go off because she gets scared when i do.

-sigh-I love when people want to start in my territory.If you got a problem then say it to my face,or walk the hell away.Because i dont stay in the cycle of drama i end it.Period.My heart is like full of hate right now.I was reading up on starvation and all the things that could happen.It worried me a bit but im still gonna go through with it.I mean no one can stop me.Everyone is trying to my superhero,im out of control i know.But i cant hold back no more,i got too much to deal with.And the only person who can stop me is my everything and i will never ever get to see my everything but besides in my dreams and flick pics in magazines.Everyone is judging me.I'm feeling sentimental.I want to cry and I only feel tears building up.

I've gained an obession,you've become my prized posession,that cant be taught in any art class or lesson.Im in love but im at war.I swore over and over i wouldnt let this be but now look at the me im at the tips of envy.Save me now,hear my battle cry,before i die i wish to say goodbye.I loved you all along now It's time to end this song.Floating in the dark,deep suspension,my heart followed you longer than a wire extension.You came into my dreams and made me believe i was more then that special somebody.You gave me hope you gave me sleep you gave me your name and i could call you baby.Call me now hold me later,catch my tears and hold my tight,and tell me you love me till the end of the night.

I really want to cry right now.I dont know what to do.

Edit//:O oh man.I M I N L O V E x x x :D


-Leon

This post has been edited by EtherxWhisper: Jun 5 2007, 09:13 PM

[Jinny]

Dear cB Diary,

I feel so stupid. Why couldn't I remember that one little thing? I swear, I really think that I left it in the halls. Wtf? I'm really stupid. What if I lost my whole binder? I'd get detention for like the rest of the year =x UGH. I really, really hope that my English binder is in my locker tomorrow. I hope it's not on the floor. I'm gonna go to school early tomorrow to look for it

[DarkInsanityxx]

Dear cB Diary,

Well today I thought nothing in the world could go wrong at school, but obviously i was wrong real wrong. It happened during 8th period, me and my friend were just sitting in our english class talking since we had already taken our final. Since the morning my left eye has be twitching. And you know that little statement if your left eye twitches something bad will happen and if you right eye twitches its a good thing, well yeah my left eye had been twitching since i left my house. And i've been dating this guy for not such a long time but hell i fall in love to easy. I never knew why but it happens. im usually the one everyone like to gass up because its easy to do it to me. So yeah...he comes and tells me, "I think we should end this relationship, because this relationship can't continue." so i just nodded my head and was just in shock. Now at first i thought hey its probably cause since he's a senior, he's leaving so i guess its ok. But when i went downstairs to my next class room there he was messing with someone else. So my whole heart dropped like i couldnt talk or anything. I just stood quiet that whole time i was there. once i left the school on the express train i just started to tear. Like i didnt know other people were around me i just went into my own little world. So see im always wondering why it always happens to me but i guess its whatever now all i can do is move on and just cry a little. I mean hopefully tomorrow i get to spend time with my brother Leon and Kristina. Maybe it would get my head out of it all. Hopefully.....

But honestly at the moment i just like want to call him a f**ker and everything. Like...so much is in my heart that i want to say to him but i dont have the strength to do it. I just rather keep shut about all my emotions and just continue on smiling like mi Tio told me to. He's words continued in my head today. "Always have a smile on your face no matter what. Its good for you." I never really understood it till sometime ago before he past away. Maybe right now the thing about the BF isnt bothering. Cause i mean...i may just be using it as an excuse for what i really feel. My dad he's an alcholic and well it hurts that i cant do anything to help. i tried and tried to help over and over again but nothing. Seeing him spit blood, throw up blood and just see blood stains everywhere....its scary to think that one day i might come home and he might not be breathing anymore. even though i say i hate my father he is still my father when i needed something he was there..but..its very hard to force myself to come home and just smile to my father. Probably thats the true reason im crying. Cause it certainly feels that way. Maybe also the reason i fall in love quickly is cause if god forbid my father dies...i need someone to comfort me...or something i dont know. But...its to much to think and say about my situation about what i've been threw its actually unbelievable that i can still smile. But i will no matter what i will....i must....i have to.....Smile

-Kami

[iGio]

Dear cb,

Yesturday before bed.I sang my heart out,it felt good.I want to sing in front of one of my friends now.I dont know why,just for fun i guess?.Anywho im super bored and nervous.Next period is my math final and oh my god sirhumpalot just walked in -.-.Totally ruined my mood.But im listening to my monkey :D so im happy.

w00t tomorrow is now school.Which means i can rest!!!!!!.I have to go get my hair cut after school for the sweet 16 on friday.Hmmm then after that i have to wait till 3 then going out with kristina for a bit.I'm starting to get dizzy all over again ever since i stopped eating.Hmmm.Well now stacy knows i like/liked her.Stephanie told her yesturday,oh well.Mmm mango bubble tea sounds good right about now.O: to quicklys this saturday!!!!!!!!!.Mr.kane was pissed at me,well sarcastically bitchy fit mad.I told him im not coming tuesday.Hello why waste my time in school on the last day when we are only going to sit and talk?Hmm?When i could be out at the beach or in front of my house listening to music.

