Strict Father vs. Teenage Rebellion?, Need to get out. Options

[lojay]

Alright. I know I am not the only one with this problem. I am aware people have bigger problems than me, however, I cannot take it anymore! My parents are driving me insane.

**If this is in the wrong section, sorry, feel free to move it. I figured it was a relationship problem between my parents and myself.

Moving on --

How is everyone else dealing with their parents that are driving them insane and setting boundaries?

I recently was sent to a doctor because I am undergoing stress/panic attacks regularly and fainting as well. And yes, I am eating well. The doctor suggested that I start journaling. I am. It relaxes me, but my parents do a hell of a job at pissing me off even when I'm relaxed.

First off, my dad is 58. I'm 17. He's an "older" father. He went through Vietnam, so he does not take shit from anyone. Recently, his old age has turned him into a grumpy a-hole. He set "rules" for me. Rules?! Are you kidding me?!

I have 2 jobs, and I go to school every day, never sick, attend SAT Prep courses every Saturday, attend ski club, and get good grades. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, and I don't give him any reason to think I'm a bad kid. What is his problem?

I guess what I really want to know is, how does everyone else deal with this crap? Does anyone else have a father who is majorly strict or went through Vietnam and what he says goes? And how do you deal with it? I'm afraid of my own father. It shouldn't be like that.

I can't even talk to my dad because even if I say one thing in defense, his answer is, "You always have an excuse." If I don't do things his way, then I'm punished. Last week I spent the whole day cleaning the house so I could get my car keys back (he took them away because my friends made noise the night before when they were over my house. wtf?) When I go out and have fun and get my parents off my mind, I come home to my dad being in a bad mood and it ruins my night. I can't even go out and have fun anymore.

Even if these are normal problems, why can't I accept them? I feel like I'm overreacting, and at the same time, I'm 100% sure I'm not. I really just want to get out of the house. I have my license and I really want to just get out, but my dad keeps setting curfews or rules for me. There's a new one every week! Help? Please?

[xlitoxb]

I'm not sure what to tell you. I used to be afraid of my dad, too and I ended up ignoring. We hardly ever talked and whenever he did I would just walk away. Eventually he backed off because I didn't do anything bad and still did fine in school.

I guess you should prove to him that you can handle yourself and that he needs to back off. Try getting your mom to help you out and explain to her what you're dealing with with your dad. =] Good luck!

[*S0ul_Reaper*]

My dad is in the Air Force he's been to wars also. He was strict growing up and I was always afraid of him, every little problem he would get angry, he was an intimidating person and does things the way he wants it to be done. It looks like your main problem is your dad what about your mom? Theres always good reasons why your dad is acting like that, your only explaining what he is now but how was he before. In my parents point of view rules and curfews are ways to help develop our decision making skills and learn to be responsible. The main thing in a family is communication, if you do not speak up then nothing will get solved. Your gonna exprience the same shit all the time. Even if your scared of your dad you should at least try talking to him, maybe even get to know him better. Distinguishing between the time of having fun and the time of being with your family, learning the responsibilities of being an adult and getting rid of your childish ways. your 17 im guessing your almost 18, my guess is that your dad is maybe trying to prepare you for being an adult considering he's 58 probably has a lonesome life (assuming) but I can't really determine how to help you if your only background is your dad setting rules and what not and how rules irratate you. maybe expand more in specifications.

[lojay]

It looks like your main problem is your dad what about your mom?

My mom is "living in her past" and suffering from her own sorrow stories of losing her parents and dealing with her sister, who has backstabbed my mom and tried to steal all the money from my grandmother's account upon my grandmothers death. So on the weekends my mom drinks until shes drunk and hungover for the entire weekend. She basically is no help, or makes things worse.

The main thing in a family is communication, if you do not speak up then nothing will get solved. Your gonna exprience the same shit all the time. Even if your scared of your dad you should at least try talking to him, maybe even get to know him better.

I tried talking to my dad. And as soon as I got emotional and began to cry he yelled at me to stop crying. He also then went on to talk about how nothing is his fault, and everything is my fault. He just doesn't listen to me unless I'm saying something that he wants to hear. I honestly have tried to sit down and talk to him, and if he has ever actually listened, he told me that my problem is my friends and how I need to ditch them and tell my friends not to be so immature. Then he laid down all these rules for me such as no friends allowed to visit our house after 10pm and they have to leave at 11pm. Then said that he isn't, and I'm not, a taxi cab and if my friends need a ride somewhere there parents need to bring them and pick up. (Personally, I think this is just because he is lazy, always has been. He'd rather sit in front of the TV than do something for anyone else). I don't really mind driving my friends places, driving actually relaxes me. I like staying out late and driving just to get away from my parents, but now I have this stupid curfew. Ahh.


