looking for an answer.. Options

[Terror]

Ok, I'm not even sure I'm supposed to be posting in this place, I dont care if you delete this topic--but I really need some answers.

Ok, first of all, since my problem is about a girl, I figured GIRLS would be most helpful, seeing as most guys are absolutely dee-dee-dee when it comes to relationships.
Ok, so to the point.
I met my ex girlfriend in 6th grade, she moved away, I continued living there for a few years, then I met her again in 8th grade.
We started going out. I realize theres alot of people arguing that 15 year old's dont know what love is, but whatever--THAT, that was love. No f**king doubt in my mind.
I fell completely for her. Absolutely and totally devoted to this one girl.
She was perfect to me, abso-f**king-lutely perfect. A few months in, I thought it would make her happy to give her a ring for our 6th month anniversary.
So, I got a job, babysat, mowed the lawn, in short, I broke my goddamn back and managed to get around 750 dollars. I went to a jewlerers, and got her the prettiest ring I could get her with 750 dollars, then I gave it to her. I like, kinda proposed half jokingly to her, like "Danielle, would you marry me?"
But then I saw her reaction, and I was actually shocked.
So we were engaged.
I bought her a necklace sometime later, (which wasn't cheap by the way)
Months passed by filled with so much love and happiness I probaly should have died then, cause I don't think I can experience uplifting joy like that ever again.
I wrote her poems every single week. Everytime we met I kissed her on the cheek.

Sex wasn't even on my mind, cuddling was enough for me.
We were perfect.
I loved her.
She loved me.
Then I found out, the day before my birthday and a few days before our one year anniversary, that she's been cheating on my, the.WHOLE.damn.time.
She's had sex with two other guys, and was messing around with a few others.
I won't delve into all the melodramatic weeks that followed, but to say the least, my world fell apart, cried for days on end, and so on.
Now, I come here, just wanting to know, was there anything I did wrong?
I mean, If I could I'd have given the world to this girl, and I tried.
I didn't even look at a girl twice for nearly a year, she was my life.

So...yeah, thats pretty much it.
And all I want to know, if theres ANYTHING you think I could've did better, or something I did wrong.
I'm just looking for answers.

-Sorry for being so long...and thanks to anyone who helps.

Then, I found out

[SarahxJoy]

You did nothing wrong.
It's her fault..for taking advantage of you and being unloyal to you.
I'm sorry about what you've been through.
I have another friend who is going through the same thing..it's hard.

When things like this happen, we sit and wonder what we did wrong.
When in actuality, it's a very realistic possibility that there was nothing done incorrectly. It's just how life is.

[jenniez618]

wow that must be really hurtful, from what i read, it doesn't seem that you did anything wrong, it was her that did something wrong, how could she do that to you? i mean you worked so hard to give her a ring and you write poems to her every week, which i think is totally cute/sweet of you to do that. my answer would be get back all the stuff you gave her and try to forget her because there's no other way.

[Terror]

Its just so unbelieveable, I mean, do you think I was a good boyfriend?

[jenniez618]

Its just so unbelieveable, I mean, do you think I was a good boyfriend?

100% i think you're a good boyfriend, you really didn't do anything wrong.

[Chii]

Judging by what you said, it seemed like you were a good boyfriend but it's only your side of the story so duh you're going to come off as a great guy.

I think it's partially your fault. Sometimes people cheat because they're looking for something their current lover can't provide. If you really were so great to her, why would she stray? It can't be entirely her fault, it takes two to tango. It's really odd to propose and be engaged when you are like 15 and that you weren't even dating for that long.

I really hate how you say, "I did this, I did that for her," as if that really says anything. A relationship takes more than buying your girlfriend pretty things, writing poems and not having a wandering eye.

Was there communication? If so, then why did you not list that as a good factor?
I don't think you paid enough attention to her. If you did you'd probably know she was playing you all along. There had to be signs of cheating, you were probably just blind to them because you were busy trying to buy her or write some poem.

[x3Death.By.Knife...]

Wow, I can definately tell you that you did NOTHING wrong.
You seem like an INCREDIBLE boyfriend, I can't believe that you even bought her a 750 dollar ring or an expensive necklace. And the fact that you didn't even think of sex, and that cuddle was enough for you.. it just blew my mind.

The only thing that went wrong in your relationship.. was your girlfriend.
She didn't even know how good she had it.

[lalalaLANUH]

Awww. Poor child.
While I feel sad for you, I find it incredibly unbelievable that she would cheat on you for no good reason. Maybe from your perspective you did everything right and you make it sound like that. I have to agree with Chii. Maybe you were being too materialistic and you weren't focusing enough on HER.

