Boyfriend smokes, some advice please? Options

[*iNyCxShoRT*]

Recently I just found out that my boyfriend smokes [since last month]. It kind of disappointed me, but I was willing to support him whatever he decided to do. He told me that he didn't want me to hurt so he said he would stop. He promised me he would. About two days passed and he admitted that he had smoked the day before. He apologized and repromised that this time was for real and he wouldn't do it again. Things were going great for a good 2 weeks. But today, we got into a little arguement because our plans were a little roughed up and he got upset. I tried talking to him but he only walked away, supposively "off to the park, i don't want to hang out with you guys". So I tried my best to have a good time until I finally got to talk to him when I got home. As I was walking home I ran into my friend [whos a highschool bad boy] when he saw me, he was like "Wait!" he told me that my boyfriend was smoking today, [smoking with the highschool bad boy as a matter of fact]. While this was all happening he said that he asked my boyfriend if I approved of this, and my boyfriend just hesitated and went. "Oh...we got into a fight." This disappointed me bacause he promised me he would quit. But he may have been under stress. Should I talk to him about it...or give him another chance, I don't know what to do.

[think; 13 yearold kid]

[*Blow_Don't_SUCK*]

Even though smoking greatly impacts his life, you shouldn't bug him about it as if there's no tomorrow (because that REALLY ruins a relationship). If you want him to quit advise him into taking one of those pills, patches, or gums people chew on to quit.

[Levy2k6]

i really hate it when ppl type in that font but that's okay...


well.. i think you should talk to him, it's not easy to quit an addiction. I never been in this kinda problem but my friend's have. My friends SMOKE, and I mean smoke.. they didn't quit at one point tho, when they were dating and stuff. what made them quit was that they talked with their girlfriends, they really wanted to quit.. but you know, they eventually caugh back into it like months after breaks up and what not. but I think the best thing to do is talk to him.

smoking isn't that bad of a thing but it is a bad habit, but it's addicting. i don't smoke personally but if i were you, i'll just give him another chance

Edit: wow, i didn't realize he was 13 til after i submitted... yeah.. you really need to talk to him. i seen kids smoke at his age but yeah, it's not a habit you pick up that early. you have to talk to him it's for the best.. or that's my personal opinion

This post has been edited by Levy2k6: Jan 30 2006, 09:00 PM

[akjsd]

---------

[Hiphop d[-_-]b]

What you gotta understand is that its hard to just all of a sudden, stop, no more, quit right then and there, even if its a promise to anyone. You cant really expect him to just drop it, because it is addictive.

Just help him little by little get through it.

[voguelove]

hes 13? wow. he could have just cracked under pressure since you guys fought, but you have to know that he may have been lying to you about stopping his smoking habbits even if it is hard to comprehend. do some research about smoking, telling him what it could do to his lungs. i know that my dad started smoking at 14 and still smokes to this day (hes 40 now) and has troubles daily with breathing. he continues to cough throughout his day to day activities and needs to spit out mucas (sp) ALL THE TIME. smoking at such a young age can do many harmful things to your boyfriends body. yes, smoking cigarettes, pot, weed, or whatever makes it hard to quit all of a sudden. maybe you can buy nicotine patches or gum to show how much you care?

[Shahin]

I assume he's smoking weed. Right?

[AlexusD]

I used to smoke.... It's really really really really really really hard to quit... u're heart beats faster and anxiosnes attacks you.. just let him, he'll cough blood later on and it would hurt when he pees.... that happened to me so I stoped...

[Shahin]

I used to smoke.... It's really really really really really really hard to quit... u're heart beats faster and anxiosnes attacks you.. just let him, he'll cough blood later on and it would hurt when he pees.... that happened to me so I stoped... 

Dayum boy.

[dorkk-ie]

give it some time...
quitting can be hard.. but tell him smoking can ruin ur life, and youre here to support him when he decides to quit =)

also.. the breaking promise thing..hm..inono.. he broke it like what? 3 times?? sooo.. just talk to him about it.. give him ONE MORE CHANCE i suppose.. if he smokes again, with ur help...

then theres sumthing you really gotta think about.

[Shahin]

Things were going great for a good 2 weeks.

Did he smoke at all during those two weeks?