So he told me that i better finish my project fast.I dont really care about his stupid project.I got my credits,and i might be moving anyway.So in anyother state my grades will follow me but at least i wont have to take art again.OMFG,mr.li just pushed the test to monday.UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.So pissed off like really.Wtf the next day is gonna be the last day of school.Why not just give it to us friday?!Or dont give it at all.AND FINALLY THAT KID IS NOT HUMPING SOMETHING!.

Im about to faint.My vision went blurry in english i could barely see but it came back to me.Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I want food but im not going to eat.X________X and i really want a milkshake too -cries-

-Leon

[michellerrific]

dear cbd,
Tomorrow is the last day of school. I can't believe the year passed by so fast. I'm not a freshman anymore. A lot of people have changed, I've come to see, mostly in negative ways. High school was totally different. A lot of memories already so far and yet many more to come.

As far as I think about it, it seems as if i haven't been in much of a positive state for a really really long time. What happened? I smile but that doesn't mean I'm happy. Most of the time something is pissing me off and making me angry. Or I just don't have positive attitude anymore.

[iDecay]

Dead CBD,

Today was fun. I got to hand out with Michelle for like.. 11 hours. I screwed over my plan of going on all the scary rides because she was afraid, but it was still awesome. I also screwed over my plan for trying to find.. him.. and somehow ( ) sitting next to him on a ride. He did call me Bob though when I was running past him. It made me smile. (Lol, I'm lame.) Basically, Mr. 'Hi, I'm-gay-and-I-spend-$3,000-at-American-Eagle-every-month,' and Ms. 'I-think-I'm-better-than-Tina' wouldn't stop screaming so Michelle and I ditched them. We just met up with random people throughout the whole time. 10+ times in Bigfoot Rapids is TIRING. We saw him there, though. We were going to mix some girls with guys on the last two rides, but the boys were just too stubborn. Thus, I fail at getting near him. Somewhere along the time between screaming and running around I lost my jacket. Kekeke @ him and his friends trying to find it. It was cold. My shirt and pants were drenched. PEOPLE COULD START SEEING MY BRA AND UNDIES. (Wow, next time I'm wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. No more thin yellow owl shirt and white pants.) I was freezing to death. My mom yelled at me. I'm now sick and will have to let my team down in Science class. Oh man, this sucks.


Ehh.. ramble ramble.

[*alovesopure*]

Dear cB Diary,
I'm so glad that he is happy. Even though, I wanted to be with him. As long as he is happy, so am I. I just hope that there is someone out there for me, I doubt it. But maybe, possibly.
And g*dd***it! I'm so sad that Coop will be leaving for the Navy soon. I don't want him to leave.
Jeeeezzzzzzz.
-Rawra.

[ashleybby]

dear cb,
today sucked. it really did. i am so sick of always looking at his myspace and seeing his messages to her. they make it seem like they love each other yet they have only been going out for a couple of days. did he have a little relationship with her while me and him were going out? i dont see how, in one week he could change his mind about me and change his feelings about me and leave me for another girl. it doesnt make sense. if you really love someone, your feelings wouldnt change in one week. i understand he is curious about dating other girls. but cant he still date me and other girls? we could still be on a break but seeing other people. i would give anything for him to be mine again. i am lost without him. i dont get why he doesnt love me anymore. things seemed perfect. even the day that he left, things were perfect and we were both happy. maybe he is just a really good actor and i believed all the lies he fed me.
i am real tired of crying myself to sleep at night. i already can tell tonight i will be crying. like always. i am tired of it. and i wish more than anything that he will move back to vegas and see that i am the one for him.
no one can love him as much as i can. why cant he see that?? does he not want to see that??
i dont know when this depression is going to get over. but i hate her. i hate her. i hate her. i would rather him be dating lauren then her.
:[ why wont he see how much this is hurting me??
-ashley

[cocoarules]

Dear cB diary,

I am proud of myself being able to let go of it. I never expected I could get over it so quickly. Or maybe I had never cared? Iono.

