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The Wrong Blues, criticism?
AngelinaTaylor
post Jul 6 2006, 08:24 PM
Post #1


daughter of sin
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Breathe in and out.

I see you at the piano,
playing the blues,
though the wrong blues..

for dreams cannot be easily altered,
even after consideration.

Now all this contention
continues to destroy the air.

You press the right chords,
the right amount of sound,
yet it's still the wrong blues.

Fidelity and perception
have gone in the wrong direction,
informally.

And my green make-up
still abides on me.
 
agirlnamed_aly
post Jul 7 2006, 05:36 AM
Post #2


I'd rather make mistakes than break.
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It's interesting, but forms a very vague picture that fails to leave a real impression.

Uh, but great word choice!
 
AngelinaTaylor
post Jul 7 2006, 11:24 AM
Post #3


daughter of sin
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QUOTE(agirlnamed_aly @ Jul 7 2006, 6:36 AM) *
It's interesting, but forms a very vague picture that fails to leave a real impression.

Uh, but great word choice!


Yeah, I get that a lot actually :P I like writing vague works though.. I think it allows the reader to interpret it in any way he/she wants.
 
xblueradiance
post Jul 7 2006, 02:48 PM
Post #4


...who created this mess...?
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Yeah, it is vague, but I think that's what makes it deep.

QUOTE
Fidelity and perception
have gone in the wrong direction,
informally.


^ That part is the best; it made me pause to think about it for a moment.
 

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