Createblog Diary, Version 9.0 Options

[*Zatanna*]

Originally started by faithin_felix.

Dear cB diary -

I wish I could somehow make the days last for more than 24 hours at a time. It seems like I just can't get everything done lately. :(

And I'm nervous about the new job, but excited at the same time.

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

New one again! Haha, anyways...
Life is hectic but I'm pretty happy right now which is kind of nice. I'm in the middle of midterms/projects and junk so I'm a bit stressed but meh...did well on my first HUM102 essay, A- woohoo! Then I got a B+ on my TECH100 essay so that was cool too...buuut then I only got a B- on my IAT100 project =( And I was hoping to do sooo much better. Bleh. My standards are way too high for myself.
Christina & Lindsay have left for Texas and their cruise...I miss 'em. I really hope me and Kait can go visit them on it during spring break or something...that'd be sooo awesome. We're going to do that audition too...just for fun 'cause I doubt I'll make it but if I did...and I know I won't be able to if I do...that'd suck. Sigh. I don't know.
Dance is going well I guess. Some people in my classes bug me but thats normal I suppose. I love my hiphop dance so far though.
Getting a new job soon hopefully too. Went to the job fair at the mall and I applied to 13 places. Had 1 interview already and 2 more this week. Hopefully I'll get more calls too.
I miss my friends. I have only seen a few lately cause we're all at different schools and all busy and junk...sigh. Halloween party should be awesome though.

Life is surprisingly not bad. This is awesome. My parents are still annoying as hell, but meh. I'm getting by.

[no-name]

Dear Cb diary,

I noticed I have a low tolerance for stupidity.

[think!IMAGINARIL...]

Dear cB Diary,
RAWRG. Yes, I have officially decided that I like RAWRG better than GRAWR. It sounds awesomerr.
I really think I'm failing school. Especially English. Everything is just like 3481934759 times harder than MS. We have several tests and quizzes on the same day plus 4-7 hours of homework/projects per night. Maybe I should really go to Francis Lewis instead. I just can't take this workload! I used to be the best procrastinator ever and now I just don't do the projects anymore! I seriously feel like there's something wrong with me.
I'm probably failing English and.. Spanish. Maybe B's in Global and Bio. Probably A's in Bio Lab and Math and orchestra. Last year, I used to get straight A's every marking period. All my friends who go to specialized this year who were extremely smart are going through this. Especially the ones that go to Stuy. They're pretty much failing everything..
My friend _________ is EXTREMELY ANNOYING. She criticizes everything when she doesn't even do it right herself! She lies SO MUCH. And she's a freeloader and isn't polite at all. She's really clumsy and is really, really awkward. She's not a really good friend. She was like my best friend in the beginning, but now I find her really annoying. _____ is more annoying. She's running for vice and she's already got 30 sigs. Everyone I asked said that they signed it because she would just keep bothering them until they signed it. She's definitely not gonna win. She might get a few votes from the guys, but that's cause she's a slut.
I really can't wait for next Saturday. I'll go at 6 and get there at like 7. That way, I can wander around Central Park and take pictures! :) And then wander around the museum and take picture too. But only if I can find my museum ID. It's a really good place to take pictures when there are no people around.
I feel alone in this world. I'm not depressed or anything. I just feel like.. noone's there for me. I feel like if I killed myself right now, not many people would care. Maybe like a couple of my friends, but that's just it. I know I don't have any fake friends, but I feel like they wouldn't cry. I don't feel like they care that much. I don't hang out with the Hayden kids that much anymore, I don't talk to my MS or PS friends anymore, and I've only known my HS friends for less than a month! Seriously, why would they give a shit?
I don't think anyone cares at all..

[angelrevelation]

dear cb diary,

he's such a NERD rofl... he's still cute though. *shrug* this is different.

[faithin_felix]

dear cb diary,
i''m obssesed with her. ugh!
FELIX

[angelrevelation]

dear cb diary,

great he's gay AND he's a druggie... i have the BEST taste in guys dont i?? *dies*

[fagget]

Dear cB Diary,

It IS possible to hate yourself. Especially when your boyfriend comes up to your school to pick you up, and you ignore him. And when you don't believe him when he says there isn't another girl, even though he swears he's tellin gthe truth. I can't believe how much I miss him, even though we're still together. I don't feel close. :[

[johsee]

dear cb,

woww. today has been totally awesome! everything just seems to be going my way! i guess it`s kind of making up for everything else that`s happened lately . . . anyways. today phillip was such a sweetie. i love him to death. and then i was texting katie earlier & i might get to go with her to capastrono beach & disney land over thanksgiving break. & then my miss carly`s gunna come see me soon!! i miss that girl soooo much!

ahh! we`re like jumping up & down now. soo happyy.

-- josie

[HakunaMatata]

Dear cB Diary,

So like, the mixed CD was perfect. Just perfection. I just found the new song of my life.

Love,

Kayce

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

Why do I get the feeling I'm being discussed?

