arranged marriages, ? Options

[luvnhate]

yea i was just wondering what you guys think about arranged marriages? it doesn't happen as often ne more but in some countries they still do this
so what do u think about them?

[AngelinaTaylor]

Entirely wrong!!! Why not let people fall in love and marry for love?

Taylor``

[NinjaxMageLayout...]

Entirely wrong!!! Why not let people fall in love and marry for love?

Taylor``

I AGREE.arranged marrage is just retarted beyond all means.Because people should be allowed to love and be loved by the ones their heart desire.

[marzipan]

i think it's wrong. people should be able to choose who they love and who they marry.

[*This Confession*]

people can fall in love and get married exactly how they want. A lot of people don't want this whole orgainized thing with a lot of people at it. So their spontaneous and go out and have something like that.

[sw33t_rouge]

i think arrnaged marriages are not wrong or right. zome people who have arranged marriages grow to like each other,while some the arranged marriages didint run out to well..but it really depends..

[AngelinaTaylor]

i think arrnaged marriages are not wrong or right. zome people who have arranged marriages grow to like each other,while some the arranged marriages didint run out to well..but it really depends..

How would you feel if your mom brang a boy to your home one day and said "Congrats! You're getting married tomorrow!"? Especially if you already have feelings for someone.

They are wrong, but unfortunately, that's how some cultures do it.

Taylor``

[*Steph Chan*]

totally against them.

[*Blow_Don't_SUCK*]

How would you feel if your mom brang a boy to your home one day and said "Congrats! You're getting married tomorrow!"? Especially if you already have feelings for someone.

They are wrong, but unfortunately, that's how some cultures do it.

Taylor``

My cousin had her marriage arranged and she fell in love with her husband after a few days (so she says). I've never seen her happier before, and just months before she was crying about her life ending.

Not all arranged marriages fail. Most of the last generation in my family (the one before mine) had arranged marriages and they're all happy (except for two). It all depends on the person they got for you. If both are willing to cooperate in marriage then it will probably work and probably not. It's all in the chemistry!

To be honest I wouldn't mind an arranged marriage. I trust my parents. Although I would prefer to find one myself. get what I mean?

[AngelinaTaylor]

My cousin had her marriage arranged and she fell in love with her husband after a few days (so she says). I've never seen her happier before, and just months before she was crying about her life ending.

Not all arranged marriages fail. Most of the last generation in my family (the one before mine) had arranged marriages and they're all happy (except for two). It all depends on the person they got for you. If both are willing to cooperate in marriage then it will probably work and probably not. It's all in the chemistry!

To be honest I wouldn't mind an arranged marriage. I trust my parents. Although I would prefer to find one myself. get what I mean?

I'm not saying they don't always work out. I'm just saying it's wrong. At least in my view.

Taylor``

[*Blow_Don't_SUCK*]

^Well there are many things wrong in the world. I only find arranged marriage wrong if it was done just to kick the daughter out of the house (to get rid of her) or if the parents knew the husband isn't really a good one =/

[NinjaxMageLayout...]

I agree with taylor all the way.Sure some cultures have that tradition (as some may recall it that way)and not all of the arranged ones are bad.But its wrong because you haveto marry them,its not like your parents (if they are the ones who arrange it)are giving you a choice.

[AngelinaTaylor]

^Well there are many things wrong in the world. I only find arranged marriage wrong if it was done just to kick the daughter out of the house (to get rid of her) or if the parents knew the husband isn't really a good one =/

The problem is, the parents might know he's a good one and he might be brilliant, but if the daughter doesn't like him, then what's the point?

Taylor``

[Ajmalhuuss]

I am pakistani and in my country over 80% of the marriges that take place are arranged marriges, my parents had an arranged marrige and so did most of my aunts and uncles. I don't think arranged marriges are wrong, they are just a matter of cultrual opinion, what is acceptable by your culture. I, myself, will not be having an arraged marrige but my sister and my cousin, Zo, will be. They don't mind it, they actually think it would be good for them.

[xmkaex]

what if you arranged to marry someone that you didn't love? and you fell in love with some else who loves you back?..

wouldn't that be complicated>?

