Your opinions?? Options

[misfit]

Ok I just found out my boyfriends friend,who is a girl,has been saying shit behind my ack,not to him though.She said(not to me, i was told this and i have proof that she actually did say it)..anyway she said that my bf's mum doesn't like me,that he's mum wishes he wasnt with someone who has a million problems & that she was dissapointed when she met me & wishes that my bf and the other girl were together instead. She also said that I have anxiety attacks for attention and all this other shit. I havent been in a good way lately, so naturally, I didnt take it all to well. I rang my boyfriend crying. He says he doesn't know what she is on about but none of what she said is true. And I said so you're going to keep been friends with someone who upset your girlfriend and betrayed her?And he goes im not going to lose a good friend over it. I wasn't expecting him to, but I thought he'd atleast stand up for me and tell her off? But instead it's like he defended her and got mad at me and told me to ignore it and that the other girl was just being ridiculous. Then he text messages me saying "I have spoken 2 her before and she said sorry and that she didnt mean to course shit she was just talking to that girl about her problems and over exagerated things and she said about she didnt mean it and shes sorry now,im not going to lose a friend over it good night"


Sorry but I dont get it. He's other friend said im shit once,he then yelled at his friend and didnt talk to him for two weeks. Yet it's like what his so called friend has said,is nothing?Fair enough eh doesnt wanna lose a friend but what he's gonna let her get away with it?People have said she must just be jelous,but I dont see how, she's in love with this other guy,she's obsessed with him. And my boyfriend wouldn't touch her with a 10 foot pole. She's very unattractive btw. And she also sent me a message saying half of what I said to you isn't true just so you know...

I mean wtf did I do to her?And I had spoken to my bfs mum about it and she said,i've never said that and i dont know where she has pulled that from. I thought he's mum would be like WHAT?? I dunno maybe I just see things different,maybe my boyfriend doesnt want to put up with this shit, but im upset and she doesn't deserve to get away with it, coz sorry doesn't cut it after what she's made up. Next time she could just do it all again and she would be the reason my boyfriend and I are fighting, again.

His sister said that he likes to avoid conflict but I dunno, I know he's really tired lately,but it's like he defended her and said she's always there for him and shit and got mad at me...

I can't win.Opinions?

[*Uronacid*]

You can win, but you can't win if you bring it up in all the wrong ways...

And I said so you're going to keep been friends with someone who upset your girlfriend and betrayed her?

This is wrong, very wrong... I mean, cmon... you really expected that! That's so selfish.

I wasn't expecting him to, but I thought he'd atleast stand up for me and tell her off?

Ok, well... that's probably not what he was thinking. Did you convey this to him? Do you expect him to know what you are thinking? I'm sure he didn't get that idea. People do this all the time... I don't mean to be sexist, but I find that girls do it far more often than guys do. I'm not saying guys don't do this, but I am saying that girls are imfamous for it. YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT THE WORDS THAT ARE COMMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!

Then he text messages me saying "I have spoken 2 her before and she said sorry and that she didnt mean to course shit she was just talking to that girl about her problems and over exagerated things and she said about she didnt mean it and shes sorry now,im not going to lose a friend over it good night"

He did what you said, and what he is saying is probably true. She is sorry, she didn't mean too, and she was only exaggerating because of all the other problems in her life. Keep in mind, it doesn't seem like she's using that as an excuse. She's only stating how she feels. How many times have you had problems in your life stress you out to the piont where you're blowing things out of proportion. I know I have, and although it's not right we all do it at one time or another.

She's very unattractive btw. And she also sent me a message saying half of what I said to you isn't true just so you know...

I mean wtf did I do to her?

You wanted your boyfriend to talk to her about it. He did, and now shes confronting you. Instead of sticking this whole mess on your boyfriend. Maybe you should have confronted her about it in a possitive way.

And I had spoken to my bfs mum about it and she said,i've never said that and i dont know where she has pulled that from. I thought he's mum would be like WHAT??

Maybe if you didn't expect things out of people, you wouldn't be so dissapointed.

Next time she could just do it all again and she would be the reason my boyfriend and I are fighting, again.

