Church of the Flying Speghetti Monster Options

[pshaa.shauna]

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.



In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.

Support? Sign the Petition.

[*Blow_Don't_SUCK*]

lmfao I am sooo supporting this

[Smoogrish]

HAHAHAHHAHAH. Me too.

[think!IMAGINARIL...]

reminds me of scientology...

[xosteffanator]

LMAO. I read that whole thing. i'm not signing though =X btw isn't this advertising?

[pshaa.shauna]

I wouldn't think it is.

Honestly, I found this to be great. It's really a petition about religion/praying in schools.

[starlette]

i dont get it

[*mipadi*]

i dont get it

Think intelligent design in schools.

[*StanleyThePanda*]

Wow... that is... pure amazingness.

[sprezzatura]

I am laughing at this, it sounds way too ridiculous.


I support Charles Darwin, not the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

[NoSex]

It's satire on religiousity in public schools. It's a lampoon of intelligent design.
People don't really believe in FSM. It's alot like the Invisible Pink Unicorn.

[starlette]

Think intelligent design in schools.

I guess maybe I don't see the brilliant satire because I'm for intelligent design in schools. besides, I should have quoted, but I didnt get how it was a petition about praying in school.

[NoSex]

I guess maybe I don't see the brilliant satire because I'm for intelligent design in schools.

So, I'm sure you're for FSMism in school as well?

[GREASEbaby]

haha.

okay. i signed it. now i'm gonna buy a t-shirt!

[AnnahhbeL]

HAha.
This is so random though.
A flying spaghetti monster? yeah right.

[EddieV]

Why not?

[littleswallow]

"I've been touched by his noodly appendage!"

Image courtesy of wikipedia.org (search "Flying Spaghetti Monster"):

[short_dark_hair]

Oh that's hilarious. The first paragraph was really intellectual, I was completley convinced.

Eeeeek, I'm still smiling from this.

[starlette]

So, I'm sure you're for FSMism in school as well?

you bet. Since I'm not in school I don't care what they teach :D

[NoSex]

you bet. Since I'm not in school I don't care what they teach :D

That's responsible.

[starlette]

That's responsible.

yeah I know, apathy isnt the best attitude to take, but since I dont care either way it doesnt bother me. Like in all honesty, I dont remember ever being taught evolution or creationism in school. Like i dont know if they skipped it or I was skippping class...or sleeping..or writing notes... But nevertheless, I plan on having my children privately tutored (if I have any at all) and I will encourage them to make up their own mind about how the world was made, just as I feel should be the option for everyone else in america. But since that will probably never happen, I'll just play apathetic.

[lalalaLANUH]

My science teacher would absolutly die from reading that passage on radioactive decay and Carbon-14 dating. I have to show this to her.

[*wind&fire*]

sounds plausible

PWNGE

[Smoogrish]

My science teacher would absolutly die from reading that passage on radioactive decay and Carbon-14 dating. I have to show this to her.

You're going to make your science teacher die?!?!

[*SuzieRawkSoxx*]

I bow down to "him" hes hawt can i get a number ? maybe we can hang out on some foreign mountain sometime.

[*I Shot JFK*]

you bet. Since I'm not in school I don't care what they teach :D

but you said you were in favour of intelliegnt design...

anyway, justin posted this once AGES ago. it's still fantastic.

[vash1530]

^that about sums it up!!!

[pshaa.shauna]

anyway, justin posted this once AGES ago. it's still fantastic.

Oh, I wasn't aware, I searched but couldn't find it.

It's satire on religiousity in public schools. It's a lampoon of intelligent design.
People don't really believe in FSM. It's alot like the Invisible Pink Unicorn.

*nods* yep. They are actually disscussing teaching it at our school, so many of my friends and I are printing out the pamphlets and dressing in pirate costumes, handing them out.

[*mona lisa*]

This is the funniest thing I've heard all day.

[Smoogrish]

Shauna, can I join you?

[pshaa.shauna]

Of course you can!

[WHOngos144]

hahaha. I'm totally signing this.

[lalalaLANUH]

You're going to make your science teacher die?!?!

Well, maybe I'll wait until the school year is over.

[NoSex]

shauna' date='May 1 2006, 4:28 PM' post='2023740']
*nods* yep. They are actually disscussing teaching it at our school, so many of my friends and I are printing out the pamphlets and dressing in pirate costumes, handing them out.

I hope they don't end up teaching it. That's good that you and your friends are doing your part - speaking your minds and such. Keep it up. Also, if I were you, I would write a few letters to the school board, your principal, and even maybe your congressman. Heh heh.

[pshaa.shauna]

^ Thanks. I don't think they will, seeing as a growing amount of students and teachers are wearing pirate attire...

[Smoogrish]

ME TOO! -waves cutlass-

[starlette]

but you said you were in favour of intelliegnt design...

anyway, justin posted this once AGES ago. it's still fantastic.

no like, thats what I believe in. I don't care what they teach because in the end its all up to personal belief. I think it would be a good idea if they did present both views, but in the end I don't care cuz I don't have to listen to it. Just like I know people who say the holocaust never happened and the lunar landing was a farce. We spend years in school learning these things and people don't believe them. same case.

[uLoVeMikeRoch]

I bow down to "him" hes hawt can i get a number ? maybe we can hang out on some foreign mountain sometime.

That killed the ENTIRE thing.

[pshaa.shauna]

For once I agree with you.^