I am so confused its not even funny. Options

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Ok, This is not spam to start out with..

Ok me and my boyfriend have been going out 10 months on August 6. (Holy shit 10 months..) Tonight we got to talking and we both brought up sex.. STAY WITH ME.. ok, me... I kinda wanna get married but..thats a sorta.. I DO NOT WANT KIDS.. Him, He dosent wanna get married and he dosen't want kids eather.. ANYWAY.. I start talking to him how I wanna wait to have sex till im married.. <-- Lie.. -_- I wanted to see what he would do. He got really frushtrated and got pissed and he said.. " YOU KNOW THAT I DONT WANNA GET MARRIED!" Right there and then he was about to dump me right on the spot. Then I told him that I wanted to see what he would do if I do so.. H was like.. " Did it help any? "

Right now I really dont know.. it kind of bothers me how he would dump me just like that.. I that to me would have felt liek a big waste of time. I really to love him and care about him alot.. He understands that I wont have sex right now with him because I am going in to the 10th grade..

I JUST AM SO CONFUSED

Advice..

Please help

[marzipan]

right. you're in the 10th grade. i'd think that's a little young...i wouldn't be thinking about that at the moment. so he's angry and threatens to break up with you just because you won't sex with him? that's not much of a boyfriend if he'll break up with you just because of that.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Come on, you gotta understand that you can't just trick someone like that.

He would do the some thing. -_-
I know understand that but it is the only way that I could get the real truth out of him.
NOT SAYING HE WOULD LIE! But you just never know.

[Lovesucks06]

I used to talk with my ex about sex too. We talked about it openly so we knew what was gonna come some day. It never came. I think you guys should talk. Ask him if he broke up with you cause of what you said or somthing else.

The best thing to do in a relationship is to talk and say what you feel.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

so he's angry and threatens to break up with you just because you won't sex with him? that's not much of a boyfriend if he'll break up with you just because of that.

No... He will wait. He just dosent want to get married.. I said that I was going to " wait " till that time. Which wont happen because.. im not going to get married.. So he is thinking to hims self.. " WHY AM I WASTING MY TIME WITH HER? " I think..

I used to talk with my ex about sex too. We talked about it openly so we knew what was gonna come some day. It never came. I think you guys should talk. Ask him if he broke up with you cause of what you said or somthing else.

The best thing to do in a relationship is to talk and say what you feel.

We didn't brake up.. We do talk openly about everything. He also said before he left.. " You know I woulden't come around here if I didn't love you.." " So its not just the stuff we do with eachother the reason I keep coming around." So right there he just told me he is not using me and he is waiting till im " Ready "

[GreatBigBallsOfF...]

Ok, This is not spam to start out with..

Ok me and my boyfirend have been going out 10 months on August 6. (Holy shit 10 months..) Tonight we got to talking and we both brought up sex.. STAY WITH ME.. ok, me... I kinda wanna get married but..thats a sorta.. I DO NOT WANT KIDS.. Him, He dosent wanna get married and he dosen't want kids eather.. ANYWAY.. I start talking to him how I wanna wait to have sex till im married.. <-- Lie.. -_- I wanted to see what he would do. He got really frushtrated and got pissed and he said.. " YOU KNOW THAT I DONT WANNA GET MARRIED!" Right there and then he was about to dump me right on the spot. Then I told him that I wanted to see what he would do if I do so.. H was like.. " Did it help any? "

Right now I really dont know.. it kind of bothers me how he would dump me just like that.. I that to me would have felt liek a big waste of time. I really to love him and care about him alot.. He understands that I wont have sex right now with him because I am going in to the 10th grade..

I JUST AM SO CONFUSED

Advice..

Please help

I have no clue what your going to do...

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

I have no clue what your going to do...

Thanks for the help...

[*This Confession*]

look

If anyone in a relationship ever tries to change your opinions on something that you strongly believe in or tries to just change you so your the person they want you to be. IT WILL NEVER WORK.
because their wanting you to be something your not and its will be doomed in the end.


Look if you don't want to have sex til your married and he doesn't want to get married then its not going to work out.
Unless he changes his mind about getting married.

