Is this wrong?, We're a lot more than friends... Options

[zombiexguts]

I don't even know what to call him - my exboyfriend, my boyfriend, or my friend.
We had been dating for about 7 months. I had lost contact with him when he
had dropped out of school, and when I started talking to him again last May [Around
his birthday], I realized and finally admit I was in love with him. He helped me through
a very serious problem, and thanks to him, I am no longer in that situation. I am sixteen [Just turned sixteen in November], and he's nineteen [he'll be twenty this May]. Thing is,
I don't care much for the age gap - it's just a restriction, and I've gotten into so much
trouble with my grandma because of it [it was a really fun experience though.]

We share so many similar interests, we always have a great time in each other's
company, we can make fun of each other without taking it to heart and laugh
at ourselves. He has had a rough life, and I haven't had it as bad as his.

Anyways, around late November, he said it would be better if we were just friends.
He said he did not want to hurt me in any sort of way - that he wanted me to make
sure that I absolutely know that he's the one for me. I may be young, and we may
still have a long way to go, but I honestly do believe he's the one for me, and me for
him. We still do the whole couple thing, but on his terms, we're nothing but friends. And
I don't know if that's wrong, or, if he really does love me - because I consider the things
he says.

As stated, he said he doesn't want to hurt me, he says that he wants me to 'dip in other
ponds', and about a couple of days ago, while we were 'doing the deed', he brought up
me baring his child - and I don't know if that's something BIG in a relationship, or just
something to think about.

I love him so much, and recent things he has said makes me believe that we'll be
together soon.

What do you think? Is it wrong to continue relations with him, and really just keep it as friends, or continue doing the spontaneous things?

[me1issaaaa]

What the crap. He's almost 20, and you JUST turned 16, and he wants you to have his kid? Yes, I think this is very wrong, especially since you're "just friends". You were given a brain for a reason, child. USE IT.

[zombiexguts]

Hmm, yeah, that's the same thing I got from my best friend.

And once you question someone who you consider a blood brother, I guess you've really got problems.

I know he mentioned having his kid && all - it doesn't mean I'm going to actually go through with it.

I promised myself I'd get highschool over with, at least, then start making screw-up decisions.

[kimmytree]

Well, if you were a few years older, it'd be a little different. But there's definately way too big of an age gap between you two.

[littleswallow]

What the crap. He's almost 20, and you JUST turned 16, and he wants you to have his kid? Yes, I think this is very wrong, especially since you're "just friends". You were given a brain for a reason, child. USE IT.

I kind of agree with her, I mean, you guys are young! And... I don't think a 'friend' would ask you to have his kid if he sees you as just a friend.

[Insecure Emotion...]

I think you guys are too young to be having any children, but in all honesty, when you are at LEAST 20 and financially&emotionally ready to have a child, then i think you should go for it. if he really loves you, he will wait. 4 years is not a big age gap, my mom and my dad are 10 years apart. so are my grandma and grandpa, so i guess it's more of an opinion, but definitely, you are too young. like corey said from boy meets world, "you do your thing, and i'll do mine, you are you, and i am i, if in the end we are together, then it's beautiful." <33 it's a wiiise saying. good luck with everything.

[*My Cinderella.*]

I think its kind of wrong how all of this is going on between you guys (it seems to me that you guys are more of friends with benefits.) I know that you said that you don't really let the age get in the way of it, but think about it. It is around a 4 - 5 year age difference. I don't think it'll be suitable if you take the whole "having a child" thing into consideration, at least not yet.

[*krnxswat*]

Truth be told, look, he dropped out of high school. He feels that his future doesn't look too bright; therefore, he wants you to have his kid, and officially making you part of his life, and him part of your life. You assume half the responsibility and you're probably going to have to support the family.

Tell him to go back to school. Or, tell him to go get a decent job (i.e. vocational, for example).

Or.

Find a different guy.
You're way too young to have that much responsibility.

[_sarcastic_]

i think you guys should keep it as friends and nothing more.
having his kid? the both of you will probably need to have lots of responsibility, and you have to be financially and emotionally stable for that and knowing how he dropped out of school, he's not going to have a very successful career.