Love
Ruby

[DarkInsanityxx]

Dear cB Diary,

Ok well so far so good....i think. well the injury is still there but i guess it cant be helped....Now yesturday was actually pretty fun. Leon and Kristina there awsome i love them. I actually did get my mind off that situation. We went to Duane reade you know that pharamacy, well all we did was sit our butts down on those comfortable chair and just read magazines. I found this book that actually pretty good so i bought along with some gel pens to write with. Actually i was honestly looking for Sharpies to write with but they didnt have the colorful ones so blah. that really sucked ass. But overall it was fun. As of today i dont know if we all can go out again. Honestly i would actually want to and just go sit somewhere nice in quiet like you know in some of those movies you go and sit on the grass and read or something and you see the wind blowing threw there hair or something...xDDDD sounds corny i know but heh never hurts to imagine. But either way i want to go somewhere, where i can read or have fun or something. Well hopefully it happens.

-Kami

[iGio]

Dear cb,

Woke up an hour ago.Now I'm not as tired as I was.But I'm still bored x__x.Eating a bagel-bacon sandwhich.Going on maple to try to lvl my bandit to lvl 30 already x___x then im gonna get him to lvl 36 and keep on working on my cleric and get it to lvl 70 since its only lvl 36 xD.Then continue on my bandit.I had a dream about my monkey.It was cool but was at the last 5 minutes of the dream.Which was OK but I wished it could have been longer before I woke up.Yesturday was fun,even though my hands got really rough from the swing bars.But It was fun to go to the park for a while,I mean it isnt everyday I get a chance to go to the park without any thugs or druggies being there.I'm bored,I want a cherry or green apple smirnoff.I'm not completly starving my self either.I mean,I am eating a little but not as much as i should be.But hey I lost weight so im happy.

-Leon

[minioligo]

dear cb diary,
i've been working so hard to be everything that i promised i wouldn't be.

why is that?

[Rachel]

I can't believe it's almost been a month away from school, or shall I say home. I miss being up at IC soo much, and I can't believe I am going to see my baby in two days!! He is so wonderful to me and I feel like I can trust him completely. Even though it was hard, I am glad that we talked about Tom and how awful he was to me. I love that he said he wanted to go beat him up after hearing that he cheated on me. I love him so much and everything about this relationship has been soo perfect...so far.

Why am i scared of being happy?

[iGio]

Dear cb,

This hurts.The starving was killing me today,I felt my stomach chewing on my insides.It hurt so bad but . .I dont know.I took my global final last period.My teacher said I did very good and I really didnt study but I told her I did xD.Today everyone was like "pr or dr" and all the dominicans asked me that and when I said dr they screamed and said yeah.I mean ok,the fighting between the pr's and dr's need to stop.It's total bs.NO one came from a damn banana boat,and if they did,they wouldnt know they are teenagers.It's stupid to take credit for something that people before you did or experienced and then say "we went through this and that".NO it was the people 6 feet below.And yesturday I cracked really badly.Robert said I'm a drama queen,and that my life could be so much worse and that I need to grow up.First of all he couldnt last a day in my shoes.He doesn't know how it is to come home and fight with your mother and brother everyday nor be kicked out your own home more than 3 times.He doesnt know how it feels to be forced to do something you dont want to.He doesnt know how it feels to think everyone is staring at the fat on your body that you have to walk hunched to hide it because you feel very insecure.He doesnt know my life,I mean he's giving me MY own advice,I gave that to him.And I can never take my own advice.It's not easy for me.

Yesturday I admitted to lexy why I'm doing what i'm doing.I was shaking when I told her.I never admitted that to anyone.It was a go there moment like degrassi.It really went THERE.Today I'm feeling ok except me later going to have to deal with stephanies "oh puerto ricans are better than dominicans,ya came on banana boats,ya immigrants" crap talk.I really Do not want to here it because she knows I will spit on your flag and disgrace your race and put you in your place.I dont play that stupid bs.And she knows damn well i'll do it at the parade too.You dont tell your friend that crap,but If I were to say something bad about pr she would throw the only temper tantrum.

The pain in my stomach went away for now,I'm only feeling more light headed each day.But I can't stop.Tuesday I must buy the new Naruto for ps2.It's a must get check list.And I'm really upset at Tina.She blocked my brother on AIM because her gf dont like him.Ok I dont like my brother most of the times but he's my brother and he has been there for me.I mean If it comes to where I have to hit her gf like a boy since she wanna act like one and dress like one.I will,because jealousy is nothing but envy.So yeah . . It sucks because she said she will always be there for me.My little sister misses her.Shes my big sis always but still,you do not do something like that,no matter how many times my brother has been an ass.

Anywho I passed basically all my finals :P but math is gonna be whorible on monday.The teacher said it's going to be much harder on monday.UGHYYYY ILY ILY.I dont want to go to the stupid sweet 16 later x___x.I mean I agreed to go if Gabby wasnt going with steph.But still why does gabby always have to change her mind at the last minute.Now my friday is wasted.But i'm happy i'll still have time to hang out till 8.But i still have to go get a pain in the ass haircut.>.< now i'm bored and theres nothing to do the whole period.I should of cut and went home.Chris better not start today either.I will slap his lips off.He's always unplugging my comp for web class and saying it wasnt him like a little girl.And mathew ugh keeps flirting with me.He needs to stop because its a NO-NO situation.It's purely no.Thats ew too :o.