Oh well. It'll all work out in the end, I'll get it to.

[angelrevelation]

dear cb diary,

why does she MAKE me talk to her? she always expects everyone to be depressed when she is, and ecstatic when she is. like her mood is the mood that feeds the world. and when she suspects i'm mad or whatever she's like 'aww don't be sad! ' and leaves it at that, rambling about stupid things...

[think!IMAGINARIL...]

Dear cB Diary,

So today when I got off the bus to go home, I looked at the sky and saw that there were only two patches of blue. I was like, "What the fck! What happened to the rest of the sky?" I just really hate these days. It's really depressing to look outside your window and see this dreary shade of gray.
The seasons are changing. It's depressing.. I really, really miss the summer and all those baseball games. And hanging out at the museum like 24/7. But now, it's really freezing and there's nothing to do. Can't go to the park 'cause it's too cold. Can't go into the city that often 'cause I'd need to pay for the trip there. Can't go skating. Can't go to the beach. I really wish that I lived somewhere warmer.

Right, and I got my report card today. Not good, but not bad. 2 E's and the rest, S's. It was pretty good, considering half the freshman got an N in at least one class.
I need to work harder if I'm gonna get into Caltech. I really have to start studying.
Yeah, and picture day tomorrow. I know exactly what I'm gonna wear, but my hair is probably gonna be a little frizzy. Ahh, I'll just do whatever to it. It doesn't really matter.

[Naomitron]

Dear cB diary,

So something big must be happening right now and it scares the hell out of me. My insides are so twisted up in anxiety that I can't sit still. When the call came it took all I had no to throw up all I'd eaten. It didn't work for long. Now I'm completely empty and scared shitless. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm freaking out. I'm tempted to crash my car on the way back. I don't know if I can't handle another blow like before. I'm already going out of my mind.

[Looow]

Sorry, I deleted it.

[Stefanny]

Dear CB diary,

I like a guy everybody else thinks is crazy

[angelrevelation]

dear cb diary,

i always seem to like guys out of my league. i know that sounds really cliche and labelish and stuff... but it's true. he's a varsity football player. but he's really nice and funny and smart!

but he used to be a player, and he probably still is now.

i feel like i'm just shooting too high all the time, that i should lower my standards or whatever. but... it's not like i like guys cuz of status. i HAVE liked guys that werent exactly the hottest or most popular. there just has to be some chemistry somehow.

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

My mom pisses me off...semi-ruined a pretty good day.

But whatever. It's my life.

[malimars]

Dear CB

I never really realized how much he ment to me until now that he is gone THINGS ALWAYS WORK THAT WAY IT SUCKS!!

[KissMe2408]

Dear Cb Diary,


Another person quit the show.
But you know what?
I LOVE this cast. I'm having a blast.
=)

[*Pl-dot-lS*]

This isn't f**king fair.

[iDecay]

Dear cB Diary,

Halloween is now officially my second least favorite holiday.

[*Azarel*]

I'm looking in all the wrong places, aren't I? But that doesn't stop me, anyway. Nights like these tear me apart.

I still need so much not to be alone.

[minioligo]

Sometimes I wish I could just go out and not be my "conservative self".
Whatever that means.

[smoke]

Trivial teenage problem? Far from it. I wouldn't complain about anything that doesn't matter. I'm tired of everything at my home. I'm tired of my mother. I'm tired of my father. I'm tired of my sister. I'm tired of living in a shit town in the middle of nowhere. I'm tired of absolutely everything. I've lived with so much shit my entire life and now that I'm 18 nothing has changed. It's safe to say things have gotten worse. I think for the first time in my life I'm finally about to break...

I really need a car so I can move in with Jared...

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

I love weekends.
Tonight was a bit crazy but it was fun. Had my interview for Stitches, then hung out with Larry then met up with Matt, Nessa, Tommy, etc. and headed over to SilverCity to see Borat and meet up with Kait, Fader, Paul...BUT all the showings were completely sold out and we ended up renting and watching Nacho Libre at Kaitlyns...'twas fun I have to say. They loved her tv downstairs haha...
Sunday is gonna be awesome too. Goo Goo Dolls concert + checking out that tattoo place...I think I'm actually gonna go through with it this December. Ack! Haha I'm scared but whatever.

I don't wanna think about school though. I hate research papers. Especially stupid 8 page long ones.

[think!IMAGINARIL...]