[*iNyCxShoRT*]

Did he smoke at all during those two weeks?

^Not that I know of.

[NgocQuyen]

i would definately talk to him. i mean come on he's 13? and he's smoking? does he have any idea how bad that is for him?! lols...ughh. i mean if you want to go the easy way out of it that would be to break up with him and forget about it. but i'm sure you care about his health right? lols. so yeah...i mean just tell him that smoking isn't really the solution to everything. i mean if he had a problem with you he should come talk to you instead of go smoke it off....its bad for his health! ><!! if he doesn't listen to you still then you can't really help him. if i were you i would rather not see him hurt himself
did any of that make sense? hahaha

[FoxBandCutie08]

Wow, that's really young to be smoking already, and not being able to quit it seems like. Try to ask him to start chewing the gum or something, start getting him on the right path. Let him know you're very disappointed he hasn't quit yet, but tell him the truth is better than lying.

[*not_your_average*]

Wow, I'm 13. I know that you've been trying to talk to him face-to-face about the issue, but you have to really get it through his head that it's extremely dangerous for him. He's already relying on it to relieve stress. (You guys got into a fight, he went for a smoke.) I think he's already addicted, since he's so young. I really don't know what you can do.

[fameONE]

I've been smoking for roughly a year and a half. Its not easy to quit. I started because someone offered me a cigarette when I was stressed out, and from then on, I sought the relief of a cigarette when there was a lot on my mind. Now that things aren't as stressful as they once were, I can honestly say that cigarettes do nothing to improve things. However, I do enjoy them and I'm in no rush to quit, regardless of what people say to me.

As for a 13 year old smoking, he needs to stop, not because of the health precautions or what people tell him, but because its not worth it to have a petty juvenile criminal record. He can't quit overnight, especially if he's been doing it for a while. However, he'd quit (or cut down) if he really valued your opinion. Trust me, if my girlfriend told me tonight to quit smoking, I'd have to do it.

[fameONE]

I've been smoking for roughly a year and a half. Its not easy to quit. I started because someone offered me a cigarette when I was stressed out, and from then on, I sought the relief of a cigarette when there was a lot on my mind. Now that things aren't as stressful as they once were, I can honestly say that cigarettes do nothing to improve things. However, I do enjoy them and I'm in no rush to quit, regardless of what people say to me.

As for a 13 year old smoking, he needs to stop, not because of the health precautions or what people tell him, but because its not worth it to have a petty juvenile criminal record. He can't quit overnight, especially if he's been doing it for a while. However, he'd quit (or cut down) if he really valued your opinion. Trust me, if my girlfriend told me tonight to quit smoking, I'd have to do it.

[EddieV]

^ I agree with Brandon.

[Shahin]

^Not that I know of.

If he didn't smoke at all during those two weeks, then I don't think he's addicted at all. Quitting for two weeks is as hard as quitting for good.

[KrunkMuzik]

Yeah, can't tell a smoker to just give it up. I was a mild smoker. Smoked Newports whenever available. I cut down on it ALOT. (maybe once a month). Now the only thing I might smoke is a black. But yeah, let him know you aint feeling that. It's gonna take time to quit, it doesn't just happend one day to another.

[Shahin]

Yeah, can't tell a smoker to just give it up. I was a mild smoker. Smoked Newports whenever available. I cut down on it ALOT. (maybe once a month). Now the only thing I might smoke is a black. But yeah, let him know you aint feeling that. It's gonna take time to quit, it doesn't just happend one day to another.

God, blacks are nice.

[KrunkMuzik]

^^^ They sure are huh? Craving one right now.

[Shahin]

^^Well, crap. now you got me wanting one..i might just go out and get one actually. But actually on topic, don't you tihnk the kid actually isn't addicted?

[bad_girl]

i think you should leave him alone about it. he obviously likes smoking or whatever, so i think not smoking would have been a great deal to him wen he promised you, but he stopped for a while, didn't he? no matter what, it was hard for him to stop, even for a short period of time. therefore i think you should cut him some slack && let him enjoy a puff from time-to-time.

(this is coming from a 13 year old, btw)

[full:O:beans]

Even though smoking greatly impacts his life, you shouldn't bug him about it as if there's no tomorrow (because that REALLY ruins a relationship). If you want him to quit advise him into taking one of those pills, patches, or gums people chew on to quit.

