boyfriend is still close with his ex Options

[cleec]

Now don't get me wrong, I trust my boyfriend with all my heart, but it still bothers me that he is still so close with his ex-girlfriend of nearly a year. He mentions her occasionally looking for a reaction of some sort from me. I don't want to mention it to him because he will think I am being completely ridiculous about it when I have no reason to be. I mean, I still am good friends with my ex and he doesn't show any sign of caring. But it's different, they have so much in common and I can't help but think he might fall for her again. What do you think I should do?

[topsyturvy]

Well it's natural to feel this way especially if he appears to be best friends with her.. I was in the same situation half a year ago.

I waited it out. Eventually his feelings for her faded out and he focused on me more.

But he mentioned her occasionally to see how i would react. When he saw that i didn't react, he didn't either.

[ParanoidAndroid]

^agreed. But if you're really being bothered by it, you can privately talk about it with him

[Levy2k6]

I'm sorta in the position of your bf.. i'm talking alot about my ex gf but that's because i sorta miss her alot. We aren't gonna get back together because me and my ex talked and that's how it's gonna be.. but it's the getting over it process.. takes a while. I want 2 get over this too but it's just hard.

[technicolour]

TALK TALK TALK!

How is he supposed to know that you aren't comfortable with him being with his ex so much?
How are you supposed to know what is really happening with him and his ex?

TALK!

[_sarcastic_]

if you're not feeling alright then why not tell him. you guys need communication. he's mentioning his ex to see if you would get jealous, just act cool about it, eventually he'll realize, and maybe stop talking about her. that's what happened to my bf.

[lit0chinagirl]

yup, talk to the boy. see how he feels. i don't blame you for feeling the way that you do. hopefully, he'll understand why you feel the way that you do.

[Ilaem]

trust.
you don't want him thinking your jealous
his head will expand dramatically
aww
bad

So, simply said: trust the kid

[*iNyCxShoRT*]

I know how you feel; I was going through the same thing you're going through now. Sometimes I'm afraid that my boyfriend still likes his ex. If you wanna be reassured maybe you should ask him about it. Surely he'll tell you that they're just friends and that you have nothing to worry about.

[cleec]

I know you all are right, the obvious choice is to simply talk to him. But I know all he is going to do is constantly reassure me that he feels nothing for her and then he is going to think i'm pissed or jealous or whatever whenever he does happen to see her in the future and i don't want him to feel that way. i'm just being insecure, i know.

And as for the not letting it bother me in front of him thing, I did that today. I was at his house and she pulls in and he looks at her and then me and he is like Oh I invited (her name) and some other girl, is that okay? and i was like oh yeah yeah, it's cool. She ended up not even coming inside and she left after she talked to him for a few seconds. It was weird.

I don't know what I expect him to do if I don't talk to him about it. I just wish he could just figure it out. Isn't it clear that I wouldn't want him spending so much time with his ex, who broke up with him by the way.

[*Zatanna*]

Gah. I hate these type of situations. You feel like an emotional idiot because there's this akward feeling about the ex (at least, that's how I felt).

For those who advised you to talk to him - there's a lot of merit to that. It's what I *didn't* do and it eventually ate at me until there was too much hostility to even speak about things rationally.

[EddieV]

I'm close to one of my exes too. It's not really a big deal unless he's not a trust worthy person. I mean, I don't think about her that way anymore, she's now my best friend. But in my opinion, if he's a trustworthy guy, it's not a biggy...

[*xcaitlinx*]

And as for the not letting it bother me in front of him thing, I did that today. I was at his house and she pulls in and he looks at her and then me and he is like Oh I invited (her name) and some other girl, is that okay? and i was like oh yeah yeah, it's cool. She ended up not even coming inside and she left after she talked to him for a few seconds. It was weird.

that seems a bit shady to me. if i was in your situation and my boyfriend invited over his ex while i was over and didn't even ask me if it was okay (putting me in a situation where i was forced to be okay with it), i'd be pissed off.

[Gerifan04]

I think what you're feeling is natural and perfectly normal. I'd be bugged too. But I think the key here is to realize that he's probably bugged by your friendship with your ex as well. He may not "show" any signs but I'm willing to bet on some level he's not happy about it. I think the best solution is just to focus on your trust and your relationship. I can't tell you not to ever think of this or worry, cause anyone would do it. But all I can say is try not to put too much focus and thought into it.

[mouse_3k]

just tell him. Its better to tell him then hide all these feelings. Yah you trust him but its his ex, u have a good reason to act this way. I would act the same.

[mzbbc]

that seems a bit shady to me. if i was in your situation and my boyfriend invited over his ex while i was over and didn't even ask me if it was okay (putting me in a situation where i was forced to be okay with it), i'd be pissed off.

^yea i agree.

everything sounded fine until that part. i think you should specifically ask him about that one time, like "heyyy i know you and ___ are cool and everything but how come you invited her over? you know that was pretty awkward right..."

i think you should trust him, but you also definetly have a right to confront him about his ex after what happened.

[SSJ Kenshin]

Silence is the Poison that kills relationships.

[anniepiee]

wow, this is exactly the situation i was/am in.
my bf was still close with his ex after we started going out for a couple of months. he would bad mouth her in front of me but still talk to her. i THOUGHT he stopped talking to her, after i made it a big deal once when i was told his ex said i miss you to him.
But just recently i had a huge arguement because i had found out (read his chat history..) he was IMing her again. sharing their lives as if they were good friends all along.

he tells me that it was a short 5 minute conversation, trying to find out something about the singing competition that they both joined. bs, it was more than that.

we talked, i told him the way i looked at the convo, and he did vice versa.
he thinks i looked at it the wrong way, that he never intended to talk to her, but on the other hand he regrets not just telling me.

sry, just had to get that out of my head. it hit me hard when i found out. we've been going out for 11 happy months, i completely trusted him too.

replying to the topic... talk it out, if you're not comfortable with him talking to her so much.or if it bugs you that much, tell him that you dont want him to hang out with her. you're the gf, you have the right..
sorta.. XS

[NgocQuyen]

i think it's normal for you to feel this way, but i don't think you should. i mean i think the thing is, is that you're comparing your relationship with your boyfriend to the relationship that him and his ex have, and i don't think you should do that. that's whats driving you crazy right there. just try not to think about it so much. i mean he has to like YOU for the qualities you have right? and you guys must ASLO have something in common, or you guys wouldn't be together because you guys wouldn't be able to stand eachother right? and don't compare yourself to her, either. you're boyfriend likes you because of you. why do you think they're not together anymore...?

[priyas]

someones jealous..jk.
iono...their prolly just friends. i mean..as they say opposites attract.

[gelionie]

He's just trying to make you jealous... or probably, he really hasn't completely got over her.

[pinayprincess]

i'm close with my ex... i try not to be selfgish about it.. ill respect him if he doesnt want me to be with my ex.. but at the same time, i feel that my bf should trust him... although hes still my EX; we should chill out