[iROCKYOURSOCKS]

Okay im going to be honest with you as i can and say it out ..he DOESNT like/love you. this guy or whatever he is put it easy for you and just said he wanted to be "friends" and for you to be "sure" that you love him. Girl he DOESNT love you at all. This guy is most likely seeing other people right not and doesnt want the commitment to be with you thats why he told you to go to "other ponds" so he probably wont feel guilty going around seeing other people if you arent doing it to. You are just a friend with benefits..i cant believe you would still have done the "deed" with him if you have no REALTIONSHIP with each other. girl use your head does this sort of realtionship seem right to you? do you want to be his "friend" and have sex with him when ever he feels like it and have no commitment? and what the hell is his problem by asking you to have his kid? WTF?!? I dont care what kind of life he has but he has NO RIGHT to ruin yours. I agree with krnxswat this guy only wants to be a lazy ass while you do all the work getting your education and maintaining his child while he still tells everyone who will listen that you guys are just FRIENDS with a KID.


Why dont you stop THINK and tell him that if you guys are going to be just friends you are not going to do any "DEED" with him. And he needs to finish his education or get off his lazy ass and get a job.

actually this guy is full of CRAP leave his ass and get a better guy who wont just use you when he feels like it. get a guy who will actually respect you.

have some respect towards yourself and highten your standards in guys this guy is full of bullshit.

[malimars]

Hmm yeah I went thru the same exact thing with a guy and i was the same age as u he was 20 and I was 16.... we never went thru the whole havin a kid tho lol... anyways Im now 18 and he is 22 and we've been together 2 years now!!

[espressive]

Okay, first off, that's statutory rape.

Second, it sounds like he's sweet-talking you to take advantage. I'm not saying that this is true, but this is commonly the case as I've discovered amongst others. Once again, that is a generalization, that is not necessarily applicable to your situation. However, I do suggest that you should confide and ask for the opinion of somebody you trust, or at least, be open to the opinions of some of the cBers. When you are in these situations, your feelings often cloud your better judgement. Trust me, you don't want that to happen. In my personal opinion, I think him saying "let's be friends", yet still continuing to "do the couple thing", as you put it, is the part that stands out. When you say, "do the couple thing", do you honestly mean being a couple or being like a couple? Those are different. Think about it. How many of those couple-ly things are physically related? Be truthful now. If most of those things happen to be physically related, I think that he is taking advantage of you. You're vulnerable; you say you love him. Guys can see this. Don't tell me, "he's not the type! he won't do that!", because honestly hun, you are so wrong. If you don't believe me, then at least let me warn you of the big surprise. Now if these "couple-ly things" happen to include a lot of meaningful conversations, just enjoying eachother's company without adding physical twists, going out on dates and the likes, then I say that he's just not ready to be in a relationship at this point. Be honest when you evaluate your relationship. If you don't, it'll only hurt you more in the long run.

And lastly, if you're having doubts - follow your instincts. Relationships are about trust. If you don't trust in the relationship as it is, as you are seeking outside opinions, then how do you expect the relationship to continue?

[*Uronacid*]

The whole age gap thing... well, that honestly doesn't phase me... it's not that big of a deal, but the fact that he's a high school drop out and he's talking about having kids is pretty scary. I would NOT have kids. That is a BAD idea. You are too young, and to make such a decision would be completely stupid and irresponsible.

You make it sound like you guys have already had sex, and your grandmother caught you... I'm surprised he didn't goto jail. I swear, if my daughter was dating a high school drop out and I had a chance to ruin their relationship. I would definitively do it!

I don't know how to convince you that dating this guy is just plain stupidity. HE HAS NO FUTURE!! You have to realize that you are going into a relationship that is destined for failure.

You are completely blinded with obsession. No matter how much you love him, your love will not change reality!!

Lil_cloud is right, he's probably taking advantage of your affection. If you have kids with this moron you are going to be trapped with this looser for a good portion of your life.