[_sarcastic_]

you sound like a really great bf to me from what i read.
she doesn't deserve someone like you, but like what chii said, did your relationship have communication cause i mean that is really important.
just forget about her.

[*This Confession*]

Wow, I can definately tell you that you did NOTHING wrong.
You seem like an INCREDIBLE boyfriend, I can't believe that you even bought her a 750 dollar ring or an expensive necklace. And the fact that you didn't even think of sex, and that cuddle was enough for you.. it just blew my mind.

The only thing that went wrong in your relationship.. was your girlfriend.
She didn't even know how good she had it.

well communication is a big thing in the relationship as well
so did you have that?

oh with the quote thing i agree with some of it
the blew my mind thing
haha.

anyway its life
everything happens for a reason
and life goes on

just go ahead the next door in life
and don't sit and stare at the past one.

sorry for what happened to you
i know what its like to have someone cheat on you..

[Terror]

Judging by what you said, it seemed like you were a good boyfriend but it's only your side of the story so duh you're going to come off as a great guy.

I think it's partially your fault. Sometimes people cheat because they're looking for something their current lover can't provide. If you really were so great to her, why would she stray? It can't be entirely her fault, it takes two to tango. It's really odd to propose and be engaged when you are like 15 and that you weren't even dating for that long.

I really hate how you say, "I did this, I did that for her," as if that really says anything. A relationship takes more than buying your girlfriend pretty things, writing poems and not having a wandering eye.

Was there communication? If so, then why did you not list that as a good factor?
I don't think you paid enough attention to her. If you did you'd probably know she was playing you all along. There had to be signs of cheating, you were probably just blind to them because you were busy trying to buy her or write some poem.

Yes we had communication. We told each other everything. If we werent together, we were talking on the fun.
We had trust. (or so I thought)
I tried to be perfect for her. I really really did.
Just wasn't enough I guess. =\


EDIT.

And I'm not just trying to make myself come off as some super good boyfriendl, I'm just telling you guys what happened. Thats the truth.

[*This Confession*]

Yes we had communication. We told each other everything. If we werent together, we were talking on the fun.
We had trust. (or so I thought)
I tried to be perfect for her. I really really did.
Just wasn't enough I guess. =\
EDIT.

And I'm not just trying to make myself come off as some super good boyfriendl, I'm just telling you guys what happened. Thats the truth.

well like i said
or i think i did
you need to move on..
even if it hurts to know what happend
you look at something that makes you happy
and move on.

[Terror]

Awww. Poor child.
While I feel sad for you, I find it incredibly unbelievable that she would cheat on you for no good reason. Maybe from your perspective you did everything right and you make it sound like that. I have to agree with Chii. Maybe you were being too materialistic and you weren't focusing enough on HER.

Hmm. I'm not sure how to express to you guys, but I was focused on her. completely.
I loved making her happy. If she wasnt happy, I wasnt happy. I called her all the time to check up on her.
And again...
I'm not making myself out to be some super-boyfriend, I'm just saying we made each other happy. We talked to each other. We loved each other.
But...I must have went wrong somewhere. =\

well like i said
or i think i did
you need to move on..
even if it hurts to know what happend
you look at something that makes you happy
and move on.

I'm finding that VERRRRRY hard. =[
overall, my confidence is currently non-existance.
I don't feel like I'll EVER get a girl again.
I dunno.
=\

[*This Confession*]

I'm finding that VERRRRRY hard. =[
overall, my confidence is currently non-existance.
I don't feel like I'll EVER get a girl again.
I dunno.
=\

you say that now.
Give it time and you'll be back dating again
or liking someone new.
don't lose hope

breakups aren't the end of the world

[Terror]

well..
I DO like other people, but I have no confidence. at all.
cause, my logic is: if our whole relationship was a lie, then all the times she called me good-looking, hot, sexy, etc, THAT must have been total bullshit.
It may be unreasonable thinking but...thats just how I feel.

[*This Confession*]

you should never think down about yourself like that.

[Terror]

too late?

[misoshiru]

Well, if she cheated on you, don't take her back. And god, she did cheated on you with 2 guys. No matter how much you love her, you have to get over her. And, by the way, demand for your jewelry back. She doesn't deserve it.

[Your pain is not...]

I feel so sorry for you. I kind of want to cry reading that heh.

I agree with what Chii(?) said about communication. But obviously she wouldn't really absorb anything anyway.