He should accept the fact that you don't want to have sex until your married and drop it. If hes going to fight over something as simple as that then its not worth it.


hmm i may come back and add more
my mind is kind of blank

[Chii]

I don't see why you're confused. You lied to him and disrespected him. He told you that he doesn't want to get married then you go ahead and lie about the "I don't want to have sex until I'm married" thing.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

look

If anyone in a relationship ever tries to change your opinions on something that you strongly believe in or tries to just change you so your the person they want you to be. IT WILL NEVER WORK.
because their wanting you to be something your not and its will be doomed in the end.
Look if you don't want to have sex til your married and he doesn't want to get married then its not going to work out.
Unless he changes his mind about getting married.

He should accept the fact that you don't want to have sex until your married and drop it. If hes going to fight over something as simple as that then its not worth it.
hmm i may come back and add more
my mind is kind of blank

That was nice..

I dont wanna get married..

I don't see why you're confused. You lied to him and disrespected him. He told you that he doesn't want to get married then you go ahead and lie about the "I don't want to have sex until I'm married" thing.

Im confused because he was going to drop me like droping change on the floor..
Thats what really confuses me.. I thought he loved me more then that..

BUT.. we are still young.

I don't see why you're confused. You lied to him and disrespected him. He told you that he doesn't want to get married then you go ahead and lie about the "I don't want to have sex until I'm married" thing.

Im confused because he was going to drop me like droping change on the floor..
Thats what really confuses me.. I thought he loved me more then that..

BUT.. we are still young.
well I am.. im 15 my b day is dec 20th and he is 17 his birthday is sep 20th

[*This Confession*]

Pshhh
so

Even if you lied to him
if your not comfortable enough to have sex with him then tell him the truth don't monkey around it and fill his head with lies
Thats rude!


haha.

[Chii]

Ugg, I was still editing. I'm so slow.

Just because he doesn't want to get married doesn't mean that he doesn't want a commitment or that he wants to pursue a player lifestyle or some other thing. Maybe he thinks that marriage is just played out or maybe he wants him and his future wife to be together because they genuinely want to, not because they're bound by a marriage license.

Yeah, love is powerful but lies and deception weaken it. I don't think that he thought it was very nice to have his honesty used against him as a test. I might have dumped you on the spot too.

[*This Confession*]

^agree
i was going to also put in

Have you ever asked him why he doesn't want to get married? A lot of guys think it ties them down in life and they don't have any freedom to do the things they want to do.

But lying is rude and shows a weakness I think. Its like trusting someone so much and then breaking it in a matter of seconds.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Yeah.. I kinda relized that.. -_-

Now what do I do.. :-(

Pshhh
so

Even if you lied to him
if your not comfortable enough to have sex with him then tell him the truth don't monkey around it and fill his head with lies
Thats rude!
haha.

I will have sex with him.. just not yet..

[*This Confession*]

Just call him and talk to him about it.
Tell him you've been thinking over it some, and then insert the truth.


lol
when you have sex with him
be safe kiddies.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Just call him and talk to him about it.
Tell him you've been thinking over it some, and then insert the truth.
lol
when you have sex with him
be safe kiddies.

You know I will... better to be safe then sorry.

[PrincessAda]

He should respect your thoughts..he can`t just force you into having sex or he`ll break up with you..

[femmefatale4160]

OMG...tenth grade?! WAYYYYYY too young. If your boyfriend would dump you just because you don't want to have premarital sex, then he's a jerk and he's worth your time. He obviously doesn't love you, and love is the only thing that makes sex worth having. But that's just me.

Plus, it was wrong to f**k with his head like that.

[*Uronacid*]

Yeah, what everyone else siad... you shouldn't mess with peoples head... that's wrong, he may have had a different reaction if you just told him the truth, but are you ready for sex? Ask yourself... and after you realized that he may break up if he knows you never wanted to have sex with him.... do you really want to have sex with him?


Me personally, I know i want to wait until I get married, but I seriously feel like I'm going to f**k up... >.>

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

You people sound like he is useing me.. We are waiting to have sex.. I know Im to young and I am only in teh 10th grade. He just asked me if i would ever have sex with him and I said.. I was waiting till marrage.. <-- the lie. He told me that he wasen't getting married. So he was thinking.. (Why am I wasting my time yo?) I know it sounds harsh but why would you?

Just to repeat what I said before. I am not getting married and im not going to have kids. Thats just me.

We are fine now we talked things out and he understands why I did that to him because.. how would you knwo the truth you know?