She isn't the reason you are fighting with your boyfriend. You're just immature, and it's pretty clear that you need to learn how to deal with conflict and have better communication skills. Hmmm... instead of critisizing you, here:

-http://www.crnhq.org/twelveskills.html
-http://www.impactfactory.com/p/effective_communication_skills_training/issues_1543-2104-80259.html
-http://www.impactfactory.com/p/assertiveness_skills_training_saying_no_too_nice/issues_1258-2103-87908.html
-http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/couples/comm_index.shtml
-http://www.innerbonding.com/index.lasso?did=content&content.category=23&content.subcategory=39

[xlitoxb]

Ohh wow, he's good with advice. heh.. I don't think I can add anything else except don't hide from your boyfriend what you really say. I've done that before thinking he would know me by now, but c'mon, no one's a mind reader. Maybe after telling him exactly how you felt, he'll understand it your way better. Don't leave him in the dark. =]

[misfit]

Uronacid

Don't judge me.

You don't know the whole story, you don't know me, don't say shit when you don't know it.

Did I say I expect people to do this and that.NO.

I was upset and I was looking at all the negative. Analyzing every single thing. Thinking to myself, if he's mum just didn't really react does it mean that some of it is true?

What you say is wrong. Lol deal with conflict, I know how to. When i'm upset, i'm not going to ignore something, sorry, you must be a person who keeps your feelings in. Oh wait, no you're probably not, because I don't know you. And I shouldn't judge you.

I come here for advice, not to be criticized and talked to like i'm a peice of shit.

I was not wanting him to not be friends with her. But after he yelled at his friend for saying im shit and didnt talk to him for 2 weeks, it obvioously makes me think, well hey, what's the difference with her.
He does know what i'm thinking. I told him.
If one of my friends said shit about him, i'd stand up and say something.
But it was like she can just get away with it and upset me again.
I wasn't expecting him to do anything, but the fact that he wasn't doing anything, upset me and made me think he didn't care.

[Synthetic.Love]

Uhm, I don't think he was trying to judge you. He was trying to give you advice, that's all. You admitted that maybe you see things in different ways. I think you took his advice in a totally different way then what was intended. Please don't ask for advice and not be able to take it.

Anyway, I understand what you mean, but at the same time, don't fight with your boyfriend over it. It's done and over with. Fighting with him is giving this girl exactly what she wants.

[orgasm]

I think your reaction to this is typical. I mean, who wouldn't want their boyfriend to be on their side when they feel attacked? Guys wont get this, they hardly ever understand what girls need in times like this anyways.

But seriously, the best thing you can do is get over it.

[SimplicityGirl]

Go talk to the girl in question....and maybe you should talk to her with your bf there? Just to sort things out in the open with both them around.

Also, guys aren't like girls...they don't see things the way we do =P So when your bf said that he's not going to lose a friend over some misunderstanding, he means that...and think about it from HIS point of view...would you be willing to lose a friend over your bf? Probably not right?

I don't think your bf's "letting" her get away with it. He did talk to her about it, and that's confronting about it. Maybe you just overreacted.

Talk to them about it, then get over it. If you keep on bringing it up with your bf, it might not be the best course of action to take.

[misfit]

Ok i admit I dwell on things.And I find it hard to let go. But when my boyfriend's friend says shit about me, I then talk to my boyfriend and he just sits there and defends her,there's gotta be something wrong.

[***Lucy**]

Uronacid

Don't judge me.

You don't know the whole story, you don't know me, don't say shit when you don't know it.

Did I say I expect people to do this and that.NO.

I was upset and I was looking at all the negative. Analyzing every single thing. Thinking to myself, if he's mum just didn't really react does it mean that some of it is true?

What you say is wrong. Lol deal with conflict, I know how to. When i'm upset, i'm not going to ignore something, sorry, you must be a person who keeps your feelings in. Oh wait, no you're probably not, because I don't know you. And I shouldn't judge you.

I come here for advice, not to be criticized and talked to like i'm a peice of shit.

Look honey, i can understand you in some way..my ex broke up w/ me because he believed all the lies his friend was telling to him.