----------------------------

i read/heard that back in the day people use to have arrange marriages for the both of the families wealth and stuff like that. yeah i agree that over a period of time, some arrange marriages work out. people start to fit well with eachother and stuff.

if it were up to me, i'd pick who i would want to marry.

[radhikaeatsraman]

I agree with ajmalhuuss. I'm Indian, and I'll tell you right now, arranged marriages are NOT what they seem. Let me tell you how they work.

First, the parents look at some prospective males/females that they like, and they talk to the other families about that suitor and create an alliance. During this process, they also take their son's/daughter's prefs into mind.

Then, they have the son/daughter meet the prospectives and see who they do/don't like. They go from there.

(At least that's how it worked for my mom & dad)

In no way does it mean your parents pick some random dude/girl from the street and they make you marry him/her. Sheesh.

[*ECD & C0*]

In no way does it mean your parents pick some random dude/girl from the street and they make you marry him/her. Sheesh.

haha yeah THAT would suck

[Paradox of Life]

I don't think marriage may be forced in America... but if it's religious and a tradition that's gone on for decades and decades, just marry the man and make the best of it, I guess.

[NinjaxMageLayout...]

I don't think marriage may be forced in America... but if it's religious and a tradition that's gone on for decades and decades, just marry the man and make the best of it, I guess.

But that is so damn disgusting and utterly rude.so what if they say "my daughter/son,you make me proud,your getting married to your cousin today,congradulations"What so thats cool too?!Thats just nasty,My brothers friend had to marry his cousin which is just nasty ew.Arranged marriages are wrong i say.WRONG!!

[radhikaeatsraman]

^dude, wth. did you even bother taking the time to read my damn post? i've already provided a definition of what an arranged marriage should ideally be. the debate is based off that definition.

[smoke]

I think it's wrong but I'm sure the ugly guy who'll never have a wife on his own doesn't mind

I'm glad I don't have to be forced to marry a girl I don't love.

[NinjaxMageLayout...]

^dude, wth. did you even bother taking the time to read my damn post? i've already provided a definition of what an arranged marriage should ideally be. the debate is based off that definition.

Yeah and your point?Not all of them work that way,You provided a definition partially based on how it worked for your parents.That doesnt escalate to every other person who had an arranged marriage.

-I read it clear what i just quoted as well and thats what YOU think it should be.Yes some of them are like that not all.I still say on my behalf thats its just disgusting in my point of view.Not even if they pick up a guy or a girl off the street but its still like doing so because the person who is having the marriage arranged doesnt even know the guy or girl they are getting married to.Even if they do meet at a point when its being arranged,its not like they know their whole life or anything.To me they just see them as a person that they are being married to and explained who the person is.Nothing else.

And btw you only posted up twice,this one im quoting and the definition,nothing really to take time to read,but i read so dont sound so dramatic.

[Paradox of Life]

But that is so damn disgusting and utterly rude.so what if they say "my daughter/son,you make me proud,your getting married to your cousin today,congradulations"What so thats cool too?!Thats just nasty,My brothers friend had to marry his cousin which is just nasty ew.Arranged marriages are wrong i say.WRONG!!

Are you even aware of what you are saying or how ignorant you sound? You think that arranged marriages are "rude". Well, I think your respect for religion (or lack thereof) is "utterly rude". Do you think that arranged marriages were created to make peoples' lives miserable? No, because that's how they parents were put together, and their parents' parents. So respect that some people have different ideas of what is "right" or "wrong". And not everyone involved in an arranged marriage dislikes it. Yeah, like Brenden and Ajmalhuuss said ().

But if they do dislike it, it's their decision within their family, and whether or not it can be negotiated just depends on how strict they are. And it is not anyone else's business.

[NinjaxMageLayout...]

Are you even aware of what you are saying or how ignorant you sound? You think that arranged marriages are "rude". Well, I think your respect for religion (or lack thereof) is "utterly rude". Do you think that arranged marriages were created to make peoples' lives miserable? No, because that's how they parents were put together, and their parents' parents. So respect that some people have different ideas of what is "right" or "wrong". And not everyone involved in an arranged marriage dislikes it. Yeah, like Brenden and Ajmalhuuss said ().