Dear cB diary,
I've been feeling horrible lately. It might have something to do with the weather, but I was never this depressed in November.. It's just.. My mind has just been overly over-analytical. I've been thinking about things a lot more. Changing my mind on some views, rethinking how I feel about things, thinking back to the past to see what I've done wrong. My mind has been lingering toward the past lately. It's just.. When I think back to those things, I realize that I highly regret them. Especially if I'm being hurt by my actions even now. I've gotten too attached to things.
I need to escape. I'd take the Greyhound somewhere, but.. I'm broke. I wouldn't survive anywhere for a week on $200. I want to go somewhere where no one can find me. I don't want to bring anyone along.. Just my thoughts and feelings. Somewhere where it's nice and quiet. Maybe I can just scream and cry my eyes out there. I just.. I need to leave!
My dreams have been partially crushed. I'm giving up on it all. I can't rely on it. I probably don't have the grades to go anywhere, let alone Caltech. Heck, I don't think I'll even get into NYU! I don't even have a reason to go to Caltech anymore. Maybe I'll just rot at a community college nearby and waste my life. I don't give a shit anymore. I can't rely on anyone and I know that for sure now. At this moment, nothing is influencing me. I have no reason to become an astronomer. My dreams have becoming more and more dim and I don't think I can live up to anyone's expectations now.

I just don't have the mental capability to follow my dreams anymore. I don't know what I'm gonna do..

[angelrevelation]

dear cb diary,

it frustrates me how i can't go more then a day straight of happiness... i mean, honestly, there MUST be something wrong with my hormones or something. and i know i'm not pmsing. how can i get depressed just because i don't see him for a significant amount of time? how can it depress me when another guy gives me mixed signals? i don't even like him really! and then my mom is just so... spazztic.

[minioligo]

Dear cB Diary,
I'm depressed as f**k.
What the hell is wrong with me? I haven't felt so pathetic in so long.

[angelrevelation]

dear cb diary,

last night meant so much to him... and my parents couldn't do the ONE thing for him that he actually wanted. they always ruin everything... and they're acting all 'proud' about it still. i cried so much last night, like more then i ever have at once ever... i am just so....

[showstopper!]

dear cb diary.
last night i went to go see the santa clause 3 movie.
because my friend was supposibly supposed to be in it.
well never saw her. what a attention whore.
now on monday at school i'm going to walk up to her
and say, :congratulations on your new big debut movie
too bad you weren't in it."
sounds harsh. but hey she deserves it.

[Saeglopur]

dear.

I don't understand. I don't know.
WHY AM I STILL TRYING?! i'm trying / hoping for something that's not gonna happen. why...?

love.

[alysaphobia]

dear cb diary;


i am convinced no guy will ever make me happy.
here's to being single forever
the end

xxxalysa

[redpeony]

dear cb diary
I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO FAIL AT LIFE! I HATE SCHOOL! AHHHHHHHHH WHYYYYYY DO WE HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOOOL I'm such a whiner. I have 2 papers and 2 midterms coming up this week. Prepared for 0 of them. I don't even know waht I did all weekend. And now it's 2:20AM. And I'm not doing any better. RAWR.

[showstopper!]

dear cb diary.
i was a bit embarassed today.
while gina and i were waiting in the lunch line,
she randomly took out some paris hilton perfume
and sprayed my eyes.
OMFG. WHAT THE HELL GINA.
i was screaming and moving around a LOT saying
"not only did paris make the stars go blind she just made me blind!!"
AHH GINA!
then josh the guy i like was standing right behind me just laughing at me.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

Today was probably the best day I've had this week, but I don't want to jinx it. Not that anything could be worse than Tuesday... *Shudder* I still can't believe I did that.
I wish I weren't so bad at math, but I'll just have to work harder. And I'm not snapping at my friends anymore. That's good too. Things can only go up once they've hit rock bottom.

And also, tomorrow's the last day of school before the two half days and Thanksgiving break. Just remember that.

[think!IMAGINARIL...]

Dear cB Diary,
I NEVER REALIZED HOW MANY FRESHMEN SCIENCE NERDS THERE WERE IN MY SCHOOL! It's crazy! It's only when people from my school started adding and commenting me that I found out. Ohh, now I have to go debate and discuss string theories with these people >:]

I'm feeling wayyy better. Blah. I'm thinking of not giving up my dreams after all. Maybe I will write that essay later. It's due in March anyways.. Don't know about Caltech though. It'll always be my dream school, but I'm considering Columbia, MIT, and Stanford.
I fit in more with my school than I ever did in any other place. Well, except for the Hayden Program, but that's not a school and they don't all love science.
Now I all I have to do is find a freshman tech nerd and then I'd definitely fit in.
But then.. Do I really want to fit in? I've always wanted to be original. That's what I've been trying to be like ever since I was born; it's one of my characteristics. I don't think it'll ever change, but maybe I can try to change it.

I gave up on giving up. I understand why I was so depressed for a while.. Because I've been thinking too much about the future. Way too much. I'll try to concentrate on the present as much as possible and stop dreaming.

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

It's amazing how stressed out life should be because of school, now having 2 jobs, and such...but I am so, soo happy.
Tonight turned out a lot better than I originally though. Me happy.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

I'm relieved to say that yesterday was much better than the rest of the week. It was decent for the entire day and I actually managed to stay happy. ______ so obviously likes ____ but just won't admit it even though she spends all her time with him. I miss him at lunchtimes now. :[ He's one of my best guy friends, after all. But I'm going to hang out with him next week so I'll regain some ____-time. :3
Speaking of next week, I can't wait. Two half days, Borat, Happy Feet, and Thanksgiving dinner. <3

[angelrevelation]

dear cb diary,

i can't believe i'm going to miss the game. it's definitely the biggest one so far. and i want to be there to support him. but what good would it do? he doesn't know i exist, no matter how cliche that sounds. but i still want to cheer him on...