But u aren't exactly being fair w/ Josh. He tried to help you. That's why he sat, read your whole post and gave you his advice.

Now, coming and posting in cb doesn't exactly mean that everybody is gonna agree with you. He said his opinion and although u don't agree w/ him, he was kind and all.

When u ask sb for advice, this sb will examine the incident from its point of view. That's why we should always listen and think to what others advise to us. Everyone has his opinion but u have to get used to the fact that not everybody will agree with you.

Believe me, the way he talked to you was really not the way you talk to sb u consider as a piece of shit...

Good luck w/ your boyfriend,i do understand your point of view.

[misfit]

Who's sb?

I know he was trying to help, but it seemed like he was just criticizing me and looking at everything that i've said and made it sound like it's all my fault, then saying im immature and all this when he does not know me.

[***Lucy**]

Who's sb?

I know he was trying to help, but it seemed like he was just criticizing me and looking at everything that i've said and made it sound like it's all my fault, then saying im immature and all this when he does not know me.

Most times when a person has a different opinion and gives us different advice instead of the advice we'd like to get, it seems like he/she is criticizing us.

I understand that you didn't like being called immature.

But not everyone agrees with us. Ok he doesn't know you, but he probably made this assumption from the inccident you described..Anyway..

(i hope u aren't angry or sth like that right?)

I'm sure he just wanted to help..

[*Uronacid*]

Uronacid

Don't judge me.

Well, I didn't judge you at all. This section of the site is ment for advice, and that's what I gave you.

You don't know the whole story, you don't know me, don't say shit when you don't know it.

Did I say I expect people to do this and that.NO.

I only know what you told me. Again, this website is for advice. If you didn't want opinions than why did you set "Your Opinions?" as the topic title.

I was upset and I was looking at all the negative. Analyzing every single thing. Thinking to myself, if he's mum just didn't really react does it mean that some of it is true?

Right, and this is a great example of you needing to work on your communication skills. How am I supposed to read your mind? You have to say things for us to help you. I had no Idea that was what you ment by it. If you had explained that instead of letting me assume it I may have understood. I did assume, but i apparently missunderstood you. This is a result of bad communication.

What you say is wrong. Lol deal with conflict, I know how to. When i'm upset, i'm not going to ignore something, sorry, you must be a person who keeps your feelings in. Oh wait, no you're probably not, because I don't know you. And I shouldn't judge you.

No, I'm not saying you keep things in, but I am sayign that there is a right and a wrong way to let them out.

I come here for advice, not to be criticized and talked to like i'm a peice of shit.

This is my advice. I didn't mean to talk to you like you were a peice of shit... I'm sorry that you felt that way.

I was not wanting him to not be friends with her. But after he yelled at his friend for saying im shit and didnt talk to him for 2 weeks, it obvioously makes me think, well hey, what's the difference with her.

It seems like his friend told him you were shit to his face and he flipped out over it. I guess I would flip on someone if they told me that Holly was nothing but shit. There's a big difference between hearing someone call your girl friend shit with your own ears and hearing about someone who was calling your girlfriend a piece of shit. Also, this girl appologized for what she said. He probably forgave her. Does that mean that he has to excommunicate her for a straight week just to make you feel better?

He does know what i'm thinking. I told him.
If one of my friends said shit about him, i'd stand up and say something.
But it was like she can just get away with it and upset me again.
I wasn't expecting him to do anything, but the fact that he wasn't doing anything, upset me and made me think he didn't care.

Alright, I completey understand you now, but you have to understand that he did do something about it. He went directly to the girl, and she appologized for it. It seems like you just want her to feel the same way that you did. That's wrong. When people say that their sorry, you have to forgive them. If she does it again. Deal with it then.

Also, why should you worry about what she says? If she consistantly talks about you in a negative way behind your back then your boyfriend will eventually find out, and deal with it a little more harsh like. Even if he doesn't find out, should you really stress out about it if he doesn't know? It's really your problem, and not his. It seems like you're just pinning it on him because she's your boyfriend's friend. What if you didn't have a boyfriend, and this girl was saying things behind your back? How would you handle the situation then?