But if they do dislike it, it's their decision within their family, and whether or not it can be negotiated just depends on how strict they are. And it is not anyone else's business.

Ok do you know how stupid YOU sound,
-One you said its no one elses buisness,so why get into it?why not go away and mind yours?
-Also you may think my respect for religion is utterly rude,religion or not,having an arranged marriage is sick and disgusting,Yes other people have different outlooks on whats right and wrong but overally religion is still an opinion and their opinion to me is just EWWWWWW.And not everyone HAS to be in the arrangement to have to dislike it,it doesnt matter on anyone others feeling it depends on he/she is being forced to be married.

-Plus,it wont matter to the parents really because all they will discuss is finding a new person.Which still doesnt change the fact of how he/she feels.

WHAT if he/she was lesbian or gay then what? Let them be able to marry who'm they want to and be able to love who they want to especially if their sexual orientation is not straight but homosexual.

-So basically to me what you said about what i said,is like you saying its all good to marry your own cousin?!If you are saying that then i believe you need help,correct me otherwise if im wrong if your not saying that.

[smoke]

"my daughter/son,you make me proud,your getting married to your cousin today,congradulations"

Before I reply to your last post, I'm still trying to figure out where in your ass you pulled that out. Who said anything about arranged marriages being incest?

And like it was stated before, they don't just pick a random person. The parents pick who they think you'd like based on your opinions and likes/dislikes.

Now, some parents just choose for status. Say, they pick a guy with tons of money to raise their family's status. I don't agree with that at all.

[NinjaxMageLayout...]

Before I reply to your last post, I'm still trying to figure out where in your ass you pulled that out. Who said anything about arranged marriages being incest?

And like it was stated before, they don't just pick a random person. The parents pick who they think you'd like based on your opinions and likes/dislikes.

Now, some parents just choose for status. Say, they pick a guy with tons of money to raise their family's status. I don't agree with that at all.

ok where the hell are you coming out from saying i said marriage is incest?!I never said that so learn to read.And yes they do pick a random person sometimes on wealth but not on the childs opinions.So check your self homie.

[smoke]

Statement:

ok where the hell are you coming out from saying i said marriage is incest?!I never said that so learn to read.

Reply:

"my daughter/son,you make me proud,your getting married to your cousin today,congradulations"

-So basically to me what you said about what i said,is like you saying its all good to marry your own cousin?!If you are saying that then i believe you need help,correct me otherwise if im wrong if your not saying that.

Wait, so marrying your cousin isn't incest? Do you even know what incest is? I think you're the one who needs to learn how to read buddy. Or figure out what you're trying to say before you say it.

And yes they do pick a random person sometimes on wealth but not on the childs opinions.So check your self homie.

So, mind backing that up with some facts? A few people with arranged marrages in their family just sat there and explained that the parents do pick the person from a general idea of what their son/daughter wants.

First, the parents look at some prospective males/females that they like, and they talk to the other families about that suitor and create an alliance. During this process, they also take their son's/daughter's prefs into mind.

Then, they have the son/daughter meet the prospectives and see who they do/don't like. They go from there.

And I am not your homie.

[demolished]

omg.

it happen between my asian parents, mom and dad.

they were arrranged marring each other.

but i'm proud of that fact.

why?

my mom was very uneducated and wasnt very pretty at all.

no man want her by love


but she was married by arranged marriage method

;]


i reallllyyyy appreciate my mom. she's very supportive ;]

my dad ... ugh .. he's okay.

[FLIPFL0PED]

I think its both right and wrong in a sense, it depends on the people who are being arranged to get married. I respect that arranged marriages are apart of people`s culture and believes, but I also think that people have the right to marry whoever they want. I think parents who really love their children will do whatever makes them happy, allowing the child to choose wether they want an arranged marriage or not. I have a friend who is being arranged to get married. Her parents are really strict and she can`t have a boyfriend so she always has to keep her relationships a secret from them. She actually knows the guy she`s arranged to get married to, but they`re just friends and they`re both against it. She has a boyfriend, but her sister wants them to break up. She against it, but at the same time she doesn`t want to go against her parents` wishes. Her parents think its good for her, but I don`t think it is. I don`t think all arranged marriages are bad, it can be either a good thing or bad thing, depending on the person having to go through it. There`s a wrong and right in everything.... at least I think there is.