[AngelinaTaylor]

Dear cB diary:

Love is not worth the heartbreak. Why do I always end up being hurt?

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

Today I read a schoolmate's Xanga entry on how they were doing in school and it completely hit home with me. I got angry about the grades I got for first quarter, but can I blame them on anyone but myself? It's true that some of my teachers are horrible, but I can't use that as an excuse. I have to step it up and find ways to cope. "Average" is not acceptable. If I try my hardest I know I can raise my grades, but I'm going to have to stop procrastinating. Like really stop. Junior year will be even harder next year, so if I don't break out of the habit I'm just going to die from all the work. And I won't let myself do that.

CONCENTRATE.

[think!IMAGINARIL...]

Dear cB Diary,
I don't like this feeling. I don't like being paranoid. Every time I walk past a room, I have to turn on the lights and see what's in there. When I'm scared, I have to turn on all the lights in the house and shut my door. What use is that??
And these few weeks, I've been thinking.. What if the only reason for existence of the world is to test you? What if all these people are fake and they're just trying to test your ability? I just don't know anymore.. What if everything is fake? What if everything is being done by one person? What if these people around me are fake?
Gah, I don't like paranoia and late nights.. I don't like staying up until 12 to study and read either.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

Today was all right. It wasn't as fun as yesterday, but I improved at handball. *Cough* Right. We were all freezing our a**es off at the rec today but that's okay because...it just is. Fun times with friends. And yay powdered sugar! :3

[iDecay]

Dear cB Diary,

Why am I so bitter? I keep feeling sorry for myself when I know I shouldn't. I keep remeniscing and crying when I know I should be looking forward to the future. I know I have to do this alone, but I just can't. There's no one there to push me. I no longer have anyone that I can tell anything to. All I do is make small talk and pretend I'm happy. I hate feeling.. alone.

[Stefanny]

Dear Cb Diary --

This Thanksgiving is gonna suck. Know why? I've got a million stacks of homework.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

I had two pieces of pumpkin pie today and a really great dinner. :D I'm happy.

[dreamii]

Dear cB diary,

For some reason this Thanksgiving break seems like the longest thing ever. Not that I miss things from school but it seems like I haven't been talking to people these few days. This is just a break from everything I guess. I'm scared that once face it, I'm gonna go back to what I was before. I hate to be on a emotional rollercoaster. All the guessing and hoping...it's just really tiring. It's crazy how a guy can do all of those huh? I don't think I like him anymore but maybe it's because I haven't talked to him for a while. I guess it's for the better because I doubt he'll make a move anyways. But I'm just afraid that once I go back, talking to him will bring it all back; and I KNOW that if we don't talk, I'll get all bummed out cus of it. Ugh, wth is this?

I know I like the thought of being in a relationship more than actually liking him. But it's just been too long, I just want to feel it again? It all seems harder now. Back then it was so much easier when everything was so carefree.

In my heart I know that R is still there; just that it's not hurting me so bad anymore. It's crazy how ONE PERSON can change me so much. It;s not like I still like him but, I just miss how we were and how "innocent" it was. I was happy.

And sometimes I cant wait to get out and start new.

[think!IMAGINARIL...]

Dear cB Diary,
I HATE SCHOOL. I HATE IT! WTF, last year my math averages were like 98, 98, 99, 99. Now I'm getting freakin' 80s! I hate my teacher. Well, I don't hate him. I hate the way he teaches. At this rate, I'm gonna fail the regents.
I dislike odd numbers. I dislike odd numbers very much. They're evil. 7 and 9 are my worst school years ever. 6th and 8th were my best. I used to do so well in math in the even grades, and when in the odd ones, I do horribly. This is like a replay of my 7th grade year. I'm doing well in Bio, English. Doing ok in Global. Horrible in foreign language and math. I seriously hate it.
Today was better. Yesterday made me really.. depressed and angry and cynical. I.. I dunno. I just have these strange mood swings from day-to-day. It shows in my AIM profile too. I should just delete everything and stop changing it every day.
I need to focus more in school. Especially math.

[angelrevelation]

Dear cb diary,

today was a snow day it was nice to sleep in, but i was mad because when i found out i was already nearly all ready. i didn't want to change again

i've been thinking about what anna said: "like you and buttboy. you think of him constantly and go "oh i hope i see him play" lots but he does NOT go "oh i hope she comes to see me play" or whatever all day. [or maybe he does. what do i know]" I mean, of course he doesn't think of me. he probably doesn't even know what my name is. so why do i think about him so much?

[moninja]

dear cbd;
snow day again. i'm tired of being home. i want to go back to school.

