How's this for a beginning to a story? Options

[adolelolz]

This story is basically going to be about a teenage boy who is sad and lonely and questions the meaning of life and his existence. One day, something happens (I haven't figured that part out yet) and he now holds the fate of the world in his hands...or something. I haven't figured this part out yet either, but something else happens and he found out that it is his job to put the world to an end...Dun dun duuuun.

So this is the beginning of Chapter One to I Am the Apocalypse.


Existence is an odd theory, possibly never to be completely grasped by anybody anywhere. Perhaps some day, though, a being who was in disbelief that they would ever accomplish anything will come along, questioning the meaning of life itself, and get so ardent with the ideas and facts and questions that they will spend years, decades, on the answers, finally conjuring up a solution to all this madness. I doubted for a long while that I would even be here on this mysterious earth when that day came, and I also suspected that when I died, there would be nothing there, and I would have to start all over again from the beginning with the questions and the inanity of existence.

To me, life has always been like that seemingly age-old rhetorical phrase, "if a tree falls in the woods, and there is no one around, does it make a sound?" That is basically my life, summed up in a short, answerless question. If here I am, walking on earth, and no one sees me and nobody at all cares, do I still exist?

They say that everything plays a part in nature, that everything helps in making the world spin and go on with people living their lives on its surface. However, I have always believed that there are people who do not seem to do their duties in anything at all, people who waste away their lives on questioning themselves for the good of nobody else. I assumed this, because I felt that throughout my entire life, I was one of those people; I had never made a difference in anybody, nor had I made a difference in myself. I never changed anyone's life, and I had never even attempted to change my own.

I was not always this way, however; there was a time when I was happy and carefree. But then reality set in, and I knew I would never make it in a world full of people so unlike myself, people who thought that there was nothing wrong, people who thought that everything was perfectly alright, flawless. To me, flawless is not real. There is no such thing as perfection, or anything mildly close to perfection. In my eyes, nothing is right, nobody is okay, and I have never heard of a happy ending.

There are some that might tell you that I was wrong in every aspect of my life, that I could have gone out there and lived some more and acted like everybody else, but I was never one for pretending. I knew that I would never make it or accomplish anything worth trying to accomplish. Then there are more that would explain to you how every choice I made was the wrong choice; if I had done something differently, everything would have turned out okay. Maybe they are right, maybe not, there is really no way of knowing; what is done is done and it is not up to me to change it.

That's it so far. What do you think? Good? Bad? Okay? Tell me!!

Oh, and by the way, don't steal it. It's mine, all mine. It's not like I think anyone here would actually steal it, but it's better to be safe than sorry.

[[Mediocre]Artist]

Before I even read this I have to ask if you've read Being a Green Mother by Piers Anthony? The main character's faith is to marry the Devil or destroy the world.
Okay I finished it. So far the character is developed pretty well in terms of his mental state, but he hasn't become real. Write now its a series of thoughts and ideas that sound more like your personal musings. It might be best to write this in third person, so you don't sound so autobiographical. I love the concept in the second paragraph, about the tree being like someone's life. One thing I really don't like about this story is that I know the character's depressed and I know the conflict he faces and that makes me assume he'll let the world end. It doesn't inspire me to read the rest of the story. Other than that I like your plot, I like the structure, and I like the pathos of the character.

[illumineering]

This reads like a stream-of-consciousness entry in a personal journal. If that was your intent, great job!

This character seems to be immersed in self-loathing and angst while living in a suburban cul-de-sac. Again, if that was your intention, you're right on target. While my interest isn't particularly piqued, I'm curious enough to read an entry that introduces the protagonist in his physical life.

[adolelolz]

Okay so I changed it a bit so it doesn't seem like he really did end the world, but you're not sure of exactly what he did and what it caused. And I think you're right about changing it to third person...

[illumineering]

As far as I can tell, the main character is consumed by angst over the fact that a meaningful existence is marked by celebrity and external validation. I'm still seeing a whiny, self-centered teenager who is an egotistical only child. A self-satisfying sense of accomplishment does not immediately translate to a philosophical crisis of existence that could unseat the balance of life. This seems to be heading to a trip to a general practitioner for a Zoloft prescription.

Grand generalizations can be extrapolated from characters that grapple with meaningful problems in their day-to-day existence. Try focusing on building a character that is living a life among family and friends. From there, through dialogue and experience, present issues that challenge the character's sense of meaning and existence within that life. Walter Mosley is a good example to follow. Dan Millman is another example.

Keep at it, your writing reflects a strong skill set that will surely shine when you create a character that is empowered by the ideals that you have clearly articulated. Keep writing, that breakthrough is near!