I agree with that. A guy in my english class quit smoking by taking some stuff you breath in that gives you a bit of a high. I don't think he's smoked for a couple weeks now...you should maybe suggest that to him.

[fameONE]

Marco & Shahin, you haven't lived until you've had a Cuban Cohibas.

[Shahin]

Marco & Shahin, you haven't lived until you've had a Cuban Cohibas.

Interesting. Tell me about these Cuban Cohibas.

[fameONE]

Satisfaction

Expensive, but rich in every aspect.

[Shahin]

$431.00, eh? I'd hope they were high quality. Until I have a nice sum of money, I'll stick to those blacks and blunts. I'm definetly looking into buying some of these in the near future, though.

[Just_Dream]

Quitting cold turkey is REALLY hard. I mean, it's a psychological thing. Was or is he a frequent smoker? Also, if he's going to promise something, he should keep that promise. Promises aren't for people to break. I mean, I KNOW you care about his health--he should realize that if he wants to be in the relationship, he has to try to change. Of course, that's if he's willing to. I know I wouldn't date a smoker, because it shows that they're vulnerable to it (when they're addicted).

Let me tell you a true story. My half-sister's husband has been smoking since he was, I believe, in high school. He's been dating my half sister since they both were in high school. He's 37 now. He was a frequent smoker, and often went outside to smoke. Him and all his brothers, mother, and father all smoke. It was VERY hard for him to quit, especially cold turkey. Sometime last year when my half-sister was driving through the Canada to get to Alaska (with her husband's sister), they both lost connection with her (my half-sister's) husband, whom was in Alaska. They couldn't call each other for a day, since there was no cellular reception for a day.
You know what her husband did? He prayed to Buddha that they both (my half-sister and his sister) would be alright. Also, he vowed that he would quit cold turkey if it meant that his wife and sister were safe.
MIRACULOUSLY, my half-sister called back like... 5 minutes later because her cellphone had reception again!

The moral of this story is basically that if someone is truly serious about a relationship, they should be able to use that devotion and turn it into a way to quit smoking. I mean, do you have to threaten to break up with him to stop? I mean I know that it's HIS choice to smoke and some will say that you shouldn't try to make him to stop, but remember that you CARE about his health.

Then whisper sweet nothings in his ear. ahaha

[KrunkMuzik]

Damn, 4 bills. Kinda outta my reach. Maybe over the summer I'll hit at some of those. But 'til now, Im doing what Shahin is doing, sticking to my blacks and blunts.

[*iNyCxShoRT*]

i think you should leave him alone about it. he obviously likes smoking or whatever, so i think not smoking would have been a great deal to him wen he promised you, but he stopped for a while, didn't he? no matter what, it was hard for him to stop, even for a short period of time. therefore i think you should cut him some slack && let him enjoy a puff from time-to-time.

(this is coming from a 13 year old, btw)

so are you saying that i should let him smoke because he obviously values smoking more than he values me? maybe if we were a little bit older i would probably cut him some slack; but im 13 too and i know i wouldn't want a crackhead boyfriend.

[fameONE]

so are you saying that i should let him smoke because he obviously values smoking more than he values me? maybe if we were a little bit older i would probably cut him some slack; but im 13 too and i know i wouldn't want a crackhead boyfriend.

Smoking cigarettes don't make you a crackhead.

Wait, what exactly is he smoking?

Advice from other 13 year olds might not be the best. The best advice I can give you is for you to do what you feel what is right and don't let a bunch of screennames who don't know the specifics of the situation tell you what's right.

[kchalut]

My fiance smokes as well. He began smoking back in high school and quit shortly after we began dating. However, within the last few months he's been under alot more pressure and has picked up the habit again.
I don't like it. I've always been against smoking. First because the smell made me sick, and then because I actually was tempted to try it myself and was disgusted by the thought.
Not to mention smoking is unhealthy.
I can't get him to stop. He said he quit the first time to impress me... but now he knows he doesn't need to impress me, I'll love him anyway.
One thing that has helped a little is a guilt trip. Not terribly... and I don't pester him about it. But anytime I find out he was smoking (he normally tells me if he does. I requested he at least let me know.) sometimes I can make my eyes look all teared up. And when he tells me it does hurt... so I let him know.
However, it doesn't get him to quit. He's addicted and he's often stressed out from work or home.
I'm currently working on trying to afford the patch for him or something. I'm ready to try about anything... just as long as it's in the budget. Neither of us have much money to dish out.

