Hate. |
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Hate. |
*I Shot JFK* |
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#1
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Hating everything
Stopped to see the flower, and it's beautiful All the little pieces together = Nothing But apart One at a time We can digest Suck the calories from the world And grow fat, lazy, and solid While we sit and learn to love The hate Which, drawn from the flowers (Which themselves are beautiful) Comprise the daily grind Of three meals a day Round the dinner table (Can one person sit 'round' a table?) Chopped flowers On a finely chopped base Of equally beautiful small children Who, failing to eat their hate Have yet to pull up a chair. |
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*mishyerr* |
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#2
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Although I fail to understand what it means, I like how it sounds in my head.
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#3
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![]() Senior Member ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Member Posts: 2,614 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,903 ![]() |
.. this is f**ked up.. nice job
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*Kathleen* |
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#4
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I like, except the random equal sign. I know it goes with the style, but it's.. all lonely..
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#5
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![]() peace&love, earth flower ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Member Posts: 651 Joined: Apr 2006 Member No: 398,938 ![]() |
I dig the last few lines.
QUOTE Chopped flowers On a finely chopped base Of equally beautiful small children Who, failing to eat their hate Have yet to pull up a chair *wordgasm* |
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#6
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I'm Cattt. :] ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Validating Posts: 1,722 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 130,831 ![]() |
I got the main idea of the piece but the transition between ideas are sudden.
And the equal sign is quite lonely being in the front of the line. |
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#7
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![]() Oh My Goblet of Fire! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Member Posts: 222 Joined: Feb 2007 Member No: 504,421 ![]() |
I love the beat, very choppy. Were you going for that effect? I think you could break it down further and construct solid lines by sewing together a few ideas. This has excellent potential and I love the message.
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#8
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![]() Jake - The Unholy Trinity / Premiscuous Poeteer. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Member Posts: 1,272 Joined: May 2006 Member No: 411,316 ![]() |
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*Uronacid* |
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#9
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I don't know much about literature... I don't like this.
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#10
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![]() rissa. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Member Posts: 621 Joined: Jul 2006 Member No: 436,690 ![]() |
wow. It's nice.
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#11
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![]() Senior Member ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Human Posts: 659 Joined: Jan 2007 Member No: 494,019 ![]() |
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