[minioligo]

Dear Createblog Diary,
I feel like I'm stuck. Stuck in a time where so many things are happening that I'm so lost. I hate the feeling of always missing someone. I'm always freaking missing someone.

Whatever. </3

[moninja]

i hate it.

[*x1227x*]

dear cB diary,

ughh.. tough day at school. whats with all these guys that are heartless & doesn't kno how to treat a girl? well im outta here.

<3 ann

[angelrevelation]

dear cb diary,

two snow days in a row. i'm extremely bored. erika didn't call, so we didn't go sledding. and my mom's busy/too scared to go drive me anywhere.

___ is being SO dramatic and stupid... so what if another relationship ended? it wasn't even serious. yes it's sad, but you can't use it as an excuse to become another stupid hormonal teenage girl. you might as well just drink yourself to feel better. yes, you'll be sad for the moment. but you'll get over it. stop blaming life. it just HAPPENS. if you've gotten used to it by now, why are you trying to relieve the numbness with the same thing?

[moninja]

dear cbd,
i wish it would stop snowing. i liked the extra long weekend, but i miss everyone.

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

So life is 50/50 I guess. School sucks. Parents are annoying but some family stuff is sad too. Umm...friends/boyfriend are wonderful. Soo...yeah.

Went shopping today with him, and that was fun. I just want school to be over...work is okay. I have 2 jobs right now and I really, REALLY hope La Senza keeps me because I really don't wanna stay at Tim Horton's that much anymore...=p Hmm...what else...
I need more time + money. Ugh.

[mylittleMiracle]

Dear cB diary,
I am pretty upset now...dont know why..school is jst like a "small society" that sucks i hate this.also,i dunno if she treated me as her good friends or not.why the f**k she didnt tell me about that wtf cake?
Umm.

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
i'm sooo erffing angry at myself. i left my papers for my math class at home. it bothers me so much because i actually DID it...lols. i'm so angry! why?!??! omigosha. i just wish i could skip class today, but unfortunately i can't. grr pants. lols. it's going to be the suck... :/ oh well. i really do need to try harder to pass that stupid class. if i don't get atleast a 3.5 or something like that i won't be able to take jap next year at FSU...i'll be really angry, too. i really want to take that class! well, if i don't get it it's okay i guess. i can just take it some other time right? well, i hope so. i don't know. i'm not taking any kind of classes this summer. hehe, aren't you happy? i'm actually taking a break from school. lolss. these past two summer breaks haven't even been summer break. i've been taking classes every summer. lolss freshman summer i was taking CPT classes. last summer i was taking college courses at TCC. lolss well, i think i need a break. sooo yeah! no more for me! until next year that is...lol ;) i guess i'll just take life as it goes. no need to rush it right? i should enjoy college like a normal person. hehe no need to finish early. not like anyone's opinions of me would change if i were to get my AA early right? hehe, i guess once someone has no respect for you it's hard to build that respect back up again. that is the suck. oh well. i think i'll be okay. hehe i just hope that duke or rice will accept my credits that i have earned...i hope so i hope so! you know what i need to do? i need to email them about that. lols i think i'm going to talk to m.j. about that today. omgs omgs omgs. i really need to. haha, theres no use in waisting my time next year if they're not going to accept my college credits i have now. :P you know if they don't i think i'm going to be quite upset. i've been through so much this year and for them not to accept my credits i would be so angry. :/ that's not very nice you know. lols. ah well, only time will tell. hopefully time will tell me that everything's going to be okay. i still have a lot of work i need to do. especially this weekend. i have some major homework i need to be working on. i just feel so stressed nowadays. i don't know why...i feel like i don't care about school anymore, but then i actually do care. i care if i fail but i don't do anything about it. i would rather not go to school...i know my parents are going to be extremely disappointed in me though if i happen to fail.. :/ that wouldn't be good because i hate disappointing my family. i hate it i hate it. i guess i really do have to try harder. hmm. no gaming for me this weekend okiee? lols ! and no korean dramas either! lols it seems that i've grown obsessed....which is not good. lols ^^ ah well. let's go quyen! *fighting ! ;) lols i can do it i can do it! hehe i don't think i should be going through any of this at this age...but oh well. life's life and i chose this life. so GO GO GO! hehehe it feels so nice just expressing everything inside of me especially since now i have no one to share them with. hehe it's hard going through tough times by yourself. but it's okay! you can do it quyen! hehe. ah well, i guess i must leave it here considering the bell will ring any moment now. tah cB.
queenie

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

Sometimes my mom really pisses me the eff off.

[*x1227x*]

dear cb diary,

i thought we were going to be inseperable bestfriends? small things kill us...

<3 ann.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

I'm so relieved that it's Friday. Even though my head hurts and it's that time, I get to see my best friend for the first time in weeks. Plus there's sleeping in. I get what we're doing in math (at least for now) so hopefully that lasts.

[moninja]

dear cbd,

forrest is a f**king idiot.