I understand that you probably feel betrayed, torn, used, etc. But you know, it's only that one girl's fault, not yours. You didn't do anything wrong. YOu sound like a very sweet, devoting guy. You must move on, forget about that girl and turn your attention to someone else. But I think you should be close friends with girls first and decide then. Look for her hints. If you're not confident enough, wait for her to like you as much/more than you. I'm sure there are many worthy girls out there.
Good Luck, dear. :]

[xCrys]

^ Took the words right out of my mouth...

You were such a sweet-heart! I can't believe she'd do that to you... I say we burn her >.> Sorry, pardon me... I know it's gonna take awhile for you to get over her... But it's for the best, you didn't deserve that...

[xmy_sweet_reveng...]

Hey, as much as i can see there you did nothing wrong to deserve that, you went max out and tried to do everything you could to please her, she really shouldnt have done that too you, it was cold hearted and basicly just wrong. i know it would be hard for you to get over because of everything, but try your best. you dont need someone like that =)

[*mipadi*]

I think it's partially your fault. Sometimes people cheat because they're looking for something their current lover can't provide. If you really were so great to her, why would she stray? It can't be entirely her fault, it takes two to tango. It's really odd to propose and be engaged when you are like 15 and that you weren't even dating for that long.

That's a bit harsh. Some people are just jerks. Sometimes they cheat for no good reason. Sometimes they do bad things for no good reason. I'm not saying the other party in such a situation is never at fault, but I don't think it's fair to throw the blame right back on him. Maybe his girlfriend was just a jerk.

Of course, it's not fair to immediately villify her, either. Sometimes good people make mistakes, such as cheating, too.

[Terror]

thanks guys...but come on, cheating on me 4+ times? I mean,...you can only use the excuse of "good people make mistakes" for, i dont know, maybe the first time?

EDIt.

and thanks everyone for all the help...but I really don't know If I CAN get over this.
I know you probaly think I can get over it, its just some girl, right?
But like, I feel...idk, not alive. I feel emotionless, like I'm just drifting now.

I really hope I can find a girl who can restore my belief that there ARE faithful and loving girls out there.

Cause, my last GF did something similar to what my ex did.
I'm pretty convinced the female race was made solely to f**k me over.

[*Uronacid*]

im going to tell you what i told my friend anthony... he had been dating his girl friend for a very long time (four years) and also talked about marraige. When he found out his girl had been in another relationship he was completly devastated... Even i can relate to you, i ahd a girl friend that i spent lots of time and money on... i dated her for 1 and 1/2 years and she cheated on me too... i was devastated, and i dont want you to go through the same sh*t as i did.

helping yourself get over it: Talk with someone about it. Tell your parents about it, if they are loving parents (its sounds like they must be... you have had a very good example of how to be a loving person in a relationship) they will support you and care about you... ! whoever it is that you tell, tell them everything... tell them how you feel and why you feel that way and what you feel like doing about it and why you feel like doing those things. Be open and honest and don't keep anything inside. Keeping things inside will only lead you to have deep rooted emotional issues.
Learn from what has happened, don't turn it into something that will effect you for the rest of your life. Realize that this girl isn't a normal/good person, and not everyone is like that. People generally treat you the way they need to be treated... this may seem harsh, but that wench doesn't need someone who will treat her as nice as you treated her. She needs someone to treat her the way she treated you before she will ever realized what she did, but thats not your job.There are other people out there that will allow you to treat them the way you treated her and not take advantage of you for it.
yeha i guess i hear you when you tlak about not thinking anyone else will ever be as good as she was... i know that feeling real well, i loved my first girlfriend... but i love my current one even more... when i broke up with sierra i went through 2 other realtionships... and the entire time i compared them to my relationship with sierra... it was horrible... i finnaly decided to wait until someone just came along... finnally someone did, and im so fickin happy... there are other girls out there that will make you feel so much more loved than she ever did. i know you don't feel that way now (becuase you ahve been badly hurt), but their out there... you just have to be pacient :)

good luck man... i hope what i say helps :)

[iROCKYOURSOCKS]

dude you seemed like the perfect boyfriend any gurl can ask for but at the same time you seem like you were a very obsessed guy and that might have been the problem. im not saying she goes scot free because she should not have been cheating on you but you always got to give your partner some space. you might feel emotionless right now but nothing lasts forever. things will get better and when you find the perfect gurl you will see that she does not need expensive gifts from you to be happy she will just need you and that is it. When i hecka liked this guy and he liked me back he would get me anything but all i wanted from him was HIM. believe me when you find that great gurl in your life your ex-girlfriend will be coming back. BUT DONT TAKE HER BACK! you really deserve much better dear and dont be suffering over her because she is not worth your tears.