I wont be talking to him for a while.. because im going on v-cay next week.. Fun. Not :-(

[*mipadi*]

I don't mean to be a wet blanket, but come on, you're both pretty young. Why are you even worrying about having discussions regarding sex, sex before marriage, marriage, kids, etc.? Shouldn't you be talking about video games or emo music or something? Just ease into relationships and relax a bit. Don't feel pressured by the media or your peers to worry about sex and marriage right now.

[*Uronacid*]

I don't mean to be a wet blanket, but come on, you're both pretty young. Why are you even worrying about having discussions regarding sex, sex before marriage, marriage, kids, etc.? Shouldn't you be talking about video games or emo music or something? Just ease into relationships and relax a bit. Don't feel pressured by the media or your peers to worry about sex and marriage right now.

I agree/dissagree with you... I agree that you should worry to much about those things, but when you or your girlfriend want to talk about sex or are thinking about wanting to have sex. I think it deserves a discussion. Yes, you shouldn't feel pressured by the media or your peers, but be real... for a guy who is a relationship, it's only human instinct to want to have sex. If the desire is great enough then I think it is something that should be talked about.

Also, you should think about marriage when your dating. Not that you should be thinking about it ever second, but when dateing someone you should always be on the look-out for things that you would never be able to live with. What's the piont of dateing someone if it's only doomed for failure. If you arn't ever going to get married then why should you be dating/getting attached to people in the first place. There is nothing wrong with being single, but if you don't want to get married EVER then why waste the time? I personally know that I would never date a girl if she told me she never wanted to get married.... I don't know, but marriage is a major goal of mine... I guess it can wait, but some day I deffinily want to get married and have a family just like my parents did except better. If my partner didn't share that goal with me then I would feel as if I was wasting my time, and that eventually I would break-up with them anyways. I would go through all this bullshit breaking up with them for no reason.

If you never want to be married then why would you date in the first place? Why not just fool around with other poeple that don't want to get married?

[AngelinaTaylor]

^ You really think all teenagers KNOW whether they really want to get married? For instance, I don't. Sometimes I find myself hating the thought of marriage (because I'm more of a career person), but sometimes I just think this society's built for families. You don't always have to think about marriage in a relationships. Some people date for fun.

Anyway. He was ready to "dump" you right there because he thought you wouldn't have sex? Wow. Leave him, he's not worth it. He seems just like almost all other idiots. Have some dignity..

And, man, mipadi's always right.

[*Uronacid*]

^ You really think all teenagers KNOW whether they really want to get married? For instance, I don't. Sometimes I find myself hating the thought of marriage (because I'm more of a career person), but sometimes I just think this society's built for families. You don't always have to think about marriage in a relationships. Some people date for fun.

Anyway. He was ready to "dump" you right there because he thought you wouldn't have sex? Wow. Leave him, he's not worth it. He seems just like almost all other idiots. Have some dignity..

And, man, mipadi's always right.

You don't always think about marraige in a relationship XD... I'm just saying that if you find that you know that you couldn't live with that person then whats the piont of dating them if you know that you will break up with them anyways? Why go through the heart break when you could just be f**k buddies?

Personally, I don't find it fun breaking peoples hearts after I leave the relationship. I also don't think it would be very fun if the person I was dating said to me, "sorry, I was dating you for fun..."

mipadi isn't always right

[AngelinaTaylor]

You don't always think about marraige in a relationship XD... I'm just saying that if you find that you know that you couldn't live with that person then whats the piont of dating them if you know that you will break up with them anyways? Why go through the heart break when you could just be f**k buddies?

I know what you're saying, but sometimes people aren't that committed to think about moving in/getting married and all that. Especially young teens. Not everyone you date will be the ONE you want to end up with forever. If you feel like they're your "soul mate", or whatever, sure - never hurts to talk about it.

Let me ask you this: has every relationship of yours been so serious that you've talked about those things?

[*Uronacid*]

I know what you're saying, but sometimes people aren't that committed to think about moving in/getting married and all that. Especially young teens. Not everyone you date will be the ONE you want to end up with forever. If you feel like they're your "soul mate", or whatever, sure - never hurts to talk about it.

