an essay for english, will someone look it over for me? |
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 Jan 7 2007, 10:53 PM
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#1
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 i'm maggie =]  Group: Member Posts: 3,607 Joined: Jan 2006 Member No: 361,616  |
will someone close to my age (im 16. a junior in hs.) read through it and maybe tell me what they think of it?
the "project" was cause and effect. i know it's not the best thing in the world but it's just a draft. QUOTE Cause & Effect taken out. sorry. can someone please close this for me? we submit everything to turnitin.com for our final drafts and the software program scans through every site on the internet to see if we have copied someone else's work. and i definitely dont want this to pop up and then have to explain to the teacher. thank you. =] |
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Jan 7 2007, 11:11 PM
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#2
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i'm maggie =] Group: Member Posts: 3,607 Joined: Jan 2006 Member No: 361,616 |
oh, and i wasnt sure if i should have posted it here. maybe in hw?
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Jan 8 2007, 12:14 AM
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#3
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RJL<3 Group: Member Posts: 1,194 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 71,019 |
Sounds good to me and i'm a junior in cp english! Better then most of the people in my class would ever write. I didn't see any mistakes.
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Jan 8 2007, 12:24 AM
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#4
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 200 Joined: Aug 2005 Member No: 215,126 |
I don't think posting an essay on CB is the best thing to do. People might plagiarize (sp?) or something.
...but, it's a good start. Maybe elaborate as to how it was growing up with her, what you remember of her? I don't know, sorry I'm not much of a help. |
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Jan 8 2007, 01:15 PM
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#5
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Member Group: Member Posts: 16 Joined: Jan 2007 Member No: 493,314 |
I'm 22 so i got 6 years on you, (hopefully thats close enough) anyhow, i think you did a very good job on that, it gets your point across in a clear way and it looks like you did your homework about the Kubler-Ross stages, i can't find any faults in your writing.
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Jan 8 2007, 04:29 PM
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#6
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i'm maggie =] Group: Member Posts: 3,607 Joined: Jan 2006 Member No: 361,616 |
QUOTE(xxamandajanexx @ Jan 7 2007, 11:14 PM)  Sounds good to me and i'm a junior in cp english! Better then most of the people in my class would ever write. I didn't see any mistakes. im in ap english as well. QUOTE(gles_so_def @ Jan 7 2007, 11:24 PM) I don't think posting an essay on CB is the best thing to do. People might plagiarize (sp?) or i would hope not. QUOTE(CESARE BORGIA @ Jan 8 2007, 12:15 PM) I'm 22 so i got 6 years on you, (hopefully thats close enough) anyhow, i think you did a very good job on that, it gets your point across in a clear way and it looks like you did your homework about the Kubler-Ross stages, i can't find any faults in your writing. actually, i learned it in psychology last semester so i thought it would be wise to include it. =] thanks, guys. i wasn't really sure if my essay as a whole meshed together well enough. |
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Jan 8 2007, 05:23 PM
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#7
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 Senior Member Group: Head Staff Posts: 18,173 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 108,478 |
It's pretty well written. Would you like us to correct any grammatical errors though? I pick up on those really easily when I proofread since I'm a grammar freak.
 QUOTE She spent years in mental institutions and went through countless sessions of ECT (electroconvulsive therapy), but nothing worked. The "but" doesn't require a comma after it, so I removed it. QUOTE I needed to teach myself that there was no price for my soul for her return. And, that in no way was this somehow my fault. There shouldn't be a comma after the "And." Perhaps you could create a new sentence like "I also needed to teach myself this was in no way my fault" so there isn't a sentence fragment? |
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Jan 8 2007, 05:57 PM
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#8
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i'm maggie =] Group: Member Posts: 3,607 Joined: Jan 2006 Member No: 361,616 |
^^ OH! thank youu!
ill fix on my computer copy. |
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Jan 8 2007, 06:51 PM
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#9
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Senior Member Group: Head Staff Posts: 18,173 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 108,478 |
You're welcome. :) I was afraid you'd think I was being nitpicky or something.
When is this due? I hope you get a good grade on it, but you probably will. You're a good writer. |
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Jan 8 2007, 06:57 PM
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#10
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i'm maggie =] Group: Member Posts: 3,607 Joined: Jan 2006 Member No: 361,616 |
^^ wed.
no, im not "nitpicky" at all. if something's wrong, i like to fix it! and thanks. i try. literally. hahaha. 
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| *My Cinderella.* |
Jan 9 2007, 09:55 AM
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#11
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Guest |
Well, I'm not where near being a junior just yet. I read it over and it was very well written. You did a good job on it. Other than a few grammatical mistakes that the other poster pointed out, I can't seem to find anything wrong with it.
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