[xforgottenlove]

aww that's so sadd *tear* haha kk sorry i get a bit dramatic sometimes XD mm but either way, i hate it when i see these really nice guys who every girl can only dream of being with hurt by girls who really don't deserve them at all. well my advice is that even though you love her, you shouldn't take her back. i mean i don't wanna be harsh but she obviously doesn't feel the same for you or else she would've never done this. soo yah wellps hope everything turns out alright... hopefully.

[BryMonster]

You did nothing wrong. If anything, you
were being the sweetest boyfriend possible.
Sometimes girls think to themselves ,"He's
too good for me." I know this, because I've
been given that as a lame excuse. Probably
that's why girls cheat. Was there any sign
the entire time, that she was giving you a
bad vibe or something?

[*Uronacid*]

also, she could have just been an abusive bitch... :)

[chasingvictory]

oh man, I'm sorry dude. I feel your pain. You just have to let time heal your pain.. and what did you do wrong? well there can be many reasons why. So there are two options, talk to her or give some space. keep yourself busy.

[nikkkkki]

maybe there was too much..clinginess? sometimes a person could cheat on someone they really care about to..I dennno. but it's goes along the lines of something like that. you know how people just don't like too much closeness, maybe she was scared and felt like she had to flirt around and see if there was anyone else who could compare to you. but things just got out of hand? I don't see any other reason why she'd do that other than that.

and consider,
there are times when girls could just be plain, horny, backstabbing men. including me.

[Terror]

thanks to everyone, really.
and just so you know...she came back.
she wants me to call her again and talk to her.
because she "loves me and misses me so much and is so sorry blah blah blah bullshit."

You did nothing wrong. If anything, you
were being the sweetest boyfriend possible.
Sometimes girls think to themselves ,"He's
too good for me." I know this, because I've
been given that as a lame excuse. Probably
that's why girls cheat. Was there any sign
the entire time, that she was giving you a
bad vibe or something?

no, i mean...I thought we would actually be together...forever.
she made me feel like, like...I dont know, the happiest person ever. and I could tell i made her happy too.
I dont know what went wrong.

maybe there was too much..clinginess? sometimes a person could cheat on someone they really care about to..I dennno. but it's goes along the lines of something like that. you know how people just don't like too much closeness, maybe she was scared and felt like she had to flirt around and see if there was anyone else who could compare to you. but things just got out of hand? I don't see any other reason why she'd do that other than that.

and consider,
there are times when girls could just be plain, horny, backstabbing men. including me.

thats possible...but I'll say it again, she. cheated. on. me. over. four. times.
I really dont think that applies here.
and it was serious cheating, as in sex.

[Your pain is not...]

Don't take her back. I want to break her face.

[Terror]

im really trying not to.
but her acting like this, is pulling alot of emotions out of me that I've tried so damn hard to bury.
=[

[priyas]

^^Maybe she felt you were too possesive.
Anyways, as Chii said we only know your side of the story. Of course, you won't depict yourself as a bad guy.

Maybe she had sex just cuz she wanted to experience it, and she still loves you.

[Terror]

"Maybe she had sex just cuz she wanted to experience it, and she still loves you."

uh...I HOPE you dont think thats a reasonable excuse.

[KissMe2408]

Wow.

First of all, I read through this entire topic and noticed that she came back and is "so sorry" and all. I wouldn't go back to her, how could you trust her? No, if I was cheated on 4 + times and the guy wanted to come back, there is now way i would take him back. Because even when it seemed like you guys were so happy and all, and you were in love, she still was cheating on you! I mean c'mon, you can't trust someone like that.
2nd, You didn't do anything wrong, okay? You sounded like you were faithful, loving, and always there for her. A wee bit obsessive in a way, but hey, it happens. This girl isn't worth it, You should save your heart, time, emotions for a girl that is worth it, and I know there is a girl out there that is worth it. You don't need to deal with all this drama, heartache, and tears. And what's worse is now she is trying to come back and pull you every which way, and it's just too much.
I say be by yourself for some time. Focus on being happy with yourself, and when the right girl comes along you will know. You are pretty young, you've got your whole life. Just give this time.
I'm really sorry about what this girl did to you, i promise not all girls are like that.

[Terror]

I dont think I was obsessive, she did alot of the same stuff for me.
And I just really really wanted her to feel loved and all that stuff that every girl needs.
But hey, maybe I did take it a bit too far.
and thanks.
yeah..she's trying to get my friend to convince me to call her. and its like, giving me a humongous headache.
cause Ive been trying really hard to convince myself shes not worth it, but all that is reversed when I hear she wants to get back.
Most of me is like, f**k that bitch, but theres still a piece of me that misses all those late night talks and kisses on the cheek. and love. god i miss that.
im torn.

