vulnerable Options

[Winter]

I've started posting since like March but I am sure none of you actually really know me. And it's great you know, coz cB has been like an escape for me. cB is where I am able to truly be myself, no mask or anything.

When I got here, I decided to not get involved too much. Like be friends with all these people. I am not doing that again after what happened in kpopper. And I've done that. None of you have ever communicated with me outside of the forums.

But then I started talking with Chris (asiangetokewl) on AIM and it's so easy to talk with him. For once there is someone who understands how I feel. Someone actually knows part of the pain I go through.

And now I feel incredibly vulnerable. Someone understands me. I just feel scared. I don't know why.

Why am I feeling this? Why do I feel so scared?

[ComradeRed]

Because you are complacent. You must confront that which you fear most if you hope to join the ranks of the brave in Valhalla.

[*krnxswat*]

Because all this time you thought you were the only person in this world who went through those kind of pains, situations and never thought there would a person who understands you, until you came to a point of realization that you were wrong, and there are people that go through the same thing and understands you? Mmm. I'm not sure.

[ComradeRed]

Comrade Lenin feels your pain.

[angel-roh]

00H ASHLEY IS IN L0VE WITH CHRIS!! L0LS HAHA IM PLAYING WIT CHU GIRL L0LS... HEHE UR PR0LLY SCARED CUS U MIGHT L0SE S0ME0NE? BUT THATS A... WEIRD FEELINGS F0R U THERE... BUT ERM... U PR0LLY THINK S0METHING IS G0NA HAPPEN...HEH BUT GIRL IM ALWAYS HERE!! IM ME!! MY AIM SN IS C0REAN BEBE <--- IM ME!! IT SEEMS LIKE U NEED S0ME0NE T0 TALK T0 WITH...IM HERE!!^^... HEHE NEWAIS D0NT BE SCARED... I KINDA D0NT KN0W Y UR SCARED AND ALL, BUT IF U WANT T0 TALK T0 S0ME0NE IF U THINK THAT WILL HELP U FR0M BEING SCARED L0LS. ^^
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IM ME, 0KAY?^^

[Winter]

00H ASHLEY IS IN L0VE WITH CHRIS!!

Hush girl! What are you saying?!

Me love Chris? Why is everyone thinking that?! My ex, my friends, why do you all think I'm going out with him?! Is it because he looks like my ex so much?!

I miss my ex but I'm still sane! I know Chris is Chris, and Paul is Paul. And even though they look alike, they're not the same! And I'm not going to use Chris to replace my ex!

Geez...

Oops sorry Susan. I didn't to make such an outburst. Just felt pissed that's all. Not at you.

[angel-roh]

L0LS WH0A HE L00KS LIKE UR EX?!?!? O_O 0MG REALLIE? L0LS IT`Z 0K. IM N0T G0NA SAY AWW SHES MAD AT ME HAHA. L0LS HMM I THINK THAT`Z Y UR SCARED...0R MAYBE N0T O_O;; AWWW BUT U STILL WANT T0 TALK T0 CHRIS, RIGHT? L0LS THAT S0UNDS FAMILIAR... LIKE WEN MY FRIEND L00KS LIKE THE ENEMY I F0UGHT WITH L0NG TIME AG0 HEH. BUT SHES N0T ENEMY ANYM0RE..SHES UMM.. 0K FRIEND L0LS. NEWAIS U WANT T0 TALK T0 CHRIS STILL RIGHT?
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0R ARE U SCARED CUS... U MIGHT THINK CHRIS AS UR EX, PAUL? O_O; PR0LL THAT... HM

[Winter]

L0LS WH0A HE L00KS LIKE UR EX?!?!? O_O 0MG REALLIE? L0LS IT`Z 0K. IM N0T G0NA SAY AWW SHES MAD AT ME HAHA. L0LS HMM I THINK THAT`Z Y UR SCARED...0R MAYBE N0T O_O;; AWWW BUT U STILL WANT T0 TALK T0 CHRIS, RIGHT? L0LS THAT S0UNDS FAMILIAR... LIKE WEN MY FRIEND L00KS LIKE THE ENEMY I F0UGHT WITH L0NG TIME AG0 HEH. BUT SHES N0T ENEMY ANYM0RE..SHES UMM.. 0K FRIEND L0LS. NEWAIS U WANT T0 TALK T0 CHRIS STILL RIGHT?
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0R ARE U SCARED CUS... U MIGHT THINK CHRIS AS UR EX, PAUL? O_O; PR0LL THAT... HM

Yeah he does... His eyes and hairstyle are exactly like my ex's. So alike it's scary. If you knew my ex and saw Chris' avatar, you'd freak out too coz they look so alike.

