Makeup Can Affect Life |
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 May 4 2006, 12:07 AM
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#1
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 Hello There.  Group: Member Posts: 1,572 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 88,673  |
The Cheerleader Chelsea spends most of the day puckering her lips as she replenishes her pink shiny lip gloss between classes. Her makeup kit full of lipsticks, eyeliner, eye shadow, gloss, and mascara takes up half her locker. She prefers going on a shopping spree at Sephora, her temple, rather than finishing her five paragraph essay that’s due the next day. This is the same girl who will end up a single mom covered in skin rashes living in a one room apartment with two rowdy, studious children.
This is a paragraph that i was writing. so yea. |
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May 4 2006, 01:04 AM
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#2
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 Yawn Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,530 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,772 |
I don't know if I really agree with that, lol.
Nothing wrong with makeup or being a single mom. But that's besides the point. but keep writing, try to expand on your ideas more. |
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May 4 2006, 01:27 AM
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#3
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Hello There. Group: Member Posts: 1,572 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 88,673 |
its supposed to be an exaggeration. she's single cuz of her rashes. yeah...i also am gonna write about: Moderate Molly and Natural Natalie.
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May 4 2006, 01:38 AM
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#4
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 RAWR. Group: Member Posts: 2,585 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 102,641 |
WHERES MY FREE IPOD?!?!?!
Great. I'm gonna end up single with rowdy children and rashes on my face. Crap. |
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May 4 2006, 07:22 PM
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#5
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Yawn Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,530 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,772 |
Oh I see...
that's why you did the whole "Cheerleader Chelsea" thing.. that makes sense. lol you should of explained you were writing that way, confused the hell outta me. but okay, keep writing :) |
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May 4 2006, 11:57 PM
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#6
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 hello : ) Group: Official Member Posts: 4,227 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 13,139 |
^That's what I was thinking...
Uh it's okay I guess. I think it should be expanded on or more details or imagery should be added. It seems kind of weakly written if that makes sense. Still good basic ideas. |
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May 5 2006, 10:55 AM
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#7
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 I love Havasupai Group: Member Posts: 1,040 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 163,878 |
I like the first two sentences. The third one doesn't fit. It's out of place in this context.
Good job on the first two, though! |
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