[fameONE]

My fiance smokes as well. He began smoking back in high school and quit shortly after we began dating. However, within the last few months he's been under alot more pressure and has picked up the habit again.
I don't like it. I've always been against smoking. First because the smell made me sick, and then because I actually was tempted to try it myself and was disgusted by the thought.
Not to mention smoking is unhealthy.
I can't get him to stop. He said he quit the first time to impress me... but now he knows he doesn't need to impress me, I'll love him anyway.
One thing that has helped a little is a guilt trip. Not terribly... and I don't pester him about it. But anytime I find out he was smoking (he normally tells me if he does. I requested he at least let me know.) sometimes I can make my eyes look all teared up. And when he tells me it does hurt... so I let him know.
However, it doesn't get him to quit. He's addicted and he's often stressed out from work or home.
I'm currently working on trying to afford the patch for him or something. I'm ready to try about anything... just as long as it's in the budget. Neither of us have much money to dish out.

A shrink told me that smoking isn't about the nicotine, but more so about the oral fixation. Whatever the case, when I tried the patch, it just made me crave cigarettes even more. I suggest he chew on cardboard... I mean chew the gum.

[EmmalieV]

I smoke way less than I did before , I lasted 2 days without one , then smoked one , then 3 days passed by , smoked one , then a week , and I smoked one today and couldnt even finish the second one.


But now I want one.


this sucks.

[fameONE]

I smoke way less than I did before , I lasted 2 days without one , then smoked one , then 3 days passed by , smoked one , then a week , and I smoked one today and couldnt even finish the second one.
But now I want one.
this sucks.

I haven't smoked at all today, but I'm craving one.

[demolished]

Call the cops on him and take him to a place to lecture him.

[Shahin]

I haven't smoked at all today, but I'm craving one.

I'm out. Damn.

Wait, what exactly is he smoking?

I personally think the guy is smoking weed. But the author never really told us.

[wickedvampire3]

smoking is really addictive....but soon his lungs are going to turn black because of it and die >.< eeks, you should tell him the bad side about smoking. go research about it online. i bet there's tons of info there. you shouldn't break up with him because...he actually cared for you.nobody wants to lose someone they loved. >.< he tried to stop smoking. but sometimes people cant keep taht promise because its so addictive. its like having coffee. you can never stop drinking it. when you stop, it causes you to act all mean and makes you sleepy. go ask him to chew gum or something >_> tell him to go to the doctor. but if he does something bad to you, you should go break up with him. and when he smokes while you're there, its second-hand smoking and i heard that its worser >_> you'll die soon too, its just like smoking. i hope that helped >_>

[Shahin]

^ Good lord.

[*not_your_average*]

Well, wickedvampire3 is correct.

[*iNyCxShoRT*]

smoking is really addictive....but soon his lungs are going to turn black because of it and die >.< eeks, you should tell him the bad side about smoking. go research about it online. i bet there's tons of info there. you shouldn't break up with him because...he actually cared for you.nobody wants to lose someone they loved. >.< he tried to stop smoking. but sometimes people cant keep taht promise because its so addictive. its like having coffee. you can never stop drinking it. when you stop, it causes you to act all mean and makes you sleepy. go ask him to chew gum or something >_> tell him to go to the doctor. but if he does something bad to you, you should go break up with him. and when he smokes while you're there, its second-hand smoking and i heard that its worser >_> you'll die soon too, its just like smoking. i hope that helped >_>

^ actually he's not addicted. he told me he doesn't even know why he does it; cause he thinks that the addiction thing is all a bunch of bs. eh; gum's not gonna help him. im not sure what he smokes really; but...it shows that hes smoking SOMETHING Like today when I kissed him it was noticable; and I let him get away with it for just today. I'm afraid he's gonna think I won't do anything if I know he smokes, and will continue doing it.

[Shahin]

^ You should figure out what he's smoking.