I agree, I'm not saying that you make the descision right then and there that you want to marry the person, but you do need to look for things that you know you couldn't live with. You can't change people, and you can't expect people to change into the person you can be with in the long term. Therefore, when you are dating someoen that clearly says, "I NEVER WANT TO GET MARRIED...." Why should you continue dating that person... I'm not saying you consistantly talk about it and think about, but you both need to have the same goals when going into a relationship. If one of my partners goals was clearly to never get married... I would not want to date them... It makes me feel like, "Well, we are eventually going to break up anyways.. whats the piont? we don't even have the same goals..."

[*mipadi*]

I don't think most fifteen-year-olds are thinking about marriage. It's highly unlikely that a fifteen-year-old is going to get married anytime soon. The point of dating isn't always to get married; sometimes it's to have fun, especially when you're not nearly old enough for the commitment that marriage requires. Dating during the teen years is not about marriage; the idea is to learn about yourself, and to learn how to deal with relationships.

Sex should be discussed, yes, but there's no need to trick the other person into giving an answer, or to talk about it in terms of marriage. Don't want to have sex? Then just say you're not ready. There's no need to give a justification for it, especially not in regards to waiting until marriage or not wanting kids. If the other person can't handle that, too bad.

[*Uronacid*]

I agree with you to a certian extent, but... you can learn about yourself in more ways than just dating... and I don't think about it in that much of a serious way. Ugh, just the word marriage is kind of scarey when you are in a relationship... It almost makes you sound crazy, but at the same time it is what dating is designed for... I mean, to see what you are looking for in a future partner. There isn't any piont in geting attached if you are just doing it for fun. This girl is attached to someone who doesn't want to get married... I just think that doesn't make any sense.. there is no future there... why get attatchd?

[AngelinaTaylor]

I don't think most fifteen-year-olds are thinking about marriage. It's highly unlikely that a fifteen-year-old is going to get married anytime soon. The point of dating isn't always to get married; sometimes it's to have fun, especially when you're not nearly old enough for the commitment that marriage requires. Dating during the teen years is not about marriage; the idea is to learn about yourself, and to learn how to deal with relationships.

Sex should be discussed, yes, but there's no need to trick the other person into giving an answer, or to talk about it in terms of marriage. Don't want to have sex? Then just say you're not ready. There's no need to give a justification for it, especially not in regards to waiting until marriage or not wanting kids. If the other person can't handle that, too bad.

Righto. (Most of) teen dating's supposed to make you prepared for more serious relationships, which supposedly occur later on in your life. I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of it. Most teenagers aren't dating just so that it could eventually lead to marriage. Maybe you just haven't been in fun relationships. Like summer flings, for instance.

[*Uronacid*]

hmmmm... your right.... about that, maybe I havn't been in summer flings... I guess I have always been in more serious relationships... I wounldn't mind something that wasnt serious as long as they gave me a clear understanding of what they wanted... I mean, to me thats just hanging out, fooling around and having fun?

as of now tho I'm in a relationship :)

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

You people are thinking "Shes so young and shes saying she dosent wanna get married blah blah blah ?" Yeah, Well, I think about these things. I know right now that I wont be getting married because I am scared of it not going right. My parents are so messed up with there lives and they are so un happy. They don't even sleep in the same room anymore. My dad sleeps in the basement and she sleeps up stairs. I dont want to turn in to them. I know that my love life is not like theres but its just the thought that scares me. Like.. " Hey, That could be me.. Stuck yelling and bickering at my loved one. The one I dont even love anymore." People chance over years and love soon dies. I think it is because of the thought that you are stuck.

Why Date? You dont have to get married to have a loved one with you. Like some one said in the past in here you dont need a marrage licence to commit your self to some one. Love is its slef alone. I will probley move in with some one some day and be happy not married and with out kids.

But yet I am scared to die alone. But that is my problem that I have to deal with in the future and what not. Also, Its not like we are going to have sex at this time of our lifes WE ARE GOING TO WAIT.. I have been saying that in this fourm. It's just that when We get older and he is ready and I say.. WAIT.. I am waiting till I am married. I know what I did was wrong but it was my choose and I did what I did for my self. It's not that I don't trust him but he could have said somthing diffren't and in a few weeks he would dump me for some bull shit reason and it is really because of what has happend 3 weeks ago. NO. I did not what that to happend. Not saying that he would have dumped me. 3 weeks after. Don't think I was not thinking of what I was doing when I was doing what I was doing.