Lalalalalala im bored~!

-Leon

[cori-catastrophe]

dear cb diary,
today sucked. it felt terrible all day. and to make it worse, my granny got me up extremely early and told me that we had to go to the bank. so i got up, even though i was about to puke. i rode in the car, all the way to the banks and the post office. finally, we got back home. i was feeling a little better so i got on her computer. big mistake. my head started hurting and the room was spinning. but i didn't tell anyone that part. i took some red pill she gave me. there's no telling what it was though. but i don't care. it made the room stop spinning so i like it. at that point, i decided to lay down on the couch and watch spongebob with ally, even though i was mostly thinking rather than paying attention to the television. the telephone rang. it was glenda. apparently, the transmision on their jeep is screwed up so we had to take them to the golf course. at this point, my mentrual cramps had kicked in and my headache came back. i was about to die. we rode all the way there, while hearing ally and hannah fuss and argue about senceless things, which made it no better on me. we got there and let them out, but it took forever to get out of that place because of the tournament. she decided to go twenty miles per hour. meanwhile, i was holding in a shitload of sobbing. my cramps were awful. when we finally got to her house, she checked the mail. i literally jumped out of the car and ran all the way down the driveway and straight into the restroom. i stayed in there about twenty minuites before finally being able to get up and ask for a heating pad. she actually had one, which was the highlight of my day. i went in her bedroom and layed it on my stomach for a good long while before my mom got home. i hope tomorrow's better, since we're going to the reunion and all.

-coriiii.

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

So yesterday to today was mostly amaaazing.
First thing yesterday, bused/skytrained downtown to meet Sheri for her makeup exam and that was fun being her model and being made up...the photoshoot was fun and made me want look into modeling even more. The photographer said I did a great job so that was exciting. Bused/skytrained back by myself which was cool...had time to kill so I stopped on Granville and took a lil' walk which was nice. Stopped by Adrenaline again...I really want to get that tragus piercing but I'm chicken...some time with Kait though.
After that, went by the mall quickly before heading to Larry's. Mikey's dinner was fun, met him and Steve finally. Stupid stomach issues though...went back to Larry's after Kait's for awhile and spent the night there again. I love just being in his arms all night...fell asleep too early though...but the middle of the night was fun, tehehe...but yeah, the night definitely went by way too quickly again as always. Sigh.
Today went straight to work from Larry's, and work actually wasn't bad so that was nice. Tomorrow is another long day, I work 11-7 then I'm tutoring Alex again. But yay, money! Haha...next week looks fun too so I'm excited. But yeah, I'm sad I couldn't go Wednesday to that movie and whatnot...I haven't seen some people in foreverrr.

I love, love, love summer.

And the sun which isn't here right now. Darn.

[iGio]

Dear cb,

OMFG!The sweet 16 was so crappy.I got back not too long ago.It was really boring,it wasnt for teens really.It was a fam sweet 16,like a traditionally spanish one.I hated it.I dressed up all nicely again for a crappy party.I mean kaley looked real nice in her dress.but besides that I wasted my time when i could of just continued to hang out with evelyn and kristina.But thats ok at least the pictures came out nice.Though the guy at the bar was looking at me i was kinda creeped out.[since today is sat]Yesturday when we went to duane reade,they had a new magazine with my monkey in it <333.I really wanted it but NOO the damn headphones just had to cost 14.08 and then I just had to have the only craving for a cappuchino blast.And it was nasty too.Ugh so I'm broke yet again.And kami wanted to write to him because I wrote a little something on my msn title saying what can save me and stuff. . . SO yeah.My friday was fun,I had fun with stephanie,kristina and kami.Took some sexayy pictures and had mad fun.Strut down the street and turned alot of heads.Haha there were so many haters though.At least we looked good =].

Now I'm home.Bored,nothing to do at all!.My mom think she is slick,she went right back out again and left my sis here knowing that my little sis will cry to me and then i would have to take care of her.Which I really dont want to.I want to go out to a club,dance and drink.The toast at the party was actually applecider but from the wine bottle.It was so good i drank mine and stephanies because i love it <3.I'm not that sleepy but then again I'm wiped out.I have nothing to do.And why do I feel that I'm being flirted with too much?It's not out of conceit either.Like really,Im feeling kinda crowded.And the pain from starving was so horrible.I felt like i was being shot.But hey,I chose this so I guess i better deal with it right?

-Leon

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

It's not fair. I wish my parents were as easy going as hers and that it would be as easy as asking that same night and actually being allowed to stay over at his place without all the sneaking around.
Sigh.