[Chad_man]

Before I reply to your last post, I'm still trying to figure out where in your ass you pulled that out. Who said anything about arranged marriages being incest?

And like it was stated before, they don't just pick a random person. The parents pick who they think you'd like based on your opinions and likes/dislikes.

Now, some parents just choose for status. Say, they pick a guy with tons of money to raise their family's status. I don't agree with that at all.

Ummmm where do i start hmmm maybe at the part where who the hell cares if they pick someone with the same like/dislikes or oppinions. Doesn't the saying "Opposites attract". And what if they share the same likes and all that, if you don't love them it makes no sence to mary them or even be their girlfreind.

[smoke]

Ummmm where do i start hmmm maybe at the part where who the hell cares if they pick someone with the same like/dislikes or oppinions. Doesn't the saying "Opposites attract". And what if they share the same likes and all that, if you don't love them it makes no sence to mary them or even be their girlfreind.

And... what's your point?

Let me make a few.


1. Before you pick an argument with me, please, at least learn how to finish your sentences.
2. Learn how to spell.
3. I was replying to the ignorant input of another cB member.
4. If you would've read the whole thread, like it says in the debate rules, you would've seen that I too am against arranged marriages, so don't go preaching to me about how they are wrong.
5. Read the forum rules and community guidelines.

[datass]

I think it's REALLY wrong. i think marriage is all about the couple only, not the couple's parents..

[skinnyminnie67]

i think that the parents get security in the knowledge that their child will have a reliable partner, or at least, who they consider a good partner. from the kids side, its not fun at al. and not fair. it's your life, and you should get to decide who you want to spend the rest of your life with. i guess, one day when we're parents...we'll realize why some parents wanted arranged marriages. i have a friend who has to have an arranged marriage, even now, but she says its not so bad, because her parents are going to give her a choice between two people...but i would hate it. but, in a way, if you feel insecure, it's a reassurance.

[Paradox of Life]

Ok do you know how stupid YOU sound,
-One you said its no one elses buisness,so why get into it?why not go away and mind yours?

This is a debate, dear. I could ask you the same thing, and this discussion would go nowhere. And I said it was no one else's business because decisions made inside of each family are based on their particular rule. No one else should try and force a different culture on them.

-Also you may think my respect for religion is utterly rude,religion or not,having an arranged marriage is sick and disgusting,Yes other people have different outlooks on whats right and wrong but overally religion is still an opinion and their opinion to me is just EWWWWWW.And not everyone HAS to be in the arrangement to have to dislike it,it doesnt matter on anyone others feeling it depends on he/she is being forced to be married.

You think arranged marriage is "sick and disgusting"? That doesn't make sense at all. Like Brenden said, arranged marriages aren't just with random people. For status, I think it's wrong, but if it's arranged because their parents truly think it's the best for their children, let them get married. You said "overally" ( ) religion is an opinion and you think that opinion is "EWWW". So basically you're condemning someone else's religion because you think arranged marriages are sick and disgusting? Way to go, bud.

-Plus,it wont matter to the parents really because all they will discuss is finding a new person.Which still doesnt change the fact of how he/she feels.

Finding a new person doesn't mean playing the slots and seeing if some other random person is better. If you're in the occasion that you do have to have a replacement, the choice of the son or daughter obviously matters. Otherwise, there wouldn't be a change in plans in the first place.

WHAT if he/she was lesbian or gay then what? Let them be able to marry who'm they want to and be able to love who they want to especially if their sexual orientation is not straight but homosexual.

-So basically to me what you said about what i said,is like you saying its all good to marry your own cousin?!If you are saying that then i believe you need help,correct me otherwise if im wrong if your not saying that.

The homosexuality point is a good one. And that is to be discussed within the family. Maybe they'll understand, maybe they won't. I personally would oppose a forced marriage between a heterosexual and homosexual.

And I dont' believe in incest either, so stop bringing that up.