I am young but with a big mind that I use way to much. -_-

[*Uronacid*]

you guys changed my opinions of dating... hmmm....

new view:

It's like maybe you should just date to see what you want in a future partner. I mean, just to get a better understanding of what you want in a future partner and help each other out, but does that means that you shouldn't get serious?

[*mipadi*]

you guys changed my opinions of dating... hmmm....

new view:

It's like maybe you should just date to see what you want in a future partner. I mean, just to get a better understanding of what you want in a future partner and help each other out, but does that means that you shouldn't get serious?

I think you're making it more complicated than it needs to be. The thing about relationships is you can't plan them out. You can't really go into them with a goal per se. But you can't go into them with an apathetic mindset, either.

When I meet new people that I think I could be friends with, I don't think, "Hm, now, should I try to become friends with this person? What if we're not friends three years ago? What if this guy isn't a lifelong friend? What if things aren't perfect?" I just talk to them, and we become friends. Some of my friends have lasted a long time. Some are rather short-lived and last only a semester or so.

The point is, a romantic relationship isn't much more than a close friendship with a deeper commitment and a deeper connection. You can't go into one thinking, "Alright, this is going to be the person I'm going to marry, or there's no point to this whole thing." You just kick it off and see where it goes. You do your best to make it work out, just like you do your best to make sure you don't lose friends. If it works out, great; if not, then you both have to recognize that, and just move on.

The thing is, dating isn't always about marriage. You can learn a lot, and grow a lot, from personal relationships, including dating. I think it's, well, foolish to suggest that a teenager should be dating with the goal of marriage. A teenager should be dating because it's fun, it feels right, and it helps you grow as a person.

[*Freaky Krazer*]

Shelby, your ideas would change as you guys grow up. And don't talk about sex, seriously. You're 15! Sex can emotionally pressure you. Wait till it's right and when you're a full grown adult. (around 18), at least until you're done with high school...

[femmefatale4160]

^Ditto.

[shaimack]

[/i]

This is not to hurt you. This relationship is going to break in the future. I suggest u wait till u r much older because ur not gonna get married to this guy. That's 4 sure.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Shelby, your ideas would change as you guys grow up. And don't talk about sex, seriously. You're 15! Sex can emotionally pressure you. Wait till it's right and when you're a full grown adult. (around 18), at least until you're done with high school...

Yen, You know my points of view. You know that i'm not going to have sex yet. Just we got in the coversaion and it turned out to be what has happend. Every thing is fine now.. :-) This only made us stronger. Plus I have you to have sex with.

[/i]

This is not to hurt you. This relationship is going to break in the future. I suggest u wait till u r much older because ur not gonna get married to this guy. That's 4 sure.

I know this is true but its not somthing that I think about every day. " O KNOW HES GOING TO DUMP ME SOON, SHIT " No. I try not to think about that. I try to think of what we have now. As I said before.. We only got in to the conversaion and it turned out the way we did. I also think it is a good thing to talk about. You know?

[*Freaky Krazer*]

^Nice answer. and yes I'm sorry for... pretending to not know your POVs lol

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

^Nice answer. and yes I'm sorry for... pretending to not know your POVs lol

I thought it was a nice answer also. Hahaha
Don't be sorry. <3

[*This Confession*]

well I think you'll make the right choice. I don't think your confused at all anymore from what i can see.
I wish you two the best

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

well I think you'll make the right choice. I don't think your confused at all anymore from what i can see.
I wish you two the best

Thank you. I think every thing will be fine. I'm going away for a week on saturday to go to the beach and that will be a brake. When I come back we will be better then better.

I will miss Cb as well as him when im gone but I have to get away from all the bull crap you know. Just get away. :-)

[*This Confession*]

ah
I'm sure that will be nice

have tons of fun

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

ah
I'm sure that will be nice

have tons of fun

I hope to have lost of fun I am taking a friend along!

[short_dark_hair]

Shouldn't you be talking about video games or emo music or something?

LMAO. Oh my, oh my.

[/spam]

By the way, have fun on your vaca! :D

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

LMAO. Oh my, oh my.

[/spam]

By the way, have fun on your vaca! :D

I hope to. At first when I looked at it I thought it said vodca.. I was like.. wait.

haha

[smoke]

Ok, if he gets angry and dumps you because you don't want to have sex, he's an ass. Honestly.