Help! Need advice about boyfriend Options

[missy429]

I've been dating a guy for the past 3 years who is REALLY hot. He's been kinda of weird from time to time by disappearing for a few days, saying he was busy, and returning again. Sometimes I text him and hear nothing back for a day or two. He's got a high pressure job and says it's impossible to pay attention to anything other than work when he's there.

About 4 months ago I sent him an email playing with him and asked him if he had fantasies of other women and if so, who. He sends me a big ole message back entitled "My Ladies in Waiting" complete with descriptions of each and photos. I was blown away. We got together after that and talked about it. His response was "hey all guys have fantasies about other women, I was just brave enough to tell you". Is this true???? Should I be glad he was upfront. He said they were strictly fantasies, period. At the same time I found out he had been with someone else at a hotel near where we live during a "time we weren't getting along". That seemed to justify it in his mind. He said he would never do it again and apologzed.

I know it's been a long time ago but I'm still feeling weird about it. Yesterday he sent me a picture of his office coworkers when they went out for a company event. The picture was of his secretary, some other girl and ANOTHER one with huge boobs and cute. I asked who she was and he replied "It's Heather" like I'm supposed to know who that is. He said he would never consider sleeping with her and I'm his love. He's not one for mushy stuff. Most of his contacts with me are always about sex and what he wants to do. Every once in awhile he will send a message or call me and say "I love you".

I'm so confused by all this I can't sort it out. Any ideas or suggestions for me??? I really like him because he's so good looking and funny. I just can't get past this intuition I'm feeling or is it just me thinking about the photos, etc.?

[*Uronacid*]

It seems like you don't trust him anymore. You said that everytime he comes over he just has sex with you... >.> Um, I'm sorry, but (to me) that's not love. Does he spend any time with you (other than having sex with you)? Does he ever take you out, just plain talk to you about how your day was, ask you how your feeling, or ask you what your thoughts and feelings are in the relationship. Do you feel like he barely knows you. Do you feel like he's not spending enough time with you?

It really seems like you're asking us if we see that anything is wrong with your relationship... Either that or it seems like your asking us to tell you how you feel about the whole thing... or is it ok to feel bad about the situation.

Look, everyone has different needs. If your man can't give you what you need than you have to find someone who can give you what you need. If you feel that he needs to do something that he isn't doing. You need to either tell him that and compromise with him, deal with the situation and suck it up, or break-up with him and find someone who is willing to treat you the way you need to be treated.

If I were a girl, and I was in your shoes:

I would feel pretty shitty. I would feel as if my boyfriend really doesn't care about me. He cheated on me when the going got tuff... He told me that he fantisizes about other women, and he made a list about the women that he fantasizes about.. I don't know, but I would feel pretty crappy.

I know that some boy's fantasize about other girls, and every guy has involentary thoughts about other girls. I mean, with all the slutty things girls wear these days.... you honestly can't keep your head on straight sometimes, but that doesn't mean you dwell on the thoughts... HE'S GOT A f**king LIST... HOLY SHIT. He literaly has a list of girls that he choses to fantasize about. I know for a fact that I consciously fantasize about one person.

[demolished]

Is it lust? do you love him for lust?

[OhMyAnniee]

^ yeah. it seems like lust to me. but you could also be just too insecure. i mean, there could be nothing going on & he really is being honest with you.