Yes I still want to talk with Chris. He's a really cool guy.

I'm not sure why I feel scared, but I've thought about it. It might have something to do with Chris looking like my ex. I'm scared I'll think of him as my ex. I'm scared I'll use him as a replacement.

Coz the more I see Chris' avatar, the more I see my ex. I was okay with Chris' avatar at first coz it reminded me of my ex in a good way. But now when I see his avatar, I see my ex in him. And now the more I see his avatar, the sadder I become...

I don't understand myself.

[angel-roh]

I UNDERSTAND U, ASHLEY. BUT D0NT WRY UR N0T THE 0NLY WH0 IS LIKE THAT T00...HEHE S0ME 0F MY FRIENDS WERE HAVING THE SAME FEELINGS LIKE U ARE HAVING RIGHT N0W. YEAH CHRIS SEEM LIKE A C00L PERS0N, BUT S0METIMES U SEE HIM AS UR EX...00H THAT`Z SCARY L0LS HAHA... I MET THIS GUY WH0 HAS THE SAME BIRTHDAY LIKE MY EX EXCEPT HIS YEAR IS BIT 0LDER THAN MY EX NEWAIS...HEHE THEY B0TH W0RE GLASSES AND SAME B0DY SIZE... AND IT T0TALLY FREAKED ME 0UT... I TH0T I WAS G0NA LIKE HIM!!! L0LS S0 YEAH... I GUESS I WENT THR0UGH LIKE THAT L0LS. I GUESS UR AFRAID THAT U WILL LIKE HIM...
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RIGHT?

[Winter]

I GUESS UR AFRAID THAT U WILL LIKE HIM...
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RIGHT?

I don't know...

But I do know, I don't want to like him... Coz I know if I like him, it's because he looks like my ex...

[angel-roh]

WELL IT`Z 0K THAT U THINK HIM AS AN EX... S0 YEAH N0 BAD PR0BLEMS AB0UT THAT. BUT I GUESS U D0NT LIKE THAT. HEH S0 I GUESS UR AFRAID THAT U WILL SEE CHRIS AS UR EX EVERYDAY? O_O;; YEAH PR0LLY CUS 0F THAT...LIKE U WILL THINK HIM AS UR EX EVERYDAY? U THINK THAT IT WILL HAPPEN LIKE THAT! RIGHT? L0LS I GUESS THAT`Z Y UR AFRAID!! YEAH UR PR0LLY AFRAID CUS 0F THAT
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[Winter]

WELL IT`Z 0K THAT U THINK HIM AS AN EX... S0 YEAH N0 BAD PR0BLEMS AB0UT THAT. BUT I GUESS U D0NT LIKE THAT. HEH S0 I GUESS UR AFRAID THAT U WILL SEE CHRIS AS UR EX EVERYDAY? O_O;; YEAH PR0LLY CUS 0F THAT...LIKE U WILL THINK HIM AS UR EX EVERYDAY? U THINK THAT IT WILL HAPPEN LIKE THAT! RIGHT? L0LS I GUESS THAT`Z Y UR AFRAID!! YEAH UR PR0LLY AFRAID CUS 0F THAT
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I don't want to see Chris as my ex... I want to be able to see Chris as Chris and my ex as my ex with a difference between the two of them...

I want to stay friends with Chris but I just can't see that happening if I keep thinking 'Gawd he looks so much like Paul' you know?