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

The day does not have enough hours. Ugh. I think my manager at La Senza is getting annoyed at me because I can't work certain days, but I can't help that. I need to find time to talk to her because there's just some days I can't work, but otherwise I can work lots...ugh. She's gonna hate me dammit. And I really, really do want to keep that job...sigh. Godammit all.
Then there's school. I really need to get that revised essay done but I'm going to be doing it all tomorrow before the concert...f**k, f**k, f**k.
I really do need more time.
There's so much shit I wanna do too during Christmas break...fuuuuuuuuuuck.

I'm stressed. Then there's finals. Godamn shit.

I want it to be tonight. And I hope my little plan works. =p

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

I don't know why she can't make up her mind. She thinks in such weird ways. I just hope he likes her back... There's nothing that great about Amy, and she already likes someone else. Jolie deserves to be liked back, I think. It's just that I don't believe she's mature enough for a relationship. >_>

[think!IMAGINARIL...]

Dear cB Diary,
I cut my hair today. All by myself :D I only planned on cutting a little bit, but I ended up layering it on the right side and trimming it on the left. Well, I only layered the front half on the left side. Still long as hell, the way it's always been. And, well, I screwed up a little. I cut a bit of hair REALLY, REALLY short, but it's all the way at the front, so I guess it's ok? I LOVE how it looks. Especially when I put gel/wax in it. It's like.. stick straight and scene-ish. I need to get it trimmed properly sometime over winter break. I won't do it this time though.
Today was an OK day. Took pictures of a pigeon. And for that, I dropped my camera. It's ok because it was just a.. dent thingy on the battery/card slot cover. It made me really sad though. It's not as shiny anymore :(
And well, my robotics teacher is definitely sponsoring. He's awesome.
I seriously should be doing something productive, but I'm distracted. I need to clear my mind.
So I need to do a 10-page English paper, Math homework, and study for the Science Bowl tryouts. Yeah. Too much work.

[moninja]

dear cbd,
take me away from here.

[iDecay]

Dear cB Diary,

4 years, 5 months, and 4 more days... Oh, I can't wait.

[*x1227x*]

dear cbd,

*sigh i can't believe we made up AGAIN. man. i guess we are inseperable.

[angelrevelation]

dear cb diary,

we lost. and he cried. and i wanted to hug him... why was she wearing his jersey if she supposedly have a bf?

[minioligo]

Dear Createblog Diary,
If the tumor in his kidney gets any bigger...

My god. Why do all these things have to happen to my family?

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

I want to f**king move out of my house. I'm a f**king legal adult, treat me like one and stop controlling my whole f**kin' life. ALDKJF:EIF.

This is complete bullshit.

[think!IMAGINARIL...]

Dear cB Diary,
Science Bowl tryouts were yesterday. I really hope I got in.. I think I did because I studied a lot. I knew a lot of the questions, but some of them were more involved with chem and physics, which I haven't really thoroughly learned yet.
Hmm. Today was horrible. Wayyyy too much work to do. And I really don't want to take the dance test tomorrow.
My brain hurts from homework. Still procrastinating on things. Still have to do lab and math homework tomorrow night. Plus the English journal, which means that I'm gonna have to start Beowulf sometime soon. I need to stop procrastinating. Soon.
I've been really tired lately. I fell asleep at 9:30 by accident. I was just gonna take a nap, but I slept for 9 hours -_- AND I still slept in Spanish and English. A little. I have a feeling that I should go to sleep soon or else I'm gonna sleep in class again >.<

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary, I'm too lazy to retype it all but let's just say that I love Chinatowning with friends. <33

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
i can't stand high school anymore. it's just the suck. i've never been more stressed in my life. my hair is falling out and i swear if this continues i'm going to grow bald. this is going to be the suck on the real. i don't know what to continue to do with my life. i wish i had never gotten into this stupid college class thing. i hate it. these people that are "in charge" and supposedly know what to do have screwed me over so badly and it makes me angry. what the eff. i hate walking around this school period. i just hate looking at these retarded people as well. it just makes me want to throw rocks at them. i want to start my life over. i really do. i don't want to take any of these stupid classes. i want to remain a normal old school high school student. i would take all of my high school classes and i would have been happy. i would have been stress-free. i miss it so much. where in the world am i going to go in my life? i have no idea. i lost all hope. my life is over. if dr. samara would let me turn in my papers. i guess it's worth it to just attempt to ask her, but i really doubt she'd let me. you know this "awards" crap isn't really helping me. i hate every single thing that this school does. i really do. if i weren't attending this e-tarded school i think i would be happy. no. i wouldn't i just want to be out of this stupid high school system. it's just the high school system that bothers me period. lols. no really, it just sucks. i despise school with every single breath i take. no really. i do. school makes me want to jump off a freaking bridge. it's so effing fjdslkjioj...give me hope Lord.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