Just by what you said above, it's very clear that you are expecting your boyfriend to do things. You're expecting him to do what you would do. He isn't you. I know you say that you arn't expecting him to do something, but you are. Look, "the fact that he wasn't doing anything, upset me", and, "If one of my friends said shit about him, i'd stand up and say something." These two sentances scream, "I EXPECT THIS!!!!" I understand why you would expect him to do something, but you can't.

I personally believe you should do one of two things:

Swallow your pride, and get over this.

-or-

Talk to the girl one on one, and say something like, "Look, I'm sorry, I should have come to you about this. I thought I over heard you talking about me behind my back. It really offended me. I should have come to you about it instead of going to my boyfriend. I would rather be on good terms with you, and I'm sorry about all this drama." If you say something like this it will completely dissarm her. Wait, give her a chance to say something, but if she doesn't say anything don't worry about it. If she says something don't get defensive, just listen. If she doesn't say anything just politely say, "Alright, well.. have fun sorry about this whole mess." MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE ON A GOOD NOTE.


I do wish the best for you. I only said what I said in hope that you would learn from it.

[***Lucy**]

MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE ON A GOOD NOTE.

That's right. I mean, talk to her but be friendly and all. Don't yell, don't be mean/defensive, leave on a good note and she'll stop doing things like that.

[*Uronacid*]

That's right. I mean, talk to her but be friendly and all. Don't yell, don't be mean/defensive, leave on a good note and she'll stop doing things like that.

:] exactly :D

[shinysparkle3]

you asked for opinions so when someone gives it to you,
you take it the wrong way.

same with your problem,
you take things the wrong way
and expect too much.



lower your expectations.

[misfit]

^Ok assume all you like, but you're wrong, maybe ask me before you judge. What you read, you seem to assume the negative, when it could mean ANYTHING. It's like you don't want to hear my sideo f the story, like it's what you say, goes and I have no say in what is true at all.




Look I don't expect anything. Yes I asked for opinions, but I didn't know people were going to read things and assume. Maybe ask before you judge. I didn't expect for my boyfriend to do anything, I just hoped. He is my boyfriend and we love eachother, I was hoping for some support.Not expecting it. maybe I thought he'd be angry,but didn't mean i'd expect him to be, because I can't assume what his reaction will be.


I did speak to her. Sorry that I forgot to mention that, I sent her a text message. And she said now there's no point in arguing because it's not going to resolve anything and then she sent me another message saying half of what I said wasn't true. Either way, that does not make it alright. My boyfriend said that she might of said certain things that lead up to something,but she over exaggerated about. Yeah I see that, I understand that but it still doesn't make it alright. Yeah she said sorry, but if she was really sorry, she would of said it to me and she didn't.

My boyfriend had said on the phone to me lastnight,what am I meant to say, what am I meant to do,i spoke to her straight after i spoke to you,i defended her because i suppose i thought it would help things & stop the arguing & then he sent me a message late lastnight saying im sorry if I yelled at you, im just sick of arguing.


I'm not going to confront her again at all. I already did and later on I asked her why and everything and I got no reply. Why should I?She's the one who said it all, not me. If anything she should. If anyone was being immature it's her. She just tries to come across as innocent when she's just a stupid fake bitch.

I don't need to waste my breathe on someone like that. I don't want to be friends with her. I don't like fake people.

And yes I asked for advice and opinions but it'd be better if you ask me before you assume the worst of me.

[orgasm]

Coming from someone who kinda understands where you're coming from... I seriously think you should just chill out.

You asked for opinions and it's only natural to "judge" based on what you wrote down. Granted... I personally think some of the judgements can be kept to him or herself, but this is the internet and people can say whatever they want.

I think Uronacid assumed a lot of things that he shoudn't have and came to a few conclusions... but it's not really worth getting all defensive over. Really. It's not.

[***Lucy**]

^Ok assume all you like, but you're wrong, maybe ask me before you judge. What you read, you seem to assume the negative, when it could mean ANYTHING. It's like you don't want to hear my sideo f the story, like it's what you say, goes and I have no say in what is true at all.
Look I don't expect anything. Yes I asked for opinions, but I didn't know people were going to read things and assume. Maybe ask before you judge.