[angel-roh]

YEAH I GET U GIRL... THAT U WANT T0 BE FRIENDS WITH HIM AND ST0P THINKING HIM AS UR EX. I GET U. U KN0W IF IT'S G0ING T00 FAR LIKE U CANT ST0P THINKING AB0UT IT... HM... U CAN G0 T0 UR EX AND SAY "GET A LIFE L0SER" L0LS IM JP!!!!! HAHA THAT`Z MEAN I KN0W HAHA I NEVER D0NE THAT L0LS HAHA WH0A I THINK IM MAKING UR IMAGE L00K BAD UH 0H`Z L0LS IM JK...NEWAIS S0 D0 S0METHING THAT U WILL T0TALLY F0RGET AB0UT UR EX... CUS F0R ME... WAT I DID WAS... I YELLED AT MY EX HAHA.... S0 I T0TALLY F0RG0T AB0UT HIM L0LS. CAN U YELL AT UR EX? L0LS THAT`Z WAT I D0... HEH. S0 YEAH FIGHT HIM!!! HAHA G0 BEAT HIS ASS, ASHLEY L0LS!!! 0KAY I'LL BE INN0CENT AND N0T A DEVIL L0LS WELL IM N0T ACTING LIKE A MEAN GIRL, RIGHT? L0LS IM JUS HELPING U!!^^
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[NvieDi3ai3yGrL]

you're feeeling scared simply because you aren't used to talking to someone so freely about yourself..give it time and you'll realize your comfort level will only grow .. you have to give people chances and trust them when they reach their hand out to you to listen .. they're being a good friend .. appreciate it for all its worth.

[Winter]

YEAH I GET U GIRL... THAT U WANT T0 BE FRIENDS WITH HIM AND ST0P THINKING HIM AS UR EX. I GET U. U KN0W IF IT'S G0ING T00 FAR LIKE U CANT ST0P THINKING AB0UT IT... HM... U CAN G0 T0 UR EX AND SAY "GET A LIFE L0SER" L0LS IM JP!!!!! HAHA THAT`Z MEAN I KN0W HAHA I NEVER D0NE THAT L0LS HAHA WH0A I THINK IM MAKING UR IMAGE L00K BAD UH 0H`Z L0LS IM JK...NEWAIS S0 D0 S0METHING THAT U WILL T0TALLY F0RGET AB0UT UR EX... CUS F0R ME... WAT I DID WAS... I YELLED AT MY EX HAHA.... S0 I T0TALLY F0RG0T AB0UT HIM L0LS. CAN U YELL AT UR EX? L0LS THAT`Z WAT I D0... HEH. S0 YEAH FIGHT HIM!!! HAHA G0 BEAT HIS ASS, ASHLEY L0LS!!! 0KAY I'LL BE INN0CENT AND N0T A DEVIL L0LS WELL IM N0T ACTING LIKE A MEAN GIRL, RIGHT? L0LS IM JUS HELPING U!!^^
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Huh... Go jump my ex's a$$? Well to tell you the truth, I'm still holding on, hoping that we'll get back together again one day... Coz we made a pact... That at the end of the year, when my national exam is over and he comes back from the marines, we'd have a talk about 'us'. I know that's still a long time more but I can't help but hope. And my ex and I are still friends. We were friends before we got together, so we remained friends after the break up.

So there is basically no way to get over my ex. I've tried hating him. I've tried crying. I've tried b*tvhing about him with my friends. They all don't work. They all just make me think about him more.

[angel-roh]

W0W ASHLEY...WE SH0ULD TALK T0 EACH 0THER 0N AIM... I THINK WE ARE FL00DING THIS T0PIC JUS U AND ME L0LS!! S0 YEAH...WAT`Z UR AIM SN? L0LS WAIT I D0NT G0T AIM IN THIS C0MPUTER...HEH.. HMM.. MAYBE LATER? BUT NEWAIS AWW UR EVEN CRIED? AWW THIS MUST BE HARD F0R U, HUH? U L0VED UR EX A L0T, HUH? S0 WAIT HE DUMPED U 0R U DUMPED HIM? O_O;;
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[NvieDi3ai3yGrL]

Huh... Go jump my ex's a$$? Well to tell you the truth, I'm still holding on, hoping that we'll get back together again one day... Coz we made a pact... That at the end of the year, when my national exam is over and he comes back from the marines, we'd have a talk about 'us'. I know that's still a long time more but I can't help but hope. And my ex and I are still friends. We were friends before we got together, so we remained friends after the break up.