I'm so happy it's the weekend. It's what I say every Friday but really, it's true. I'm so tired by the end of the day on Fridays that I sleep all the way home on the subway. But today was nice. The Health quiz was easy and afterwards I found Yuki in the courtyard, looking like an Eskimo (except minus the sealskin coat, harpoon, and whale blubber xD). Then he took me to Book-off on 41st Street and Madison Avenue, which is like a haven for Japanese manga-buyers. o_o" Also tons of Japanese CDs~ I want to get Gackt's. <3

I also met up with Jolie and exchanged gifts. She loved the Garfield I got her and I loved the husky she got me. :D

[show_me]

f**k a bitch
rant

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

I think life's treating me pretty well, but hopefully I didn't just jinx that by saying so. The drama between me and Briana has cooled down since Cheryl left the school even if I do miss Cheryl. Jackson and I have gotten closer and he's awesome so it's cool. =] I just don't want him to go to El Salvador, but I want him to have fun there anyway. I know what's going on in math and feel like I will get an 80+ on the test next Thursday, or at least I hope so. Perry and I haven't fought recently, and I'm kind of talking to Eric more. I hope we can grow closer like we used to be, but it's okay if it stays this way. And of course, it's Christmas soon...holiday spirit and all.

[Dabme]

dear cb diary,

I wish i could tell him how i really feel. Im afraid to be real with him. maybe because everytime im with him i feel like im dreaming. So whats the point of spilling my feelings out to a guy who isnt real? But as much as i do contemplate betweent the fact that hes a dream come true, I still cant get myself to let it all out xp. And its for sure though, i do &hearts; him ^_^

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

I am SO bored.
My boyfriend was only on for a second and I was invisible, so we didn't even get to talk. I hope his Internet hasn't died again.


Argh.

[*x1227x*]

dear cbd,

GR i hate her! go to hell.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

I've done so much posting in forums this weekend, more than in any other, I think. ^_^ Yay for being uber-active.

[*x1227x*]

dear cbd,

god, why do you have to start so much drama and cry so much? STAY FAR AWAY FROM ME.

[Naomitron]

Dear cB diary,

It's surprising...the things you can learn about yourself. What's really getting to me is that even though they are things I've discovered before it seems that I "re-learn" them every so often. I've become some introspective woman; overanalyzing every little thing. My thoughts and dreams are no longer my own, I have to take into account the reactions of others, and that infuriates me. Am I not entitled to have my own hopes for the future? Can I not walk down my own path? I feel like my every move is being dictated by someone else and it kills me, but I don't know when, or even if, I'll ever be free. I just want to be free to be...myself.

[*x1227x*]

dear cbd,

i really hate her. i wish she would get out of my life.

gahd! my bestfriend has to bring up love.... what is love to me?

[minioligo]

it's just not f**king fair.
what the f**k. just why. why why why.

[*x1227x*]

dear cbd,

you're the bestest friend ever.
<3 you.

[unconfirmed_exis...]

Dear CBD,

For the last two days my mind has just been elsewhere..
I wonder if the reason why it's been like this is because of someone.
Or if the real reason behind it has nothing to do with someone,
but because of me.

I want to solve this on my own.
But I wish I had someone to listen to me
so they can tell me if I'm still sane.

[*x1227x*]

dear cbd,

lately, people have been asking me what is love to me? have i ever felt it? have i ever actually encountered it? well... i dont know what love is to me. what is it? its just an incredible feeling that makes you feel the happiest you can ever feel. i want someone to love.

<3 ann

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

Today turned out quite nice. His gifts are actually turning out and I think it's all going to work out so I'm pretty damned excited about that. Then helping another him with surprises was fun. Hm...yeah. Then I hung out with him today and that was sooo fun. As always. And I'm hella pumped for Saturday night...hopefully my exam isn't too bad. Sigh.

Life is actually pretty damn good.

[rAwritsgWeg]

Dear cB Diary,

Time and time again, thoughts of anger, hate, depression, and the likes continuesely flow within the boundaries of my mind. Depression seeks in more and more to the point where I cry just from the thought of being away from H.er. This place my parents have sent me to is a prison the body and mind. Dear god, shine your light upon me...give me a reason to believe in you...Sometimes I want to just die. I feel it's the simplest way out. All my pain is just sitting there, waiting to be set upon society. I just want to talk to H.er, but they won't let me. This place has made my mental and physical state worse....And now..I don't know..Someone out there, please hear my cry. Spread judgement upon thee. Give me the strength I need to live on...Because I've lost all motivation, all strength...to continue...

Please Help Me...

[unconfirmed_exis...]

Dear cbd,

My mom's an erupting vocano of fury right now.
Course I'm pretty calm about it since the reason
for her fury doesn't have to do with me.

My sister just snips and snips her hair away going to school with badly cut hair.
My mom got so upset she took her to the barber and gave her a boy-ish cut.
Well today, Oops she did it again..
My mom notices such things since she has eyes of a hawk.