I just get really aggrivated because my brother is in Florida, and I'm stuck in NJ with my parents driving me insane. They are so overprotective of me and give me zero privacy, and when I ask for some they think something is wrong with me. They never treated my brother like this, I don't understand what their problem is with me. My parents argue all the time, and my dad tells my mom how he doesn't love her at all. I used to have my brother as my saftey net when my parents would argue, but now I just have to listen to them because my brother isn't home anymore. Then when my dad is mad he finds something to yell at me about. It's insane. It's not like I haven't tried talking to them about this, they just don't listen to me.

[*S0ul_Reaper*]

so ever since your brother left things have been like this? an Alcoholic mom wow thats some intense stuff. Your dad is probably feeling miserable he doesn't want to blame him self for his own miseries so he blames you. I also think that your dad may be in denial and he can't handle the truth so confines himself in a place where his lies are his truths. I pray for you but hang in there. Don't give up doing what you can do, doing good in school and what not. Theres not alot of people who can undergo this kind of stress and still do good in school. I think your pretty strong and have good sense to be strong, as For your Mother theres not much what I can say about her but what she's doing is gonna end up hurting her self. Your dad may have a lot of issues that he tries to avoid and is scared of facing. but for what I can say base on your response is to keep trying, you may find your answer later on as for now being away may be your comfort zone you'll have to come back here eventually so try to make the best of both worlds.

[multifaceted]

Can't you just pack up, tell them you're going to pick up something, and just go and leave them?

You're 17, you only need one more year with this crap and you can go to wherever you want. If you were 15, then I might tell you to do something about it. But you aren't. Just deal with it for the next year and leave.

[kimmytree]

^ Agreed. Do good in school, and move away for college or something.

I honestly have tried to sit down and talk to him, and if he has ever actually listened, he told me that my problem is my friends and how I need to ditch them and tell my friends not to be so immature. Then he laid down all these rules for me such as no friends allowed to visit our house after 10pm and they have to leave at 11pm. Then said that he isn't, and I'm not, a taxi cab and if my friends need a ride somewhere there parents need to bring them and pick up. (Personally, I think this is just because he is lazy, always has been. He'd rather sit in front of the TV than do something for anyone else). I don't really mind driving my friends places, driving actually relaxes me. I like staying out late and driving just to get away from my parents, but now I have this stupid curfew. Ahh.

Ahh, I actually agree with your dad on that one. 10:00 curfew? 11:00 friends have to leave? Thats pretty lenient. I'm the same age as you are, and I'm lucky to be able to go somewhere without my parents 2-3 times a MONTH. I'm not allowed to be in a car with friends, or have them in a car with me. If you're having to constantly drive your friends everywhere, then yeah, he has a reason for being mad over that. Your friends should be able to get their own ride to/from your house.

[lojay]

Ahh, I actually agree with your dad on that one. 10:00 curfew? 11:00 friends have to leave? Thats pretty lenient. I'm the same age as you are, and I'm lucky to be able to go somewhere without my parents 2-3 times a MONTH. I'm not allowed to be in a car with friends, or have them in a car with me. If you're having to constantly drive your friends everywhere, then yeah, he has a reason for being mad over that. Your friends should be able to get their own ride to/from your house.

Err, I understand the curfew, I'm just not happy about it. I like having my time until midnight because most of my friends do have jobs working until late hours so it is just that like.. cherished late night time, I suppose. I didn't mean that he was being completely unfair. I just wasn't exactly happy about it.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Wait till your 18 , Move out and move on with your life. :-)

[Kontroll]

They are your parents. They own your till your 18. Deal with it. They are there to set rules so you don't screw your life up later.

Well, you're young. You're stupid. All teenagers are stupid. That's why we're teenagers. We need parents to give us rules. I've had rules all my life. I still do and I'm of legal age now. It's apart of life. You're always gonna have rules. He obviously cares about you. Because you do so well with everything gives him more reason to be stricter. I mean think about it. You do so well at everything. Don't you just want to go to a party every once in a while? You know, you deserve it. He might be looking through that perspective. You never know. He's a military dad, so he most likely is going to be stricter. Discipline isn't a bad thing. You have to realize that now. He's just preparing you for when you're older.

I would love to see some of my friends and you people deal with life as a teenager if you lived in the 50 or around that time. I would definitely have a problem, but I'll the first to admit that. It's hard being a teenager. It's no reason to bitch. Just think, they probably had it worse than you did.

So, please. Don't say you're parents are driving you insane. You're doing it to yourself. You're probably looking at your friends and saying, 'Well, they get to do all this stuff, why can't I?' Right?

Good day.

Wait till your 18 , Move out and move on with your life. :-)

How is that going to solve anything? That's not a solution.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

How is that going to solve anything? That's not a solution.

Yes it is. You said it yourself. Your parents own you till your 18. If he just waits till he is 18 he can do what ever he feels like with out the worry about his father. Till then just follow through with what his father is telling him to do. He did it for 17 years he might as well follow through for one more year. The reason his father might be getting this way could be because he dosen't wanna lose his son . Time goes to fast and things change. I am quessing that his father hates change. I find him lucky because he is 17. He has less then a year left. Me, I am 16. I have a longer wait.