[msladyliberty]

Before I give an opinion, I absolutely don't know you personally, and I don't know "her" in the same matter. Sooo...since you openly asked for an opinion, I hoep you don't mind if I gave you mine.

From what I've read, I genuinely think you love this girl. So from your side of the story, you seem like you've been a really nice guy.

Obviously, it looks like she hasn't taken the relationship as seriously as you have...since the beginning. After all, you found out that you're not her "one and only." So it appears that she doesn't care about you as much as you cared about her.

I can honestly say that I've dated other people "on the side," even if I had a boyfriend. Reason being...is because I sort of wanted to know what it's like to have a boyfriend. Secondly, I didn't even know how restricted or how serious I had to be to actually have a boyfriend.

Basically, I was being selfish and didn't think about the other person's feelings.

My point...I don't think you didn't do anything wrong...I just think that you two weren't seeing eye to eye in the relationship.

Sure it sux! But that's the real world!! Now if she wants you back...you'd have to consider if she'd be serious this time!

[Terror]

well if its true I was her "boyfriend on the side", then that is still comletely screwed up.
She led me on so damn much, she had me believing she wanted to marry me and have my kids, thats the only reason I ever went that far with her, because I truly believed she loved me just as I loved her.
And If she didn't love me as much as I did, then why the f**k would she continue to stay with me and toy with my emotions.

And right now im going f**king insane, she wont stop sending all these old damn pictures of me and her together and all these little love notes.
But i promised myself, I.Wont.Take.Her.Back.
I am so f**king weak when It comes to her...god.
I have NEVER opened up completely to someone like I did to her, I told this girl everything about me, I told her stuff I'd never said to ANYONE.
Sheesh.
I'm not doing that again.
And I HOPE you guys are right, I really hope that there are still girls who know what honesty and loyalty and love is.

[*mipadi*]

And right now im going f**king insane, she wont stop sending all these old damn pictures of me and her together and all these little love notes.

Have you told her how you feel, and that you don't want any sort of relationship with her anymore?

[msladyliberty]

well if its true I was her "boyfriend on the side", then that is still comletely screwed up.
She led me on so damn much, she had me believing she wanted to marry me and have my kids, thats the only reason I ever went that far with her, because I truly believed she loved me just as I loved her.
And If she didn't love me as much as I did, then why the f**k would she continue to stay with me and toy with my emotions.

I think you already know messed up she was to you.

But...I totally understand about "maybe...considering" to take her back...even if you said you won't. If it were me and my boyfriend, I'd definitely beg him to stop it and try to convince him that there is abosolutely "no one else" that could be better for him. The love I know now...is very forgiving.

Before I knew a love like ours, I would've just flipped off the cheater right away.

Can't say that our love is similiar to yours, or if you even know this kind of love...

but it sounds like you don't know what you want.

I'D CHOOSE HAPPINESS...and eff the rest.

She seems like she's trying very hard to convince you that she truly cares for you. If she didn't...then I don't think she'll make the effort at all.

It's totally up to you.

But if you truly loved this girl like you said you did...then I don't think you'd be on here seeking for some help.

[Terror]

I dont think your understanding this...
shes not taking me back because she "loves me", shes taking me back because she just misses the feeling of talking to me and all of that.
and shes using "i love yous" as a way to try and make me talk to her again.
I found out, the only reason she was with me, is because she needed someone to constantly tell her and reassure her that she is beautiful and not ugly.

wonderful.

[PrincessAda]

Sad story..I don`t think you did anything wrong but love her.Ahh thats soo sad..makes me want to cry.

[Terror]

Yep.
I'm pretty much done with love and relationships.
f**k that.

[msladyliberty]

oh ok then!

Forget all the mushy stuff I said about taking her back and what not!

It sounds like she's not worth yer time if she's only with fer that reason.

take care

[Terror]

thanks to anyone who helped.

[blah1234567]

omg wow. im so sorry :(
there was absolutley nothing you did wrong. it was her descision to cheat on you and stuff and that is what she did. i guess think about it as her loss of losing you.

[xmoon_lightx]

that must have been really hard for you . But atleast now you learned something from it

[Terror]

thanks.
but it is kinda hard, knowing how broken up I am about this, but looking at her and seeing how normal she is going about her life...with her new boyfriend.

[JR Typer]

LOL fam aint nobody wanna date andy d**k stunt double nahmeen

[JerzDevil]

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME?! YOU EXPECTING A CHICK TO DATE A DUDE WHO LOOK LIKE A SOFT VERSION OF BENJI MADDEN? f**k A CAR FAM, SOMEONE NEEDS TO PIMP YA FACE (OH BOY)

[*This Confession*]

don't bring back old topics.