So there is basically no way to get over my ex. I've tried hating him. I've tried crying. I've tried b*tvhing about him with my friends. They all don't work. They all just make me think about him more.

ashley, i completely understand how you feel. i've been there and done that. i remember all those promises that we'd always be together, etc. it's hard to let all of that go. have faith in him and i'm sure things will work out right in the end. just be patient and give it time. the more you push he'll just pull away. so you have to let him breathe and come back to you full force naturally. never give up hope. it's a wonderful thing to have. when all else fails hope gets you through each day. things were going downhill with me and my boyfriend for a while and i never gave up. i knew he'd come back when the time was right. it took a while but him and i have been getting closer and closer each day since. as long as you stay friends and the friendship stays strong and grows there's every reason to hope that things will be perfectly fine. there's not much you can do to get over someone you have such strong feelings for. so don't let it pass you by. if you feel it's worth it just stick with it and it'll be okay. good luck.

[Winter]

W0W ASHLEY...WE SH0ULD TALK T0 EACH 0THER 0N AIM... I THINK WE ARE FL00DING THIS T0PIC JUS U AND ME L0LS!! S0 YEAH...WAT`Z UR AIM SN? L0LS WAIT I D0NT G0T AIM IN THIS C0MPUTER...HEH.. HMM.. MAYBE LATER? BUT NEWAIS AWW UR EVEN CRIED? AWW THIS MUST BE HARD F0R U, HUH? U L0VED UR EX A L0T, HUH? S0 WAIT HE DUMPED U 0R U DUMPED HIM? O_O;;
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I have AIM and MSN... AIM = xolovelywinterox. MSN = winter_kangta [at] hotmail [dot] com.

I did love him a lot... And he loved me too... None of us dumped each other but I guess I was the one who suggested it. I guess we just agreed it was best that we stopped seeing each other. I mean, it's a long distance relationship and we hardly have time to talk anymore. We only had time to talk for like an hour or lest on Saturdays and Sundays. That was it...

I guess it was the logical thing to do... Lol the both of us have always been more materialistic people... This is for the best and even though we're not happy, it's for the best. My studies have always and will always be the most important thing in my life. I know that, he knows that. Maybe you can call me selfish, but that's what I feel.

[Winter]

ashley, i completely understand how you feel. i've been there and done that. i remember all those promises that we'd always be together, etc. it's hard to let all of that go. have faith in him and i'm sure things will work out right in the end. just be patient and give it time. the more you push he'll just pull away. so you have to let him breathe and come back to you full force naturally. never give up hope. it's a wonderful thing to have. when all else fails hope gets you through each day. things were going downhill with me and my boyfriend for a while and i never gave up. i knew he'd come back when the time was right. it took a while but him and i have been getting closer and closer each day since. as long as you stay friends and the friendship stays strong and grows there's every reason to hope that things will be perfectly fine. there's not much you can do to get over someone you have such strong feelings for. so don't let it pass you by. if you feel it's worth it just stick with it and it'll be okay. good luck.

Your post made me cry. Gawd my vision's blurred.

I don't know what to say, just thank you.

I have faith and I will wait. I can keep hoping until the end of the year. If it's really over then, then will I stop. But until that time comes, I will keep my faith.

[NvieDi3ai3yGrL]

Your post made me cry. Gawd my vision's blurred.

I don't know what to say, just thank you.

I have faith and I will wait. I can keep hoping until the end of the year. If it's really over then, then will I stop. But until that time comes, I will keep my faith.

awww don't cry :( . it's okay .. i'm just telling you from my experience how i feel on your situation. i understand exactly what it is you're feeling because my relationship was a long distance one too .. him and i are still in that relationship after lots of time and effort. it's great that you put your work above all else. your education is very important and key to your future. i'm sure he respects that as well. keep doing what's best for you in hopes that you can share your future happiness with that man you love. i am happy to hear that you have faith because not many people have it these days. they always are so pessimistic and think the worst. you have to have hope to make life bearable. be strong and i'm sure you both will pull through. there was still a part of me that always told me i was meant to be with my bf and i never gave up on that. and when i spoke to him on the phone or looked him in the eyes i could see that he felt that way too. so despite the hard times we went through on not getting to see or talk to each other that often we did what we had to do and our love grew through our friendship that we always cherished. it was what really saved our relationship in the end. good luck and always stay strong hun =]. if you ever need any moral support you know you have all of us here on cb<3

[Winter]

it's great that you put your work above all else. your education is very important and key to your future. i'm sure he respects that as well. keep doing what's best for you in hopes that you can share your future happiness with that man you love.