[datass]

i think arrnaged marriages are not wrong or right. zome people who have arranged marriages grow to like each other,while some the arranged marriages didint run out to well..but it really depends..

that's actually true. my grandparents' marriage was arranged but they grow to like each other and now they're the happiest couple ever.

[AngelinaTaylor]

It just.. it defeats the purpose of life (according to me).. you live for love. You live to FIND love. To find that one person you cannot live without.. To experience all those feelings when you first start going out.. To just fall deeply in love.

And with arranged marriages - boom! it's all there already, someone planned your whole life.

No romantics here, huh...

It would just be a very boring way to get married. No excitement, or anything.. I can't imagine not marrying for love, and marrying just to make your parents happy, or because your future husband/wife is rich or socially well-known, or whatever.. It sounds stupid and pointless to me.

[vandiee]

my parents got arranged.
and they're fine. sometimes people who get arranged fall in love. i have friends who's parents also had arranged marriages and they're all basically in love. my grandparents, uncles, aunts, relatives. ha. but i still think its wrong. i will never do it.

[smoke]

It just.. it defeats the purpose of life (according to me).. you live for love. You live to FIND love. To find that one person you cannot live without.. To experience all those feelings when you first start going out.. To just fall deeply in love.

And with arranged marriages - boom! it's all there already, someone planned your whole life.

No romantics here, huh...

It would just be a very boring way to get married. No excitement, or anything.. I can't imagine not marrying for love, and marrying just to make your parents happy, or because your future husband/wife is rich or socially well-known, or whatever.. It sounds stupid and pointless to me.

Ha, no, I admit. I'm a romantic, lol.

[AngelinaTaylor]

^ Good, I'm glad.

[Listelle]

Love may be missing in an arranged marriage, but what about obligation to your parents? They've fed you, they've clothed you, and they've kept a roof over your head. As their child, you would have some responsibility to your parents' wishes. In an ideal situation, you've been chosen a good mate who is kind and faithful, and through your union, everyone would have some gain in the end, whether it be wealth or status. Your comfort and well being is guaranteed. This is what your parents have given to you, out of love for you. Would you be able to refuse this arrangement?

It might not be exactly right, but can you see it as completely wrong? The weight of your obligation to your parents is key here.

[AngelinaTaylor]

Love may be missing in an arranged marriage, but what about obligation to your parents? They've fed you, they've clothed you, and they've kept a roof over your head. As their child, you would have some responsibility to your parents' wishes. In an ideal situation, you've been chosen a good mate who is kind and faithful, and through your union, everyone would have some gain in the end, whether it be wealth or status. Your comfort and well being is guaranteed. This is what your parents have given to you, out of love for you. Would you be able to refuse this arrangement?

It might not be exactly right, but can you see it as completely wrong? The weight of your obligation to your parents is key here.

You're shitting me, right? Yeah, they are my parents, and yeah I do have obligation to them, but I don't want to pay it while spending my entire life with someone I don't love. Why should I make myself miserable out of obligation?

I'm my own person.. I would like to know that I have the freedom of choice. Especially about who I'm marrying. No one should have a right to decide what your whole life's going to be. No one.

[Listelle]

^Actually, I'm not.

Maybe its because my family is a little more traditional. Or maybe its because I'm a wimp. But to throw a "f**k you Mom and Dad!! I'm doing whatever the hell I want and I don't give two shits about what that does to you!!" would break my heart even more. Think about the implications. It could alienate you from the rest of your family and everything else you've ever known.

It almost happened to me. Sure, this other kid loves you. But does it make up for not having your parents there when you have your first child?

[AngelinaTaylor]

^

Just because you want to marry someone you love doesn't mean you're saying "f**k you, mom and dad". That's... wow. You're talking about your whole life, in case you didn't notice.

But it's your choice - if you want to be miserable for the rest of your life, go for it. It's what some cultures do.

If your parents really love you and care for you, I'm sure they'll understand when you refuse to marry someone you don't love.

Come on.

[priyas]

i don't like them.

Neither do my parents. SO i won't have one.

[Paradox of Life]

^ Please keep in mind that this is a debate. Either post an argument about the chosen topic or an argument about someone else's post. This is a verbal warning.