She threatened at first to shave off all her hair,
but one threat came after another and somehow it lead to her
mentioning the scalping of my sister's head with a kitchen knife and or spoon.

To tell you the truth it bugs me a bit how my sister
totally ignores how much this topic means to my mother and I verbally
hurassed her hoping I might get into her head how she shouldn't do it..

But also I believe it's something more then just the hair
that my mother is upset about. She loves us you know.. And after hearing her rant,
I think she's upset because she doesn't want to show the world her daughters
and have them made fun of or outcasted for being something.. Different.
I'm sure it's not unusual for a mother to want to have beautiful daughters to show off.

Mom, hang in there.. We can be unbearable sometimes but continue to love us..
Someday we'll understand, someday you'll feel the appreciation you long deserved.

[faithin_felix]

Dear CBD,
it's almost 500 days...
the day is near..

- [F]

[Dabme]

Dear CB diary,


What compells me to believe that he will appreciate anything i do for him. He'd rather hear it, I knoew. But words mean nothing to me. Actoins can say everything, without ever having to even do so much as whipser. Still, theres no point. He talks more than he listens, and so i know he wont hear it if i say it. I see who he really is. He never cares, he always talks, he never lisetns, and he awlsy asks for so much. If i were to give him the workd, he would probably ask for the universe. Then he hsas to throw the line "Im moving anways" in my face. Im a pretty good catcher, but i juss let this one hit me in the face. I swear, everytime he talks about it I juss want to cry! Does he not kno that it hurts so much to know that hes going to leave. Does he not see that I need him right now, and the last thing i want to hear is "I cant wait to see my next school" Hes hurting me on the inside, and he doesnt even know it.

-i juss keep thinking about him.

[Winter]

Dear cB Diary,

I still love him but I feel like my feelings have changed. I'm so confused. I've loved him for 3 years but could this love be dying out? I'm scared of what is going to happen...

[Stefanny]

Dear CB Diary:
I'm so glad I'm finally getting to know people on CB! Of course Arjuna was right, CB chat does really help. Anyways, winter break is awesome so far. I'm missing seeing that cheery smile of his everyday. I'm missing teasing him in class. I'm missing hiding my feelings from him.

[unconfirmed_exis...]

Dear CBD,
That game has sucked my brain out along with a couple of other things.
I'm afraid by just typing that I might drool on the keyboard without knowing it.

AHAHAHA talk about retardation eh?
Maybe this is why I quit'd the hobby when I was younger.
I get addicted x 10 when I start a new interesting rpg game.

@.@ <3 But it's so lovely having something do do..
(this must be what it's like to be darren for a day..)
But it's a curse and a blessing. Sure I have something to do,
but in the last five hours or so I don't think I did anything besides
the essentials of life which includes;
blinking, breathing, going to the restroom and eating.

That game's a monster. But it's a monster I cannot abandon.
I'm going back to it now because I do believe it is calling me.
Apologies for the lack of posting today. I'll be back later..
Hopefully with no less intellegence then I do now.

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

Rant time.

I am so f**king sick of my parents. You know what, yeah they have it tough too but I'm sick and tired of being treated like I'm 12. I'm a godamn legal adult now...I could f**king LEAVE if I want to, but I can't quite yet. I can't believe they do this bullshit to me. I just want to spend some time with my friends to celebrate one of my best friends' birthdays. f**k that shit. U#OUSD:FLJ. I'm so pissed off right now. I was having such a good day and they go do this shit. As always.


I want out of this f**king place.

[*x1227x*]

dear cbd,

mann.... i dont know anymore... it seems like a piece of my life is missing.. :[

[unconfirmed_exis...]

Dear CBD,
A war was fought today at the table during breakfast..
I am left wounded from the battle.
And I can't exactly say it was the
cheese sandwich that did the damage.

It was the discussion that took place.
I foolishly started it by just mentioning the topic of race.

She told me she was hurt and though I seemed intact
and acted lightheartedly throughout the discussion/debate...
I was hurt too. The battle of culture and race has left me as the victor
and my enemy more wounded then I. But the deep hole
I feel inside makes me feel as if I've taken as much damage as she did.

Two wounds were inflicted, one from the mere fact the
words I speak and stood up for so boldly hurted her.
The fact that she knew and though she had no proof,
she repeatedly told me something that made it difficult to bear.

She knows about us I think. She told me over and over that
I shouldn't have a boyfriend until high school was over.
I know I need to be strong and it's normal for girls my age to do such a thing.
But I feel shame burning at my face. I dare not talk back
knowing if I did I would be lying. I don't know what to do..

Should I carry on this burden to my mother that made me so happy?
Or should I drop both so that she would disappear from the face of
this planet someday feeling proud of her daughter?!

Oh mom, I love you.. I love you.. I hate myself so much for doing this to you.
I love you.. I always will. I'm sorry for doing this to you.
But this is a secret I have to keep, but I promise one day to make everything right.
Bear with me. Just a bit longer. You don't know how much
it hurts me just seeing the person I cherish hurt.