He does respect the fact that my studies will always come first for me. I remember us talking about me getting a scholarship and us getting engaged. He said he knew I'd choose the scholarship instead of him. But he was okay with it...

we did what we had to do and our love grew through our friendship that we always cherished. it was what really saved our relationship in the end.

I am glad I stayed friends with him. I don't normally talk with my exs' but he was special. He said to me before that even after a break up, he'd still be friends with the girl coz they were friends before and nothing was gonna change that.

I found out that staying friends with him help to get rid of some of the pain. Perhaps it is because he is there, and I don't have to cry over the fact that I'll never get to talk with him again. No matter what, he'll be there as a friend and I think that helps a lot.

[NvieDi3ai3yGrL]

He does respect the fact that my studies will always come first for me. I remember us talking about me getting a scholarship and us getting engaged. He said he knew I'd choose the scholarship instead of him. But he was okay with it...



I am glad I stayed friends with him. I don't normally talk with my exs' but he was special. He said to me before that even after a break up, he'd still be friends with the girl coz they were friends before and nothing was gonna change that.

I found out that staying friends with him help to get rid of some of the pain. Perhaps it is because he is there, and I don't have to cry over the fact that I'll never get to talk with him again. No matter what, he'll be there as a friend and I think that helps a lot.

awww it's nice to hear that he sincerely respects the fact that your studies come first. because although it may come first now he will become your first priority once you've successfully completed them. it's so sweet to talk about engagement after your accomplishments =]..it shows that he's truly unselfish for being okay with how you prioritized things in your life. if he was expecting to be put first and not caring about your goals then he wouldn't be worth it. but it seems to me that he's truly something more than the other guys.

i don't normally talk to my ex's either.. but you can tell when one is special from the rest<3. it's hard to just let the one that meant so much to you walk out of your life completely. the way i see it, i'd rather have them in my life as a friend than not at all. to throw all the wonderful memories and times together down the drain is pointless. staying friends does help with the pain because you know they're still there and it doesn't feel like a complete loss and, as i said before, there's still always hope for the person who sticks by you no matter what ;]. i think from what you've said so far that things are very hopeful for you guys and i wish nothing but the best!! keep studying hard.. it'll all pay off. and in the end i can see him right there waiting for you to congratulate you and share your success.

[Winter]

i think from what you've said so far that things are very hopeful for you guys and i wish nothing but the best!! keep studying hard.. it'll all pay off. and in the end i can see him right there waiting for you to congratulate you and share your success.

Thanks Candy. I hope things will turn out okay for us too...

*huggies* You've really gave me some hope and I feel a lot better now. Maybe things will work out in the end. Maybe we will get back together. No one knows for sure, but I can always hope right?

[XaZnX07]

Yeah he does... His eyes and hairstyle are exactly like my ex's. So alike it's scary. If you knew my ex and saw Chris' avatar, you'd freak out too coz they look so alike. 

Yes I still want to talk with Chris. He's a really cool guy.

I'm not sure why I feel scared, but I've thought about it. It might have something to do with Chris looking like my ex. I'm scared I'll think of him as my ex. I'm scared I'll use him as a replacement.

Coz the more I see Chris' avatar, the more I see my ex. I was okay with Chris' avatar at first coz it reminded me of my ex in a good way. But now when I see his avatar, I see my ex in him. And now the more I see his avatar, the sadder I become...

I don't understand myself.

maybe you are falling for chris but then again you may still have feelings for you ex? i dnot know

i guess only you would know why you are scared and you just havent found out why you are scared
I understand you i fell in love this girl and she said she cant be with me because of what she believed in but that did not stop me from loveing and trying to move on had my head high and all i had was hope and guess what when you love some one and never give up hope it will always works out at the end so hope you will feel betta

:tony:

[NvieDi3ai3yGrL]

Thanks Candy. I hope things will turn out okay for us too...

*huggies* You've really gave me some hope and I feel a lot better now. Maybe things will work out in the end. Maybe we will get back together. No one knows for sure, but I can always hope right?

you're very welcome!! *hugz* i'm glad you're feeling a lot better now. no matter how hard things may get sometimes just never give up on what you feel is right and fate will have its way of leading you to exactly where you're supposed to be. all those maybes are very possible so keep the hope hun!!