And yes I asked for advice and opinions but it'd be better if you ask me before you assume the worst of me.

Look sweetie, when u post ur problem people assume that u have written the whole story so they won't have to ask u things.

We didn't judge u but it's obvious that everyone will read and will form his/her opinion on the matter. We do hear your side of the story but each story has two sides.
I don't think Josh or anybody else assumed the worst of u. Probably u didn't like his opinion but that's life.

When u ask for our opinion u should be prepared that u'll probably be told things u won't like. But if u posted only to receive a bunch of answers saying:"oh, yeah ur so right and oh she's such a bitch and all" then u'll have to learn that not everyone agrees w/ u.

[misfit]

I never said I wanted everyone to agree with me, did I?. Yeah no shit, I asked for opinions. But I didn't think people would just read it and assume,as if they know everything. I mean isn't it easier to just ask instead of wasting your time assuminginstead of hearing the real story. Your assuming from one post. It doesn't mean you know exactly does it and no this story doesn't have two sides.

[***Lucy**]

no this story doesn't have two sides.

Ru sure? I do believe there are always 2 sides..
Anyway, i don't understand why you are pissed off just because some people expressed different opinions from the ones u'd like to hear..

[misfit]

There isn't two sides.
I'm pissed off because of the way Josh spoke to me.
And everyone just assumes it's unfair.
I'm not saying i'd like to hear a heap of positive things but it'd be good to ask instead of judge me.

[*Uronacid*]

I can't read your mind... I figured that you had typed out the whole story, and I replied based upon the knowledge that you had said "everything". I'm sorry, and I didn't mean to judge you. I didn't assume the worst of you. Would you feel better if I told you that your boyfriend was a bad guy, or that there is nothing you could do about the situation. I don't want to fight about this. I only gave you advice based upon your post because you asked for it.

As for the two sides... I don't think she is reffering to me and you. I think that she's reffering to your perspective and your boyfriends perspective.

Lets start over:

What exactly did you tell your boyfriend when called him?
How did you feel when you said it?

What did he say to you?
How did you feel aboutwhat he told you?

You text messaged that girl. What did you say to her? Were you being defensive? Could she have taken what you said as defensive?

What do you think would make the situation better?

What would make you feel as if things were done and over with?

[me1issaaaa]

Well, I know I don't know the whole story, or your personality, but from what I've read... you sound like a drama queen, and I can understand where the other people are coming from. I'm not saying you're not a good person or anything like that, but you need to mature a bit. Time is pretty much all that can help with that. Otherwise, just RELAX! Your problems are sooooo much easier to deal with than a lot of people's. That girl was out of place to talk about you - that wasn't right. And your boyfriend should have treated the situation with more understanding, but I think you're taking it just a tad out of hand.

[misfit]

Ok ^ think what you want' I didn't come here to be judged,I have depression, if that explains more..

Thanks to the people who replied though, I just didn't expect to come here,post a problem and have my words twisted around and things added onto the story.

And sorry if I didn't explain it that well, I explained the story in the best way I could and people just replied saying what they think of me and assuming crap. Instead of asking me. Yeah I asked for opinions, but I didn't ask for what you think of me did I. And I didn't exactly want people to assume and judge me did I...Thanks for the people who were understanding though and gave me their opinion.


Anyway, i've spoken to her, I asked her since when did I say something behind your back, she thought that I thought she'dm ake a move on my boyfriend and I said no that's not true, whoever said that is wrong. And she said well that's why she got mad and said all this shit about me that wasn't true. Apparently she didn't want to tell my boyfriend and I about something because, she thought it would effect the relationship. I don't know what but apparently it as to do with me saying shit behind her back which I never did ,anyway i'll get an answer from her.

Thanks.

[me1issaaaa]

Well I'm glad that you've confronted her and things should settle out soon, but you asked for our OPINIONS, and you got them. No one here has judged you, as you keep saying. We are giving you our honest opinions just like you asked.

[misfit]

Yeah I know I got opinions but, some have just assumed shit.Judged/Assumed nearly the same thing.